The thing is I can only be so upset. You never made me promises because promises get broken. I can’t say you broke promises. I can just replay you saying you wouldn’t lose me again, but you never promised, all we had was hope and we both knew that. My mind is on replay of everything involving you and I can’t get it to stop. I can’t stop thinking about your plays, about lazy summer days, about sleepovers, about all the words I held so strongly onto when we were in doubt. And you said to me the same things he said to me, and it’s really hard to believe at this point there’s not something I need to change about myself but I don’t know how because I feel everything so deeply and I just pour my fucking heart out all the time and it drives everybody away. I said it was my personality at one point and I can’t change that, and you told me that wasn’t the case, but now it is the case it’s always been the case. And I just want this to be a dream I want to wake up and not have this be real because the other night i had a dream about you and we were okay and everything was okay and I got to kiss you again and i tried going back to sleep so I didn’t have to wake up and face the reality that that is not who we are anymore. I just want this to be a bad dream and to wake up in your bed in the morning and feel your lips against mine. I’m so confused about everything I’m so lost and yet I know exactly what is happening.
