𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐀𝐙𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ; 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐆𝐀𝐙𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 .
❝ Lord Aizen . Where … where do I even begin … ? [ … ] My very first encounter with him … was at the Academy . Though he was Captain of the Fifth at that time , he would oft act as our cohort's instructor ; and , as I'd learned from the gossip among the recruits … ALL IN THE SEIREITEI KNEW OF CAPTAIN AIZEN'S KINDNESS . And yet … even back then , in hindsight … he carried himself as a leader , as someone whose words carried a lot of weight . You missed your homework ? He knew . You had something on your mind ? He knew . And , any nefarious deeds ? He knew of those , too . I always had the impression that you didn't wanna mess with him ; he was the type of person that could confound your entire existence with mere words alone , without ever needing to draw his Zanpakutō .
[ … ] Admired by his comrades , and feared by his foes ------- yes , that's the type of man he was .
I … was a bashful girl back then ; a fledgling that had just embarked on her long journey to become a Shinigami . I would steal glances at him whenever I could , hoping he would never notice … but who am I kidding … ? He was well aware of them , I'm sure . And I'm sure that the other girls in my cohort did the same thing ; yet Captain Aizen never seemed to pay any mind to them . How do I know this … ? ------- Well ; I was the only one amongst our cohort to graduate into the Fifth Division . Which meant , he had noticed me , because it is entirely up to a Captain to hand-pick their recruits .
[ … ] I'd … like to think that it was my martial prowess during the Hollow attack on the Academy that ultimately impressed him . It wasn't enough to slay those Hollows , yes … but I was the only one that had chosen to fight .
Yet all of that … could never overshadow the doubts I held about the Thirteen Court Guard Squads ; I had to keep my head down . Rukon Rats were seen as an unwanted addition to an institution that had been created BY nobles FOR nobles . Yet Captain Aizen never , ever , treated me as less than . My zeal and fervour during the Ryoka attack came from my desire to do right by him . Yet I always knew something had been off … the use of the Sokyoku on a Kuchiki , Captain Aizen's mysterious “death” , the fact that nearly everyone had chosen to follow orders against their better judgment …
[ … ] So when I saw him , alive and well , I knew . I knew he had orchestrated this . I knew that the man I had fallen in love with … never even existed .
[ … ] the real him … ah , the real him … overshadowed the pitiful farce he'd been forced to uphold as Captain ; his conspiracy against the Court Guards was akin to holding a MIRROR to their faces , pointing out their hypocrisy ------ that they hide behind their laws in ARROGANCE . Their actions against Kuchiki Rukia were COMPLETELY devoid of empathy .
I knew , in that moment , that I could never truly love the Captain he pretended to be ; I could only ever love the man he would choose to become . For we are the same , he and I -------- we band together , by the bond we have as the ones that laugh in the face of fate , and the fickle order of this world , and the FALSE GOD that is enthroned in the sky .
… What will my dear old comrades think of me, once they see me on the battlefield … ? ------- No doubt , they'll accuse Lord Aizen of manipulating me . But did he , really … ? Or rather , is who I am now not , in fact , my true self , hidden beneath endless and endless flower petals … ? -------- The Hōgyoku can only ever draw out what's been inside one's self all along , after all .
Your gaze is a powerful one , Lord Aizen … your hands , even more so . [ … ] I only wish that I could be open with my affection for you … I'm no longer that bashful fledgling , nor are you the kind and sagely Captain .
But perhaps … it is not yet time . Perhaps … I am still a flame that has yet to burn white-hot , one that has yet to shine brighter than a thousand suns … what will it take for you to see me , to let me into your heart , to recognise that you are not alone , nor will you ever have to shoulder your burdens alone … ?