#actuallyspecialed

[whinyvents]

As someone who spent the entirety of my secondary school years in special ed, I am tired of not being able to relate to others on the topic of "universal" british secondary school experiences.

So in attempt to combat feeling left out, I have come up with my own list of quintessential secondary school experiences.

2009-2014 british special ed secondary school culture is:

Weekly spelling tests. Every year.

Teachers assuming we would all be too clueless to figure out that every staff computer password was literally set to "password".

Sex education not technically being abstinence only, but still lowkey encouraging it by primarily focusing on the negative consequences of engaging in sexual activity, such as STIs and unwanted pregnancy.

Strict uniform rules being easy to enforce when the total number of students was small enough for everyone to be noticed individually.

Feeling nervous (due to stigma) whenever someone you perceived as normal would ask you what school you went to.

Every student in the entire school having to appear on stage at least once for the Christmas production each year.

Missing out on the classic "you can achieve anything if you just work hard" speech. Some kids were even told that they would never achieve their dream jobs.

That one teacher (or teaching assistant) who openly disliked you.

Due to it being a male dominant environment, the most popular girls were usually "one of the guys".

Academic performance levels that would be considered failing grades in mainstream education actually being praised as high achievements when only slightly below average. (A personal example would be me getting a D in maths)

Those pencil packs with "100% Attendance" written on them being given as a reward at the end of each term to those who showed up every day. I would like to thank my strict mum for helping me win those pencils almost every term.

No PDA between couples allowed, not even hugging. (Although in my case they did eventually update this rule to allow holding hands as the exception)

A noticeable lack of sympathy from many teachers whenever someone had an emotional outburst in a situation that was actually distressing for them.

Years 7 and 8 still feeling like an extension of primary school.

The representation you lacked in fiction being made up for in documentaries your parents watched.

Everyone knowing everyone like they do in small villages.

Social skills classes taught with the implication that the objectively correct way to communicate is the neurotypical way.

Either getting pathologised for finding something difficult or told to stop making excuses. No in-between.

Those who were considered "high functioning" often trying to distance themselves from those who were more severely disabled. Despite not actually being very high functioning myself, I was still guilty of doing this multiple times and for that I am sorry.

[flyingpurplepizzaeater]

Ways To Love - Jason Webley

Do we have time to take a nap?/ The house is on fire, the sky is falling/ Baby get back/ Get back/ This is your mother calling

Shalott - Emilie Autumn

And it's raining/ And the stars are falling from the sky/ And the wind/ And the wind I know it's cold/ I've been waiting/ For the day I will surely die/ And it's here/ And it's here for I've been told/ That I'll die before I'm old

Social Skills - Naps

Generation propped up on pills/ We ain't got social skills/ I don't know what I'm supposed to feel/ We'll let them do what they will

Wired Wrong - Steam Powered Giraffe

Someday I might tire/ Having walked through these fires/ Because I am wired wrong/ Maybe someday we'll be/ In a place where we can see/ That we’re not wired wrong/ Our brains are all wired wrong/ But that's how it’s been all along

Seamstress - Dessa

And I came to write a letter/ But my pen was full of hymns/ I came to drown a sorrow/ It seems they've learned to swim/ Mouth full of pins and heart pumping gasoline/ It's late I'm still at the sewing machine/ Stitching up strays fifteen years/ But this one's mean

Happy - Marina and the Diamonds

I found what I'd been looking for in myself/ Found a life worth living for someone else/ Never thought that I could be, I could be/ Happy/ Happy

Shira E. Performing at the 2009 CLPP Conference

This is my voice/ It enters slow/ Would you have it traded in/ Cause it is not gold?/ Well I'd rather be bronze

The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out Of Denton - Laura Jane Grace

And that was how Cyrus got sent to the school where they told him he’d never be famous/ And this was why Jeff, in the letters he’d write to his friend, helped develop a plan to get even/ When you punish a person for dreaming his dream/ Don't expect him to thank or forgive you/ The best ever death metal band out of Denton/ Will in time both outpace and outlive you/ Hail Satan!

[defectivegembrain]

I don't think social skills ever taught me one (1) useful thing until I went to the good special school where it was more about life skills like cooking and cleaning and they just called it social skills for like, convenience or whatever

[flyingpurplepizzaeater]

special ed report gothic

- i seem to simultaneously be several different ages.

- we need to work on my skills, they say, for responding to classroom bullying. i am not being bullied. i am homeschooled. goal number two, they say, is to address my skills around bullying. goal number two is to exhibit job interview skills in a variety of social situations.

- on one page it says that i have recently learned to ride trains (i have known how to ride trains for a while) and am riding them to classes (i am not). a few pages later it states that i want to learn how to ride trains soon.

- there is a section on the goals i have for myself. several people who are not me worked together to write it.

- there is a list of things i need to change about myself if i want to accomplish my goals. it is thirty items long.

- apparently, i really enjoy the parts of my school day that involve working with lizards. i do not have any parts of my school day that involve working with lizards.

- an important goal is for me to think about what people are thinking in 80% of opportunities. how are they going to track this? i don’t know.

- my biggest success is when i stayed overnight at my grandparents house. i am seventeen. i have done actually impressive things. i would stay overnight at more places than my grandparents house if my parents would let me.

- apparently my socialization needs to be “enhanced”.

- i hang out with my friends, i join a team, i make money with my art. this is a success because it is me being “in the community”.

- i need to learn social skills. they will teach me social skills. social skills they will teach me include “time management”, “sports”, and taking psychiatric medication.

- i need to learn skills for getting a job and living independently. they will teach me the skills i need to know. the skills they will teach me are appropriate body language, appropriate conversation topics, and talking less.

- it says i struggle to maintain conversation topics. shortly after it says i struggle to change conversation topics.

- it says, in the same paragraph, that i don’t self monitor enough and i have too much anxiety and perfectionistic tendencies.

- things i need to do include “manner of dress”. i need to manner of dress. i need to have a manner of dress? i am visibly gay, and twitchy about this.

- i did not answer all of the dozens and dozens of personal questions i was asked. sometimes i took a while to answer a question. these things are problems, showing that i do not have good self advocacy skills. one time i asked people to turn down the fluorescent lights, showing i have good self advocacy skills. i have less anxiety now, but i need to work on my sensitivity to fluorescent lights.

- i was kicked out of school. the report states that i left because it was overwhelming.

- i still have nightmares about the one special school. the report states that i thrived there.

- i learn best using power points, which i have not used in years, and this one specific board game, which i have never played.

- i receive most of my education from special ed professionals. i receive special ed services less than 25% of the time.

- i am good at slap.

(dnr please)

[defectivegembrain]

[Image: a long thin orange rubbery tube with ridges curled up in a sort of circle. It is resting on top of a dark blue sleeping bag.]

This is for @walkinredinstead April Challenge day 3: stimming. The above image is my favourite stim toy. It’s on top of a sleeping bag because sometimes I like the feel of them so I was sitting with one, and it felt like a good place to rest it for the photo. This is technically called a “vibrating snake”, but I prefer not to call it that because I’m a bit scared of snakes. It’s from this website: http://www.specialneedstoys.com/uk/vibrating-snake-sensory-toy.html which yeah uses the phrase “special needs” and is mostly geared towards children, but my mum got it for me years ago and hey the toy itself is awesome.

The way I got this is that when I was in a special school for people with various disabilities, there was a really good occupational therapist. She was working with me to try and find ways to handle anxiety and sensory issues in class. So one day she came in with one of these and a weighted blanket for me to try. The weighted blanket was really good but this thing was amazing. I was allowed to use the school’s one for a while, but when my mum heard how much it helped me she went online and ordered one, which was especially good because there was a younger kid who also needed access to the school’s one.

This tube helps with the feelings sensory overload gives me in a more direct way than anything else. I often feel my sensory issues physically in my body, most strongly in my stomach. Like butterflies or knots or like there’s lightning or something in my stomach…just vaguely bad. When I wrap the tube around my waist and turn it on, the vibrating calms my stomach. Sometimes I can still feel the vibrations when I turn it off, and that’s soooo good. It even helps ease period pains!

[defectivegembrain]

I think we need to make #actuallyspecialed a thing. It's a tag, but literally the only thing in it currently is a playlist by @stimmyabby And as awesome as that playlist is, I think we could use the tag more, for current and former special ed kids, to talk about our bizarre and sometimes very sad experiences. Who's up for this?

[postspedstressdisorder]

[defectivegembrain]

so this is somewhat of a tangent but this stuff about school lunch in the us is making me think about something we had at special school. like a huge number of kids there had free lunches anyway, it was totally normal. but in sixth form one teacher started a lunch club. which was like, we would go into the food tech room and make our own lunch, clean up after. it was optional of course. but it was great.

a lot of my friends were being involved, so we were basically just hanging out making lunch together. we had help if we needed it, it got us to eat healthier and we were encouraged but never forced to try new things. which helped some of us autistics with restricted eating habits.

fuck I miss that. I miss the people I’ve lost touch with. I miss having that structure and safety and adult responsibilities being something I could just practice, not a thing I’m ashamed of not being able to handle.