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If only I had never joined the circus. I think about this often, about the fact that meeting that group of misfits on that fateful day and how it ultimately saved my life. It’s hard to imagine how my life would have gone without meeting them. But, what if I hadn’t? I’d like to think I would have figured my life out – I was super young with loads of money, the world could have literally been at my fingertips. I’d like to think I would have taken advantage of that, but I know that thought just isn’t reality. I wouldn’t have left with them for the United States, I wouldn’t have found a place doing something I loved, I wouldn’t have given myself the opportunity to become the person I am today, even if the current version of me is far from perfect. I probably would have never left London, I definitely would have never met the father of my son, never endured his abused or delivered my beautiful son. I would have probably turned to drugs much sooner or turned to the arms of a man who was far worse than Noah ever could have been. I would have felt like I needed that, like I needed someone to depend on in order to survive. In reality, I would have needed someone, but I don’t think I would have sought out the correct type of someone. It would have been easy to get lost on the streets, to fall into a lifestyle that no one that young needed to experience and to allow myself to grow up within that lifestyle and to eventually let it consume me. I think that my darkest days would have been worse than what I could imagine going through now. The truth is, joining the circus saved my life, and without it, I truly don’t think I would have survived.