The cars on the street doubled before Flynn, the streetlights smearing into bars of blinding light. He couldn’t have read a street sign even if he stood a foot away from it. But he didn’t need signs; he knew the roads implicitly—had followed them every night in his mind for four years, wondering from what angle the Rittenhouse agents had approached the house, from where he should have positioned himself to take them down before they could enter, if only he could have known.
After he had stolen the Mothership from Mason Industries, he had read, over and over again, in the documents he had seized with it, the many ways in which traveling into one’s own timeline wrecked the body, in order to convince himself that the ease of simply jumping back to that night and shooting the Rittenhouse agents dead before they could open the door was not worth it, that he was nothing to his family if he was dead or permanently incapacitated, that Rittenhouse would never face justice if he ruined himself before he ever caught them.
That was not to say that there were many reports of the effects of traveling into one’s own timeline—Mason had quickly learned that the cost of testing did not outweigh the gain of knowledge—but rather that the few reports that existed left no detail undocumented.
But as he looked through the window—aching, trembling, burning, with a ringing in his ears that nearly split his skull—at Lorena, at Iris, he knew that whatever pains and torments lay before him in the next hours—it couldn’t be any longer than that—were worth the sight of his wife and daughter alive and happy, ignorant of every sin he had set himself to to try to bring them back.
This would be what he would remember, he told himself as he stumbled through the dune grass, each step agony, as he endured the next hours. Not the bodies that had seared his eyelids every night for four years, but Lorena and Iris, alive, at last.
For that, he would endure any torment.