Be still, my love
3,253w; Royal!AU Age-switch
Butterflies.
Perhaps a million of them flutter in his stomach.
Dark red curtains.
Gold carvings.
The library is quiet. Rows and rows of different colored books fill the shelves. It is big, cold and lonely.
Ever since his grandfather passed a few full moons ago, the boy has been all alone since then. Nothing in the palace he lives in, fills the hole in his heart, except for the boy that lives on the top of the hill. A boy as bright as the sun and hair as wavy as the ocean waves.
“Remember to always be humble, Jongin. Don’t be like your father that is blinded by what he has. If a beggar asks you for money, don’t deny him, Jongin. Money is not everything and it cannot bring you the happiness you seek.”
Jongin looks up from the piano keys. “Seeing you makes me happy grandfather, so please don’t go.”
A grand piano sits in the middle of the room open and ready for use. White sheets of paper are stacked neatly, resting against the glossy black piano.
Heart of The Soul.
His shoes squeak on the shiny floor as he makes his way towards the piano in front of him. The keys are an ivory white that contrasts with the black keys.
The bench creaks when he sits on it. He rests his right foot on the pedal, lightly pressing down and slowly releasing it.
He sighs and places his fingers on the keys. They are cold and smooth under the pads of his fingers.
Then he plays the first note. He closes his eyes and allows his fingers to fly over the ivory keys and take him elsewhere.
It is hauntingly sweet and yet, sad.
“Grandfather! Grandfather!” Nine-year-old Jongin shouts as he descends the stairs to get to the only fatherly figure he cares for.
The elderly man crouches down to envelop his favorite nephew in his arms. “My precious Jongin, how are you, my dear boy? Did you practice our piano piece like I told you to?”
The little boy beams with happiness, milk teeth on full display. “I did! I practiced every morning after breakfast and after dinner!” Jongin stares at his grandfather, taking in all the wrinkles that weren’t there before and traces them with the tip of his finger.
It is as if someone sprinkled salt on his grandfather’s chin. “You have got white cat whiskers, grandfather. I like them.”
Jongin’s grandfather lets out a soft chuckle and ruffles the child’s wild hair. “And you have got messy lion hair, but you didn’t hear it from me.”
Tiny dust particles float in the air, moving gently under the rays of the sun. The curtains are drawn apart and tied with a rope.
His fingers move slowly, gliding as if flying through the afternoon sky. His fingers caress each key, sliding down and across the keys to land on C major. His left hand remains on the left side playing the same keys and chords in many different ways, while his right moves from the middle to the edge.
It wasn’t always like this. He didn’t always play alone. His grandfather would sit beside him and tell him stories about the world and its mysteries. Words of wisdom would spill from his grandfather’s wrinkly lips, and it would always bring a smile to his lips. It would always make all the bad feelings go away.
The piece comes to an end just as someone knocks on the oak door and it opens to reveal his personal butler. A man in his mid-forties with graying hair and lines on his forehead. He is dressed in a black suit with a white pressed shirt underneath. A white towel rests on his left arm. Always ready to serve.
"Prince Jongin, your mother has sent me here to deliver some news," the butler announces as he stands by the entrance of the door.
Jongin has his eyes trained on the mahogany wood of the piano but turns his body to the side. "And what is the news?"
"A ball is going to be held tonight at seven. Your mother has your suit ready in your bedroom."
A ballroom filled with many potential women that want to marry him. A ballroom filled with money hungry bastards and their mistresses. A ballroom filled with people Jongin has no desire to engage small talk with. Sounds delightful.
He hums, turning his body back to face the piano. "Do you have the list of the guests that will be attending?"
"I am afraid not. Your father has it if you would like to see it," the butler clears his throat before he loses Jongin in the maze of keys. "Your mother wants you to get ready now."
“Please tell my mother that I am busy filling my heart with artificial love."
The butler nods his head, bowing and then turning around to leave, shutting the door behind him.
❁
There is a gazebo surrounded by red and white roses, and a small pond filled with Koi goldfish and other living sea animals. Jongin’s favorite is the all-white Koi with orange lips. It reminds him of someone he has come to grow fond of, perhaps even love.
A calming scent of lavender lingers in the warm spring air, bringing a sense of calm to Jongin’s heart. It puts his soul at ease. The grass is green and dewy from the rain shower that happened a few hours ago. It smells like wet earth, and along with it brings forth a sweet memory.
“Something about the smell of wet earth makes me feel almost human,” Jongin comments as he pushes Kyungsoo on the swing.
“Petrichor.”
“Pardon?”
Kyungsoo comes to a slow stop and turns around to look at Jongin, and with a smile, he says, “The smell of wet earth is called Petrichor.”
Jongin slips his hands inside his slack’s pocket, right hand fingering a small velvet box where a ring sits snuggly on a pillow. He lifts his eyes up to gaze at the cerulean-colored sky and its clouds. He looks past it and imagines a world where he isn’t a Prince, and he is just Jongin. Kim Jongin, a regular person. Someone people don't break their necks to look at, someone that matters to someone not because of his money or because of his status, but because of who he is.
Jongin doesn't want to rule over a kingdom. He doesn't want to become king and be wedded to someone he doesn't love. Jongin doesn't want the weight of the world on his shoulders at such a delicate age. It feels like a fairy tale, and he doesn't want it.
Jongin doesn't want to lose the last bit of hope he is hanging on to. The last petals of the rose are slowly coming loose and with it so are his tears.
They roll down his cheeks as he walks over the stone pathway that leads up to an oak tree where a lonely swing hangs from a protruding tree branch. It looks the same as it did that night when he leaned in and pressed his lips against Kyungsoo’s. The night he broke a rule and didn’t care because he was tired of holding back.
“Do you remember when we were children, hyung, and we would always play by the Koi pond? You always compared me to the all white one with orange lips. You said its lips looked like mine.” Kyungsoo rests his head on Jongin’s shoulder as he traces a vein on the elder’s left hand. “Do you still think that? Do you think back to when we were young and didn’t have to deal with problems?”
"Those old days pass through my mind always." Jongin tilts his head to the side to press his lips against Kyungsoo’s temple. They linger there for one, two, three, four seconds before bringing his hand up and cupping Kyungsoo’s warm cheek in his palm. He wipes away a few stray tears and leans in slowly to brush his lips against the smaller’s. They kiss once or twice. Maybe three times. “Why are you crying, my love? What is it that is bringing your heart inner turmoil? Tell me so that I may fix it.”
“I’m afraid that I might lose you by the end of next year, and it scares me so much that there is nothing that we can do to stop it, but I wish with all of my heart that a miracle happens and you don’t get taken away from me because if you do leave, my heart won’t be able to take it, and I will wither away like a dying flower.”
Jongin sniffles as he reaches out to take hold of the old battered rope. It is dirty but holds so many tender memories. It moves when a gentle breeze comes by and ruffles his dark hair. It shines a warm mocha color under the sun’s rays.
This was the tree where he took Kyungsoo into his arms and comforted him.
“What are we going to do, Jongin? Your mother wants you to marry a girl you don’t even know! I don’t want to lose you, hyung. I need you.”
Jongin sighs sadly, bringing his fist up to wipe the dampness in his eyes. He picks up Kyungsoo's hand and entwines their fingers together. “Don’t fret, Kyungsoo love, for I will protect you.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head, midnight bangs falling over his tear-filled eyes. “I’m not worth protecting, Jongin.”
Jongin sighs, bending down to pick up a few green leaves. They sit on his palm, and he takes a deep breath in before bringing his palm up to his lips and letting out a gush of air. Green and orange leaves are carried away and float down to the ground. He watches them with fascination, wishing that he were like the leaves.
A red carnation flower sways by itself.
My heart aches for you.
❁
Inside the palace, maids and butlers scurry around like frightened mice. They make way for the young prince when he steps into the ballroom where a big chandelier hangs from the ceiling, illuminating the area with its bright white light.
Jongin observes from the entrance as they move the tables around and place glass vases with white orchids in the middle. Thick cream-colored curtains hang from the high ceilings, showing a view of the garden with its blooming flowers and pond filled with Koi goldfish.
No one really pays him any attention. No one ever really does.
The servants work quickly for everything has to be ready in no less than three hours. Everything has to be perfect.
Because tonight is the night.
A hand comes to rest on his right shoulder, manicured fingernails sliding down Jongin's back to rest behind his neck. "Come, Jongin. The maids have your suit ready for you."
Jongin takes one last look at the men taking their seats with their violins and cellos and the women with their flutes. The man behind the piano looks up and gives the young prince a nod and a smile.
The young prince bows his head in return before shrugging off the hand on his shoulder and leaving the room.
He does not answer the voice.
❁
Women dressed in beautiful flowing gowns surrounded by men in their nicely pressed pristine shirts and jackets stand in the grand ballroom drinking pink champagne while eating the finest delicacies the royal family of the Kim’s can offer. Music floats in the air from a few feet away. An orchestra plays softly in the background in tune with the loud murmuring. There is laughter, tipsy giggling, women flaunting their diamond rings and emerald necklaces, men showing off how much money they have, what business they own, the latest vehicle they obtained, servants carrying trays with crackers and caviar, cheese and wine, small cream-filled pastries with an almond adorning the top.
"Oh child, I worry he may be two-timing you with another woman." A woman with long blonde hair curled to perfection and a, long pearl-colored dress places a manicured hand upon her unfortunate friend's bare shoulder. "I would leave him if I were you, darling. You deserve much better. Find yourself a handsome lad that is loyal and will love you and your flaws."
The short-haired woman nods her head, her wavy locks swaying side to side. "You don't understand, Baekhee. I love him with all I am." She lowers her head in shame, lifting her black fan to cover her face. "But I suppose I must let him go then, hm?"
"I wish you true love and happiness, Sohyun."
The two lovely ladies continue with their chat while sipping on some champagne, awaiting the arrival of the king and queen and their heir.
Behind the women stand a group of men dressed in their sleek suits and finest shoes. A haughty laughter comes from one of the round men. "Oh, but you see, I've brought my daughter for the young prince to see! Isn't she a beauty?" He smiles, presenting a young girl no older than sixteen. She smiles shyly, bowing gracefully. "It's a pleasure to meet all of you."
The men surrounding the father and daughter step up one after another to kiss the teenager's gloved hand. "What a lovely young lady, I'm sure the prince will pick you to be his bride."
"Oh," the young girl brings up her hand to place it on her salmon-colored dress. "I'm not too sure about that, sir."
The elder tilts his head to the side and scratches his nicely trimmed beard. "Why do you say that?"
A small blush settles on her cheeks. "Because they are many other beautiful girls here. I am merely just another pretty face in the crowd."
Someone is standing near the orchestra humming along to the soft tunes, often requesting for a song to play. His eyes sweep over the crowd of unfamiliar faces that he has never seen before and others he would rather stay away from. He searches for someone, someone he hasn't seen in a while. He tries to make himself as invisible as he can but alas his mother comes to get him.
"Kyungsoo dear, what are you doing here all by yourself? Come talk to these fine ladies," his mother beckons him forward where a group of giggling girls await his arrival.
Kyungsoo doesn't spare them a glance. He gives his mother a blank look and responds in a bored voice, "I have no interest in partaking in your conversation, mother." And with that, he disappears into the sea of strangers leaving behind his flabbergasted mother and girls.
He stops then when the music comes to a halt and there are trumpets signaling the arrival of the king and queen and their heir. Can he maybe get a glance of Jongin? Kyungsoo makes his way through the crowd, excusing himself when needed until he is in the front of the crowd, his heart pounding when he catches sight of the Prince dressed in royal blue and a gold crown adorning his head.
Kyungsoo locks eyes with Jongin despite the entire crowd moving aside to allow the royal family to walk through them. But Jongin keeps his eyes on Kyungsoo, bowing his head and giving the younger male a sweet smile that makes Kyungsoo swoon and falls more for Jongin.
"He's looking at me, I know he is," Kyungsoo hears one of the princess's say to her friend.
Prince Jongin is looking at me, not you, he wants to say but keeps quiet, stepping back to not bump into the prince. He watches Jongin from afar as the older male greets all of the guests and waits until Jongin is alone so that he can go up to him and talk.
❁
About two and a half hours pass by when Kyungsoo finally catches Jongin by himself standing in the front entrance sipping on a glass of water. The prince looks handsome tonight.
"Prince Jongin?" Kyungsoo calls, stepping forward to get Jongin's attention.
Jongin turns around with a scowl but it immediately melts when he catches sight of Kyungsoo, his favorite person. "Kyungsoo ah, it's been so long since the last time I saw you."
Kyungsoo nods his head shyly, bowing his head in greeting. "It's been a little over a month. I have, um," he mumbles the last part because no one can hear them.
Jongin understands just what Kyungsoo wants to say. "I have too, Kyungsoo, so much." He then looks away to check if anyone is watching them interact. Thankfully everyone seems to be entertained with the woman who is singing at the center of the ballroom. Jongin steps forward, close enough that his lips are touching Kyungsoo's left ear. "Wait for me in the garden next to the Koi pond. I'll meet you there shortly."
Kyungsoo exhales shakily, licking his lips to calm his racing heart. Jongin is gone within the next second and Kyungsoo takes that as an excuse to escape the castle and go outside.
❁
Kyungsoo now stands outside by the Koi pond looking down at the goldfishes swimming in the mint green water. He sighs sadly as he kneels down to pick up a small dandelion and brings it up to his nose to take a whiff of the faint aroma. It doesn't smell of anything particular so he stands up only to let out a small scream when he is suddenly being tugged backward against a broad chest and dragged away behind a wall of grass.
"Kyungsoo ah," a soft velvety voice whispers against his ear as warm hands snake down his hips to rest on his lower back.
"Jongin hyung," Kyungsoo murmurs, relaxing into Jongin's hold as their lips find each other under the glowing moonlight. They kiss once, twice, five times, ten times. Whispers of I-missed-you-so-much and where-were-you, but mostly, don't-worry-everything's-going-to-be-fine.
They stay in a quiet embrace staring into each other's eyes with soft smiles on their lips. "Did you miss me? Because I missed you so much, Kyungsoo."
Another kiss. "I missed you day and night, Jongin." Two kisses. "You were on my mind always." Three kisses. "I'm worried and scared about tonight. I don't want them to take you away from me because I need you more than I need anything. I want you, Jongin. I want you all to myself. For me to keep."
Jongin presses his lips against the younger's forehead and murmurs, "As I said to you two months ago, Kyungsoo, everything is going to be fine tonight. I promise you no one is going to take me away from you."
"But your mother," Kyungsoo’s words are mumbled against Jongin's warm lips and soon Kyungsoo is melting against the prince's broad chest, sliding his hands up to wrap them around Jongin's neck. Their lips slide against each other as their bodies pressed even closer together. "Please don't," Kyungsoo murmurs against Jongin's lips, "let her take you," he hums when the prince grabs the back of his neck to deepen the kiss, "away from me..."
Jongin pulls away with a reassuring smile, wiping away the tears that have started to leak from Kyungsoo's eyes. "Be still, my love because no one will ever take me away from you. I promise you that."