Helllooooo Jalebi! How are you doing? I have a dark and kind of disturbing question for you, sorry about that. Well, the show itself can be dark and kind of disturbing at times! So the infamous dori tearing scene - I know from a Doylist (ie out of universe/writers) point of view, it was done to establish a male lead about as dark as one could make him on ITV thereby making the journey of him as a romantic lead, becoming a hero over time, more complex and interesting. I mean there was a big "lets shock and awe them" element to it so I accept that I might be over thinking things. But from a Watsonian (in universe/Arnav) point of view, was there, in your opinion, is Arnav a sexual harasser with a history of such behaviour? Like - is there any lust/desire involved in that action? Or was it purely motivated by rage, and a immediate need to make Khushi shut up, without any element of "I want to see her naked by force if I have to"? Idk if I am making sense, I'm not saying pure rage is better. But like for example when Arnav tears down the flowers around the bed on their first marriage night, when he breaks things in his room, when he starts destroying his plants, those are some moments of like, he's in an uncontrollable rage and he needs a physical outlet. That's a pattern, is this action a part of THAT pattern? Or is it a different kind of act?
I know Arnav is capable of immense emotional cruelty. But still that's all on one side and being capable of sexual violence when in a rage is another level. And although dori-tearing is the start of the entire tale, I still cannot quite believe that Arnav is capable of sexual harassment ( despite him literally doing it twice, maybe even three times on screen). I can't reconcile it with the guy who we witnessed at Arshi's under the stars first time. It's one of two things - he's the kind of guy who uses sexual violence to punish women/becomes sexually violent when in a rage OR he never does that but Khushi specifically (his future wife!) brings it out in him and IDK which is more disturbing. Like in my head for a long time I was like, he didn't mean it like sexual harassment, it was just a moment of rage that was defused by Khushi's action of hiding herself with her hair. But IDK...do you think if his rage at that moment had not been defused by any interruption he would have continued to do something worse to Khushi? I'm sorry for such a long and rambling question that too on such a topic. I swear I'm not an Arnav hater, I sound like one, I just, find Arnav's psychology fascinating and I think his actual worst action/pattern of behaviour in the entire show is treated almost like an abstract concept than a real thing he did, as opposed to less disturbing much more understandable actions like blackmailing Khushi, calling her biggest mistake, etc. Anyway thanks for listening to my ramble and would love to hear your thoughts. Bye :)
This is so interesting.
Thank you for introducting Doylist & Watsonian ideologies <3
Gosh I wish this was a phone call!
Okay, so before I answer any of this please do note that my answer is within my understanding of media literacy and psychology - which is obviously always limited - so the answer will veer towards what is right to me and is always, always open to more interpretation.
And listen, the guy who snaps the dori does not become the guy who shows stars. This journey is fictional. So don't worry about sounding an Arnav hater - please, in reality all women are. But he's fictional - that's where nothing of this exists so I'm really glad your sense of sense prevails!
*deep breathe* let's get crackin'
This is a very complex scene. It's uncomfortable. It's sexual harassment. It's abuse. It's traumatic.
So my view on Arnav's viewpoint is what makes me continue to watch the show without skipping this scene. And I mention that because for a show like Madhubala, no matter how well the first 200 episodes are written - I can never actually watch the scene where Rishab intentionally nearly kills Madhu's father. I have to, kind of, write that scene away.
So intentionality, for me, matters.
And that is what paints this scene for me in a slightly different light for fictional purpose.
is Arnav a sexual harasser with a history of such behaviour?
No, I don't think so. Like you, I do believe this was motivated by anger.
But is Arnav capable of sexual harassment? Absolutely.
Has he? No.
And the reason why I say this is because I believe Shyam is completely capable of sexual harassment because of the continuous insinuation of him to the Guptas that "I was a guy, living the house with two girls, and I chose to not be indecent to them."
He operates from preventing himself from sexually harassing Khushi as (a) need to establish he's a nice person, (b) this is the reward of being truly in love, (c) Khushi is an innocent person who needs gentleness.
And the minute those conditions stop existing for Shyam - the more he harasses. As you can see repeatedly in the show for as long as Shyam had to keep up his need to be a nice person - he apologizes for all the lines he has crossed with Khushi (but he's slipping).
And the minute he no longer needs to maintain that, he gets more lecherous and enjoys Khushi's struggle to get free.
She chose a more violent man, so Shyam gets to be truly who he is.
Obviously, sexual harassers don't just have one type of behavior, but the reason I compare Arnav to Shyam is that for this universe it becomes easier for me to put forth my points.
Arnav is operating from a misogynistic viewpoint. This random girl has no character to begin with. So no snapping of a dori nor having her images floated around as a woman trying to trap a man will hurt her. He finds her attempts at decency a mockery.
He is even amused for half a second that Khushi has a complaint with him for doing so.
The image of this entirely changes around the guesthouse incident - and either way Arnav is very very wrong for thinking character matters if only a person is a good person.
And it's to establish that Arnav has very little moral grounding.
was it purely motivated by rage, and a immediate need to make Khushi shut up, without any element of "I want to see her naked by force if I have to"?
No, I don't think he was interested in undressing Khushi. She accused him of being indecent.
While in his head, it is he is the better person between them.
So, yes, it was rage. From a Watsonian point of view, Arnav exactly knew what kind of a woman this was. A pretty, corporate spy set to sabotage his event.
Also, the fact she pulls up his sister's name and the pained history blinds him in rage - and his anger is something that Anjali warns him about.
It is his weakness.
He uses it to mask his vulnerability. Anger replaces almost any and every sad/hurt/vulnerable emotion Arnav has. Even his confession or care, does not come out with a "hey, I love you, I care for you."
No, it's always accompanied by anger as its shield because I guess that's his perceived sense of safety.
He'd rather be feared than have people see his fears.
I think he's able to feel safe with his emotions and opens up to Khushi is the night he says sorry to her and apologizes for everything he's ever done. After that moment, telling Khushi he loves her or sharing anything emotional/vulnerable, is no longer accompanied by rage.
I think Dadi actually helped him heal in many ways. He gains a new perspective and actually tries being better. His anger permanently reduces because of having dealt with things.
So going back to the dori scene it goes exactly like this:
Khushi - what would you do if someone would insult your sister the way you did mine?
For Arnav, it's not Khushi calling out how horribly he's treating her. It's almost close to I can say the exact things about your sister - and I wouldn't be too wrong.
We can assume that not very pleasant things were told about Anjali when she was abandoned at the altar. That too because her parents committed suicide out of her father's adultery.
It's something the show never, ever, touches on but I definitely think there were comments on Anjali's character.
do you think if his rage at that moment had not been defused by any interruption he would have continued to do something worse to Khushi?
No. Cause I don't think he was intending to sexually assault her.
For Khushi though - yes this is a space where she can sexually assaulted.
So for Arnav, if Khushi's a spy, she has done her homework.
He stops her from leaving her after her piece - and lethally wounding him and triggering trauma.
He humiliates her.
And just physically pushes her away cause she disgusts him and he has no intention of being close to her.
His gaze here - is focused on her. Not her exposed back. And that only shifts when she pushes her hair to cover her back. And he stays rooted to his spot.
He wanted to have his last word - and he did.
Ugh I hate saying this line but 'the hair' will not stop an abuser from wanting to do what he wants to.
Arnav was done speaking/done acting at that point. The character, here, would not go beyond it because he's done with his piece.
Also what's important to note is IPK was written from a problematic POV so I might be stepping into places where I'm putting explanations where it might not even exist, originally.
There's many things about Arnav - even in the next few episodes that show he isn't an assaulter.
However, if there's an episode where fully intended to - and perhaps would've and did - is when Khushi calls him characterless.
See what I don't love about this show is that many a times Arnav's aggression is written as a reaction to Khushi's transgressions and it's always more than what Khushi did in the first place.
And Khushi, here, was WAY out of line. To call a person characterless, question his dead parents' upbringing just because he doesn't want to marry? C'mon *whack* what's wrong with you Khushi?
But Arnav's reaction... there's this glazed look in his eyes that's frightening.
And he, intentionally, presses himself up to her. And it's when he has this Shyam-esque thinking of exactly knowing what being characterless is, but he's not behaving like one but he can. Unlike Shyam, Arnav is not holding himself back to have a nice man image. But Arnav is threatening Khushi that she does not know the gravity of what she's saying because he knows he's not a characterless man (unlike his father) and if she needs a physical understanding of it - here it is.
So yeah, this scene is where it went even darker for me than the dori sequence because what if Khushi continued to challenge? What if Arnav isn't satisfied by the guilt and realization of what Khushi said? (Cause he lets her go when he sees her crying, a little ashamed)
But what if, that wasn't enough?
when Arnav tears down the flowers around the bed on their first marriage night, when he breaks things in his room, when he starts destroying his plants, those are some moments of like, he's in an uncontrollable rage and he needs a physical outlet. That's a pattern, is this action a part of THAT pattern? Or is it a different kind of act?
That scene, I actually interpret differently. Because it was very significant of broken/shattered dreams.
Arnav was very sure loving Khushi means marrying Khushi. This was going to be a reality - the marriage, having a wife, in love, being happy... this was something he didn't believe in but he was starting to believe in it because he was in love.
And that moment it felt like the wedding bed, the rituals were mocking him. He should've trusted his cynicism but he didn't and now his world was in tatters.
So he wanted that pain out. His life wasn't perfect. Forget perfect, it was barely livable.
It's the pain that we saw him collapse after the terrace scene. Mourning the loss of love. The loss of a dream. This tearing the flowers apart is a part of that. It's literally him ripping his own heart into pieces.
Because he's been holding it all in for the sake of his family. And he just cannot hold any longer.
But I think you sum up writing Arnav very well with this statement -his actual worst action/pattern of behaviour in the entire show is treated almost like an abstract concept than a real thing he did.
That is very very true. Arnav is difficult to explain in reality cause certain patterns and behavior does not explain the happily ever after - but hey that's what fiction is for!
So to be completely in Arnav's head and talk about his actions - he suffers from anger management issues and when threatened he chooses lashing out. Sometimes some of the actions and words are beyond his control - sometimes they're not.
The anger is a pattern, the sexual violence is not.
And mostly the anger is when his family/upbringing is talked about:
Mool Rajani mentions Arnav's mother, like not even her specifically but a very Delhi "tu, teri mummy" and gets whacked. I keep on laughing a little that Arnav slapped Mool a second time just because he could - it's not even instinctive unlike the first (lol Akash isn't even surprised, he's just like... I didn't wanna waste a penny on this idiot).
Khushi mentions his sister and given the situation and what he thinks of her, he snaps the dori - interesting to note is when Khushi again brings up family in the guesthouse, Arnav doesn't get angry. Rather he's ashamed because Khushi is bringing up a similar argument like she did in the dori scene, but this time he has better context of her and he does dehumanize her.
Nani talks about Arnav being like his father - Arnav decides to walk out of the house. Arnav's arguments with Nani is often tempered out of age, and that he truly never feels threatened by her.
Anjali pressurizes Arnav to bring Khushi back - he snaps at her that the house isn't hers. And obviously, regrets instantly.
Of course Arnav has been angry many a more times - but in those situations he's intending to hurt as opposed to sudden lash outs. And then intentional anger is someone who affects him, means a lot, threatens him or who he hates.
Khushi, for the longest time, is someone who is literally all of the above for Arnav.
And I think we can hold our peace on the fact that Arnav gets better - not as a result of Khushi - but just as a person he gets better. Otherwise his reaction to knowing his wife doesn't trust him and gets him secretly DNA tested is very very mild, compared to how his anger was written.
Or the HUGE amount of different when Khushi wants to walk out (post kidnapping, during Aarav) - tells us that Arnav has gotten better, psychologically, over time.
So he needed help, and I think he gets it with having most of his abandonment, family issues being sorted out.
We see him reach a point of comfort with himself, his family and relationships. Yes, Khushi was a victim of his healing - but perhaps the bigger gratitude Arnav shows for Khushi is that he wouldn't have wanted to be healed if there wasn't a love this great.
He never thanks her for bearing his anger, he's grateful he met her and knows what love is. It's a subtle difference but it's important cause Arnav's story, for me, is NEVER a 'stick around with your angry husband and he'll come to love you one day' - no, it's just about a love that happens in the most impossible circumstances with the most impossible of people.
Arnav, character wise, remains a LOT like who he is even with Khushi.
He's still non vegetarian, still an atheist, still arrogant - but just more calm because he's less in pain. Like a lion without a constant tear of a nail on his skin - and he's the only person who could've unpinned the nail from himself.
You know it's what Anjali says in the first episode - let go of your past. Holding back to the past made Arnav successful, but also caustic.
Now that his success is permanent, it's time to let go of the past because finally there's something better to look forward to.
And that's love.
Best,
Jalebi
Gosh, this was a LONG LONG LONG answer - I hope you liked it! Tagging all my favs cause this was one really took a lot of time to draft and I hope to hear your thoughts. Phew, haven't thought about this guy in a LONG time.
I wanted to give a habit of khushi, bit of attention on how Arnav might hopefully know she is mad or he is in trouble, when she calls him Mr Raizada or Mr Arnav singh Raizada. This starts from the farm 🏠 collapse she says " Nahi Mr Arnav singh Raizada, then during new year " Ap galat jagh, galat ⏳️pe puchon ho Mr Raizada. She is very nervous during this scene.
One of my favorite scenes when she shuts his laptop, questions and challenges him when the kheer is burned. In her mind she says " Humein bhi jawahb chaiye joh hum Arnav singh Raizada se lekar rehnge", then to him" hum apse darne nahi wale Mr Raizada" Its a glimpse of the resignation epi khushi, its a shame her this side isn't used. Later this comes up too, sometimes. For instances when in real easte office he says come home and she is like. " nahi Mr Raizada itni takleef mat outhai".
I don't mean to say Arnav is scared of his wife or something. I hope husbands don't want their wives to get mad at them for obvious reasons. Hopefully when he hears her say this he knows he is in trouble.
Hiii S!! U were absent on this platform so do I !!how's u?? What's happening in ur life hope u r fine n well!!n busy with wonderful things. as I started watching ipk yet again,I was wondering what wud happen if arnav wud have proposed khushi n they were in relationship n then Arnav found out about Shyam's fiasco(not from khushi)? Wud he b understanding partner then n ask khushi abt it or wud he repeat the same reaction as the serial?
I ll b waiting for ur answer..take care S
Hello Mansi,
Ugh I know, asli duniya seems to be way too fast. Is it age? is it work? Most of the times I crave nothing but silence and peace.
But yes, coming back to this blog and your asks.
See it really depends on how Arnav learns about Shyam. If anybody had taken Arnav into confidence, then this situation could have turned out to be good. (Especially if it was Akash - given Payal told Akash, Payal, one of the older Guptas).
But if Arnav is put in the same place - where it comes across as an affair - then nothing could have helped this.
The thing is, this situation is one of those where he has little fault. Nobody could have seen this for anything else.
I have a question. After Arnav returns from the kidnapping, kicks out Shyam, and everyone tries to help Anjali, she ends up triggered by Khushi’s words and goes to the hospital, acting out of her mind.
The thing is, what Khushi said to her wasn’t wrong, she just asked Anjali to take care of herself and her baby. Yet, Anjali reacts by harming herself, and Arnav immediately blames Khushi, thinking that Shyam wouldn’t have cheated if Khushi hadn’t come into his life.
I feel this is deeply wrong on so many levels. First, victim-blaming Khushi, and second, completely tolerating Anjali’s suffering. Meanwhile, Khushi had every right to be upset, given everything Arnav had put her through during their contract marriage.
At that point, Khushi should have at least walked out that night. Staying back, even while he tried to manipulate her, was like she was hurting herself all over again. Caring about Payal was one thing, but putting herself through that was unnecessary.
In this world, it’s so easy to blame the victim, especially women and it often leaves no room for their own pain or perspective.
Would like to know your thoughts on it.
Hello Anon,
My thoughts, regarding this whole moment, is in this short story I wrote called Cold Faith.
Do check it out :)
Firstly there are two things to this particular situation.
Khushi was wrong, and Khushi was wronged.
Khushi was wrong
Context: For Anjali, her world was torn apart in overnight. The show intentionally showed that Anjali was beginning to see things between Shyam and Khushi. And Khushi looked eager in those situations. Feeding kheer, tying him a necklace, going out with Shyam - these are all situations where it's easy for Shyam to manipulate that he was complying out of hesitation, but no room for Khushi to say there's nothing in those. Now, despite that growing, nagging perception, she keeps Khushi in good faith because of how she is as a person. But Arnav and her family, instead of exercising that same good faith on Shyam, kick him out based on baseless evidence.
So Nani, realizing that Anjali needs time - specifically requested Khushi not to interact with Anjali. And Nani even acknowledged how painful it is for Khushi to hear this despite not being wrong.
Yet Khushi chose to visit Anjali and told her to 'move on'.
Despite having an abusive husband, could Khushi move on from Arnav? Then how could Anjali do that? And deal with that advice from a woman who is responsible for everything from her eyes.
Anjali, still, never ever tells Khushi she's fully responsible or that Khushi is a terrible person. Anjali could never bring herself to do this. Yet, she keeps a distance for preservation and processing.
Shyam also wins brownie points with Anjali when he is more than glad to assist her in Arnav and Khushi getting married again.
YET Khushi decided to meet Anjali? Why? It's the most nonsensical thing Khushi could have done.
But even Khushi, admittedly, went Anjali to for a larger reason. Khushi was feeling guilty that she, in a way, is responsible for the storm in Anjali's life (and not because of what Shyam did, but if only Khushi had dealt with the truth of Shyam better - it definitely wouldn't have led to all of this).
So in Khushi's mind - she has to be responsible for fixing Anjali's life - even feeding her food if that works.
But that's inherently selfish and idiotic.
And Khushi didn't even tell anyone right after meeting Anjali that she did so.
It takes greater emotional intelligence to understand why Nani asked Khushi to stay away from Anjali, and Khushi - clearly - does not have that.
Now, Khushi was wronged.
By Arnav. Arnav, at this moment, knows the full context of the situation and he chose to blame Khushi not accurately for the fault she committed, but for things out of their control.
Shyam's vices.
Her sheer existence.
He intended to hurt her, and he does so in the most brutal way that he can. That's Arnav - he weaponizes words, emotions and insecurities against people when he can.
Wasn't this everyone's wish for him to appropriately apologize for his actions - truly - and have them break up? I so desperately wanted that as well! And then have his redemption arc!
We often see Arnav use classism as a way to hide his attraction to Khushi or to hurt her. Because of that, he misunderstands her a lot. I wonder if he would treat her badly if she were rich. For example, how would he treat her in general if she were rich? Would Lavanya treat her badly as well ?
Hello!
I'm doing well, how about you?
I mean Latanya has treated Khushi poorly because of her background. And of course so does Arnav.
But it's interesting to see that Arnav actually treats his aunt, Payal, the Guptas with a lot more respect in general (than even Lavanya).
Khushi's background obviously plays a role in what he sees her as - but it's interesting to see that he also believes her to be a terrible person and that plays a larger role in how much he hates her. It justifies his elitism.
But I don't think he uses classism to hide his attraction, he is attracted to her despite it. And in a way almost creates this weird power play that has him attracted to her. It's exploitive, addictive.
If Khushi was wealthy from get go, it would've been easier for her to get respect and that's saddening but real.
How do you think Arnav felt when Khushi kissed him on the cheek when she was kissing all his family members platonically? He looked more stunned than pleasantly surprised to me but how would you read it? What was he thinking?
Hi Anon,
I think Arnav was stunned too! It was a sudden event and that too in public!
And once he realizes what happened - he obviously catches up to her and corners her, demanding an explanation.
And resumes teasing her when it’s evident that she’s trying to fumble her way into having an upper hand in the situation.
Either way, getting kissed by Khushi does increase the butterflies in his stomach.
If Arshi had kissed on Diwali, how would Arnav have reacted? Would he have asked Lavanya to marry him?
The almost-kiss on Diwali already disturbed him deeply, especially because he has trauma from his father’s infidelity. I just want to know what the aftermath would have been.
Also, would Arnav have pursued Khushi if she didn’t mind dating?
Hello!
Doing good!! Just life seems to find ways of being busy :)
Arnav would've not reacted well. TBH them not kissing - no matter how much us fans went UGHHH NOOOO KISS PLEASEEEE - was the best outcome of that event.
Arnav could have... because his reason to actually declare his engagement to La was a result of instantly overcommitting to her because he cheated and actually give an answer to the others who were taunting her.
So yes, the aftermath would've been worse. I just cannot imagine it any better at all.
Hmm... I don't think his lack of pursue of Khushi just stemmed from her not being open to dating. His resistance rises from class difference, bitter history, his misconception, etc.
And Arnav not being comfortable with the idea of love. Which is what he was strongly feeling for her. Also that for Khushi everything is a finality. She does not treat feelings as temporary nor understand how dating works.
But let's say if Khushi understood what dating was and was open to it - Arnav would've still run away if everything was exactly the same.
But, in a world where Khushi understood dating and Arnav chose to be more accepting of his feelings for her and asked her out on a date - after promptly fainting - I feel she would have agreed and things would have largely changed. They could legit be dating throughout their cousins' wedding.
Hello jalebi,hope you're doing well. I have always wondered whether Arnav gave it a second thought why Khushi stopped wearing his mom's kangans (after their gupta house clash) ....it made sense during contract marriage...but even after remarriage...she never wore it again....was it a mistake in the show....or some deep harbored fear/disappointment in khushi preventing her from wearing it ever again.And it was also peculiar that Arnav never questioned this...when he knows almost everything going on with her
Hello Anon,
Yes, trying to find pace in life :)
See these tiny continuities - which is significant for audience and characters - are things that often get left out in daily tv shows.
I definitely think she stopped wearing it post Gupta house for obvious reasons - and I really wish we had a moment that addressed it.
It's a great fanfic material. For fanfic purpose, I definitely think Arnav did and it's one of those things that twisted his heart. She has enough respect to not wear these bangles, but... yet she did things that ruined his sister's marriage? Was it guilt? Was it trained behavior? One of those many gestures that left him confused on just exactly what was Khushi Kumari Gupta...
