I was so pumped and excited to receive this original calligraphy work from our grandmaster tonight, at our year-end party. HINT: it was indeed the sentence ‘ichi go ichi-e’ that I came up with a few weeks ago. We had a great time during this last practice of the year, and yes, it feels good rolling with a hakama.
During the party, I talked with a few sempai and my instructor about my mae-ukemi issue, which is clearly my major problem right now. My instructor told my sempai that in a situation like this, where someone struggles on and on, it’s not this person’s problem, but everyone’s. It’s everybody’s job to make it work and fix it. If I keep failing at it, it’s because they’re not teaching me well enough.
I felt a bit overwhelmed and tried to argue (in my broken Japanese) that it cannot be only *their* fault. It’s 50/50. In my case, 90% of the problem comes from a deep set fear of dying that’s rooted in my reptilian brain and blocks me from tucking my head properly. They can show me, teach me, again and again: only when I’ll get over this will my body start relaxing and stop doing all those little things that send me sideway or turn me into a pancake.
But yeah, I was amazed by this idea that it’s a group effort to help and support each member. And that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed by my struggles.
Did I already tell you how much I love my dojo and everyone there?
Oh and yep, from now on, they’re going to become much much harder with me. No more slack allowed!