laughter like cobwebs strung around a house a i used to dwell, sticky and thick, wrapping my every limb, taunting my every waking hour. sleep doesn’t bring rest, but only memories of a feign and tampered version of life as i wish it to be. both make my heart hurt, but standing alongside your doppelgänger in my dreams, holding me so gently, loving me like no one else, just like you use to be with me, is so much better than facing the reality everyday that he doesn’t exist anymore.
i guess, last night, i was looking forward to sleeping forever, if just so i could die happy in my dreams. it’s a sense of escape from a pain i’ve never felt, a pain i never wish to feel again. i tried numbing myself, but i guess i just managed to magnify the storm of feelings wrecking me inside. the fresh cuts on my thighs stinging me every stride i take, the scratches and bruises upon my face, the blotches of back and blue on my knees and arms, they help me forget that you ever brushed your fingers across my skin, laid your lips up on my flesh, whispered heavenly promises into my ear.
i now look as i feel inside, and it’s both freezing up and burning down at the same time. how i look now, is a pure reflection of the pain, sorrow, envy, and emptiness i’ve been feeling the past month.
you are no longer the boy i fell in love with, and i guess, last night, i killed the girl you did.
now we can both move on as new.