God, ADHD is such a fucking trip- like trying to identify where your routine has broken down and figuring out why you can’t get anything done is like fucking detective work.
Like, I’ve really been struggling with my schoolwork this past week, because my perception of time’s been off and i can’t study at my apartment because distractions but i’ve been intending to go places and then BAM it’s eleven o’clock and I don’t know what’s going on, and it took me a few days to realize that the breakdown was literally that my phone battery life is garbage right now.
Like, I would get back from class in the morning and say ‘oh i’m going to go to the library’ but my battery would be low and i’d think ‘okay that needs to get charged’ but then have to do dishes and make food for lunch, and i keep recipes on my phone, and my only charger is in my room, and so i’d run down the battery and then have to charge it again and then get distracted again and end up getting nothing done thanks executive dysfunction- and yes, i recognize how ridiculous that probably sounds to someone with a normal brain.
But then I bought a little charger to go in my kitchen and that was a patch enough to solve my problem yesterday afternoon, and make me not feel like a completely useless idiot for not being able to do something.
It’s just kind of exhausting sometimes to realize the extent to which i have to build up these elaborate systems of checks and balances to ensure that i can function normally, i guess. You develop all these elaborate coping mechanisms and then one thing breaks down and it makes it painfully clear how much you struggle with basic things that other people can do easily.
I don’t know. I’ve lived with this brain my whole life, but it can be really frustrating to try and articulate this kind of stuff to people. Like, my exam today went well, but it could have gone better if i hadn’t had issues with getting things done earlier in the week all because i haven’t had time to go replace my stupid phone battery and because my dumb brain doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to.
