#alexsean

[alltimefanfiction]

Spin The Bottle.

[the-quasar-literata]

Banshee saving his boyfriend :3

[xmenfcfanfic]

Author: inkhead

Pairing: Alex Summer/ Sean Cassidy

Rating: R

Genre: Romance

Length: Long (~6,189)

Summary: In which Alex goes to visit Sean at his new apartment.

[alexcassidy-blog]

Special best buds Ch. 1 - Havok/Banshee

(Can also be read at AO3)

Special best buds First of two chapters. Author: Alex Pairing: Alex Summers/Sean Cassidy Rating: T/M Summary: Post-movie. Charles' spending time on his office all day, Hank is in the lab. Sean and Alex are alone most of the days. And sometimes they do stuff that friends normally wouldn't do, and their feelings both confuse them.

It hadn't really been long since Cuba. Three weeks to be exact, actually. Charles hadn't started up the school yet, so there was just the four of them in the huge mansion at the moment. Charles, Hank, Sean and Alex. The school was probably going open for students in a month or two, depending how Charles is doing. He was spending most of his time on his office, sorting through papers and notes Hank had written for him. Notes such as, coordination’s for mutants that discovered in the Cerebro and where they are now and what their abilities are. But honestly, how long could that take to sort through? God knows what he was doing. And Hank was spending most of his time in the lab, he was still not used to his blue fur. He didn't like it much, but he said that he’s trying to be positive after all. ‘Mutant and proud’, as Raven had told him before disappearing with Erik. Ergo, Sean and Alex spent their time with each other, since Charles and Hank was both busy during the days. Sure it’s a huge mansion, but there wasn't much to do really. So Alex and Sean spent their time in different ways. Maybe in ways friends normally wouldn’t.

It was cloudy and humid outside, finally after six days of soaking sun. Sean sat on the ground outside the mansion, back towards the cold brick wall, taking a smoke. He was wearing a green t-shirt and beige shorts that ends just above the knees. He was also wearing sunglasses, even if it wasn’t sunny outside. It was - as told - cloudy, but a weird light occurred. Like the sun was trying to push itself through the clouds. The light was killing him and gave him a slight headache, so he had to use them. He was barefoot, his converse stood beside him. It wasn’t really warm outside, but it was moisture so garment after garment came off his pale, freckly body. He sighed and pulled his hand through his red hair. It was insanely boring, there was literally nothing to do besides training and just… sitting. And he had trained enough for this week, in his opinion. Alex, on other hand, trains every day. He’s running, lifting weights, kills mannequins here and there and does small exercises like push-ups and sit-ups. Sean spent his time with watching him train, or wait for his training to finish so they could kill some time together.

Sean and Alex are best friends, but their relationship is kind of special. They both deny it though. The rush of warmth running through Sean when Alex is taking his shirt off during his training, or the way Alex’s heart rushes when Sean licks the tip of the bottle before drinking. That isn’t really a best friend’s reaction, isn’t it?

Sean raised his eyebrows and tipped his head forward to look above his sunglasses. He lowered his cigarette and exhaled a small cloud of smoke. He looked over the lawn and saw Alex walking towards him. He raised his free hand and waved, Alex did the same and started jogging. When he reached Sean he lied down on the grass in front of him. “Dude you’re all sweaty” Sean said and poked him in his side with his toe. Alex laughed and nodded, he breathed heavily after his training. “You’re smoking again?” he asked and looked up. Sean leaned his head back towards the brick wall, took a puff of his cigarette and exhaled. “I sure do”, he replied. “I have nothing better to do.” Alex put his arm over his eyes and sighed loudly. “Your sunglasses are ridiculous.” he said with a laugh. He reached out his free hand and wiggled a finger back and forth. “Can I have some of that?” Sean shrugged and handed him the cigarette. “You shouldn’t smoke after training, douche.” Sean said with a smile. “Shut up.” Alex replied and took a few puffs. Sean leaned forward towards him and reached out for the cigarette. “Dude you’re gonna finish the whole thing, gimme that.” He said and tried to grab the cigarette. Alex laughed and rolled on his side with his back towards Sean. “If you want it, you better grab it”, Alex stood up and raised his hand with the cigarette in the air. Sean could reach it easily, but he didn’t want to make it that simple. Instead he stepped back, crossed his arms and smirked. He opened his mouth, and Alex raised his hand with his palm out towards him. “Whoa there boy, no screaming – that’s cheating.” “Fine.” Sean said with a shrug, took his sunglasses off, tossed them on the ground and tackled Alex to the ground instead. The cigarette fell to the ground and was put out, but none of the boys cared about it. They rolled around in the grass and down a little hill. They stopped in a sudden, Sean on top of Alex, laughing and panting. “Fuck you”, Sean said with a laugh and pulled his shirt. “Also this is sweaty and disgusting. You should do something about it.” “Should I take it off?” “No. Don’t you dare move; I’m having it nice like this.” Sean said and put his head on Alex’s chest and closed his eyes. Almost out reflex Alex started playing with Sean’s hair. Like it was natural for him. He could feel Sean’s breath, and Sean could hear Alex’s heartbeat. Yeah, it was nice like this. They were both quiet for around ten minutes, then Sean decided to break the silence. “What time is it?” “I have no idea.” Alex replied, still playing with Sean’s ginger locks. “When I quit training it was five or something. And when I got to you I think it was five thirty.” “So around dinner time then.” “I guess.” “Are you hungry?” “No.” “Then let’s go inside. You gotta eat something anyway, you’ve been training all day. Come.” Sean stood up and reached his hand out for Alex to grab it, and pulled him up. “You have grass fucking everywhere dude.” “Whatever.” Alex shrugged, but didn’t say no when Sean began to brush it off. Alex lifted his hand and pulled some grass out of Sean’s hair, with a grin on their faces they started to walk back into the mansion.

They ate together with Charles and Hank, and everyone went separate ways again after eating and after the plates had been cleaned. Hank didn’t return to his lab, he went straight to his bedroom with the words ‘I’m going to bed early tonight’. Charles went to his room too, and Alex and Sean was left alone. As usual, no big deal. They didn’t say much when they walked towards the common room with the little TV and started to zap through the few channels. But when nothing good was on, they just put on some kind of radio show with politics debate. No one really watched the TV, but they both sat in the couch, both with their backs leaned against the armrest. They started playing with their feet, kicking and tickling each other with their toes. They laughed and their feet moved faster. Alex threw himself on top of Sean and they both fell to the floor, laughing and rolling around like little boys. “You think you can beat me huh?!” Alex panted and grabbed Sean’s arm, bended it to the side. Sean snorted and rolled around so he was on top of Alex instead. “Yes I do”, he said with an evil smirk. Their wrestling almost got out of hand, but the boys laughed and continued. Sean pushed Alex a bit too hard and he fell into the table, it fell over and the flowerpot that stood on top of it fell to the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces. Charles must have heard, because he entered both their minds and asked them what was going on. “We uh, the flowerpot fell over, prof.” Sean replied out loud, holding back a laugh. “Sorry professor”, Alex said and smacked his hand over his mouth, it was hard trying not to laugh at the situation. “Well clean it up then, and you boys should go to bed. It’s getting late”, Charles said and they felt how he disappeared out of their minds. The boys burst out in a laughter and picked up piece after piece. “Yes, dad”, Sean said sarcastically. He turned to Alex and bit his lower lip. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? I’m sorry dude, I didn’t mean to push you that hard.” “No it’s okay”, Alex said and smiled at him. “It was just a bump, the flowerpot took way much more damage than I. We’re mutants after all.” The boys cleaned the shattered pieces up and put the table back in place, and they never really stopped laughing. They turned the TV off and left the room with their arms around each other’s shoulders. “Are you tired?” Sean asked and looked at Alex. “Yeah. I think I’m going to bed, you?” “Yeah me too. See you tomorrow then?” “See you tomorrow.” Alex was right about to walk to the other direction, but Sean grabbed his arm and pulled him close in a hug. Alex didn’t hesitate, and he hugged him back. Not really knowing what was going on, but it felt good. It felt… natural, somehow. “I’m sorry about the bump. Really dude I’m so fucking sorry.” Sean said when they broke apart, scratching his neck nervously. Alex bumped his shoulder and smirked. “Dude, don’t worry. It didn’t hurt, okay? Go to bed now and I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.” “Good night.”

Sean and Alex walked different to directions, but they were still on the same floor. But their rooms were pretty far away from each other’s. When Sean got into his room, he closed the door and leaned towards it with a deep sigh. Suddenly all those anxious feelings bubbled inside him and he slid with his back against the door, down to the floor. There he sat, knees up to his chin, pulling his hair. “Ugh what the fuck”, he whispered, tears burning in his eyes. What the fuck is going on? His relationship with Alex is not a normal teenager’s best bros-relationship. It’s something else, but what the fuck is it? Just what?! Sean cussed again and hit his head towards the door, two or three times. He started crying. He had feelings for Alex, he couldn’t deny it. It’s the classic one, he doesn’t know if Alex has feelings back or if he just sees them as best friends. It’s fucking impossible to know. Sean sighed and wiped his tears, stood up and stripped to his underwear. He crawled into bed and lied there for around an hour. He looked at his clock that stood on his nightstand. 1:02 pm. He sat up, kicked the covers off and got out of bed. He left his room heading towards Alex’s room, without bothering getting dressed. So he left in his undies. He’s done this many times. It’s not the first time they come to each other at night. Either it’s Sean coming to Alex, or Alex coming to Sean. But most of the times it’s Sean coming to Alex, and he feels a bit ashamed about it.

Alex couldn't sleep. He lied awake with his arms crossed behind his head on his pillow. He wasn't wearing a pajama, it was too warm for that. He was in his undies and nothing on his upper body. He’d been thinking a lot lately. About him himself, and his relationship with Sean. He has a difficulty with trusting people completely, but already on Cuba after knowing each other so shortly, they trusted each other. When Alex threw himself off the boat, knowing that Sean would catch him and not miss. And how natural their behavior is towards each other. How natural it feels to lie in the grass on top of each other, or hugging for no reason. Or coming to each other during the night. It all just felt so natural. How did it become so natural? His thoughts were interrupted when his door creaked open. Sean stuck his head in the little opening and cleared his throat. “I can’t sleep”, he said. Alex sat up in his bed, Sean entered his room and closed the door. The moonlight shined through the window and fell over Alex’s bed and half of his floor. Sean stood in the shadows. Alex tilted his head to the side and watched him. “What’s the matter? Come into the light.” Alex said with a slightly worried tone in his whispering voice. Sean took a deep breath, stepped forward and sat down on Alex’s bedside. Alex looked at him, lifted his hand and grabbed Sean’s shoulder, shook it gently. ”Hey,” he said. “What’s the matter..? Your eyes are all red and swollen… have you been crying? Sean? Sean look at me?” ”Dude just what the fuck are we?” Sean asked, without looking at him. He looked down in his lap, nervously playing with his own fingers. Alex hesitated for a moment. What would be a good reply for that one? Shit, what was he supposed to say? Sean glanced at him, and he bit his lip. “We’re best friends, aren’t we?” Alex said, raised his eyebrows and smiled – looking for a decent reply. Sean sighed and looked down again. “I don’t think best buds do these kind of stuff man.” Alex raised an eyebrow and smiled half-heartedly. ”Do… do what?” Sean looked up, looked at him with a frustrated expression. He made a gesture in the air with his hands. ”Are you shitting me, this! All this I – I just, agh! All these fucking things man. Come to each other during the night, hold hands in our sleep, roll around in the grass, lie on top of each other, play with each other’s hands and feet, hug spontaneously and… and I’m pretty sure a guy don’t get a hard on by watching his best bud take his shirt off…” The last sentence came out as a mumble. Alex didn’t know what to reply. The worst part was that Sean was right. He was so right. Best friends don’t really do this kind of stuff, especially not two men. Alex looked down, searching with his hand for Sean’s. He found it, and started playing with his fingers. ”Then we’re… then we’re special best buds.” Alex whispered after a moment of silence. Sean sighed, that was a reply none of them really wanted. But for now, that had to do. ”Yeah. Special best buds.”, Sean said, and linked his fingers with Alex’s.

To be continued.

[marvelwallflower]

Havshee Fic- Cut The Strings- Part Three

Shorter part then the others! But I wanted to update so I decided to post it early! Previous parts are under the My Fics section of my blog. I still can't link on this laptop -.-

In which Sean and Darwin go with Alex and Hank to the Xavier Mansion.

Darwin arrives back at the apartment when Sean is packing his things. He uses the same suitcase he used when he left home, left Alex. He packs with careful precision; folding clothes neatly and stacking possessions until they all fit inside the rectangular space. He doesn't have many things. They only weigh him down, and he can't afford that - not if he wants to run and not get caught.

The door to the apartment slams shut as Sean is rolling a pair of socks up into a pair of shoes. Voices sound outside his room. He can't hear the words but he can sense what's being said. The angry muffles are evidence enough.

He reaches out to zip his suitcase shut, satisfied he's managed to place his entire life into one small space when Darwin walks in. He eyes the suitcase sitting on Sean's bed and pointedly shuts the door behind him, having decided the other two men are excluded from the conversation.

"You really think this is a good idea?" he asks. His voice is calm, indifferent but Sean can tell that Darwin disapproves from the tightness in his eyes and the tension rippling through his shoulders. "Your ex turns up out of the blue and tells you to come with him and your just going to follow? That doesn't sound like you, Sean."

Sean shrugs heavily. "He says we're in danger."

"And you trust him?" Darwin pushes. Concern starts to leak onto his face like it always does when he thinks Sean is being paticularly reckless, which is often.

It's not a question Sean can easily answer. There are some situations where Sean would gladly surrender himself to Alex and feel safe in the knowledge that Alex would protect him, but Alex has hurt him too. He's betrayed him and fractured that trust and yes, it's an irrational thought because Sean's not perfect. He's done things to hurt Alex too but that doesn't making trusting him any easier.

"I don't trust him," Sean answers honestly, "but I trust his judgement. If he says we need to go, then we need to go."

Darwin observes him silently for a moment. His eyes carefully search Sean's face for any hesitation or doubt. When he's satisfied he nods and says firmly, "Let me get my things."

When they are both ready and carrying as much as they can afford to bring with them they leave the apartment. Stumbling down the steps is much more difficult with luggage to carry, but they manage to leave the building both quietly and quickly. Sean doesn't know where they are going or what the plan is, but he follows Alex and Hank without complaint.

They lead him and Darwin past dilapidated buildings and stretches of nothing until they reach a disused parking lot. The streetlights around them flicker feverishly in the night, revealing something metallic and large looming in the centre of the lot.

"Come on!" Hank says excitedly, his pace quickening as they get closer and the large object in front of them takes shape. It's a jet. Something flips uncomfortably in Sean's stomach, close to nervousness as they step onto the craft. He's never flown before. Everything looks alien to him and even though they haven't taken off yet he gets the dizzying sensation that his feet are already too far off the ground.

Hank moves to the front of the place and begins to flick buttons. Sean follows Darwin to the seats at the back, ignoring Alex who hovers silently beside him like he isn't quite sure what to do. His hands moves out to help Sean strap himself into the strange harness but he seems to think better of it and his hand drops like a dead weight to his side. He musters something that Sean suspects was meant to be a smile, but ends up being a grimace, and quickly retreats to sit besides Hank at the front of the plane.

And then they are off, and Sean can feel the heavy weight of uncertainty pressing down on top of him. He just hopes he's made the right decision.

[marvelwallflower]

Havshee Fic- Cut The Strings- Part One

I decided to leave Don't Make Me Feel for now, because it seemed pretty conclusive and this fic would not leave my mind. It's made up its home in my imagination and refuses to leave.

So sequel to this but you can read it separately.

Enjoy!

Sometimes though, it feels like he wasted two years of his life building a relationship, only for it to get torn down by the smallest breeze.

It's been seven lousy months, three bitter weeks and five miserable days since Sean walked out on his home, his life, and never looked back. He tries not to count down the hours and minutes since his foot passed the threshold because that would be sad but no matter what he does the date is still fixed permanently in his mind. It's not something he's likely to just forget.

He tries not to think of it as walking out because he sees that as a failure. It implies that he gave up on everything without a fight, which most definitely is not true. Sean fought. He fought with as much energy and anger he could muster. He's stopped fighting now. He prefers to think of it as a fresh start, a new beginning, his turn at turning over a new leaf.

Sometimes though, it feels like he wasted two years of his life building a relationship, only for it to get torn down by the smallest breeze.

He's got himself a new job, a new flat that he shares with an old friend. It's not exactly a new life, but it's the closest he'll ever get.

Work is uneventful. He pours drinks for people in a darkened bar, counts their money, gives them change. Occasionally he's lucky enough to witness a fight, the blind swing of an intoxicated punch. It's even better when he has to intervene and place himself between violent, angry drunks. Some might tell him that it's unhealthy, that he's self-destructive but honestly, it's much more simple than that. It's entertainment.

It's a Friday night when his tentatively constructed world crashes down. He's working at the bar, waiting for Saturday morning to slowly slip by so he can crawl into bed and never get up again. It's a quiet night. The stools are littered with regulars, some who are too emotionally attached to the beer clasped in their hands to be healthy. He should probably start cutting them off before they become comatose. It's always so much harder to lock up when there are sleeping drunks, refusing to move, scattered all over the bar.

He sighs, moving his rag across the sticky surface of the bar to quell his boredom. It doesn't help. He feels the solid warmth of someone bumping his hip, and when he looks up Rogue is smiling softly at him, the curiously white strands of her hair falling into her face. "Go home."

Sean prods the rag and shakes his head. "My shift doesn't finish for another hour."

She nudges him with her him again, harder this time and indicates to the door with her gaze. "You're making me mopey. Now go before I change my mind. I'll lock up."

If it would make a difference, Sean would protest profusely, refuse to leave until the last minute of his shift. He doesn't like leaving Rogue to lock-up alone, despite her constant reassurances that she is more than capable of looking after herself. He feels guilty for not doing his share of the work even though he knows that on the days that Rogue is feeling down he picks up the slack for her too. He doesn't want her to think he's a liability.

"Sean Cassidy," she says, sterner this time. Her smile slips slightly, revelaing a hint of concern. "If you do not get out of this bar, I will throw you out. Go."

He goes.

The walk back to his apartment is quiet. He listens to the cars, the slow chug of traffic as it makes its way through the city as he walks. It doesn't take him long to reach his apartment block. The lights outside the main entrance and the hallway are broken; probably broken by one of the residence in a fit of boredom. Sean doesn't really blame whoever did it. He'd do it too. Although, it does make navigating the stairs up to his apartment more difficult than usual. His feet slip a few times against the dirty carpet. In order to survive the climb he splays his hand against the walls either side of him and uses them to feel his way up.

Pulling his keys out when he reaches his floor, Sean feels the overwhelming urge to sleep wash over him. He isn't exactly sure how much sleep he got last night, or the night before that but it definitely was no in the double figures. He blames his tiredness for not noticing that his apartment door is slightly ajar.

He freezes. Shit.

Inside the apartment there is absolute silence. No sounds of breathing or light footsteps. The only sound Sean can hear is the deafening jingling of his keys as they shake in his hand. Carefully, he slips them back into his pocket. There's no real use for them now.

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his senses and pretends this isn't the most excitement he's had in months. It's probably a typical break in. As soon as he turns the light on he'll find all the furniture missing and the cookie jar he keeps his money in miserably empty. If he wasn't so desperate to sleep he might find the situation a whole lot more worrying. Tentatively, he reaches out his fingers and pushes the door open. It creaks ominously, broadcasting to anyone who might still be lurking in the shadows that the owner has returned. There's nothing but darkness peering back at Sean when he looks inside the apartment.

Reassured, he steps into the apartment. He reaches out to turn on the light and inspect the damaged when something growls from the blackness. Something hard and solid slams into him from the side, knocking him off balance. He wonders flittingly whether the intruder has brought a large dog with them to do their dirty work as he hears a strange mixture of growling a furious whispering, and suddenly something grabs onto his arm, yanking hard.

And his survival instinct kicks in.

He feels his mouth open before he even thinks about moving it, welcomes the pleasantly familiar sensation of air filling his lungs. When he feels another forceful pull of his arm, dragging him towards the door, he releases the loudest, sharpest shriek he can muster and tries to direct it towards his intruder. The grip on his arm immediately loosens and drops, pained yelps and groans erupting from the darkness. Knowing that his shriek will disorientate the intruder for at least three minutes, Sean calmly closes his mouth and walks over to the light switch, flicking it on.

To find Alex curled up in a fetal position on the floor, hands firmly clamped over his ears wearing what Sean can only describe as a leather catsuit. Sean knew Alex had an unnatural fondness of leather but he thinks this might be taking it to the extreme. Next to Alex is, well Sean isn't entirely sure what's next to Alex. It's large and blue and furry, and it seems to enjoy leather as much as Alex, considering it's wearing a similar costume. He can't see much more than that at the moment, not when it's turned in on itself, and all Sean can see are two strong capable limbs.

He suspends his disbelief for now though, because right now he only has room for one emotion. Anger.

"Alex Summers. What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?!"

A/n: I hope no one gets offended by my description of Hank is this bit. It's meant to be from the perspective of someone who hasn't encountered anyone with a physical mutation before etc. It doesn't reflect Sean's attitude to Hank or anything....Yeah.

[marvelwallflower]

Havshee Fic!- Don't Make Me Feel- Part 6

Sorry this took so long. I've had heaps of college work to juggle. But here it is, probably ridden with typos and sentences that don't even make sense because it's ass o'clock and I'm too tired to read over it. I'll edit any particularly horrendous errors tomorrow!

So have fic: IN WHICH ALEX AND SEAN FINALLY START TO PULL THEIR SHIT TOGETHER!

Previous Parts

Alex blinks at Sean, his eyes clouded with confusion. For a minute, no, a brief fraction of a second, his face crumples, his rejection and hurt flashing across his face. It’s barely even registered before it vanishes quicker than the briefest flash of lightning. That doesn’t mean that Sean doesn’t see it though, and even if it is just the potion making Alex feel this way, it doesn’t make Sean feel any less guilty for hurting him. It seems like the only thing he’s good at doing at the moment. Sean doesn’t want to hurt Alex.

He watches though, as Alex expertly builds up the walls that he uses so often to block everyone out and push them away. He notices when Alex’s jaw sets, vice-like and determined, and he turns his face away from Sean, his eyes glaring at the fish in front of them. All Sean can see is the profile of his face, and suddenly the blue light isn’t soft and glowing anymore, but harsh across Alex’s cheekbone, plunging his eyes into darkness. He can barely tell what emotions are playing on Alex’s face, if there are any there at all.

Sean rubs his hand across his forehead, pushes his hair out of his face and tugs it a little hard than necessary. This isn’t what he wanted, isn’t how he wanted things to happen. This definitely isn’t how he planned it. And maybe he hadn’t thought about exactly what he wanted to say but he definitely hadn’t planned on Alex getting pissed at him before he even got to the part where he used words.

The thing is he hadn’t decided, still hasn’t, how he feels about the whole situation. Of course, he’d been anticipating an entirely different situation. One where he’d tell Alex that he completely understood that he wasn’t attracted to Sean, that it was just the potion that had made Alex  say and do those things. One where he’d assure Alex that it hadn’t meant anything at all, that it was stupid to be awkward around each other because of some misunderstanding. One where he would deny having any feelings beyond friendship for Alex (even if he is beginning to suspect otherwise) because he’ll say anything at this point to get Alex to talk to him again. At least without glaring at him. Turns out he has completely misjudged where Alex’s anger has been coming from. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s been wrong.

“Alex,” Sean says quietly, coaxing, his voice dropping into nothing more than a whisper. He notices that the little boy and his grandpa have disappeared now, moved on to a different part of the aquarium. Where they are now, sitting with so much more distance between them than the few physical inches, is completely empty. Suddenly being alone together in such a vast space feels oddly intimate. He shifts forward slightly, angling to get a better view of Alex’s face because not being able to read his expression makes Sean antsy. Clearly, Alex feels uncomfortable with the proximity though because he shuffles backwards until his back hits the back of the bench.

Sighing, Sean moves his arm forward to place a comforting hand on Alex’s arm, to let him know that he’s still his friend, that this can easily be resolved with a quick trip to Hank’s lab, but Alex jumps up and moves over to the glass wall of the tank, out of Sean’s reach. Even though it’s irrational, part of Sean feels slightly hurt, like Alex is repulsed by his touch. He can feel the distance between them stretching out, further and harder to close.

“I know you’re frustrated,” Sean tells Alex calmly. His voice echoes a little, making the space feel claustrophobic somehow. “And I know you have a lot of…emotions right now. But it doesn’t mean anything. We can just go to Hank now, get him to fix this. Then we can get everything back to normal.”

He feels like he’s trying to reassure himself. It’s not really working.

Alex turns a little. This time his expression is half amazed and half unimpressed. He crosses his arms over his chest in a business like manner that has Sean feeling a little bit like a child; like something more is going on that he’s not aware of. “You’re being serious?”

Sean doesn’t really know why Alex would think he’s joking about something like this, so he simply nods and sinks back into the bench. The wood digs into his spine but he doesn’t attempt to move. He’s too emotionally confused to be worried about things like comfort right now.

“You’re an idiot,” Alex states firmly, like this has now become an irrefutable fact that Sean has to accept. The light from the tank shimmers across the floor, and as he steps forward he gets caught in it. It dances along his chest and face, revealing shapes and patterns before snatching them away again. “You honestly think that it didn’t even cross my mind to go to Hank first? You think I just sat in my bedroom like a tormented moron for weeks consumed with desire?”

Again, Sean feels thrown. It feels like their having two completely different conversations at the same time and neither are listening to the other. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, asshole, that for some stupid reason I don’t like you because some love potion made me. I like you because…well, I’m not entirely sure why,” Alex tells him, the light falling onto a secretive smirk. “I’m pretty sure I’ve gone insane, or hit my head or something. It’s all your fault anyway.”

“Wait,” Sean says, because this doesn’t make any sense to him at all. “You mean you’ve been ignoring me for weeks because you like me? Not because you were uncomfortable about the whole…thing? Why the hell didn’t you just tell me?”

Alex shrugs. Nonchalance is most definitely not the appropriate response right now. “I’m an idiot too? I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how to, and then when I finally got the guts to spit it out I went and did that to your arm.” He gestures to Sean’s bandaged arm with a wave of his hand.

“That was an accident,” Sean retorts, a little fiercely because he knows he’s partly to blame for Alex’s guilty conscience. “You didn’t mean to do it. I’m fine now. It doesn’t matter.”

“I still hurt you,” Alex insists. “I could have killed you.”

This time Sean gets up from his seat and walks over to Alex. He doesn’t move away. “You can’t blame yourself every time something goes wrong Alex. Sometimes things just happen. I know you would never hurt me on purpose. That’s good enough for me.”

Alex still looks unconvinced. Sean knows that Alex will blame himself for a lot of bad things that wasn’t his fault for a while, because changing your mindset never happens over night. He hopes he can at least help to chase some of the guilt away. He pulls Alex into him, wraps his long limbs around him and kisses his neck. “We’re definitely both idiots.”