#absolutelynothoughtswhatsoever

[sugarskies]

bob

text thread + bob version :p

[sugarskies]

john eats bob’s ass

For all he bitched whenever Bob wore it, John did love the way Bob looked in his old USMA hoodie.

John wore about a size and a half bigger than Bob to begin with, and he’d bought the hoodie two sizes up for himself. So, when Bob wore it, his whole frame disappeared. It swallowed his torso, hands, and draped halfway down his thighs.

He looked cute as shit. There was no other way to say it. But John’s favorite thing about the whole look wasn’t even the hoodie itself. It was the fact that when Bob decided he was done leaving John’s room—their room—for the day, he generally decided he was done with pants too.

“Hey, baby.” It was probably wrong of John’s gaze to immediately trail down to Bob’s ass, but they’d been together for like two years at that point, so he was allowed to look, right? “What are you drawing?”

“Your dick,” Bob quipped, pencil never leaving his sketchbook. John sat on the edge of the bed and glanced over his shoulder, unsurprised to find that Bob was drawing nothing of the sort. “You’re back late.”

“I know. Sorry.” John set his boots by his dresser, then lay on his stomach beside Bob. He gently dragged his fingers through Bob’s hair and leaned down to kiss his neck. “You take your meds?”

“Mmhm.”

Bob didn’t say anything else. He just kept working on his art, completely relaxed under John’s touch. John’s gaze drifted as his hand did the same, slowly sliding down Bob’s back. The hoodie was completely covering Bob’s ass and there was a not insignificant part of John dying to know if he had anything on underneath.

He watched Bob’s face closely, searching for any signs of discomfort. There was a fine line to walk with Bob and touch. Yes, Bob had a free use kink. Yes, he’d explicitly told John he could touch him wherever he wanted. But John knew well that what Bob enjoyed one day could be triggering the next.

That night, Bob seemed comfortable with it. He actually smiled a little when John’s fingers first grazed his ass, an amused puff of air escaping his nose when John’s whole hand gave his left cheek a squeeze. John inhaled deeply when his fingertips touched skin.

“Goddamn.” No underwear, then. John couldn’t resist the urge to hook his middle finger under the fabric and tug it upward. His jaw dropped just slightly as he slowly revealed Bob’s ass; perfect and soft and unfairly fucking pretty. “Can I…?”

Touching Bob’s ass was always okay. Licking it needed case-by-case permission. John wasn’t sure whether Bob understood his trailed off question until Bob closed his sketchbook. He set it on the table beside him, then reached his arms under his waist and pulled the sweatshirt up to his abs.

“Towel?”

Oh. Right. John was horny in the moment, but it would bother him afterward if they didn’t use one. He reached into his top drawer and grabbed one of the soft towels. Rather than hand it to Bob, he lifted Bob’s waist with his left hand and positioned the towel with his right. His adjusting Bob’s cock definitely teetered into fondling, but he didn’t care.

“God,” John breathed as he moved down, the tip of his nose tickling the top of Bob’s crack. He tilted his chin and kissed that special spot, hands shifting to grab a cheek each. John nuzzled his nose into Bob’s skin, gently parting Bob’s cheeks with his thumbs. “You’re beautiful.”

“You know you’ve seen my ass like a thousand times, right?” asked Bob, his tone more amused than anything else. “It doesn’t look any different than it did when you watched me get dressed this morning.”

“Good. It’s perfect.”

John shifted in between Bob’s legs, adjusted his shoulders, and pushed his face right in. He pulled Bob’s cheeks apart at the same time, thumbs pushing into his soft flesh. The tip of John’s tongue went straight for Bob’s hole, eliciting a quiet moan from Bob when he gave it a few small licks.

Admittedly, the first time they had sex, John hesitated when Bob suggested he eat him out as prep. He’d given oral before but not like that and never on a man. It surprised him how much he loved it, but it shouldn’t have. Nothing about his love for Bob should have surprised him.

He loved squeezing Bob’s cheeks as he made room for his tongue. He loved sucking on the top of his crack and peppering kisses down to that special spot on his taint. He loved reaching around to tease Bob’s hard cock and play with the precum that dripped out of it.

Most of all, he loved fingering Bob. Fingering an asshole was not something he’d ever expected to enjoy but holy shit did he. John pulled his fingers into his mouth for just a moment before he pushed one inside Bob’s hole. Not entirely loose but not tight either. It wasn’t long before he added a second.

Fingering Bob was amazing for so many reasons. The incomparable warmth that surrounded his fingers; the way his cock leaked when John pressed down into his prostate (apparently a very big kink for John, though Bob sometimes found it embarrassing to be milked), the little sounds that he made when John touched him just right.

“Oh, fuck.”

Bob’s left thumb slipped between his lips, muffling whatever next words he said. Low whines followed, barely making it out around his hand. Bob hated the sounds that he made but to John, they were beautiful, inarguable proof that he was touching Bob right.

Sometimes John wondered what it felt like for Bob. He’d let Bob eat him out before, but it wasn’t the same. Bob’s prostate was more sensitive and John had a longer, scratchier beard. Bob was messy when he ate John out and John was a little more deliberate in his movements.

The way Bob just barely ground into the towel said he must’ve been chasing some pleasure in his cock. Maybe from the way that it twitched and leaked when John pressed his middle finger into Bob’s prostate, tongue licking just above his hole.

His ass was definitely a little pink too, beard burn getting the better of his skin. Did it itch? Was it an unpleasant addition? A good kind of tingle? Bob was always very happy to sit on John’s face, so he must’ve liked the way it felt, right?

John moved his fingers in time with his mouth, licking the top of Bob’s ass and then gently biting his cheeks as he toyed with his prostate. Bob moaned, head pushing farther into the pillows, ass moving up toward John’s face.

“Fuck, John.” Bob reached his hand back and grabbed John’s hair, twisting the short strands the best he could. “You need to— to stop.”

No, he didn’t. He knew what Bob meant and he didn’t care at all. Fucking Bob would be a nice bonus but eating him out was the goal. If he came from that and fingering alone, John would go to sleep a perfectly happy man (not to mention Bob often came twice anyway).

If anything, John did more. He added just a little bit of pressure to Bob’s prostate, fingers stretching him slightly more. His lips sucked hard, trying their damnedest to leave a hickey on his ass. Sometimes Sentry let him keep the marks when he really wanted them to stay. John hoped it would stay that night.

“Oh, my— fuck. John. John.”

Bob let out a sound between a whine and a moan, body shifting deep into the mattress. John kept his fingers working gently as Bob came, carrying him through his orgasm. When his body started to settle down, he pulled his fingers out and put his mouth in his place.

He kissed Bob gently, peppering a trail of small pecks along the whole center of his ass and then across his cheeks. John breathed heavily as he pulled back, squeezing Bob’s ass one last time as he looked down at his work.

Pink skin, faint hickeys, trails of saliva, and light scratches from his beard. And yet Bob’s ass was still so beautiful. More beautiful, even. John was generally too embarrassed to say it because Bob thought it was weird, but he was very, very into the way Bob’s asshole pulsated when it was open. It made him want to dive right back in, to stick his whole tongue in as deep as it could go.

“Need a minute,” Bob mumbled, breaking John from his horny thoughts. John rolled out from between Bob’s legs and lay back on his stomach beside him. He kissed Bob’s cheek, mesmerized by his fluttering eyes. “You can fuck me but I— I need a minute first.”

“You’re all right.” John kissed his temple next, fingers scratching the back of his neck. It was a good thing Bob had no problems with bodily fluids. “We don’t have to do anything else. Just wanted to play with you a little.”

A small smile curled up Bob’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” whispered John. He slid his hand down Bob’s back and gave his ass one more squeeze. “And your ass.”

[sugarskies]

im craving angst so

Bob, while manic, gets fed up with John constantly coddling him and inserting his own beliefs on what is best for Bob that he snaps at John to "not saying anything unless I fucking ask for it." Unfortunately, Bob unconsciously drew on Sentry when he said that.

Now John can't say anything unless he is responding to a direct question. Not a word, a whisper, or a murmur can pass from his lips unless someone asks.

It takes a long time for anyone to realize.

HELP this hurts omg. this concept is so interesting i love the idea of bob Not Knowing how his powers work. i imagine the whole team is used to being on their own and sometimes they just need space so any one of them being quiet/isolating for a few days isn't really a concern. so john stops talking and nobody really thinks about it. they just give him space. and bob thinks that john is mad at him and he doesn't want to make it worse. but really john can't talk and can't tell anyone 💔 godd poor john

here i wrote a little thing based on this concept i hope that you like it :)

-

“Don’t say anything unless I fucking ask for it!”

The words burned as they left his lips. Bob knew that he was manic, but he couldn’t tell whether his irritation was justified. Sure, John had a point that the Zyns weren’t good for him, that he shouldn’t use them to combat the drowsiness from his meds.

But Bob was an adult. He didn’t need John to tell him about the risks he already knew; didn’t need John to try and usher him into bed when he didn’t want to sleep. Caught up in his anger, Bob didn’t notice the way John’s throat bobbed as he said nothing in response.

The silence carried into the next morning, and Bob knew what that meant. John was sulking, punishing him, giving him the silent treatment. So, Bob did what he did when he was manic, and he played up the brattiness tenfold.

He stomped into the kitchen, slammed every cabinet door, put things in the wrong places, and moved items John was working with. Normally, John would have snapped at him but that morning, he didn’t. He flinched but he didn’t say a word, didn’t even mutter to himself.

When Bob was a child, his mom’s silence had been a weapon. She’d refuse to talk to him for days, refused to crack until he fell to his knees and sobbed her forgiveness for whatever it was that he’d done. The worst part was that where sometimes it helped, sometimes it made it worse, made it stretch longer.

So, with John, Bob refused to crack first. For days, he let his chest tighten until it suffocated him, let John’s hurt stare burn into his. He stopped sneaking into John’s room at night, stopped shadowing him when he wanted attention. If he just waited, eventually, like Bob’s mom, John would crack.

But John didn’t crack.

Eventually, the silence changed into something not just painful but unbearable. Bob sat on the opposite side of the common area from John, watching as he folded laundry with military precision. He didn’t speak, didn’t whisper, didn’t even make the little jokes under his breath when he noticed garments were missing (having found their way into Bob’s hamper instead).

“Do you want to break up?” Bob asked, words fast and almost frantic. John froze, a jacket slung over his arm as he turned to look at Bob. “Stop staring and answer me.”

“No,” said John. Nothing more, nothing less. Just no.

“Then why won’t you talk to me?” He’d been convinced he was at the end of his episode with how much self-doubt he’d had since their argument. But John’s continued refusal to speak fueled his anger, reinvigorated that intense irritation. “John, just tell me why you won’t talk to me.”

“Because I can’t.”

“Why?” The silence stretched long enough for Bob to snap, “For fuck’s sake, answer me.”

John clicked his jaw as he set the jacket down on the cushion behind him. He took a deep breath, voice hoarse when he answered, “Because you told me not to.”

Bob blinked. It didn’t make sense as an answer. John was good at holding a grudge, but he wasn’t that petty. Especially when Bob was actively trying to talk things through.

But then he looked back on the last few days. He thought about his every interaction with John, and considered the times when John responded. It was true—he only spoke when Bob asked him to. Even around the others, he only spoke if Bob gave him permission first.

“This isn’t funny,” said Bob, unwilling to admit the horrifying truth. “I didn’t make you stop talking, you’re just doing it. Like how my mom would do it. You’re just— You’re punishing me. You can talk; you’re just punishing me.”

John shook his head, but he didn’t speak. He just stared at Bob, eyes wide and sad. He’d told the truth. Bob, somehow, had stripped him of his ability to speak. His heart pounded, breath caught in his throat as he stared at his hands like they were weapons.

“What the fuck?” he muttered, tears building in his eyes. Not out of sadness but of guilt, of fear. “What the fuck did I do to you?”

The only answer he got was a shrug. Because John hadn’t been given permission to speak so he couldn’t. He’d thought that John was withholding his words as a weapon, but he was being forced to keep them in. Bob was the one inflicting the punishment all along and he hadn’t even realized it.

At the very least, he could say his mom had never done that.

Bob jumped off the couch and walked over to John. He sat in front of him on the floor and took John’s hands into his, stared right into his eyes like it could somehow undo whatever he’d done.

“You can talk now,” said Bob, hands squeezing the life out of John’s. “You can talk. Please, John, talk to me. Just say something. Anything. I want you to talk. Please. Please, talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say?” The words were stiff, almost mechanical. They still weren’t John’s. They were waiting for a command, waiting to tell Bob what he wanted to hear.

“Fuck. No. No, no, no, I take it back. I didn’t mean that I— I was just mad. Just say something, please. You can talk again. You don’t need my permission. Please.” Nothing. No answer. Just John’s hands pulling away from his. Then they wrapped around his waist, pulled him into an embrace he didn’t deserve as he cried, “I didn’t mean to do this. I didn’t know I could— I want you to talk. You can talk. You can tell me you hate me, I don’t care. Just say something. Please.”

Bob’s head fell on John’s shoulder as he gasped for air from his rambling. John grasped Bob tightly, let out a slow exhale against his neck, and said softly, “I love you.”

[sugarskies]

Hello, so sorry I am back to bothering you in your messages...hope you don't mind haha. I am here with fluff instead of angst for once.

So I had a vision of Yelena jokingly gifting John a little stuffed bear for Christmas (go bears!). She figured he would be a baffled and probably send it to his son or something. Except John gets weirdly very attached to this stuffed animal. It gets a prized spot on his shelf and he will pick it up and admire it often, smiling to himself. Once he even brought it to sit on the couch with them for movie night.

Bob, jokingly jealous: do you love this bear more than me, be honest

Even John doesn't understand why he (a grown-ass man) immediately got so attached but Yelena's heart feels so warm that he loves this stupid thing. He eventually gets her one of her own and they have matching plushies <3

i don't mind at all in fact i LOVE IT. this is the cutest thing ever. i'm imagining the thunderbolts decided to do something for christmas and yelena has like no experience with giving gifts. she goes out shopping and finds that while they're all hard to shop for, john is the absolute hardest. she has no idea what to get for him. then she sees this little stuffed bear and remembers the day they met and thinks okay. well it's not the perfect gift but it'll make him laugh at least.

cue christmas morning. they're opening presents. john unwraps the bear and admittedly, at first, he's just kind of confused. then yelena explains the thought process of it and it immediately becomes one of the best gifts he's ever gotten. because yelena remembered the bears. she remembered his team. she remembered this random stupid thing that he said like twice (he's tried not to bring it up much after realizing he probably sounded like a jackass). holy shit she really cares.

john doesn't really understand that's why he loves the bear so much. he just knows that he does. and yelena is baffled that he still has it, that he displays it in a place of honor, that he gives it to bob to take care of while he's away. (bob, jokingly jealous again: if i walk in on you spooning that thing instead of me one more time--) it's just a little thing but it's their little thing. and when john doesn't know what to get yelena for her birthday and he finds the same bear, he gives her one because he wants her to feel the same love the gift instilled in him.

[sugarskies]

Hello I am back with some angst :)

A mission going wrong and the team having to come back and tell Bob that John is gone

(because I am weak John is actually alive and trying to make his way back to Bob)

hiiii this is DELICIOUS angst <3

you know that the team would do everything they could to search for john. they would not leave until they were absolutely sure there was nothing else they could do for him. maybe a building fell on him. maybe a bomb went off. they still looked for him, tried to find his body at least, but they couldn't. when they left, they were all grieving, all certain that john was gone. it didn't even hit them until they were on the way home that someone would have to tell bob. they knew it would be a delicate process, that it would definitely trigger the void.

and it does. of course it does. at first, bob is in an intense state of denial. it's not possible. it can't be. how could john be gone? john, his john, who is always so fucking strong? he's pushing back against the others, yelling at them to stop lying, that's it's not funny, begging to see john. but they just keep saying so softly that he's gone. and then it hits him that john, his john, is always the first to put himself in danger for others. he is always the most willing to sacrifice himself to save his loved ones. and then it hits him that it's real. that the team would never tell him john was gone if he wasn't.

bob doesn't remember the void. he just remembers crashing to his knees and then waking up in yelena's arms, sobbing uncontrollably, completely unable to breathe. it takes a long time for the team to calm him down and truthfully, it's only when his body has nothing else to give. bob falls into a deep depression, just lying in john's bed, wearing his old hoodie, staring at the wall because he doesn't know what to do without him. eventually, bob ends up relapsing just to feel something, just to try to numb the pain, just to try to have one moment of peace where he doesn't feel like he died with john.

meanwhile, john wakes up wherever they left him. for a moment, he does think he's dead but he isn't. he knows enough about first-aid to assess and treat his injuries enough to move. it doesn't take him long to realize that he's alone, that the others left. he's not sure if they thought he was dead or just not worth saving. either way, he knows he needs to contact bob. but of course, his phone was shattered in whatever incident injured him. john struggles for days to get himself back to civilization, to find transportation. john tries to call bob from a borrowed phone but realizes that between his mild concussion and living in the age of saved contacts, he can't remember bob's number.

by the time that john finally gets home, it's been a few weeks. everyone has started to settle into their new normal. and then john walks through the door out of nowhere, battered and beaten. he's met by a thousand hugs but bob is nowhere to be seen. yelena directs john to his own room where he finds bob on the floor smoking a pipe. when bob looks at him, he just starts crying. he's off his regular meds (mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, etc). he's back on meth. his mental state is a wreck and his instinct is to believe that he's hallucinating. he begs his brain to stop, to not torture him like that, and then john's arms wrap around him and bob drops his pipe and clings to him and just whispers over and over, "please be real. please be real. please be real."

[sugarskies]

Hello! Sorry to keep adding to your full inbox but anytime I think of angst I just gotta send it your way haha

without further ado:

John never really let himself process his grief—he gave into his anger, and then tried to push everything down and lost Olivia and his son along the way. He tried to pretend everything was okay and refused to let himself think about Lemar.

But now, with this new group of murderous losers who are quickly becoming his family, John let his guard down. He starts thinking about Lemar. And he realizes that the face that had once been imprinted in the back of his eyelids is slowly starting to fade away. How curved was Lemar’s smile when he was doing a bit that John hated? What was the timber of his voice when he was slyly making comments under his breath when the CO was droning on and on?

It feels like John is losing him for the second time. He had thought that even with Lemar gone he could still be with John in his memories.

And John can’t. He can’t lose him again. So he finds himself volunteering more and more to be the one to help Bob when he voids. And not telling Bob just how often he goes void when he is sleeping. John can handle it.

John can handle anything to see Lemar again.

(Bob is horrified when he realizes that John is essentially using him to self-harm).

hiii no need for apologies the inbox is ALWAYS open for angst 😌🙏 and what beautiful and delicious angst this is. i'm imagining john didn't even consider the void as a way to "visit" lemar at first, it's just something that sort of happened and it got really out of hand.

to build off your ideas, it started with john just struggling to remember details about lemar. it got to the point where he would stare at pictures for hours but it just isn't the same. it never satisfied what he felt he needed. he can see lemar's smile already plastered on his face but he can't remember the joke he made before it, can't remember the way his face would curve to make that expression.

john stews in his grief for a while and then one night, he stumbles upon yelena comforting a sleeping bob. she explains they just came out of the void. she looks exhausted herself. john isn't even thinking about lemar as he asks how often this happens, how many times yelena has put herself in the void when bob has a bad dream.

he ends up volunteering to check on bob at night, the way yelena has been doing on her own. the first time he goes in the void, he sees lemar. it's a terrible memory, something about empty stadium seats where his family should be and rejection manifesting as rage on the field. but lemar is there. when the memory starts, lemar cracks a joke and smiles. and all john wants is to stand and stare at that smile.

between the fact that bob is asleep and that he can't remember the void in the morning, it's easy for john to find a routine. get in the void, savor some time with lemar, and leave. he never even sees bob in his shame rooms the way he did in thunderbolts* because bob isn't conscious. the void is. he's asleep within his nightmare so all he feels is negativity. all he is is the void taunting and standing in the corner.

then one night, he's standing in a graveyard. he's watching himself sob at his brother's fresh grave, lemar's arms wrapped around him. he doesn't know how many times he watches the memory loop before he turns to find bob. but he doesn't have to look far this time because when he turns around, bob is already standing there. not the void. not a memory. bob. watching him with sad, horrified eyes.

john asks if bob is okay. bob sidesteps the question and asks if john is okay. john gives a bittersweet smile and says it's nice to see lemar again. bob asks whose grave they're at. john hesitates before he answers, "my big brother's." bob didn't even know john had a brother. none of them did. it hits bob hard that they're standing in the center of john's grief. his brother buried beneath his feet, the ghost of his best friend holding him together. and john is just standing. smiling.

bob feels sick when he realizes what's happening. john has been using the void as a way to cling to the past, to reopen his wounds every chance he could. this time, rather than john leading bob out of the void, it's bob who leads john out. does he remember what happened afterward? maybe. maybe not. either way, john doesn't stop volunteering. either way, bob can't stop him while he's asleep. either way, john continues to hurt himself again and again and again.

[sugarskies]

Hello! I just wanna say if you ever wanna yap more about John having OCD I will always be so sat bc I love that headcanon intensely <3

yessssssss thank you for the excuse to yap more <3

john wasn't diagnosed until after he got out of the army. his symptoms were intensified by ptsd and it got so severe that it was interfering with him and olivia's daily lives. olivia convinced him to see someone about it and he expected the ptsd diagnosis but the ocd was honestly a surprise. he'd never considered it and it was kind of hard to grapple with but it made so much sense.

i talked about bob's manic episodes in the last one and how they could potentially trigger john's intrusive thoughts but i think his depressive episodes could too. sometimes bob will say things when he's feeling suicidal that make john terrified to leave his side because he feels like something might happen to him. neither of them are in a good headspace so sometimes they end up cuddling in bed for days on end.

he had a tangle of religious/internalized homophobia intrusive thoughts that were a lot more severe before bob. john was never homophobic or judgmental of anyone else but he had this intense sense of moral guilt every time he felt attracted to a man. it was an issue when he started having feelings for bob. maybe it even pushed him to see a therapist again because he couldn't get past the irrational thoughts that were keeping them apart.

violent intrusive thoughts are his most intense and frequent, especially after he killed nico. he has thoughts that he's going to hurt or kill people again, usually centered in a public scenario. sometimes they're bad enough that he isolates himself because he's afraid that if he's around his loved ones he will hurt them and his friends have to talk him down from it.

he's very used to taking orders and following directions so the more he makes his own plans, the more he needs reassurance. he constantly asks "is this right? do you think this is a good idea?" and it bothers him because he knows that he's seeking reassurance as a symptom of his ocd but he can't make himself stop doing it.

his parents instilled in him a routine of praying before bed and he becomes physically distressed if he doesn't keep to it. john barely follows his religion anymore, hasn't been to church in years, but he feels this very strong sense that if he doesn't pray, something will go wrong the following day.

[sugarskies]

Hello Hello! I have been thinking a bit about asexual spectrum John and how that could impact Bob and their relationship (especially with Bob's past and all). Because I could totally see John as one of those people whose sex drive kind of comes and goes, to the point where he can sometimes get a little squicked out by it (or bodily fluids) for periods at a time.

It was never a problem when John was with Olivia, because they had been together since high school, so they never really realized that wasn't typical (plus John was always come and go with his military career so he wasn't around for them to be having sex all the time).

But Bob's used to being with boyfriends wanting to have sex all the time (even going past his limits) and he himself has a pretty high sex drive, so it causes problems when their wants don't exactly line up. Like I could totally see Bob spiraling at times because in his mind sex is so intertwined with having a relationship that it freaks him out that John isn't always enthusiastic about sex/will reject him sometimes (kindly though: "I am just tired/I don't want to shower again how about we just cuddle/etc".).

Or maybe late one night Bob overhears John and Yelena talking about their experiences being demi and aroace respectively and John confesses how he sometimes has days where he doesn't have any desire to have sex but does anyway to make Bob happy (and not in an angst way, but more like when you don't want a cookie, but then get one and its good but it doesn't change the fact that you didn't really care about having one in the first place). But all Bob hears is that he is pushing John to have sex with him when John doesn't want to. And now he feels like one of his piece of shit exes who pushed him into doing things he didn't want to and starts overthinking all of the times they have had sex (has John ever enjoyed it?).

HIII the last ask i answered reminded me of this one so i had to dig down and find it to answer it tonight 🥰 i absolutely agree with the idea that john's sex drive probably comes and goes! i actually feel like that fits so well like the way i write him seems kinda inconsistent? like sometimes i imagine he gets pretty kinky but other times i imagine he just wants missionary with the least mess possible and even gets a little icked out by the cleanup lol. and i never thought about why but it makes SO much sense if it's dependent on how strong his libido is at the time.

it really tracks that he wouldn't realize with olivia either. i think they had sex pretty regularly when they could but it definitely wasn't frequent. at first they were in college (possibly in different areas), probably focused on studying and work. then john went into the military and spent a lot of time away from home. and then when they were finally together full time after john was discharged, his depression was so strong that it probably overpowered anything else in relation to his sexual desires. so he really just never even thinks about his sexuality until he's divorced...

...and more specifically, with bob. firstly because he's already questioning his sexuality and secondly because bob has a high sex drive and very different experiences with relationships. plus they started as fwb so in theory sex was the whole relationship. (and i can even see bob stressing out that early if john rejects sex because why does john not want him anymore? does he want to end their whole thing? when in reality john just has a low libido at the time.) maybe there was even a period of time (like a week or two) when bob was fully convinced that the whole thing was over because john was just at a point where he was not interested in sex (and even though he still showed bob affection, bob can't understand what it means without sex).

but in a relationship bob definitely freaks out about it sometimes. in my mind bob has never been in a relationship where he as a person was more important than him as a sexual object (aka his relationships all revolved around sex, drugs, or both). so when john goes through these periods where he doesn't want to have sex, bob starts to question everything. is it because of him? imo bob has some body dysmorphia after sentry so maybe he worries john doesn't like his body. or maybe it's because he has scars or because of the things his body does during sex or the sounds that he makes. or maybe john just doesn't like him anymore and it's not even about the sex itself, it's just that john has stopped being attracted to bob as a whole.

then bob overhears that conversation. john is really calm and neutral about having sex when he doesn't actively want to and maybe even something positive. i don't see him being specific with yelena lol, but maybe he mentions vaguely that he really focuses on bob's pleasure on those days and says it makes him happy to see bob happy, y'know. and he really does mean that. but bob hears it as his past. he hears it as "john is happy because i didn't get mad because he thinks i would've gotten mad if he rejected me." and now he can't shake the feeling that he's just like all of the men who have pressured him into sex before.

because he overthinks everything, of course. bob thinks about every time he's initiated sex and tries to remember whether john seemed happy. and the thing is, he can't think of a single time john looked like he was uncomfortable. rather than comfort him, that makes bob think he's twisted his memories to convince himself that john wanted it when he didn't. based on what he said, there had to be some times when john didn't want it, right? there had to be some times when bob pressured him into it even though he couldn't remember a time he crossed a line. maybe he's at his worst when he's manic and then doesn't remember?

i feel like bob would stop initiating sex after that and then the tables would turn and john would be confused as to why bob has suddenly lost interest in him. because john doesn't know he overheard. all he knows is that he had a really good conversation with yelena about asexuality that made them both feel more comfortable with themselves. i think he's probably more likely to try and talk to bob about it (maybe approaching with the question of whether he's feeling all right because bob's libido tends to tank when he's in a low). but bob won't tell him the truth because he doesn't want to "pity himself" when, from his perspective, he is completely in the wrong and pressuring john. ugh. yeah. the angst is too good i just LOVE this idea of their sexualities clashing. <3