We don’t exactly live in a world built for humans, do we? There’s no guidebook for happiness or success or a sense of place in the world, and the people claiming to have one are really just trying to sell you something. We spend most of our little lives trying to make these feelings fade away, or find something to replace them. […]
I know it’s little pretentious but we’re all searching for a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives, and those things are hard to come by. There’s a little bit of nothing in all of us. And we’d like to fill it with something.
Opening your web-browser and seeing someone who seems to have it figured out – making you feel better and entertaining you, and seeming to attract an audience on this roulette wheel of a planet – that’s powerful. There’s someone who seems to understand what they’re supposed to be doing. And it’s working. That’s all anyone really wants.
Sure, in retrospect, a bunch of people wanting to be exactly like the [Angry Video Game Nerd] sounds silly, but he knew who he was: he was the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard. We can laugh - in fact, you’re supposed to – but that’s a human being with purpose. There’s someone who’s not anxious about their place in the world anymore.
It’s very difficult not to want that completeness for yourself. Not to just be like someone but to be them – to attain that sense of knowing. In real life, James Rolfe is a human being, with all sorts of problems and fears, but that doesn’t stop people from wanting to be like the person he seems: someone who knows their place in the world.
[…] I do worry that there are people out there who will never get the chance to become who they are because they’re too busy trying to be like someone else – who at best has it figured out for themselves just a little bit.
I feel like I know who I am, and how to live my life, and that makes me feel happy and somewhat complete. And I don’t think I’d have ever found myself if I was trying to chase someone else’s sense of completeness. Basically, no one knows how to live your life. And you might not either. But the only person who’s going to figure it out is you. And you won’t find that by trying to be ‘the next That-Person’.
You can only be the first of whoever it is that you are.
Hbomberguy (Harry Brewis)
Plagiarism and You(tube)
Why Do People Plagiarise? Timestamp: 3:43:38
3 December 2023
I got laughed off of Shark Tank for my revolutionary 3-wheel drive transmission. Gives power to the back two and the passenger side front, letting the driver side front spin freely. Makes incredible right turns, not so good at the left ones though
Jayce ending up stuck at the bottom of Alternate!Zaun, eating scraps and relying on a mechanical brace + walking stick to compensate for a crippled leg while he tries to climb to the surface is such a good subtle parallel to Viktor's origins in Season 1.
Been low-key obsessed with the art and worldbuilding of Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical lately, but also wanted to draw something on-theme while catching up on the Dan Jones and Dragons VODs, so have a self-indulgent Morenthal wearing Persephone's outfit.
Bonus close-up under the cut since Tumblr compression eats the details:
More Dan Jones & Dragons? More Dan Jones & Dragons.
Bringing the number up to four with Feyli, the Flower Crown's born-again Dhampir Druid and sole wielder of feminine wiles (played by the talented NicholeGoodnight), all dolled up for a night of lying her butt off, stealing from rich people and smuggling small woodland creatures into upper-class venues.
More Flower Crowns Gala Outfits:
Morenthal | Gelnek | Hobson
Design talk and also some bonus art under the cut:
Gotta say, Feyli's outfit was definitely the most tricky out of the set so far. Nichole gave quite a specific description of the details in Feyli's dress (a blood-red gown with black roses around the top, black rose-vines trailing down the body and a dark lace cape) so a lot of it was figuring out how to translate those elements in a way that felt nice and balanced, then adding some complementary embellishments for fun. Each Flower Crown has been pushing me to learn more program tricks and Feyli certainly gave me some fun new challenges to figure out.
For the dress itself, I ended up going with an off-the-shoulder mermaid-skirt gown in attempt to find something that would look nice on Feyli's body-shape and show off the roses without utterly destroying the line mileage if I wanted to draw her in it again later. (Still ended up doing the skirt-embriodery by hand so task failed successfully).
Accessory-wise I thought it would be fun to crank the "roses" theme up to 11, since Feyli really leaned into that with her alias and cover stories, so I threw in some rose-embroidery finishing to the edges of her lace cape (shout out to ClipStudio users rainbowgrimart and 얀얀씨 for their ornate lace and jewellery brushes, which were an absolute lifesaver for the detailing) and also traded up her usual hair-wildflowers to match.
Whether Feyli canonically wore her antlers to the ball is a mystery, but since she can change those now and Nichole did mention her keeping the hair-flowers I thought it would be neat to give her a smaller but more formal set of sparkly silvered deer-horns to fit the dress-code. I also had some fun playing around with her hair and make-up since it was a black tie nobles event and I figured Lady Infiltration might go the extra mile to style herself for the evening. She's the only party member with long hair, I had to.
The jewellery was mostly just goofing. I really wanted to give her a version of Tante Padva's "slit throat" ruby choker necklace from Erin Morgenstern's The Night Circus since I felt like Feyli's backstory and Nichole's description of the dress would vibe with that aesthetic. For the rest, I figured silver would be a cute way to have her be matchy with Coil and contrasting to fellow-infiltrator Morenthal. Plus I thought it would be funny to give her a bunch of rings and loop-bangles since she's such an incorrigible fantasy-gachapon girlie.
Once I realised that Feyli had somehow managed to bring a bag with her rescue-rat companion, Soli, and recently-acquired copper dragonscale lizard through the cloak-room weapons check, I knew I had to find a way of including them as well. They're hard to see in the main drawing but I had so much fun with them that I decided to do a bonus sketch:
(Also feat. Pocket, the Party's new intrusive thoughts generator fairy friend.)
Double-bonus detail crop because I quite like how Feyli's expression-work and hair turned out:
The Shaper of Minds and its possible consequences for a certain character
I have finally joined the rest of the internet in losing my mind over a D&D Podcast - in my case, the wonderful Dan Jones & Dragons. With Episode 26 due to stream on Dan’s Twitch this week, I really want to talk about some of the stuff that came up across the just-finished Gala sessions because the fallout from that has the potential to be incredibly fraught.
THE SHAPER OF MINDS
The relic the Flower Crowns were going after this mission – The Shaper of Minds – is a potentially fascinating narrative device that might as well have been lab-engineered to be my exact brand of personal nightmare fuel. It’s a small, ornate brass key that can alter any part of the target’s mental faculties/thoughts/memories at will should the wielder touch it to any part of their victim’s skin.
Now, on one hand, there are a heap of interesting (and even benevolent) applications for a tool like that. It could instantly grant access to skills, languages and knowledge that would otherwise take a person years of study to learn. It could be used to sort through and resolve memories that had been faded by time, muddied by trauma or forcibly supressed by magical/medical means. But on the other…
As described and used in campaign so far, the primary function of the Mindshaper is to alter memories (and the attendant personality) with the target having no awareness that their mind has been changed. It’s basically gaslighting on steroids, except that where a gaslighting victim still retains their original recollection – and has to be manipulated by their abuser into doubting their own perceptions and instead accepting the alternate telling of events (a cognitive dissonance that can eventually lead the person to recognise the manipulation) – the Shaper of Minds entirely replaces the original recollection of events with the version the wielder wants their victim to perceive. There is no internal conflict between accounts, no inconsistencies that could alert the victim that someone has broken into their head and rewritten their perceived reality. The person they reshape you to be is the person you believe you always were. And all it takes is a single touch.
That is a brand of existential horror that had me on edge all throughout Session 24 (basically from the moment it was implied the key was in play). Reality may be objective, but each individual person’s internal reality is governed by their perception – their memories – of the events in their life, no matter how incomplete, biased or otherwise skewed that personal perspective may have been. You have value just by being you because you are not replaceable, but the thing that makes you unique is, in large part, the sum total of those inimitably specific personal memories. No-one else will perceive the world in exactly the same way you do, and even a few minor changes to just a few of those perceptions can flow on to massive differences in ideals, values, priorities and future choices. In that regard, the use of the Mindshaper Key isn’t so much an alteration as an obliteration of the victim’s former self and replacement with someone new; even if that new stranger is largely indistinguishable from the original. And, again, all it takes is a single touch.
[Sidenote: This made Mister Wick an especially effective antagonist to wield the key, since his Galas functionally trap even targets who are aware of the threat within the rules of high-society behavioural expectations. Otherwise-innocuous actions like a handshake or private conversation suddenly become incredibly dangerous, while being nigh-impossible for the Flower Crowns to extract themselves from without committing an atrocious faux pas and potentially tipping Wick off. Perfectly designed stage for a psychological horror-thriller encounter.]
Which of course, brings us to a certain character who fell victim to the key in Episode 24… [put under the cut for spoiler reasons]
MORENTHAL
This poor Drow, he can never catch a break…
Morenthal may not have been the most mechanically dangerous party member to fall victim to Mister Wick’s manipulations although, given that the key was revealed to let its wielder read existing memories during the alteration, and that all of the Flower Crowns were fully briefed on the locations and nature of the Eversteel artefacts, him getting a hand on any of them could have been very bad plot-wise but from a character point of view I think he’s the one who the key’s effects had the potential to be most personally devastating for.
The way things ended up playing out across Session 25 was precisely the nightmare scenario Gamb was fretting about out of game: Mister Wick forcibly implanted Morenthal’s mind with false memories of being his lifelong trusted confidant and supporter, then – before the Flower Crowns could reverse the key’s effect – Morenthal discovered that Mister Wick had been killed in combat with Coil and Preston, leading to the Party having to physically restrain him so they could use the key to undo the damage, thus confronting Morenthal with the realisation that not only was everything he thought he knew about Jonathan a lie, but in actuality Jonathan had committed possibly the most invasive violation he’d ever been subjected to in order to forcibly make Morenthal into one of his loyal tools. That level of emotional and mental whiplash would be rough on any character, but for Morenthal it’s particularly brutal because…
Based on what’s been revealed in-game so far, the core of his character is that Morenthal is an abused child. This most-clearly came up in his conversation with Gelnek in Session 14; he was a child who grew up with nothing, raised by the Bloodletter Mercenaries as a tool instead of a person, and taught to see faces only as targets – with him also mentioning to Hobson in that their “combat training” involved being relentlessly beaten down until he learned to fight back. During his Session 21 visit with the Nightmother, he openly admits that “nowhere feels safe”. From that it’s pretty clear to read that Morenthal has never felt unconditionally loved, safe or respected around other mortals.
(This also helps contextualise why he’s so devoted to the Nightmother. From what little we have seen of his visits to her, Iris is a fond “adult” figure, who does not threaten, does not judge, asks nothing of him aside from his company, and cares equally for all the souls that pass through her domain. For a child “growing up with nothing” but violence, that would have been everything.)
But then, enter Jonathan fucking Wick. And now, just for a short while, Morenthal has all these “memories” of Jonathan being there to confide in, encourage him and support his escape from the Bloodletters. Suddenly he believes someone was there for him and, while the memories might be fake, the feelings of unconditional safety they would have brought were very real. Little wonder that he started acting like a Trilby-level naive goober around Mister Wick to the point of accidentally snitching on the rest of the group. Only, then it turns out to be a lie and those memories are gone.
For me, I think one of the worst things Morenthal might end up dealing with in the aftermath of having his memory fixed isn’t the specific feeling of personal betrayal or the potential shame at having been caught: it’s the realisation that he was always alone. That there was no mortal on the outside who cared or came for him when he needed them – just him and the distant fondness of a Divine. That would be awful beyond words, and yet the Flower Crowns were forced to inadvertently inflict it upon him in order to restore his mind. No wonder he wouldn’t look any of them in the eye before the session closed.
Worse still, the nature of the key makes it incredibly hard not only to trust others, but to trust your own mind. The players and audience above-table know that Morenthal is back to experiencing and remembering reality as it happened, but the question could very well linger for him, bringing with it a hefty dose of paranoia. Sure, Morenthal correctly remembers that Coil is a straightforward, loyal person who wouldn’t be tempted to tamper with his mind beyond undoing Jonathan’s manipulations… but he “remembered” that about Mister Wick too, and wouldn’t that be a beneficial thing for the Party to have him think? To Morenthal, people were already Not Safe™, but now the one person he ever believed might be had actually violated him worse than anyone else in order to force and abuse that trust. How is he supposed to trust anyone if he can’t trust the authenticity of his own recollections. (I get the feeling that Morenthal probably isn't going to be capable of relaxing until the Shaper of Minds is confirmed to either be locked back safely in the Vaults of Eversteel or fully removed from the Mortal Plane by Six).
It makes it really tragic that all of this came directly on the back of Episode 23, where Gamb revealed during the above-table break chat that - even if Morenthal didn’t recognise why – he unconsciously trusted Trilby and Gelnek enough to jump off the airship without checking that his rope was secure, because deep-down he knew they would catch him. To go from that high-point to the whiplash of him first thinking the Flower Crowns had killed the only person he was ever “safe” with, then them inadvertently subjecting him to the most painful realisation he could ever experience and potentially leaving him wondering whether he can even trust his feelings about them is absolutely gutting.
I think the thing that scares me most about how the aftermath could potentially play out is another trait that Gamb and Dan have established for Morenthal: he's a flight-risk. He shies away from letting people get close and, if he feels unsafe enough, he runs. It’s already been mentioned/implied that he’s considered fleeing the group at multiple different points across the sessions. And with him likely not feeling safe even in inside his own mind right now, that risk is probably at an all-time high. The poor lad is staring down the barrel of a potentially-impending multi-level emotional crisis, where a lifetime of instincts will probably be urging him to run hard and fast because People Are Not Safe™.
And the thing is, that instinct isn’t a good one for him either. Morenthal might have gotten by on his own “just living to be” up until Filgrove, but that feels a lot more like surviving out of necessity than having an actual life. It’s pretty obvious that he pushes people away as a defence mechanism: if you don’t care about anyone then you can’t be hurt by them or have those people used against you. But if you don’t let yourself care and feel things, you’re not really living. The truly tragic part of his running being a potential foreseeable outcome is that the Flower Crowns are good for Morenthal. (I doubt Morenthal realises it and can’t speak to Gamb’s above-table thought process but it’s interesting that one potential interpretation of Morenthal’s cynical, faux-apathetic, “stinky” behaviour is that of a former abused child quietly testing the boundaries of whether he’s allowed to exist in a way that’s inconvenient for others, to which the answer from the Party has largely been yes provided he isn’t actively encouraging Trilby to get himself killed, or killing people without explaining himself). He survived alone before because that was all he knew, but I get the feeling he wouldn’t do so well if he tried to go it solo again after being with people (he’s already confessed that the idea of Feyli being gone makes him miss her). That’s not a road to walk on his best day, let alone with his current headspace and tendency towards self-destructive choices.
It reminds me a lot of this article:
“Still, it’s easier for us to keep blaming ourselves because it’s preferable to facing the unthinkable: the fact that our parents don’t love us. … Most people would rather do anything than accept this as the truth.
Not only is it painful; it’s humiliating.”
So yeah, suffice to say I am incredibly concerned about how Morenthal’s arc is going to play out over the next session(s). Here’s hoping that Gelnek and/or Coil have enough emotional savvy to keep an eye out, and enough patience to stick to him even if he lashes out in attempt to drive them off. Even if it all works out okay, I get the feeling that this one’s going to be ugly.
Can’t wait to see how everyone chooses to play it ❤️🩹
