#ace:general

[aceexplorations]

I have a question for ace people of color

Today I was in my government class and we were talking about common negative character types that people of

color in the media are typically given. My professor (who is a woman of color) described several of the trope type characters as asexual, meaning they are never depicted as having any sexual interest in another person.

What I am struggling with is whether Asexual is the right word to describe these character types. Maybe desexualized is more appropriate? Or simply saying these characters never express sexual desire?

But I don’t feel like it’s my place to say whether Asexual is the right term or not since I’m not a person of color and those tropes don’t get applied to me. That’s why I’d like feedback from some ace poc.

I’m also wondering if there might be a risk to use Asexual in that context. Could the term Asexual get tied up to those negative tropes and reduced to one? I really don’t know.

Lets get a conversation going.

Thanks all!

[just-graysexual]

Some general ace/ace-spec pride!

- mod Riah

[Image descriptions: text on black background with ace flag colors and various phrases: "asexy", "ace of babes", "ace, ace, baby", "(cake/pizza/pasta/ice-cream) is better than sex", "Mmm, asexualiTea tastes delicious", "sex? Nah thx", and "100% free of sexual attraction". End description.]

[just-graysexual]

Ace-spec pride!

[Image descriptions: pictures with ace flag colors and verious text: "my sexual preferance is eeeh, maybe?", "my sexual preferance is potentially eventually?", " mmm, (gray-/fray-/demi-/wtf-)sexualiTea tastes delicious", "amazing grayce", "Grayceful", and "demi diety". End description.]

[just-graysexual]

Ace-spec pride!

[Image descriptions: pictures with ace flag colors and verious text: "my sexual preferance is eeeh, maybe?", "my sexual preferance is potentially eventually?", " mmm, (gray-/fray-/demi-/wtf-)sexualiTea tastes delicious", "amazing grayce", "Grayceful", and "demi diety". End description.]

[just-graysexual]

Is it possible to make a relationship last with someone who has completely different interests than you? Like you have literally nothing in common, movies, music, hobbies... We couldn't be further apart.. But I really like this guy

Hi anon!

I am by no means a relationship expert, but I'd say it could work and depends more on how you work together. If you like listening to each other talk about stuff that you're not that personally interested in but the other one is, then that's something you can so together. If you find just one or two activities that you have common interest in, then you can do that together. Also, I think how you feel about eachother and your communication about your wants and needs are more important and that if you are able to spend time together and be comfortable together, then it should be fine.

Hope this helps!

- mod Riah

[just-graysexual]

So I've identified as asexual since middle school. But now in high school, everything's about sex and I'm okay with that. I never have wanted to do a sexual activity before. But is it okay to admire women while they dance? I learned how to dance as they do but all my friends got mad at me bc apparently "it's too sexual for an asexual guy" And I make dirty jokes all the time bc that's how I've been raised. But is it okay to not want to have sex with anyone even though everyone says I'm sexual?

Hi anon!

Appreciating dancing or the aesthetic of some women does not mean you are sexually attracted to them, which means yes you can still be ace! And making sexual jokes doesn't mean you're into sex, it's just fun and joking and lots of of aces are comfortable joking about it without experiencing sexual attraction, me included!

So basically, Yes, you're valid and still ace!

- mod Riah

[just-graysexual]

To the previous anon: I’m almost 40 and have never been in a relationship. It bothered me up until I first heard of asexuality. Now it’s usually liberating, though sometimes I wish for it. I think that’s ok, too.

Nice!

- mod Riah

[just-graysexual]

I have a question. I’ve considered myself graysexual for a while now but I have been told that sexual attraction feels like the feeling you get when your embarrassed and I’ve felt that every few months or so. I can look at a picture of someone that many people would consider sexually attractive and not feel anything, and then look again and feel attraction. Idk if what I’m feeling is sexual attraction or not because as far as I know I haven’t that about having sex with that person or anything.

Hi anon!

Feeling embarrassed or tingly from looking at someone can be other types of attraction as well, such as romantic, so it doesn't necessarily mean you experience sexual attraction. I'd recommend feeling for what types of things you'd actually want with the person you're looking at/near by when you get this feeling and considering if its sexual, romantic, platonic or something else. If it is sexual atttraction though then you sound quite like aceflux could fit. Aceflux is when it varies whether you experience sexual attraction or not, though mostly not or to a lesser degree than most.

Hope this helps!

- mod Riah