#12052015

[jiji-de-jiji]

©juri

[moonstoneramblings]

Today at 11 am marks 2 years since Wade, the best judgy friend best dog and floof in the world ever, joined my sister in heaven. December 5, 2015 was the worst day for me. There is this void in my soul Wade filled and a side of the bed that will both always be empty. How I miss you every day. 💔 #Wade #goldendoodle #dogsofinstagram #RainbowBridge #12052015 #dogsarefamily (at The Palace on Calavite Street)

[oneofthecross]

As I stumbled into the deep waters, I saw myself trying to grasp the depth of the hidden: hidden pains, hidden desires, hidden thoughts, and a hidden self that struggled to escape. The serenity of diving without fear, and gasping for breath is beyond any comfort luxury could give. The heatwave of emotions ravaged in my mind, bringing me closer to the boundaries I, oh so dearly, would not like to reach. It scared me, for a short while, but yet it freed me. I had the reason to be selfish. I had a reason to give in to cowardice. I had a reason to be freed from the binding seals that succumb me. It was for a short while though, but I used every second of it. I was judged, yes, but at least, for a short while, I had a reason. The world circled around me, and along the apparition of the faces was the lucidity of my emotions. The blankness within my soul that kept me up at night unfolded before me. Everything surrounding me was blurry but never have I seen such clarity.

[everything-is-so-pretty]

Always been okay with what I got. Because what would happen if I was not?

[imnotapaperdoll-blog]

Christmas Party with the Nerds 👓 #werewolf #resistance #food #Starwars #booze 🎄🎁🎁🎁🎉🍻🍷🍴🍕 #latergram #12052015

[atxn]

Today I am grateful for:

1. Sleep: I have made really bad decisions in the past when it came to getting enough sleep before events like competitions or performances but I actually made it a goal to get at least 7 hours last night and I am so darn happy about that because the last thing I want was to be cranky and upset because of lack of sleep. I’m grateful that I’m slowly starting to prioritize my health and well-being. I mean it’s logical to do this type of thing, but I never really knew or cared enough to put myself first and now I’m starting to.

2. BRIDGE 2015: My first real collegiate performance with my first collegiate fam. Grateful for the spots and pieces I was in. Grateful for the trust and faith they put in me to give me a solo like wtf why would you do that T__T For everything and the potential that everyone sees in me even though I have yet to experience it myself. I genuinely feel disappointed because I feel like I couldn’t have done it to my fullest potential but I’m grateful to have done it. I love hosting Bridge, it’s truly an honor working and dancing alongside these amazing people.

3. My squad: The most close knit and genuine people I know. Growing up, I have had my fair share of bad or unhealthy friendships/friendship groups, but I have to say (and it’s probably because we’re all older and more “mature” now) that these people really make me feel supported and love through everything I do/have done. They make me happy whenever I see them and tbh I’m tearing up as I’m writing this because I have never felt so much unconditional love from anyone outside my immediate family and they probably don’t know how much they mean to me, but they mean the world.