Self-Sabotage...
I wanted to… To like you To trust you To believe that you could care about me, that you’d be there if I needed you. I wanted to… But mama couldn’t do it Papa ain’t care Brother didn’t try If mother and father could forsake me, why wouldn’t you. I wanted to… Open my heart to you Show you the darkest depths of my soul The places where my demons hide The places where I weep inside I was scared to… Everyone else walked Everything I lost So many things I can’t do Cus’ see my burdens not easy and I’m not asking you to bare ‘em Maybe you would’ve volunteered, but I know after a while it would’ve became too much and you would’ve wanted out… cus’ you ain’t sign up for this… cus’ I ain’t sign up for this. I was afraid… I let you invade my fragile being Filling my ears with sweet everything’s that meant absolutely nothing… leaving a bitter taste in my mouth and an ache in my head. I was protecting you… For me you’d be settling Having never known love, I’m incapable of giving it, both to you and myself I’m broken Unfair of me to allow you to carry this weight with me I know you’re thinking… “She’s worth it” “I’m willing” But you’re looking at it through rose colored lenses, vision obscured by inaccurate filters and useless fillers… emotion outweighing logic, you’re not thinking straight. Might be worth the weight, but you shouldn’t have to. Wait. I wanted to… But I didn’t for you… • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • At least that’s the story I’ll tell myself and anyone who ask.
