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Ali Hashmi: Meditation Log (Nov 25 – Dec 2): Pain & Meditation

How does mindful meditation help in times of pain and distress? And how do you apply mindfulness to situations involving physical pain. This week my practice focused on these questions.

 An integral part of colitis therapy is to avoid stress. From my personal experience, it’s quite difficult to avoid stress in case when thing that is causing stress is tangible like pain.

 I decided to extend meditation (zikr) sessions in my awareness regimen. These sessions usually lasted fifteen to twenty minutes, and I practiced these thrice a day after salat ritual. My goal was to interrupt my pain consciousness by focusing on recitation and my breath. When the mind wandered off, I became aware of it through the instruments of my breath and recital. I found that meditation was really not about presence or attention but more about awareness and choice. Every time my mind focused on my pain, I tried observing it without judgment, and associated with it the fact that it is really a symptom, a departure from my normal body function. The act of observing pain without judgment usually led to awareness of other things in my field of consciousness—namely the breath and the recital. The interruption of pain consciousness persisted even after the meditation, as I was able to exercise aware choices in my day-to-day routine. By doing it three times a day, I was able to form positive associations with objects in my field of consciousness – other than pain. These associations not only interrupted my constant focus on pain, they also led to experiencing the pain more skillfully in a more “disinterested” manner.

 How does awareness and meditation translate to disease prevention and disease management efficacy? I can only answer this question based on personal anecdotal evidence. A more aware state helps me cope with negative states of mind like fear, anxiety and distress. I was able to cope with these states more effectively this week.

 I have realized that meditation is linked with larger goal of wellness through a more holistic way of living. In my case, for instance, newer therapies for colitis involve using high-risk drugs that bind to tumor necrosis factor-alpha (TNFα) but that provides symptomatic relief only. By including meditation in therapeutic programs, I think one can target causal issues—such as stress— more effectively.

 #mlmeditation 

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Ali Hashmi: Meditation Log (Nov 18 – Nov 25): short and long meditation sessions

This week I practiced three different prayer/meditation (salat ritual and zikr) sessions daily: one in the morning, one in evening and one before going to bed. In addition, I did a daily longer intense meditation session as well that lasted 30 minutes.

The effects of short meditation sessions are more temporal, while the results of long meditation sessions are more long-lasting and durable. 

 I found that daily ritualistic practices are good for maintaining order and rhythm in day-to-day activities. The daily practices act as regulatory mechanisms that help me refocus my attention on the immediate and the present. For instance, I was able to do my work with very little distraction. In a way, it made my daily schedule more compartmentalized by getting rid of background thoughts.

On the other hand, the effect of longer meditation was a general clarity in awareness of things around me through a refinement of senses. My interpretation of events and objects was characterized by a peeling away of unessential language and psychological conditioning.

#mlmeditation 

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Ali Hashmi: Meditation log Nov 11 – Nov 18 (“reflect on things without reflecting”)

I have been pondering a lot on the subject-object distinction during my meditation this week. I think that I have a tendency to synthesize the spatial and temporal dimension around me. What I mean by synthesize is that we have an idealized mathematical conception of things around us. It is a mental construct.  An appropriate way to explain this is to see how Cezanne treats perspective in his paintings.  In the painting titled “Still life with Baskets of Apples,” the perspective is neither subjective nor objective (conforming to classical mathematical proportions.) It is not a simple subjective perspective because it is not just translating Cezanne’s interpretation of the still life. On the contrary, the painting forms organize themselves from the point of view of the observer. Hence, as an observer, you experience the painting in that moment, from your perspective, without the order of mathematical constructs or rigid laws of classical perspective.

  What has this to do with meditation? I think when I am meditating I am consciously imposing an “analytic” or “reflective” structure through my sense perception and thought. I think meditation should be a more holistic experience that should abandon reflective and analytic constructs and experience world in spontaneous forms of organization just like Cezanne’s painting. For this, the traditional meditative practices that I have been doing since my childhood come in handy, because I can “reflect on things without reflecting.” New forms of experience for me provide me insights on my inner as well as outer world, and also on the invisible and the visible, but it is hard to sustain them. On the other hand, new forms of experience do provide a break from habitual patterns.

#mlmeditation 

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Ali Hashmi: Meditation log Nov 4 – Nov 11 (Two states: Rumi & Takahashi)

This week I have been stretched between two different states of “longing for onement” and “presence of mind” during my ritualistic prayers. I think the former state is linked with my metaphysical understanding of the world, and the later state is a recently acquired form of self-knowing. Interestingly, in times of physical pain—particularly during my inflammation flare-ups— I found myself in the “presence of mind” state.

Mind “exists everywhere,” Takahashi Shinkichi wrote in his poem “The beginning and the End.” He says further:

“This mind was present before we were born.

It is never born.

Nothing exists outside it.

All that exists is the mind.

One cannot say it exists.”

Takahashi highlights what Suzuki calls the ‘isness’ of Being. I think, it is through acceptance of ‘what it is’ we acquire mindful awareness. Unlike lyrical poems from east, there is a stark absence of “longing” and “desire” in Takahashi’s poetry. On the other hand, in contrast, Rumi’s poetry celebrates desire. Consider for example the poem “Song of the Reed”:

“Since I was cut from the reedbed, I have made this crying sound.

Anyone apart from someone he loves understands what I say.

Anyone pulled from a source longs to go back.

At any gathering I am there, mingling in the laughing and grieving,

a friend to each, but few will hear the secrets hidden

within the notes. No ears for that. Body flowing out of spirit,

spirit up from body: no concealing that mixing. But it's not given us

to see the soul. The reed flute is fire, not wind. Be that empty.”

In Rumi’s poetry, the reed signifies human soul which is severed from its source (Being). And the sad music that the reed produces is a result of this longing to be one with reedbed, its origin.

How does one reconcile the ‘discomfort’ of “longing for onement” with the ‘quiet’ of “presence of mind”? Can these two states complement each other? 

#mlmeditation 

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Ali Hashmi Meditation Log (Oct 29 –Nov 3)

One thing that both Dalai Lama and Alan Wallace stressed was the cultivation of our mind’s world, which I think has been largely ignored in reductionist models of knowing such as Kantian epistemology and positivism, to cite a few. For instance, post-Kantian epistemology reduces mind’s knowing to narrow categories of forms of judgment (quantity, quality, relation and modality). Similarly, positivism reduces epistemology to our limited sensory experience and rejects mental modes of knowing such as introspection and intuition. In the past few days, I have tried to detach the sense-object world from my mental world in my meditation and reflection. I have found that it difficult to do so because my world-model, which is based on my facticity and learned experience, lacks the tools and instruments required in experiencing such detachment.  The following quote from Artaud reflects my predicament:

"Whatever way you turn you have not even started thinking." (Artaud, Collected Works I, p. 89)

Below is a summary of my meditation and prayer sessions:

Oct 29 – regular prayer and meditation 

Oct 30 – regular prayer and meditation

Oct 31 – regular prayer and meditation

Nov 1 – late night meditation in dark room (tried concentrating on a single thought but could not dissociate thought from language and language from social world constructs)

Nov 2 – late night meditation in dark room (tried concentrating on "nothingness" and "blankness" but inevitably linked these terms to philosophical texts that I have read)

Nov 3– early morning meditation in dark room (no noticeable effect)

My aim for next few days is to explore traditions and practices— such as Buddhism, Kabbalah and Sufism— in order to familiarize myself with different tools of cultivation.

#mlmeditation 

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Ali Hashmi Meditation Log (Oct 21- 28)/ Focus

I have stuck to the morning and evening routine for ritualistic prayer/meditation. However, I have scaled down the number of cycles(rakats) due to a severe colitis flare up.  I have increased my meditation (zikr) time though because it is more comfortable to sit and meditate.

Spending more time on meditation has allowed me to dwell on questions concerning “focus” and “stillness”, more importantly the former.  My physical discomfort has also contributed to my understanding of body/mind dualism. Although I think consciousness is inextricable from my body because our consciousness is deployed into the word through our body, I think that mind body dualism is helpful in understanding these states.

Usually I center my thoughts on my physiological states and inputs, such as focusing on breathing rhythm or my vision field, but due to physical discomfort I have tended to move away from focusing on my physiological awareness of my body to a more noetic focus.  By noetic focus I mean focusing on mental objects, such as suppressing bodily pain and concentrating on abstract objects in my mind.  This requires an intentional dissociation of my mind from external stimuli like abdominal discomfort and shifting mind’s attention to itself or on thoughts that are remote from my bodily awareness. I found that it is hard, initially, to suppress bodily discomfort but if I persist long enough I am able to distract my mind by achieving an attentional shift. Sometimes reciting a particular word helped. At other times, I concentrated on my breathing to distract my mind. And in some instances, I focused on a sound in my background. In all instances, I was able to suppress bodily discomfort within five minutes; however, I wasn’t able to maintain that state for more than ten minutes.

How is this dissociation comparable to the runner’s high? As a long-distance runner, I have experienced runner’s high frequently. It has been suggested that intense exercise results in the release of β-Endorphins that lead to runner’s high. Usually when I am training for a long run, I get a runner’s high after five miles on the treadmill, and I am able to ignore pain for a mile or so. But the dissociation that I felt during my meditation was distinct from my runner’s high. It was more intentional in nature—i.e. I made an effort to change my focus. Physiologically as well, it wasn’t marked by a “rush” that I experience during running.  

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Ali Hashmi Meditation Log (Oct 14- 21) / Stillness

This week has been quite testing due to colitis onset. My meditation/prayer routine was disrupted due to bouts of severe pain and weakness. Instead of following a daily routine, I found it easier to meditate/pray when I was feeling comfortable to do so.  It was easier to meditate (zikr) than practice ritualistic prayer consisting of prescribed actions and words.  

In particular, I focused on the idea of stillness. The question concerning “what stillness is” is akin to a loaded dice, tampered by our experiences and backgrounds. For me it is a multivalent term. For instance, I found that “stillness” is a natural interrupted flow of nature around us.  At the same time, it could also be used to describe a mental state which is marked by a kind of stasis.

In the first two days, I tried to calm my mind by ignoring the noise and clutter around me, which also included my physiological conditions like heart-beat. It didn’t help much. On the third day, I hinged my thoughts on the faint sound of the rainwater dripping through trees. In about five minutes the sound that I sensed as faint became bold and perceptible. A kind of stillness exuded from the un-interrupted flow of dripping water. It also calmed my mind.  From the fourth day onwards, I used pre-recorded water dripping sound effects to invoke the experience again. It helped and I had half-an-hour sessions of experiencing the perception of stillness. From my limited experience, I have concluded that stillness could be cultivated. On sixth day, I decided to experience the perception stillness without the aid of pre-recorded sounds. This time, I just focused on the ambient noise of cars passing on the road nearby. To my surprise, I was able to associate the perception of stillness with the noise of the cars. There was a kind of natural rhythm to the noise of cars— just like the sound of the rainwater dripping through trees—that became perceptible as I centered my mind on it.

#mlmeditation 

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Ali Hashmi: meditation log

I have incorporated breathing practice in my daily routine of zikr.  Breathing, as performed by Sufis, is an integral part of zikr and is closely connected with words recited. Spiritually, breathing is a manifestation of breath of “the Being.” While in some religious traditions breathing signifies life (G-d breathing life into Adam), in eastern traditions like Hinduism and Buddhism, breathing is associated with impermanence— breathing arises and then expires. I associate more strongly with the idea of breath as impermanence. I feel that it makes you ‘aware’ of the fleetingness/temporality of things and attachments. Physiologically, I feel that with the practice of breathing, my sensory awareness expands during zikr. In addition, my sense of time becomes acute.

Prayer (salaat) and zikr (recitation) provide different experiential domains for me and complement each other. While one focuses on movement and presence, the other focuses on relaxation and reflection. My meditation practice for the last week has been as follows:

Oct 1, Morning: Prayer/Salaat 10 cycles  & Zikr (recitation)

Oct 2, Morning: Prayer/Salaat 10 cycles  & Zikr (recitation)

Oct 3, Evening: Prayer/Salaat  8 cycles  & Zikr (recitation)

Oct 4, Morning: Prayer/Salaat 10 cycles  & Zikr (recitation)

Oct 5, Evening: Prayer/Salaat 10 cycles  & Zikr (recitation)

Oct 6, Evening: Prayer/Salaat 10 cycles  & Zikr (recitation)

The timing of these practices has not been consistent. I am struggling to find a fixed daily slot in my calendar. As I wrote earlier, I am thinking of trying the five-times-daily schedule.