#12121181

[p1kkis]

Though these dreams of my "better" past life are slowly receding by time is proof enough that I'm getting better, it also shows that there are still stuff that I just that cannot let go of... Not easily anyway..

[p1kkis]

I have been anxious and stressed out for awhile now, haven't slept all that well this week and on top of it my stepdad and stepmom are possibly leaving today or tommorow for another trip, which is so convinient for them, because tommorow marks 2 years of something that he should remember. I don't want them to go, but also I don't want to tell them the reason why not, because I don't want them to start worrying about me and stay here just for that.

[p1kkis]

I don't know which is worse, knowing that your actions hurt someone or that your inaction/disregard hurts someone. Nevertheless, sometimes it doesn't matter what you do or don't do, people still can get hurt or in to trouble in myriad of ways regardless, without you even realizing it. Maybe that is it, not knowing how you and what you do influence others around you.

[p1kkis]

I can't beleive it has been a couple months and eighteen years since that day.

But then again I know it very easy to lose track of time and make the years just fly by when you are either having the best times of your life or your worst.

A lot has come to pass and a lot has changed along the years, but there is few things that won't. I wouldn't ever change anything about my life. What good would it do now, what has come to pass is the past.

[p1kkis]

What if we never had what we had?

What if that one glance would have been the last?

What if?

Those where the words often thought, but rarely spoken. But why must we always wonder and dwell on what could have been, when there isn't anything I would change?

[p1kkis]

I know this comes a week late, but taking consideration that this last week hasn’t been that easy to me mentally and all, although almost none knows the real reason why, because well..... last weeks Tuesday (16.05) is a date I’ll remember the rest of my life and I have really good reason for it and those who know why are carefully selected few. I mean you can know core reason why, but not in entirely.  The point being we all have lost at least something that just gets us all worked up and people around us what is wrong and you just don’t have the energy and/motivation to explain it at all and those who know about it don’t bring it up intentionally, because they know the reason why.

[p1kkis]

The silence of my solitude will be broken by the silent screams of your name every now and then, but I won’t let that bring me down, not anymore. Of course it hurts now and will hurt to some extent in the future, as it should, because it proofs that I too still have a heart and that I’m still human. Life will go on, that is for sure, but so will all negative and positive things that you experience, because they are what makes your life yours and unique.