Without facebook, I’ve got nothin but my blog here. My “blog”. psh Nobody reads this. That’s probably a blessing in disguise. Man, if anyone really knew...
We talked about this in my recovery group today, and we determined that it’s completely unhealthy: I have utterly dissociated since the last disclosure. I just don’t care. I don’t care if it happens again. I don’t care if real recovery doesn’t happen on the other end. I don’t care if the paper gets written. I feel next to nothing. Even numbness is a feeling. There’s not even really that. And I’m not all that upset about it! This is different. Previously, I’ve been in a “whatever” state of mind, but angry. Now I’m feeling pretty “whatever”, but there’s no anger. Only indifference. In fact, I don’t even know why I’m writing about it because seriously... whatever!
I know in my brain that this isn’t a good thing. I know cerebrally that it’s not supposed to be like this, and yet I don’t care. Now, I’m not going around telling everyone that I’m feeling this way because I know it will result in some seriously devastated feelings, but then there’s the part of me that still doesn’t give a rip.
I don’t know how to get through this.