the sweetest life (and the loving is easy when you’re with me)
tumblr version:
rating: mature
tags: no warnings, mutual pining, lol slow burn? what slow burn?, I don’t know her, not actually unrequited love
Chapter Three: Strawberry Crème Brûlée p. 2
He had been hesitant to try it. Her strawberry creme brulee.
His appetite had yet to make an appearance and the truth was he was dreading her news, dreading to be told what he already knew to be true, that she was taken, and completely out of his reach.
Yet he couldn’t bear to disappoint her, not when she looked at him so eagerly, so expectantly. So he cracked the rose gold crust, the sound a crystal clear snap of sugar that whetted the appetite and reluctantly dipped his spoon in.
That first spoonful was ambrosia on his tongue. His reluctance to eat was never because he was fearful that it would be anything less than perfection, but even now he feels a fool for resisting something as delicious as this. The strawberry creme melted in the mouth, soft as velvet and sublime. The caramelized crust added a slight burnt bitterness needed to temper all the sweetness. One spoonful wasn't enough and Colin soon found himself devouring the entirety of his creme brulee.
He couldn’t explain it, but something about Penelope’s food comforted him. The way he felt when he ate something she created, it was a warmth that reached his very soul. Before, Colin would have brushed the thought away. He would have gone so far as to claim that eating anything delicious would elicit the same feeling. Now he knew the truth, it was Penelope. She infused so much of herself, of her joy, of her love, that her food was enough to make a person feel cherished and taken care of. With every spoonful of the strawberry creme, he was reminded that she made this for him and he felt so lucky.
Then she went and moaned, and Colin felt a punch of lust hit him fast and without mercy. Penelope’s sweet and innocent appreciation of her own creation had set his whole body aflame. He couldn’t help but imagine her making that sound again, only this time with him being the sole reason for the moan. Her breathy sigh as she finished her spoonful of the creme brulee had Colin hardening so fast, he felt dizzy with want. He glared at the dessert, nothing should elicit those sounds from her except for him. He should be on his knees, worshiping her as he drowned himself at the apex of her thighs. It should be him.
But it won't be.
She was already taken. He was too late, and it was agony. Everything he just imagined would be done by someone else. That fucking bastard would be the one on his knees, and his name would be the one she would shout out. The mere thought doused the fire within him faster than ice water. His fury had him gripping onto the counter. His rage directed at the man who had the audacity to come and grab his girl while he was gone. Yet however much he wanted to pummel him, the majority of his rage was inward. He was so wrong, to assume that nothing would change, that she would always be there waiting for him to come home. It wasn’t as if she was his wife, with a ring as proof that he would always come home to her. Of course she would live her life. Of course she would seek her happiness, for companionship, for love.
He was such a fool.
And now he was paying for it.
It wasn’t long before Penelope noticed that something was wrong and Colin thanked heaven and earth that she wasn’t privy to the mess going inside his head. She looked at him so sweetly, with so much concern in her eyes he felt himself go weak. His eyes closed in contentment with the mere brush of her hand on his forehead.
Why did he have to lose her? Why did he have to be so blind?
She questioned him, wanting the answers he didn’t even know how to share, but he didn't hesitate.
Something in him took over and all that came out is the most important question that would guide him in regards to how he should treat Penelope Featherington.
“Are you happy?” he asked, voice ragged with intensity. Colin’s eyes burned with the need to know exactly how she felt.
Whatever Penelope was expecting, it was obvious from her reaction that this was not it.
“What?!”
Colin closed his eyes briefly, gritting his teeth as he gathered the bravery necessary for this inquisition. He opened them and this time he used her grip on his hands to his advantage, bringing them up to rest against his chest. He wondered if she could feel how fast his heart was beating for her.
“Are you happy? With him? ”
The snarl that escaped him would have been embarrassing under normal circumstances but Colin was past caring about pretenses. This might be his one and only chance. Surely however long they'd been seeing each other wasn’t enough to build any foundation... right? And could a month or maybe two, really compare with years?
“Colin? You aren’t making any sense! Who are you talking about?”
Penelope gripped his hands tighter and his brow furrowed at the confusion swirling around in her vibrant blue eyes.
“I saw you with him, yesterday. I just wanted to surprise you, Pen.” Colin huffed as he thought about how that turned out.
“It wasn’t my intention to interrupt any moment, and I left pretty quickly…” seeing the hug had been hard enough, Colin didn’t want to imagine how he would have felt if he had stuck around and seen them kiss. “I just want to make sure that you’re happy Penelope. You deserve everything your heart desires.”
Colin was deathly afraid of her answer. Afraid to have to come to grips with the reality that he really had missed his chance. Yet for Penelope he would learn to deal with it. Her happiness mattered more to him than his.
-
It didn’t take long for Penelope to connect the dots, he obviously had come to the very wrong conclusion that Phillip was her boyfriend. Seeing as he was the only man to have entered her flat in the past few days, present company excluded. Phillip Crane as her boyfriend. A laughable concept, as if anyone could compare to Colin Bridgerton. He was it for her. He’d had a hold on her heart for so long she couldn't even remember the days when he didn't. Even when she had tried to date in the past, it had never gone past the first few dates. Every date had become a game of comparison. Not tall enough, not funny enough, too rude and too arrogant, the list was never ending and it was never fair. It wasn’t fair to the strangers who’s only real flaw was not being the man she was already in love with and it wasn’t fair to her to attempt to date when she hadn’t given up. She hadn’t allowed herself to kill the hope still flickering in her heart.
So she connected the dots, but it absolutely terrified her, to even attempt to understand why the knowledge of her having a boyfriend wrecked him so. Did she dare to infer that he was jealous? And if he was, was it because he felt he could lose a friend? Or something more? She didn’t know what to think, but she couldn’t let him go thinking for another second that she was dating another man. Not even to tease or torment him. Her heart rejected the thought of being tied to somebody else, even if it was only in his mind.
“Colin, there is no him. Not like that. He’s a friend, and I was letting him taste the sweets I was making for his girlfriend.”
Penelope figured it was a matter of time before he would find out the significance of who the girlfriend was, but Penelope was not about to break her vow of secrecy now.
Penelope gripped his hand tighter. She was scared-- so scared that this was about to blow up in her face but he had given her an opening and she was going to take it. Something inside of her urged her to be bold. He’d just said she deserved everything her heart desired and there had never been a greater desire in her heart than him.
Penelope took a deep breath and looked up at him, she tried to feel comfort in the knowledge that she could feel his heart thrumming in his chest. Surely that wasn’t insignificant. Be daring, be bold.
Oh Colin, please don’t break my heart.
“I couldn’t be bothered with a boyfriend…if it wasn’t you Colin.”
A watery chuckle escaped her. Her eyes threatened to well up with tears. There, I said it. There’s no going back now. Her whole body was strung up tight, the words just floating out there and it felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from her chest, now that she no longer had her longest secret hidden. Her anxiety had her spitting out more words to fill the silence.
“It’s always been you, and I’m sorry if this ruins our friendship but I-”
Colin’s lips were on hers before she could even finish her confession and everything else suddenly ceased to matter except for this moment.
Colin Bridgerton was kissing her.
Colin Bridgerton.
Was kissing.
Her.
His hands cupped her face so gently, leaving Penelope dazed. She felt warm, starting in the pit of her belly and spreading, as if his lips on hers were the switch to turning her body alive . She gasped when he nipped at her bottom lip before soothing the sting with his tongue and she moaned when he took that gasp as an invitation to taste her. She allowed herself to taste him back.
It was hard to believe it was real. That moment; it was everything Penelope had ever dreamed of, only better. Because even her imagination wasn’t good enough to imagine the feel of Colin’s slightly chapped lips against hers. She never knew that he would taste faintly of strawberries mixed with something that was uniquely him. She never imagined that he would move his hands from her face down, down, down to her waist. Slowly spreading a trail of fire wherever his fingertips touched. Penelope’s daydreaming was never this vivid, and never this maddening and when he finally moved his mouth to kiss her cheek, before finding the pulse at her throat, Penelope was already a bundle of nerves ready to explode. Her panting breaths the only sign that she was still breathing. Was she dreaming? Colin sucked at her pulse and Penelope’s knees went weak. Not that it mattered, Colin was there to hold her up.
This was better than anything Penelope had ever dreamed of, because it was real.
This was real.
-
Colin, there is no him.
I couldn’t be bothered with a boyfriend…if it wasn’t you.
It’s always been you.
Each sentence she’d uttered was a bomb bursting into the agonizing fantasy he had begun to build from the moment he walked in on that embrace, and shredding it to pieces. His heart lifted with every second that passed by, the dread that had clung so strongly to his very being, chased away by her declarations. Because that's exactly what they were, Colin wouldn’t pretend otherwise, for some unknown reason, the gods were smiling down at him, despite all his flaws and mistakes, they somehow deemed him worthy enough to be on the receiving end of Penelope Featherington’s love.
He would not waste it. This opportunity, handed to him on a silver platter.
If Penelope deemed him worthy enough to be the champion to carry her heart, he wasn’t going to be the one to let her down.
It was only when she began to mention nonsense about ruining friendships that Colin foolishly realized he had yet to say anything. Words were simply not enough. He had to have her, had to claim her as his.
He couldn’t let her finish, he couldn’t wait a second more. In fact it was rather remarkable that he’d waited this long. He had to taste her now.
So when he held her face in the palms of his hands, and he leaned down to reach her lips, he felt a sense of rightness so strong, he had to smile. His thumbs stroked her cheeks while he teased and licked her soft lips, finally getting the chance to bite at her lower lip the way he had imagined before. She gasped so beautifully and he finally got what he wanted. A taste. She was so sweet, the flavor of strawberry creme she had eaten not that long ago still present. If strawberries weren’t his favorite flavor before, they were now. She was perfect and he felt overwhelmed at the contentment spreading through his entire being. It was at this very moment that he realized that everything he thought he knew about kissing was a lie.What had always been a fun activity, a stepping stone to the next pleasurable act was never so compelling that it felt as if his soul was being branded as hers. He could kiss her forever, and he would still be completely captivated by every little move and sound Penelope made. Every gasp, every moan. It would never be enough, he would always want more.
When the pesky little thing called oxygen was needed for the both of them, Colin was reluctant to stop kissing her, so he moved from her lips to her cheek, a quick brush of his lips before he buried his face in the crook of her neck. He smiled to himself, pleased at how out of breath she was, at how closely pressed her body was to his. He missed hearing her little moans so he went back to sucking at her pulse point, holding onto her tighter as she tilted her head making it more accessible for him to continue. He didn’t know when Penelope had gotten her hands into his hair but all of a sudden he felt a small tug and his head snapped up from the hickey he was leaving behind. His eyes quickly connected with her piercingly blue ones, dilated with pure want.
A dopey smile spread across Colin’s face at the sight.
He’d done that. He had put that look upon her face. He was the reason her lips were swollen, he was the reason she was flushed and panting. Him.
“You are so fucking beautiful Pen.”
Colin leaned his head down so that his forehead could press against hers, simply breathing her in, letting them both calm down.
“You are so beautiful, and you are mine.”
He lifted his head and grabbed her chin with right hand, tilting her head up so that he could stare into her eyes again. He didn’t want a single misunderstanding to occur.
He wouldn’t lie to her, and tell her that he always knew it would be her. He didn’t. A few days ago, this very moment wouldn’t have even crossed his mind, but that was then and this was now.
He was different.
Awake.
Aware.
No pretty lies were needed.
“You, Penelope Featherington, are mine.”
Colin brushed his thumb against her still-swollen lips and grinned, pleased to be making his current declaration..
“And I am yours. All yours.”
Maybe it wasn’t love, but Colin already knew he was falling.
It was terrifying, it was exhilarating and best of all, it was real.
Penelope’s hopeful smile grew and grew, and she laughed, as tears of joy started running down her face.
the sweetest life (and the loving is easy when you’re with me)
tumblr version:
"It all started with an eclair. "
(Modern Polin AU) A mini series on how a couple of delectable desserts have the power to make Penelope Featherington's dreams come true.
rating: mature
tags: tooth rotting fluff, seriously so sweet it’s cavity inducing , it starts off sweet but we will be getting smutty in later chapters!
Chapter One: Mocha Eclairs
It all started with an eclair.
No wait, Penelope was getting ahead of herself.
It all started when she finally moved out of her mother’s home. The day when she realized that she was free from all the backhanded compliments, the nitpicking statements or worse, her mother’s “helpful” advice that wasn’t really helpful at all. Penelope loved her mother, she really did but Penelope would also be the first to admit that they had nothing in common and those differences often led to moments of extreme dislike and disappointment. But that daily torment was the past, now that she was in her own flat, and out of Portia’s critical eye, she was only privy to criticisms when she deemed it necessary to visit her mother, which to no one’s surprise, wasn’t often. And more importantly, living on her own - oh alright, with Eloise Bridgerton as her roommate of course - Penelope was finally free to indulge in one of her favorite secret hobbies. Baking.
When Penelope couldn’t write, she found that redirecting her brain power to learning the techniques and rules of baking, a satisfying distraction. (Self taught and with nothing but online tutorials, plenty of hands on attempts and several spectacular failures, Penelope felt a spark of excitement when, eventually, her creations didn’t turn out as complete disasters) . She still remembers the day her pastry attempt finally didn’t crumble or fall in on itself! When she had taken a bite and sighed with pleasure at how delectable it had turned out to be. To say she felt complete joy and satisfaction was a vast understatement. Her baking steadily improved and now she’s reached the point where sharing her creations with her favorite person was no longer unthinkable.
A flutter of butterflies erupted in her stomach and Penelope took a deep breath, trying to settle her nerves. Before her very eyes was her own take on a mocha eclair; lightly brown, oblong choux pastry filled with an espresso creme patisserie. It was topped with a dark chocolate mascarpone and simply decorated with chocolate shavings. It looked divine and it smelled heavenly and all the while Penelope’s heart was about ready to burst. She had only one person in mind while she was making these treats, the one person who was constantly in her thoughts.
Colin Bridgerton.
Colin, her best friend’s older brother who was also her friend...sort of. At least she considered him her friend and Penelope dearly wished he felt the same. Well, if she was honest, she would prefer it if he viewed her as more than just a friend, but Penelope had been Eloise’s friend since childhood and because of that she was, unfortunately, like another sister to him.
Penelope shook her head, her loose curls flying about as she attempted to redirect her thoughts from the depressing spiral of her unrequited love. Instead she focused on boxing up her beautiful chocolatey creations. She was after all, expected over at the Bridgertons’ for dinner.
What was unexpected, was the sound of the front door opening and Eloise clamoring her way in. Penelope tilted her head in confusion as she stepped out of her tiny kitchen and followed the sound to see El.
“Why are you here? I thought we were meeting up at your mum’s place?”
Her shouted question was met with silence. No response came from her best friend as she zipped her way to her room, mumbling something utterly incomprehensible.
“According to her, she needed something from her room quite urgently , and no it could not wait, so here we are. At least we can all head to mum’s together.”
A distinctive male voice answered her, startling her enough to make her flinch. Her stomach dropped and her heart began pounding double time, but not just because of the fright, no... even without turning just yet there was no way she could ever mistake his voice. So melodic and captivating as it was, Penelope merely lifted her hand to her heart, willing it to slow down as she turned around to face the man of her dreams.
“C-Colin, you startled me.”
She tried to laugh off her reaction, cursing the fact that his simple presence was enough to make her body go haywire.
A little crease on his forehead appeared as he frowned. “I’m sorry Pen, I didn’t mean to give you a scare.”
He scratched at the back of his head, a small smile making its way onto his face.
“I thought you would have seen me behind El.”
Whatever she was about to say next was interrupted by Colin sniffing the air and casually heading towards the kitchen. “Pen, what is that? It smells really good in here,” his voice got softer the further away from her he got and Penelope quickly chased after him, knowing better than to leave him alone with a box of sweets. Penelope knew the instant he noticed her eclairs. It was hard to describe how excited he was, but his whole being came alive at the sight of food.
“Where did you buy these? Can I try one?”
Instead of answering, Penelope booked it, managing to reach the box before he did. A little miracle as she zoomed past him before standing in front of her treats, using her own body as a barrier to keep the man with a black hole as a stomach away. If she hadn’t been so busy trying to catch her breath, she would have laughed at the astonished look on his face. Colin had clearly not been expecting her to react like that but it wasn’t long before his stunned expression morphed into one of humor, his eyes alight with fondness.
After a few deep breaths Penelope finally had the capacity to answer without wheezing,
“I didn’t buy these. I made them. Yes you may have one, but not now. I was going to bring them to dinner.”
Penelope nervously pushed back her loose curls behind her ear before continuing.
“I know you Colin, if you eat one now, you could be tempted to finish the whole box and that wouldn’t be fair to your brothers and sisters.” she teased.
He didn’t need to know that the reaction she was looking forward to the most was his. In fact, Penelope had gone to great lengths to hide how pathetically in love she was with the third Bridgerton brother. From the moment boys had stopped being icky to her, her heart had belonged to him. It wasn’t just that he was ridiculously handsome and charming. Or that he was constantly smiling and having a good laugh. It was the fact that deep down, he was so... kind . He included her when he didn’t need to and he listened whenever she found the strength to push her shyness aside for actual meaningful conversation. Colin more than any of the other Bridgerton siblings -with perhaps the exception of Eloise- made her feel like she belonged . A feeling that was hard to come by in her own family. To feel it with him was something she so deeply treasured.
What started off as a childhood crush simply grew with every new detail about him she collected through the years. A soft and simple affection that bloomed into a deep, unshakable love. Of course, with every year that passed, her love grew stronger; the heaviness of the unreciprocated feelings began to build up too. The pain settled in her heart, encasing it bit by bit. She learned to tolerate the pain because the alternative, to cast him out completely, was unbearable and impossible. She’d rather have him as a friend, if nothing else. For now that was enough.
“You made them?”
Colin perked up and he leaned in closer, his height giving him the advantage to look over her and peer at the box.
“I didn’t know you could bake! Why didn’t I know? I feel like that is information I would know.”
His furrowed brows and mumbling was so cute Penelope had to squeeze her hands into a tight fist to resist the urge to softly brush away the wrinkles on his forehead with her fingers. And oh how she wanted to lightly cup his face and stand on her tippy toes for a simple kiss on his lips.
She pushed those thoughts aside and instead she laughed, oddly pleased with his reaction, with the knowledge that he cared. Cared enough to be disgruntled that she had secrets.
Pushing at his chest so that he would back up, Penelope looked up and smirked.
“Bold of you to assume you know all my secrets, Bridgerton.”
-
A huff of shocked laughter escaped him; this was a new side of Penelope, and Colin couldn’t help but be a little awed by the sight of her. There was this new confidence about her, and he liked it.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had been surprised so many times in such a short amount of time. Since when did she bake well enough that her pastries looked like they were ordered fresh from a bakery? Since when was she fast enough to be on one side of the flat one moment and a second later right in front of him? Since when did she know how to smirk?
Nevermind that she was still adorably flushed, her bright blue eyes brimming with mischief as they met directly with his gaze. He was soon distracted by her deep red curls flying loose around her face. An unnamed feeling spread through him as he looked at her and he shifted his stance, backing away a little and letting her hand drop from his chest.
He was a little dismayed at the sudden urge he felt to get closer and wrap his arms around Penelope’s soft curves. To personally push her curls behind her ears before tilting her head and - stop. Stop. Where did that thought even come from? Trying his best not to think about where his mind was venturing to, Colin instead took Penelope’s full body defense of her treats as a challenge. God knows what was taking Eloise so long, but he would take advantage of this time to charm his way to a snack. The smell in the kitchen was absolutely mouthwatering and he couldn’t imagine Penelope not excelling at whatever she put her mind to, so he was positive in the knowledge that those eclairs would be delicious.
Throwing away any shame, Colin Bridgerton immediately clasped his hands together in a praying motion. He widened his green eyes pleadingly before setting his mouth into a perfectly formed pout.
“Oh come on Pen, please? Just one. I’m hungry.”
Penelope was not impressed, her single brow rising was enough to inform him of this.
“Colin you are always hungry! The sky is blue, water is wet and Colin Bridgerton has a black hole for a stomach.” She uttered dryly.
Colin pressed his hand over his heart dramatically as he gasped.
“Penelope! What a barb!”
Her resulting giggle was music to his ears, but he still had not given up on his endeavor. If regular pouting wasn’t enough, he would have to try something a little more drastic, but he was committed to this now.
-
Penelope’s mouth dropped open as soon as Colin went down to his knees, once again his hands clasped together, this time with him shaking them back and forth as he whined.
“Pen have mercy on me, your friend, who is so hungry and only wants to try your food. Please Pen. Please.”
Stunned, Penelope takes a few seconds before covering her face with her hands and bursting into laughter.
“Oh my god. Colin! Stand up! You are so bloody ridiculous, I can’t believe you just did that!”
She leaned forward and offered him her hand, still laughing, but she was shocked when he didn’t immediately reach out.
“I’m not getting up until you let me have an eclair, Pen.” He grumbled.
Rolling her eyes she giggled as she agreed to his demands. The fact that she had been able to resist him this long was enough of a victory for her. A few weeks ago the pouty face would have been enough for her to cave.
“Oh alright, yes! I’ll let you have one. Now get up.”
She helped pull him up, not really needing to do much since he was strong and agile enough that he didn’t really need her support. But it meant a lot to her that he still accepted her help, for she would always freely offer it. And if a spark went through her at the mere brush of their hands, and a tingling sensation followed as he gripped her tightly, well she would keep pretending like it was nothing. Even though it was everything.
After ensuring that they’d washed their hands, she pulled out a paper plate for him. Penelope then carefully opened the box and pulled out a single mocha eclair. She watched as his green eyes gleamed with pure want, and for a second she was insanely jealous over the fact that he would never have that expression on his face as he looked at her. She snapped out of it though, getting jealous over a pastry was a new low. Even for her.
Penelope held her breath, her stomach tangled up in knots as she waited for his verdict. Trying her best not to let her eyes linger on his mouth too much, she watched as Colin took his first bite of her mocha eclair. The one she’d made especially for him, with all the love and care she never had the bravery to share aloud. She almost looked away, something about seeing him eat a treat she made with her own hands felt a little too intimate, but his moan of appreciation had her unable to tear her eyes away from his face.
His expression… it was bliss. Green eyes widening before closing as he took in the flavors she incorporated for him, that heady mix of chocolate and coffee.
Penelope could only blush as her heart beat a tad bit faster and a beaming smile made its way onto her face as he took another hearty bite.
“That good, huh?” She said cheekily, feeling confident in the face of him devouring the sweet instead of, say, spitting it out politely.
“Inf oh ‘ood”
His mouth, still stuffed, made his response sound like pure nonsense but the approval was unmistakable. Penelope wrinkled her nose a bit at him attempting to speak with his mouth full but even that lapse in manners was utterly endearing.
Damn him .
She was so caught up in her joy that he liked it that she almost missed him reaching out for another one as soon as he had taken his last bite. Penelope’s eyes widened in alarm and she reached out for her box of eclairs.
“No! Nope! Colin the agreement was one eclair! I did not make this whole box for you! I did, in fact, make them with the intention of sharing with your whole family!”
She stepped out of his reach, protecting the rest of the pastries from his never ending appetite.
“Pen,” Colin whined, his eyes staring longingly at the box.
“You can’t just let me try one of the greatest eclairs I’ve ever had in my life and expect me to only be content with one!”
He reached for the box again, single-minded in his attempt to satiate his craving for another bite. The fact that Penelope had made it still had him in awe. When he had taken his first bite, the urge to groan had been practically overwhelming. It was like ambrosia, an explosion of flavor, the bitterness of the coffee followed by the sweetness of the chocolate and creme. He was distraught when he had opened his eyes to realize that he had devoured his whole eclair. He needed more.
Penelope turned her back on him, cradling the box and using her own body as a shield, shaking her head back and forth all the while. Another huff of laughter escaped him, she was so cute, protecting the sweets for his family. A noble endeavor indeed but he was much taller and the wall she made was nothing compared to his height. He stepped forward, his chest to her back, his arms wrapping around hers, Penelope stiffened in his pseudo embrace but Colin didn't notice as he finally had the box in his hands. Just in time too, as Penelope let go and twisted her way out of his arms.
“That’s not fair! Using the fact that you’re a giant against me is rude.”
Penelope was amazed that her voice wasn't shaking considering her heart was threatening to beat out of her chest. What was that? She had been so close to melting into his embrace, the urge to lean back against his chest and breathe in his scent had been so strong. How dare he do this? Didn’t he know she was only so strong? The fact that she could still feel him around her was enough to drive her insane.
“It’s not my fault you are so tiny, Pen.”
Colin grinned as looked down at the box, lifting the cover and mentally counting how many were left, “Come on Pen, there’s enough -” his sentence was cut short when Penelope grabbed the box from his hands unexpectedly and bolted to the other side of the counter, leaving him standing there in utter shock.
“Again? When did you get so fast? I swear I only blinked!” Twice now she had exhibited an alarming sense of speed.
“You guys are cute.”
Both Colin and Penelope are startled when a husky voice enters the conversation. They had completely forgotten about Eloise being in the flat with them. Caught up in the impromptu tug of war over the eclairs. They looked over at Eloise’s grinning face. Neither one of them sure they liked the twinkling light in her expressive brown eyes.
“I was here for a solid ten minutes enjoying the show, but mum’s waiting for us so let's get a move on.”
Eloise then grabbed the box from Penelope’s hands and headed towards the door.
“Let's make haste people!”
-
It didn’t take long after that dinner for Colin Bridgerton to become a frequent guest in Penelope’s kitchen. What started off as simple requests for his favorite treats quickly became an insistence on her part that he was to be her sous chef and help her clean up. Not that it was ever a chore, but if she was to dedicate so much of her time to feeding him, it couldn't be for free. His time was more than enough of a payment for her and every dessert she made was a labor of love. It was liberating in a way, to channel all her feelings into the dough and creams and treats. She was no longer bottling it all up, no longer letting it stew and fester and morph into agony.
And it was indescribable, the joy she felt to see Colin enjoy her food so earnestly. To see his hearty appetite satisfied by her own creations. Penelope felt like she was high in the clouds, he was always texting her new recipes they could make together or locations of different bakeries they could try. She never expected any of this, the fact that their friendship would grow into something deeper. Of course she still yearned for them to be more, and she constantly had to remind herself to not make a big deal out of normal platonic affectionate gestures. She was content for now, to have him at her side.
It all started with an eclair…
But it all escalated with a strawberry crème brûlée.
the sweetest life (and the loving is easy when you’re with me)
tumblr version:
rating: mature
tags: no warnings, mutual pining, idiots in love, jealousy, colin my dramatic king, penelope is confused
Chapter Two: Strawberry Crème Brûlée p. 1
For the first time in his life, Colin Bridgerton wasn’t hungry.
Nevermind that he had invited himself over to Eloise’s and Penelope’s flat with the singular intent of sneaking in some sweets made by his favorite homebaker. All of that was swept aside, his gigantic appetite becoming non-existent at the sight displayed in front of him.
The easy upturn of his lips, a smile famous for charming all the women in his life, quickly vanished. The glimmer of mischievousness in his eyes dimmed, the words he had prepared to announce his arrival got caught in his throat; because who the hell was that man towering over Penelope in the kitchen? Why was this stranger whispering so close to her? And why was she giggling? At the sweet sound of her laughter Colin inexplicably felt a mad rush of... frustration. The urge to go and physically separate the two was overwhelming and he almost took another step inside the tiny kitchen when what happened next made his stomach drop.
The prat, after taking a spoonful of whatever it was in front of them, moaned and smiled brightly at Penelope before leaning down for a hug. Worse still, Penelope with her eyes alight with joy, happily reciprocated the embrace and wrapped her arms around him.
Colin couldn’t even begin to understand all the tumultuous feelings inside him at the sight. All he had were questions upon questions running through his mind. Who was he? How long has this been going on? Since when did she bake for someone else? Colin shook his head as if the simple act would brush away all the unanswered questions cluttering his mind.
When he had decided on his last minute trip to Greece over two months ago, he never imagined he’d be coming home to this. Since his friendship with Penelope deepened, he found that his attention to his phone increased dramatically. What simply started off as links for recipes, became chats where they talked about anything and everything. That's when he knew that Penelope Featherington wasn’t just his family friend. She was his best friend. So why, during all the countless chats they shared while he was away, did she never mention the fact that she was dating?
As much as he wanted to get to the bottom of all his queries, the thought of walking in and having to witness the apparently happy couple up close, made him physically ill. He just knew he couldn’t act as if all was well. Colin was struggling to come up with reasons as to why this new information didn’t bring him happiness for his friend. If anyone deserved to be in a loving relationship it was Penelope. He knew that. So why did the mere thought of her being in one make his jaw clench?
It was a small comfort that his arrival wasn’t expected. To the entirety of his family he was still in Iceland, he had made the last minute decision to cut his trip two weeks short, and instead of alerting them, Colin had been giddy at the thought of surprising them all. It had been a spur of the moment decision to drop by Eloise and Penelope’s first, before settling in the room set up for him at his mum’s place. Next time however, he’d be sure to give a heads up. He couldn’t bear to go through this again. To come unannounced and heaven forbid, see them in a more compromising position. Just the thought of it felt like someone suckerpunched him in the gut. Colin simply and quietly turned around and walked away.
“Penelope you are a genius!”
Phillip Crane moaned as the blackberry cream melted on his tongue. He finished his spoonful of the delicious filling the lovely redhead was making before continuing his praise.
“Eloise is going to love this. I can’t even begin to thank you enough for helping me out.”
Though he was never one to initiate grand displays of physical affection, Phillip couldn’t help but reach out and hug Penelope with the utmost gratitude. Her help in his grand plan to convince Eloise that it was time to declare their relationship to their respective families was invaluable. He wanted her to meet his older brother and he wanted to finally get to know the alphabet personally. He knew that without Penelope’s support, his ideas would have never manifested as grandly as they did. That, and she had already agreed to watch his twins overnight while he wooed Eloise on a weekend getaway. If anyone needed proof that Penelope was on her way to sainthood, they only needed to learn that she volunteered to take care of his little hellions. Thank god for angels on earth.
“All you have to do is make sure my best friend is happy,”
Penelope disengages from the hug and takes a step back, making sure to look up into his eyes. The seriousness of her following words could not be ignored. She may be tiny, but the protective love she held for Eloise shrouded Penelope with unmistakable power. She could be a threat if the need arose.
“Because if she’s miserable, or heaven forbid hurt, I will personally ensure that you will be too.”
Penelope’s voice maintained its sweet inflection, while her blue eyes turned into an icy glare. Phillip gulped before nodding solemnly.
“She’s the most magnificent woman I've ever met. If I'm the fool who makes her miserable, I deserve whatever torment you deem appropriate.”
The ice in her demeanor melted as Penelope swooned on behalf of her friend. She patted Phillip on the chest in approval before focusing on the various ingredients before her. She had planned to make Eloise’s favorite fruit tarts but with a twist.
“I’m glad we are in agreement! Now back to the sweets. I can recreate this cream for the tarts, all I need is more berries and those edible flowers you were talking about earlier! You will have to be in charge of dinner, I can bake but cooking still eludes me.”
Penelope herself was more than happy to help Phillip in his quest of making his relationship with her best friend public knowledge. He had been smart enough to realize early on in his relationship with Eloise that Penelope’s opinion was of the utmost importance. So he tried to be friendly, even when his stoic demeanor could often be misconstrued as snobbish elitism. Penelope was keen enough to know there had to be something about him that held Eloise’s attention. In the end, they ended up bonding over literature, -though Eloise loved to tease that it was a miracle he read anything outside of his botanical interests- and gardening. Phillip soon began to gift Penelope with the excess fruit and herbs he grew in his own little greenhouse so she could turn them into magical bites of perfection.
Sworn to secrecy, Penelope never hinted or uttered a word of his existence to the other Bridgertons and in the end, the only beings who knew of this relationship were his twins and herself. Penelope was excited for the secret to be out! It was alarming how often she found herself wanting to share the news. She wanted to join in on the inevitable teasing, she was eager to brag about the fact that she knew this secret before any of Bridgertons, and she was ready for someone to complain alongside her about how sickenly sweet they were with one another. She often imagined Colin being quick to tease or annoy Eloise about it... and just like that, Penelope felt her heart ache. As thoughts of Colin were known to do.
She missed him. It was alarming how much she missed him. He's been gone before so she really had no excuse to act as if this were new, but then again, before the eclair incident she had never spent so much uninterrupted time with him. He had spoiled her with his singular attention. They still texted each other almost every day but it wasn’t the same. She had gotten used to his physical presence. The way he towered over her, often helping her get things off the top shelf. The way he would sing her a song as he cleaned the dirty dishes and she would try and harmonize with him as she dried them. She also missed his chaotic energy in her kitchen, even when it could annoy her at times. The way she would need to slap his hands away to prevent him from dipping his finger in the raw batter or when she would have to take away the bag of chocolate chips to ensure there were enough for the cookies she planned to bake. He could never stay still but it was always such fun and there was always a delicious snack at the end of the night as a reward for all their hard work. He might never love her the way she loves him, but she had gotten greedy, soaking up all the moments he freely gave her and now she was going through withdrawals. Oh Colin, how am I ever going to get over you? Do I even want to?
After ensuring everything was going as planned, and shaking thoughts of Colin out of her mind, Penelope shooed Phillip out. Eloise was soon to return and she didn’t want the surprise to be spoiled. Penelope baking alone is no longer an odd sight, but if Eloise came home to her boyfriend being there unexpectedly, she would stop at nothing to get the whole truth.
A single beep from her phone alerted Penelope to an incoming message. Her heart picked up in pace as her anticipation rose. It's been a few days since she’s heard from Colin. The longest bout of silence since he left two months ago. Penelope took a deep breath before swiping the lockscreen away. Immediately her shoulders drooped, and she tried to temper her disappointment when she noticed that the message was from her baby sister.
Felicity: hey pen, the love of your life came back early!
Felicity: it was a shock to the whole fam, hyacinth even canceled our movie night! something about blue gifts or whatever.
Felicity: anyways, just thought you should know 😇
The initial joy at the news of his early return was quickly marred with the confusion over the total silence on his end. Did she do something to upset him? Or maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. She really needed to stop expecting him to update her on his personal matters as if she was his girlfriend. It wasn’t fair to put those expectations on him, and it wasn’t fair that she kept disappointing herself because of her daydreams.
Penelope ignored her phone, not giving Felicity the satisfaction of adamantly protesting her feelings when they both knew she was not off the mark. Instead she pulled out a recipe she had been eyeing for weeks now. She had been waiting for Colin to come back before attempting to make it. Only she would spice it up and make it with strawberries. She knew that he had a fondness for them and she wanted this treat to be special, to be more than the usual standard.
Strawberry Crème Brûléé
She was tempted to reach out to him and ask him if he wanted to join her while she baked it, but she thought better of it. Surely the trip back home must have been exhausting and whatever energy he did have, must have been depleted after a dinner with his family, a boisterous lot that they were.
Looking over the recipe, Penelope noticed that it called for the creme brulee to chill overnight. She smiled as this offered the perfect solution, tonight she would bake the night away and keep her mind busy, and tomorrow she would invite him over and hope that she was simply imagining any weirdness she felt over the sudden silence. Grinning to herself, Penelope nodded decisively and set out to make a delicious strawberry compote.
-
Colin woke up moody, frustrated and tired.
Sleep evaded him all night; he had been plagued with nightmarish situations, each one of him of losing his best friend, of losing Pen. The more he thought about it, the more it terrified him. Penelope having a boyfriend meant that those late night baking sessions would come to an end, the constant trips to other bakeries would not be as frequent, and while Colin was sure that Penelope wasn’t the type to shun her friends in favor of her relationship, Colin wasn’t sure he could stomach the thought of being around her while she was kissing someone else. When she should be kissing me.
Colin paled as the thought crossed his mind, a thought that should not exist when Penelope was only a friend. Just a friend, friends don’t think about kissing their beautiful friends.
Although now he couldn’t stop thinking about how plump her lips were, especially after nervously biting them while she waited for his verdict on her sweets. He wondered if they were as soft as they looked? He would have to lean down to reach them but he could already imagine himself holding her closer, pressing himself against her soft plump curves and cupping her face. Lightly biting her bottom lip before using his own tongue to soothe the sting. He wondered if she would simply gasp and let him use that to his advantage, or if she would bite him back, Penelope was unpredictable afterall, he would never know what to expect from her...
Colin groaned as pure lust slammed into him the more he thought about Penelope. He laid back in shock over how quick his mind was, to turn against him like that, but it was like a pandora’s box. Now that it was open, things would never be the same. Colin couldn’t help but look back and notice all the little things about her that made her shine. The way her eyes crinkled when she smiled, and how when she blushed it was obvious for the world to see on her normally milky skin. The way she would be the first to share her food and would always offer encouraging words when needed. Colin thought of her laugh, and how loud and contagious it was, or how her bottom lip would tremble as she tried not to cry when she accidentally burnt or cut herself. All these moments rushed through his head and it killed him that someone else was learning these things about her right this very second.
Yes, her voluptuous figure, tiny stature and dark red curls were attractive on their own, but paired with her intelligent blue eyes, witty humor and overall sweetness, it was no wonder she was taken. It was a miracle it hadn’t happened sooner! How could he have been so blind? If he had never gone on his most recent trip, would he have been able to stop it from happening?
A subtle buzzing on the bedside table alerted him to his incoming messages. He blindly reached out, not even bothering to use any excess energy when all he wanted to do was waste away in bed. It’s what he was good at apparently, wasting time.
His heart began to accelerate when he noticed that it was Penelope.
Pen: a little birdy told me that you are back home.
Pen: welcome back 🥳
Pen: i was going to text you later in the day but I have something exciting to share with you!
Pen: knowing you, you’ve probably already had breakfast by now, or you're about to! come to my place right after! see you soon.
Colin could feel the cold brittle fingers of dread latch on to him. Weighing him down and chilling him to the bone. He had just come to the startling realization that he kind of, sort of liked his friend as more than just a friend and she was going to tell him all about her new relationship. Any fleeting hunger he might have felt was chased away by the churning in his stomach. And even though a large part of him wanted to make up an excuse, any excuse to get out of this sure to be painful encounter, avoiding Penelope Featherington after having spent so much time integrating his life with hers, would be like wishing it never rained in London, absolutely impossible. Taking a deep breath, Colin finally got up out of bed and went about preparing for what he was sure to be, the worst day of his life.
-
As soon as Penelope received a text from Colin, letting her know that he was on his way, Penelope pulled out two of the chilled ramekins from her fridge. She also pulled out the homemade whipped cream she had made last night, a couple of fresh strawberries and the turbinado sugar. She was quick with the knife and sliced up all the strawberries, ridding herself of the green tops and setting the rest aside once finished. She had gone all out and gotten herself a kitchen torch for the sole purpose of making that crunchy top layer that made creme brulees so fun to eat.
She was excited to have Colin try it. She had originally intended to call him over later in the day but then remembered she’d be taking care of the twins. Seeing as she didn’t want to have to explain that, Penelope figured it was best to call him now, she was just glad that he hadn’t made any morning plans already.
When Colin finally walked into her kitchen making use of the spare key, it only took a split-second to realize that something was off with him. Penelope used a kitchen towel to pat her hands dry before walking towards him. She tried to catch his gaze, but it seemed as if he was looking around for someone. Her head tilted slightly in confusion, Penelope wondered who he could possibly be looking for, surely he was aware that on Saturday mornings Eloise had brunch with his mum and sisters?
There was something downtrodden about him and the urge to comfort him came at her so fast, she was unable to resist. She didn’t really want to resist anyways. Opening her arms wide she pulled him into a hug, pleasantly surprised when he returned her embrace with gusto.
“It’s so good to see you! Am I being silly if I admit that I missed you?”
Penelope murmured into his chest. He was so damn tall, she wondered if he even caught what she was saying.
-
“Well I missed you too, so we can just be silly together.”
Colin had meant for that to come out in an upbeat, charming reply, but his body had a mind of its own, and instead he simply squeezed her tighter, he dipped his head close to hers and he softly admitted that she was no more silly than he. In fact he could have gone on to admit that he was more than silly, he was a damn fool for letting her get away, for not realizing that the feelings he had for her were more than just platonic. He wasn’t sure if it was love, but he knew that it could grow to be, it was all a moot point now, he wouldn’t even get the chance. So he held on, he breathed in her sugary sweet scent and wished that he could stay like this forever. Colin didn’t want to let go. How was he supposed to let go? In the end, he didn’t have to force himself to, she had pulled herself away.
-
As much as she would have loved to stay in his arms forever, the knowledge that something was wrong made her want to help him in whatever way she could. The way he clung to her let her know that whatever was ailing him was really serious. And she wanted to enjoy it, she wanted to close her eyes and melt in his embrace. But she felt guilty, deriving pleasure from his pain felt wrong. Knowing that food could at least partially help, Penelope withdrew from the hug and looked up at him, smiling at him softly as she tugged him closer to her counter.
“I made you something! When I found out you were back I just knew I needed to welcome you back home with style.”
“Pen, you didn’t have to do that.”
Colin rubbed the back of his neck, and Penelope wondered if the slight flush on his cheeks was him blushing or if she was just imagining things.
Penelope let go of Colin to make her way to her ramekins. She quickly and with minimal mess, poured two spoonfuls of the brown sugar on the top of the strawberry custard before spreading it around, covering the light pink creme from view.
“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to,”
She grabbed the kitchen torch and turned it on, giggling at Colin’s alarmed reaction and wary eyes.
“Plus, I really really really wanted to use this today.”
She directed the open flame on the sugar and giddily watched as the sugar melted and browned, turning itself into the perfect crust to crack. She felt the moment Colin stepped into her bubble, the way he was looking over her shoulder was a move he’d done in the past and she’s proud she no longer jumped or startled when he invaded her space. Her heart still races, but at least her body no longer expresses her shock at him being so close. In fact, Penelope was proud her hand was still steady. No accidental burnings yet. When the first creme brulee was finished she breathed a sigh of relief before swiftly moving to the second, finishing that one too. Once both were done, she turned off the torch and grabbed the whipped cream, adding a generous spoonful on each, before finishing with the strawberries as a garnish.
“Ta da! A strawberry creme brulee. This is an experimental recipe so please be honest in your feedback. I think you’ll like it. I promise, no artificially flavored strawberries are found in this creme brulee!”
Penelope pushed his dessert closer to him as he had moved himself to the left of her during her explanation. She offered him a spoon and then grabbed hers. She wasn’t going to bite into it just yet, she was dying to see his reaction.
She watched as he cracked the top layer with his spoon, a satisfying snap resounding in the kitchen. He gave her a brief smile before dipping his spoon further in to capture some of the creme. Penelope flushed when she noticed his tongue lick around the spoon, not willing to miss a single bite. She just stood there, a little dazed as he dug in after that initial spoonful. She finally got ahold of herself and beamed at the way he devoured it. She managed to bite into her own and softly moaned when the velvety smooth creme melted on her tongue, the caramelized top adding the perfect crunchy texture to every bite. She had truly outdone herself.
So caught up in her own taste testing, Penelope never realized that Colin had turned stiff at the sound of her moans. She couldn’t have known that such a little innocent sound had triggered a tsunami of misconceptions and angst. No, she didn’t know anything about the regrets swirling around Colin’s brain at the moment. She did, however, notice that he was leaning heavily on the counter, gripping the edges so tightly his knuckles appeared ghostly white.
“Colin what’s wrong? Are you feeling sick? You look a little pale…”
Penelope set her own dish down and quickly closed the small distance between them. She stood on her tiptoes so she could reach his forehead, he felt a little warm but nothing out of the ordinary. She cupped his face, wanting to get to the bottom of what was wrong.
“Colin look at me, please tell me. What happened? Did my food make you sick? Do you need to lie down?.”
Penelope lets go of his face to reach for his hands, she gently pulls his hands away from the counter, clasping them with her own. She holds them and squeezes softly, quietly letting him know that he can depend on her. She looks up at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something, anything.
-
How could he begin to explain everything that was wrong?
It was a small comfort that he didn’t have to meet her significant other, but just knowing that moments like these, where he can stand over her shoulder and just see her doing something she loves would be an activity she would share with someone else. Someone else would get to hear her make those little moans, someone else would get to make them happen in a different setting. How does he tell her that it's killing something inside him to know that it won’t be him? How does he begin to explain that he feels this possessive urge to steal her away and never let her out of his sight? He doesn’t even know where to start. He’s not even really sure that he should.
Before he can wave her worries away, before he can reassure her that her food would never make him sick, before he could pretend like he was just feeling off. Something in him takes over and all that comes out is the most important question that will guide him in regards to how he should treat Penelope Featherington.
“Are you happy?” is all that comes out, ragged in its intensity. Colin’s eyes burning with the need to know exactly how she felt.
Whatever Penelope was expecting, it was obvious from her reaction that this was not it.
“What?!”
Colin closed his eyes briefly, gritting his teeth as he gathered the bravery necessary for this inquisition. He opened them and this time he used her grip on his hands to his advantage, bringing them up to rest against his chest. He wondered if she could feel how fast his heart was beating for her.
The night was cold, the rain continued to fall without stopping outside the icy window. Ben could feel the frostiness of it against the hand that was brushing it. He stirred sleepily, shifting his body towards the warm heat that radiated beside him and away from the coldness biting at his back. He adjusted the arm that Ellie’s head rested upon, surprised it hadn’t fallen asleep yet, but knowing it will in another few hours. Not wanting to disturb her sleep, he settled in; ready to fall back into unconsciousness, the high heat of her body keeping him warm.
It was too warm. Unnaturally warm. He quickly raised his head and stiffened, listening. He could just barely make out the sound of her breathing over the rainstorm outside.
It was deep, and she was shivering in the cold, knees curled up to her chest, but her body was so warm. He realized her blankets were all over the place; she must have kicked them off sometime during the night, her forehead was pressed against the cold metal of the bed stand. He brought his free hand around and felt her cheek. It was burning hot.
At the contact of his cold fingers on her warm skin, Ellie breathed loudly and shifted her head, searching for something colder to press against to.
“Ellie? Ellie, wake up.” Ben whispered, moving her head to face him. Ellie groaned, sluggishly switched to her other side and buried her head in his chest. “Ellie, wake up.”
She groaned again, raising her head to look at him. The top of her head hit his chin and she exhaled, her breath hot on his face.
“You alright?” Ben asked, once again feeling her face with his hand. It was flushed and warm; there was a light sheen of sweat on her face, even though he was practically freezing his backside off.
She was most certainly not alright, that was obvious. Ellie shifted onto her back rather deliriously and ran her hands over her face. She was still shivering and breathing heavily, but she kicked the last of the blankets away from her body, grabbing his hand and pressing it to her forehead.
“Ben, I think I’m sick,” she whispered, eyes closed, flipping his hand over to the cooler side.
“No kidding. It’s freezing and you don’t even want the blankets.” He said, covering her with one of the discarded blankets.
“I’m really cold.”
“I know, you’re shaking.” He added another blanket, the placed the comforter over her and tucked in one side.
“No,” Ellie quickly moved the mass of blankets away, “It’s too hot.”
“You just said you were cold! Which one’s it going to be?”
“I’m too hot now.”
“Oh, great!”
“Hey, you can deal with your nightmares all alone, or you can help me get better.” Ellie snapped, tossing his hand away and flipping over to the other side to press her head to the cold wall. “I don’t feel so good right now” she added in a whisper.
Ben thought it over. Of course there wasn’t really anything to think about; he really needed Ellie to keep the nightmares away. She must really be sick to pull the nightmares card on him. She wasn’t usually this irritable. All Ben could do now was swallow whatever retort he was about to say and replace it with something else.
“Ok I’m sorry, is there anything you want?”
He heard her smack her lips. “Water.” She said, turning her head to face him. “I need some water.”
“Water, OK, where do I get water?” Ben asked, looking around her darkened room for a glass of water.
“It’s in the kitchen silly,” Ellie said rather weakly. She sighed and pulled a red blanket over her shivering form. “You have to go get it.”
“Um Ell, you might be forgetting that your parents don’t know I’m here, and that I might get caught getting you your water-“
“Oh come on Benedict, please? I really need water!” Ellie said, her voice turning hoarse. “Please.”
“Fine,” Ben said, climbing out of the warm covers. The coldness of the air raised goose bumps on his skin before he managed to pull his sweater on. He crossed the dark room to the locked door, and looked back at Ellie. She was watching him, a smile on her face as she took in his nervous expression. He swore if her face hadn’t been so flushed and if he hadn’t felt her fever himself, he would think that it was just a plan to embarrass him or get them caught. But he was just as important to her as she was to him so that idea was completely irrational.
Still, he couldn’t help but feel just a touch of nervousness. “You sure you need that-“
“Yes, Benedict, I really need that water.” Ellie said, her voice ringing with a sort of authoritative finality. He sighed, slowly and quietly opened the door, and slipped out.
“He’d better not get caught.” Ellie sighed to herself, turned the pillow over to the cooler side and buried her face in it with a hoarse groan.
