things you said when i was crying
drabble for @3012v, from xstatus: ¼, still acceptingnotes: 2016년에 레몬님이 태형이의 생일기념으로 써주신 글의 2편?으로 써봤어요 ㅠ 한글로 글쓴지 너무 오래되서 대사만… 양해 부탁드립니다… 레몬느님 사랑합니다…
the sun hangs low in the seoul sky, glowing like an ember amidst the smoky purple clouds as the horizon swallows it whole. sua tugs her parka firmly around her torso, shuddering against the unforgiving january wind. it’s been nearly three years since sua’s returned to seoul, and in those two years, she’s never quite learned to deal with the freezing walk from the ballet to the subway station in the wintertime.
there’s a park that she always walks through on her way to and from the subway, a long stretch of land beautiful in its own right throughout the seasons. in the winter, the whole park is frosted with glassy ice and fluffy, white snow, like a scene from a snow globe. she’s usually the only person trudging through the slushy snow on the pavement and leaving little footprints in the frosty grass, but today is different. not so far away, a boy sits on a small wooden bench, looking up at the golden sky as if waiting for something to happen. she registers his side profile as vaguely familiar.
he reminds her of paris, of running through spring rain, of a bouquet of baby’s breath crushed to her chest after a performance. she recalls the flavor of the strawberry cake that melted in her mouth, and the sound of laughter that made her smile too. kim taehyung.
“저기요, 혹시 김태형..?” she asks timidly, her voice fading into nothingness as she approaches the boy. he looks at her half-lidded, the ruby light of sunset lighting up his features. it’s taehyung. he looks older, somewhat. he still has a boyish look about him, but the way he carries himself feels different now.
“와, 정말 너였네!” she gasps, a grin stretching from ear to ear. she grabs his hands, swinging them excitedly. “와, 진~짜 오랜만이다. 몇년만이냐? 잘지냈지? 학교는 다니니? 나 다음주에 공연있는데, 올래? 아, 너 아직 발레에 관심 있을려나?”
taehyung can’t do anything but laugh as sua barrages him with endless questions. there is so much that she wants to ask him, so much that she’s still curious about, but she settles on one last question as she sits down next to him.
“밖에 추운데 쓸쓸맞게 뭐하냐?” it’s a genuine question, and the one she’s most curious about; she never sees anyone just sitting around in the park in the dead of winter.
“아, 뭐, 그냥…” he looks down at the pavement, shrugging as he toes a piece of ice aside.
“야, 근데, 나 한국 돌아와서 너 엄청 많이 찾았는데! 내가 너 연락한다고 했잖아,” she says with a frown.
“나 찾았어요?” his eyes are bright with something that sua can’t quite put her eyes on, something equal parts melancholy and overly grateful. it makes her want to cry, just a little bit.
“으이구, 그래. 아무리 찾아봐도 없길레 난 네가 또 여행간줄 알았네,” she laughs, elbowing him playfully.
as the conversation tapers off, sua breathes hot air onto her numb hands, watching as the white fog of her breath momentarily obscures taehyung’s features. it’s only then that she really takes in the sight of taehyung’s nose and cheeks, bitten red by an hour too many out in the cold.
“그런데 너 지금까지 여기 혼자 앉아있었니?”
he laughs softly, a single breath puffing out into the frigid air.
“뭐, 항상 혼자죠.” he pauses. then, sotto voce as he looks into his lap, “보고싶었어요, 누나.”
“아니거든요!” he mumbles sulkily, glancing up at her with teary eyes. she recognizes that look on his face. it’s the look of abject loneliness; she knows because she used to see it in the mirror when taehyung left paris. she doesn’t like seeing it on someone as bright as the sun itself.
“미안해.” is the only thing she can offer to him as solace. she wraps her arms around him so his head rests against the crook of her neck. something inside him must give way, because he’s clutching fistfuls of her coat in his hands and his lean frame shakes as he sniffles quietly.
she thinks she knows. what it’s like to be so lonely, that is. what it’s like to be lost and found.
“미안해, 태형아.” 더 빨리 못찾아서. 널 혼자 내버려둬서. “누나가 미안해.”
