[fic] meeting strangers: a home is a house with good people
[10k, G, no trigger warnings] set in 1995 - Starting over is never easy. When Alex Dancy moves from Russia to London for academic studies on a scholarship, she has a hard time finding her place - quite literally.
Read on AO3.
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It's hard to believe that after five years I have finally finished a second english chapter for my beloved somewhat-adjacent-Criminal Minds-comfort-fic-of-12+years Spiegelbilder. This is your sign to believe in miracles. This time, we get a little glimpse in the backstory of Alex Dancy.
Big shoutout to @sheeplessthings for her continuous support of this story throughout the years and to @chyrstis for being the BEST enabler over the past few weeks and before. <3
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Snippet under the cut. Link to the edit. Link to the masterpost. Please yell at the author, it will make them very happy. <3
1995
Twenty minutes.
That’s how long Thomas had said it would take her to get to the farm once she’d reach the outskirts of London. Maybe thirty since she was no local and didn’t know the way. Thirty-five after sunset. Max.
It took Alex almost two hours.
Two hours full of detours, turns, detours from detours and from turns, muddy sideways she wasn’t sure her car would be able to handle without getting stuck - and being stuck in the mud in the dark in the rain in a territory she didn’t know was the last thing she needed on top of everything else right now - two hours and three times she cursed fuck it and almost gave up, and tons and tons and tons of rain, until she finally, maybe, hopefully, naively dared to think she might have reached the address Thomas had given her earlier that day.
The one for the fucking twenty minute-ride.
If it wasn’t the right address after all, she would just sleep in the car right where she was and fuck off with sunrise from where ever she had ended up on, because the past two hours had definitely come to an end right now. But she had eventually crossed an old red post box on a wooden post at a small crossing a mile ago, which Thomas had said she should look for and then turn left, so maybe this was the place he’d given her after all? Anyways, it didn’t really matter, since she wasn’t willing to drive a single additional mile tonight.
These past twenty minutes fit perfectly in with the three months prior and once more made her regret coming here at all. What an absolute clusterfuck of decision had driven her here, madness with no reason, as if life hadn’t been bad enough before that. So far, it had been nothing more than self-inflicted torture 2000 kilometers away from home, with no way to go back.
Chess nights were a lot of different things on different days, but mainly they were as much an abstract concept as they were a promise. The first because more often than not they simply did not happen, getting delayed, postponed or altogether canceled due to work, or work, or life. And even if they weren’t, that work and work and life didn’t just cease to exist and hovered above at least one of them to some annoyingly present extent. But they were just as much a promise for one another to try to push that aside as much as possible and to keep it out for as much or little time they were given or could defend for the sake of their own sanity.
Chess nights were holy moments of blissful indulgence, ignoring the real life background noise constantly buzzing in their heads like a really nasty tinnitus, saying right here, right now, for as long as we get - this is it. This is important. I am. You are. In all of this, we’re here. We’re alive. We matter, too, you do, and I.
Chess nights carried a lot of weight in that sense, and quite frankly sometimes it was just about drinking all that noise away.
Alex cracked an awry grin when Dave opened the door at twenty past eleven. “We can pretend it’s still eight, right?” There was a stubborn ease in her voice that went astray, as well as a certain extent of despair and annoyance she was too tired to cover up.
Their long planned Friday night date had first gotten postponed twice over the past weeks due to the day job and then delayed another day on short notice through the night job so that the few extra hours this night should really carry no extra weight whatsoever - but by now, Alex was, well, not necessarily complaining, but really close to being seriously flustered. She had been looking forward to this, as a treat, and needing it. But now the outlook of a few relaxed hours of mindless fun were already overshadowed by counting minutes until her next day shift at the club was about to begin.
“Long day, huh?”, Dave greeted her with a kiss on the cheek as usual, being met with a grumpy “More like a long month” while Alex followed him inside. Given it was June the third, Dave didn’t need to do any math to be able to tell exactly what kind of day it had been.
“Do you-“
She cut him before he could even come close to finish his question. “I have done enough talking for the day. All I want is to stick to our plan and have a careless eight to twelve.” A quick rumble through her backpack and she pulled out a cheap bottle of wine. “I did pick that up on the way here but I’ll drink whatever you provide.”
He took the bottle from her with a mixture of bewildered amusement and open pity. “Appreciated, but I think we can do better than that. When do you need to leave?”
Alex groaned. “Don’t make me think about leaving when I barely arrived.”
“I’m just organizing.”
A quick flustered snort. “Yah, fine. Ten, maybe ten thirty if I’m being really ignorant.”
“So more like nine thirty.”
“I don’t wanna leave at nine thirty” she objected, but got shushed by Dave.
“Ten is fine, so is nine, and until then do turn off your phone and that pretty head of yours and just trust me to keep the schedule for you, okay?”
Exhaustion got the better of her and made her shoot back impulsively. “Dave, we don’t have time to argue-“
This time, Dave cut her more determined. “Okay okay okay, hold on for a second. It might be eleven instead of eight but that doesn’t mean we ain’t got time and need to rush, right?”
Alex stared at him for a moment but was met with a far more relaxed pair of eyes staring back at her with that incredible even temper she both valued and that amazed her so much about him, and another inquiring “Right?”
Even if she wanted to win the stare down, she wouldn’t win it tonight - and quite frankly, she didn’t want to either.
“Right”, she said, letting out a long sigh. “Fine. I know. It’s just really-“
“Been a month”, Dave finished for her. “Understood. And that’s one more reason to take a breath and unwind. Can’t rush through that, can we?”
“Guess not.”
“You’re here to take a breather, not to cross off a to-do list. So undress and make yourself a home, and I’ll go get something to drink.”
Alex rolled her eyes with a defeated grin. “Yes, Sir.”
No word was spoken on the car ride. No How was the flight? No How is the dog? No I’m happy you’re home. The only moment that broke the intense tension between them was when they were stuck in the traffic jam for ten minutes and Dave grabbed Alex hand that lay on his thigh the whole ride home and gently squeezed it. It was a glimpse of everything they didn’t say, a short, tender affirmation that - gosh! - he had missed her so much and that he loved her so much and that his heart almost didn’t know what to do with all the feelings right now if they weren’t so horribly horny
It was like all the missing each other, all the endless night calls and heart ache and just moving on erupted in a way they both knew how to deal with better than with words and emotions.
Dave’s short gesture sent a warm wave through Alex’ stomach and made her smile. Her brain wasn’t in the mood for a lot of thinking right now, but damnit, she was home.
A moment later that smile became a full grin when Dave lay his hand on her upper thigh, just close enough, returning the favor she was doing him all ride long already. Close enough to send an almost painful pulsation through her vagina. Close enough to make her move just a little closer to his hand, unsure if she would stop to beg him - now or later - or if she could keep up being the driving force. Just a hint of her pelvis’ movement, a tie between teasing and begging and she saw Dave’s grin about it. His hand moved just an inch farther down between her legs, a gentle squeeze, friendly, innocuous,
but damn
Her breath became just a little harder.
No word was spoken getting home, getting inside, rustling keys, too tight jeans, too tight to get out smoothly and fast enough once the door behind them closed, too tight to
fuck her she should be a dress type of girl but she wasn’t
Putting on the condom was almost enough to do him, and when she slung her legs around his hips a moment later, sitting on the chest of drawers in the entrance, drawing him close with all her being, close enough to-
f u c k
Only then both were able to breathe again.
It was like something fell off of them, big and heavy and ugly, something only closeness could mend, heads off, skin on skin on fabric on no-one-cared-
Dave’s face was buried in the curve of her neck, the smell of airplanes almost covering up hers - almost, but he hadn’t forgotten how she smelled or felt and
fuck him
It didn’t take long for both of them to come, moments of erratic thrusting, short cut fingernails buried deep in the back of the other, painful pulsating that was more of held back emotional longing than physical desire, followed by long minutes of just sitting there, entangled, two bodies melted into one, the peak of adrenaline and desire slowly fading, making space for everything it had kept in check so far.
Alex’ eyes were closed, her head resting against the side of Dave’s, arms and legs slung around him like she was drowning.
“Don’t let go”, she whispered, hoarse, afraid that ending this embrace, ending this moment would have her wake up in that bed in rehab all alone again.
Dave’s grip just got a bit tighter, hugging her just a little bit more, if that was even possible.
Was incredibly lucky to work with the wonderful @frecklef0x once again and she just nailed it! Look at these two dorks! *.* I am beyond happy with this wonderful picture, thank you dear!!!
Had some fun tonight doing Arcane style portraits with this maker after seeing it done by @swaps55 crew. (Thanks so much for linking it, it was a great way to spend the evening!)
The Spiegelbilder main cast:
Alex Dancy
David Rossi
Mitchum ‘Tonks’ Schneider
‘Vick’ Praise Karly Huff
Yuri Volkov
Tagging because I really wanna see your folks in case you got faceclaims: you! Everyone who wanna play! @sheeplessthings @chyrstis @foofygoldfish @hunnybadgerv @theoriginalladya @amistrio @shadoedseptmbr @jedirangerpenguin @jediwalkerw
@sheeplessthings here’s part one of that scene that just crossed my mind.
Setting: Alex just told Tonks that she’ll take a termporary job offer at the West Coast after her relationship with Fred went down really bad and it’s been a couple of months now and she kinda needs a change of scenery. He... does no approve.
You - what?
Marten thinks it’s a good idea and honestly I-
Marten thinks? So what, you just stopped thinking on your own now?
What? No! Honestly the thought of just getting away for some time-
Yeah, because that’s what you do, right? Running away.
What?
Yeah, isn’t that what you told me? London, Piter, and now us? You just go when things get rough?
Alex face became a mirror of the lack of comprehension and hurt.
What do you-
She hadn’t told him about her past so that he could twist things and use them against her. What had driven her away of Piter and London were no way comparable with where she was now. And she didn’t plan to just pack her stuff and go. It was barely ten months what was planned, and it was still the same fucking country.
Tonks saw things quite differently, though.
You barely moved into your flat. You didn’t even give it a chance to get better, like, it’s fucking normal to hurt after a relationship ended.
Don’t fucking dare to talk about my relationship, Alex spit, a cold shiver running down her back.
She wasn’t going BECAUSE of Frederick. She was going… for herself. She wasn’t running away. She was taking a break and she -
She was taking back agency. She didn’t need Tonks permission. And after all, it was just ten months and just a couple of hours away.
You’re not being very fair, she just said shortly.
You’re leaving. You think that’s fair?
I’m not leaving. It’s only ten months.
For any oc you want: How does their behavior change when they’re in love/have a crush on somebody? Does their behavior change at all? Is it subtle or noticable? Do their crush and others maybe notice? How long does it take for them to realize they’re in love with another person? And any other question you’d like to add to that :D (I hope this hasn't been asked before, but either way I'm interested 👀)
Oh. That is such a good and very very hard question! Lets go for Alex, Tonks and Vick, shall we? (And Dave at the end as a bonus.)
Those three idiots have one thing in common: they are emotional dumpster fires. While they are strong, independent and self-confident people in general, they are awkward, they are insecure and they belive they personally are very big misadventurers when it comes to love. To be honest, all three have had bad luck in the past relationship-wise, but yeah, they pretty much settled with that mindset-wise. When they are in a settled relationship with A Good Person (TM) (which eventually they all do), that changes drastically. All three get much more relaxed, even if with all of them the basic insecurity never completely goes away. They share a good bit of tragic past, which influences how they are and how they react around people and things like being vulnerable because being in love.
In detail under the cut. It was very entertaining answering these, thank you! Be prepared, this got REALLY long. Like 2.5k long. xD
How does their behavior change when they’re in love/have a crush on somebody? Does their behavior change at all? Is it subtle or noticable? Do their crush and others maybe notice? How long does it take for them to realize they’re in love with another person?
"So, we're fucking, right? Not? Oh, you mean...? Ah. No. Yah. No. Thanks, but no. No."
While Alex has been in love before, mostly she is just good at settling with people and making arrangements. She has had a crush or two, meaningless and not acted upon in any way, in general she isn’t someone who easily falls in love or fast develops crushes on people.
She was always living in communal spaces/around many people, she just really hates being alone. Or, it isn’t really that she hates it, but she is so used to live with people until her mid twenties, that she doesn’t really feel comfortable living alone. In Russia she was living in communal institutions with many room mates, in London she was living in a somewhat hippie-esque farm with like ten people, among them her girlfriend. When she moves to the States, things are drastically different, because people are so independent and used to live alone or with just one room mate or a partner. For Alex that is new and she doesn’t really like it. So when she meets Frederick, they just settle with each other. Was it ever real love? One can argue about that. Alex doesn’t really need to be in love with someone to be in a relationship. She was in love (or so she thinks) with Caren in London. But when she falls for Dave, that’s kinda a new experience, because it is pure and innocent, and damn, she does not know what to do with it. She’s good at fucking and being together without real deep feelings, but having real deep feelings? After all, that’s something she is rather inexperienced with. And it makes her insecure, and she is pretty much like
*growls* “Fuck it, no, thanks, no.”
Alex is pretty much like Tonks: she does not WANT to be in love. She’s afraid to be in love, maybe. She has screwed it before, she will screw it again, and that’s bad, so really, she does not want to be in love - and yet, good God, she craves that shit so much. But unlike Tonks, who gets bitchy, she just tries to push it aside and be and act as normal as possible. Those stupid ass feelings? They can go to hell. She hasn’t asked for them. There’s no need to act on things that won’t happen, right?There’s also no need to talk about things that won’t happen. Nor need to think about it. Right??
If you don't know Alex very well, you will not notice anything. That woman guards her vulnerability better than most, and because for quite some time she is convinced that she and Dave won’t be romantically involved anyways, why act on it? For those few who know her well though, like Murph or Tonks, though? She is such an open book.They notice almost immediately, and God, they tease her from day one.It’s mostly whenever Dave is around (at club parties, for example) or whenever they talk about their respective partners or relationships in general or Dave in specific - that stare? That lost in thoughts stare she has, especially when she looks in his direction? A total tell. Sometimes even a teeny tiny smile on her lips. And a very annoyed reaction when being teased about it.
When they are in a committed relationship eventually, both she and Dave are very independent but also very intense. Like, when they are together somewhere for a reason and one does not know that they are together, one would not guess it, because they don’t cling at each other or act couple-y. But when the situation allows it, they might fit in some small moments of intimacy every now and then. They are very physical persons together, they like to touch and kiss and be close. They don’t NEED to, but they LIKE to. So depending on the context, you can see them snuggled up, or at least exchange small acts of intimacy.
As for the how long does it take them to realizes they are in love? Hm. With Caren and Fred it was pretty much a jump start, more of a “I decide to be with this person” rather than a “am I in love with them?”. With Dave, maybe it was lowkey love at first sight, at least it was attraction and interest on first sight, followed by about 10 or 12 years of pure friendship. When they randomly start to hook up and be friends-with-benefits, there is a lot of feelings involved from day one because of that decade of close friendship. Both self-reflect enough to know that there’s no no-strings-attached situation even though both say so, but both are stupid enough to not say it out loud. So they realize it soon (after those 10 or 12 years, lol), but don’t act upon it for a while. And later they start to question, hey, something has been there all the years long.So on the one hand they are pretty quick to realize that the whole no-strings-attached is fake as fuck, and on the other hand they take forever. You could also argue they just wait for the right time.
"In love? Me? Excuse me? No?!? I don't know? M a y b e? And I hate it thanks for asking??" *is grumpy about it*
That's basically Tonks, when he falls in love. He doesn't want to. Love is great, right, in theory, for other people, but has he ever been lucky with it? No. So why should he even try? What is it good for other than just getting disappointed again? So when he realizes he has those ugly bugs in his stomach when he sees Garcia, first thing he does is he gets mad and grumpy. He is fine without being in love or in a relationship, he doesn’t want those stupid ass butterflies. He will act like Mittelfingermittwoch for weeks at the club, being such a dramatic bitch, until Alex has enough and tells him to stop that bullshit.
Lets take a look on his romantic background first. I rather see him on the aro-spectrum. He has had something like a little relationship-like thing here and there, because that’s what you do, right?, but nothing ever lasted (I wonder why... >.>). He always felt like it was him, there must be something wrong with him, it’s his fault, he just can’t give what his partner needs etc. When in reality, he had just not met the person who was compatible with him.
With Alex, the short relationshipy thing they had, was intense and definitely a lot of love involved, but not really on a romantic/relationship level. Love on a deeply personal level but somewhat unfortunate. Maybe they didn’t work because they both craved things very deeply but it just wasn’t the same what they need. And Tonks was at the same time just not interested in relationships in general, because he had fucked them all up before, but also deeply missing something which made him look out for people and then fall for André (which also didn’t work out in the end).
But with Garcia? Garcia is a different kind of person. She definitely is queer, and has a lot of understanding for all different kinds of queers. She knows concepts like aro/ace and all. And while she might never completely understand Tonks, because she’s on some other spectrum, it’s no issue for being with him. They pretty much vibe, on a very free, unlimited, unrestricted way. He can be himself around her, with all the difficulties and things he doesn’t understand, and he can even be insecure around her. They very much share a same level of neediness resp. un-neediness, they are no 24/7 people and they very well work on that level. They are independent and not clingy and don’t need to be around each other all the time, and still feel loved and connected. They’re kinda like kids on the playground. They never move in with each other and sometimes only occasionally see each other and maybe that’s why they work so well.
When Tonks is in love with Garcia, he does smile a lot more. I mean, he is loud and he laughs a lot in general, but when he’s in love or whatever that is, you can see him just smile a little often. He’s just... happy. And when he is really happy, you will notice it. Low-key, but it’s there and noticable.
*nervous laughter* *a lot of lip biting*
So, Vick is young. She has not have had a lot of time yet for crushes or love or relationships. And while I do think she does think she was in love with Bobby, that troubled ex-bf of hers, until she meets her future husband she has no idea about what being in love is.
There’s a big difference between having a crush and being in love for Vick.
The only real crush she has is Tonks, and that is very unfortunate, because she knows it’s stupid and just a crush and will never be reality and she likes Tonks as a person close to her, not just as a distant crush, but she can’t help it and just switch the button or something. Tonks is someone Vick simply adores. When she first saw him she was a bit like oh damn, and then when she gets to know him she just totally idealizes him. She has the complete embarrassing crush starter pack: she blushes, she gets nervous, she giggles, she stutters, she gets really, really dumb - and she hates all of that. Everyone reacts very gentle, just ignoring it and no one ever teases her about it (teasing each other among adult friends is one thing, but teasing a minor as an adult is a total no-go). A tiny bit of that crush just stays with her forever, but she learns to live with it.
When Vick meets her future husband though around the age of 20 (did I already give him a name???), she realizes relatively quickly that he’s more than a crush. What she feels towards him feels... grown up. It feels a lot like what she sees with Alex&Dave, and that’s what she wants. Something solid, stable, good. And future husband is such a person. That’s why she is quickly sure that future husband is the person she wants to spend her life with. She gets married very early, beginning of her 20s, and just goes all in. But she also early on is very open about him with Alex and also with Dave. She is insecure, but she also does not want to be insecure, and Alex&Dave build her up and encourage her. She is not at all the nervous little wrack around future husband, unlike with Tonks, but as soon as she realizes that it’s mutual and good, she relaxes around him.
And as a bonus because you asked for Dave:
Okay okay I had another gif, one of his gentle quiet smiles, but seriously? This so much sums up that guy. He is Laid. Back.
He is definitely the most “normal” one in this group, and damn, he is not an inch of a dumpsterfire. That man has had it all, and he is VERY chill about life. He is also stupid, considering he saw the elephant in the room with Alex and never said anything before Alex had her moment of totally drunk tell him to stop fucking around. But besides that, he is chill.
He’s not really the crush kind of guy, never was. He falls for someone, or he enters an affair with a clear mind because he wants to, but he doesn’t have crushes, never had, never will. He will flirt (and meet wives number 4) as a sport, he’s Italian. But other than that...
He probably gets even more attentive and caring when in love (though the older he gets the lessego-trippin and the more caring for those around he becoms in general). Like stated above he’s a very physical guy, he likes contact, he likes small acts of intimacy when appropriate, but can be totally cool if necessary without problems. He’s just the kind of “sit down, make yourself comfortable, and let me do everything”-type. He will move mountains if necessary, and do whatever his partner asks for.
At the same time, see perfectly fine fitting gif, he has seen it all, been there done that, and is so relaxed. Why ARE we doing all the work? As in: of course relationships need work, but they don’t need rules set by anyone not involved in the relationship. It’s valentine’s day but you’re tired from work? Screw going for fancy dinner and just watch movies in PJs. Especially with Alex who has never had the dream romance before and sometimes does feel like “this or that just belongs to being in a relationship and we should do that” he is too chill for that and is like “sit down, relax, and tell me what YOU want, not what you think one should want”. He’s like screw that, we make our own rules.
So while an outside would probably not notice who Alex’ SO is when in a group, an outsider would most likely notice who Dave’s SO is. But again, it’s context dependent, they go “undercover” at work for months before someone notices/before they open up, but have no problems being open at the club.
~ ~ ~
And I realize I don’t really answer your actual questions here but rather ramble, and this post got REALLY long and I should go to bed. :D Thank you for asking and good night!
