#a strange guy

[dogrrrrrrrrr]

My favorite weirdo (my character) 💕

[metabh0zical-writer]

Bh0z cheats Inktober: Day 9

Swing

Well this evening certainly got... interesting. Framing a murder as a suicide is already a kind of shitty thing to do, but I guess Lady Luck has helped me, somehow. It isn’t often that the guy sent to kill you accidentally sneezes when he is steadying the noose so that he trips and hangs himself.

That is, as many people say, wack. Really wack. And now I’m stuck handcuffed to this radiator. Maybe I’ll unlock some zen psychic powers or something and break out of here. Or maybe I’ll chew my hand off! Imagine that, I’d be able to walk around with a cool hook on it!

“Wait!”, a the smart voice inside my head says, “What if you used your free hand to take his pants off and take the keys out of his pockets, instead of being an absolute idiot and bleed out?”

Fair point, fair point. My right hand is the cuffed one and last I checked I was right-handed! And pretty much all of my sweet life juices would be spilled out on the floor. That’s bad. Instead, I stretch my right hand out to try and reach the body of my would-be-assassin. He still had some leftover momentum, but he was just slightly... slightly... out of range. But I got him!

I grab his left foot and remove his sneaker. It’s rather clean actually, and probably expensive. I’ll take a mental note to sell these shoes after I dispose of the body. I ignore the succulent piggies he has hidden inside those socks and try and pull the first half of his pants down. Then I give him a little spin as I let him go.

Back, forth, back, forth. The spin is not immediately in my favor, and I nearly get kicked in the face by his left foot. I am able to grab his right leg though. It was a bit trickier to take his right shoe off as the rope wants to twist away from me, and my left hand isn’t exactly the dominant one. But I manage to steal his Nikes! Then I pull his pants down.

I drag his denim trousers towards myself and being to rummage through his pockets. Nothing in his front pockets, but in the back, bingo! The keys are now in my hands! The dude’s crotch swings towards my face now, and as I’m not a necrophile, thank god, I resist the urge to see what is underneath and unlock the handcuffs. My wrists hurt, and I really need to pee. I’ll probably throw the corpse in the garbage or something before selling these sneakers to some dip online.

This was a good day!

[katherinewhatever]

this waiter that everyone hates because he’s condescending and rude and useless took the time to take a picture of this one busser while that busser dicking around on his phone instead of working and just like 

what kind of a fucking jackass do you have to be that you feel like you gotta take a picture of somebody not doing their job and email it to your boss

and sure, Tony’s not the best busser but vittorio is actively the worst server