I know it's real, I can feel it! | THREE
Pairing: OBGYN!Beomgyu x Neonatologist!Reader (fem!reader)
Tolerance for Choi Beomgyu? Negative. Feelings for Choi Beomgyu? Inconclusive. Pregnancy test in your hand? Positive.
Synopsis: The universe likes to toss you a bunch of Fuck You!s Like almost not getting into med school, you and your long-term boyfriend failing to get pregnant, and by sending your undergrad nemesis, Choi Beomgyu, to med school just so he can transfer right into your hospital.
But perhaps the biggest one was the positive pregnancy test in your hands after a drunk one night stand with him.
Genre: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, doctors, eventual smut, angst (?)
Chapter III Word Count: 15k
Warning: Mentions of infertility, maternal death, explicit language, IVF, mentions of premature babies in the NICU, unprotected sex, drunk sex, etc.
Note: Guess who went through it while writing this chapter. Writer's curse is real!! And wow did I write a long one. They just keep getting longer and longer. I need to control myself. I hope you guys enjoy this one because there's lots of interaction between the two <3. Also, side note, I don't know how medically accurate this is. Some things I have to really just wing and remind myself all fairs in fiction.
Please like, reblog, or comment if you love it <3
Masterlist
PART III
When you’re stressed, you tend to have very vivid dreams.
Sometimes they’re nightmares.
And other times…
They’re bliss.
You wake up in a sweet haze, squeezing your legs together as your body trembles with pleasure. Stars dance behind your eyelids, and they guide you back down to earth as you sink your back down against your cotton sheets.
Breathing hard, you grasp your duvet to ground yourself. Once your bedroom came back into focus, you rolled over to bury your face into your pillow as you let out a groan of disappointment. It was just a dream.
Had it really been that long since you and Jaeil have done anything?
Then again, could Jaeil make you feel that way?
A blast echoes from your bathroom, making you sit up to listen if another one would follow. You already knew it came from Soobin’s side of the wall. His shower has been acting up for weeks. This time it didn’t sound too good.
Throwing off the duvet, you shuffle over to inspect your bathroom. When you saw no signs of a leak or disturbance, you shrugged and headed toward the sink to brush your teeth and wash your face.
As you make your way back to your room, dabbing your face with your towel, frantic knocks come from your door.
“Can I use your shower?” Soobin asks in a rush once you open the door. His hair was still damp, shirt sticking close to his body, and hand clasped tightly around his JJK towel. He holds it up with one hand, the other hand hugging his spare clothes.
You giggle, “Good morning to you too.”
He shrugs his head at your comment. “Good morning, ___. Can I please use your shower?”
With a nod, you step to the side to let him in before your neighbors see him. “Maintenance already aware of WWIII happening in your bathroom or…?”
“Yup, they should look into it later today.” He calls while stepping into your bathroom.
“I hope so, I don’t want my shower to be next!” You shout at him as you walk toward your bedroom.
He waves in reassurance before shutting the door behind him.
The apartments that you lived in were fairly new with top amenities and appliances, justifying the rent they charged. It was unusual for things to break down or require maintenance. Knowing Soobin, however, he waited until his shower gave the death rattle before making the call.
While changing, your phone chimed with an incoming notification.
Soobs: You’re on call tonight, right?
You: Not tonight. Why?
Soobs: Just wondering. Is it okay if I borrow the spare key to shower? Just in case they can’t fix it today?
You: Sure, I’ll leave the spare on the counter. Leaving now. Lock the door when you’re done?
Soobs: Thanks! You’re the best! I’ll make sure you’ll never notice anyone was here. Love you!
You stare at his message, wondering why you had a suspicious feeling.
Ari’s message floated at the top, and you clicked it to see her warning that the director called for a cross-departmental meeting.
You throw your head back and send Soobin a quick text to warn him as well before throwing on your coat and wrapping a scarf around your neck. Just as you are about to leave, you reach for the spare key in your drawer and toss it on the counter.
Almost forgot.
As you step out of the locker room, Ari bounces in front of you holding two iced lattes. Her hair is braided with baby-blue ribbons, and she dusted her cheeks and eyelids with a rosy blush. Meanwhile, your hair was tied in a messy ponytail, and you only had your tinted moisturizer to cover your eyebags.
She smiles, thrusting your drink into your hand. “Good morning! Woke up early to snag us some of these before the meeting, my lovely. Yours is a vanilla chai with extra brown sugar and cinnamon. Just how you like it!”
You swoon as you accept her gift. Ari worked a late shift last night and still woke up early to do this? You felt so grateful.
“Ari, I don’t deserve you-“
“Please, let me sit next to Beomgyu.”
You could practically hear the ice shift into your drink from the silence that fell over you.
With a deep breath, you continued walking toward the elevator. “What am I? His personal assistant? Go ahead.”
She rolled her eyes, following you in. The other elevator quickly fills with residents and nurses. You recognize one of the new residents, Hyunwoo. He gives you a tiny, shy wave which you return before Ari squishes up to your side. “I meant-- introduce me?”
“No.” You were willing to go to lengths for Ari, but Beomgyu's vicinity was the last place you’d go. Besides, you already owed him a favor or two.
“Come on. Don’t be so unfair!”
A few heads turned your way at her complaining. You politely smiled back and shook your head to tell them it was nothing concerning. Once they return to face the front of the elevator, you jab her side with your elbow to calm her down.
“Ari. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but that man does not like me.” You sip your iced latte.
“I think you’re overexaggerating. How bad is it?”
Bad. Knowing Beomgyu he would take the opportunity to act like you’ve dropped from outer space or cash in on the favors. Whatever it’ll be, it’s guaranteed to be humiliating.
“Sorry, Ari. You’re cute! You’ll do better without my help. Trust.”
She pouts, taking a sip of her drink in defeat.
Once you’ve reached the fifth floor, you head toward the conference room. It wasn’t hard to spot Beomgyu since he was the center of attention. He sat back on the chair, gently swaying while answering the questions the nurses gathered around him were showering him with. Nayeon sat right next to him, surely firing away death threats in her mind. Still acting as if she isn’t married.
You turned to find Ari’s confidence completely deflated. “Come on,” you lead the way over to sit on one of the chairs against the wall of the room. Typically, they were meant for the residents, but you didn’t mind joining them.
A couple of obstetric nurses glance at you nervously, relieved when you don’t bother to occupy a chair at the table. Are we in high school?
“Do you know what this meeting is about?” Hyunwoo falls into the chair next to you, whispering while wiping his palms on his pants.
The week before he was being yelled at by an overwhelmed parent because they had trouble following along to his explanations. It was common for the first-year residents to speak in medical jargon which parents have trouble translating. Luckily, you came to his rescue, reassuring them that he meant well and was a highly respected resident who wanted to provide them with all the information regarding their baby.
You shake your head, gently patting his arm. “Can’t be the new equipment we’ve been asking for, that’s for sure. Just remember to alternate between “yes” and “understood”, and the meeting should be over before you know it.”
Hyunwoo replies back, “Yes, understood.”
You laugh, relieved that Hyunwoo’s nerves had disappeared enough for him to joke.
Beomgyu flickers her gaze to you, catching your attention. You stop laughing and raise an eyebrow. He peers over at Hyunwoo before tilting his head with curiosity.
You dramatically shift your body toward the front of the room.
“Morning, Morning, Morning.” The director steps into the room, followed by the chiefs of each department. A hush spreads across the room as everyone gives him a greeting in chorus.
Director Jung gets comfortable at the front of the room. “I’m sorry for calling your attention to this meeting. I’ll make it brief, because some of us are needed for surgery. On time if I may add.”
He clears his throat, looking around the room at everyone’s faces. “Complaints have once again reached me. And you know it’s bad if they’ve made it to me.”
You narrowed your eyes, glancing over at Nayeon who brushes her hair over her shoulder and sits up straighter. Ari gives you a knowing look, while several NICU nurses and residents do as well, already begging for you to come to their defense. With a deep breath, you place your drink on the ground and sit up straighter, ready for the battle to unfold.
Even though the director hasn’t said it yet, you were certain that this was going to be an ongoing discussion from the last meeting.
At the last meeting, Director Jung mentioned that Obstetrics had made complaints about Pediatrics and NICU. The “consistent” complaints were that notes were being copied without reviewing the charts thoroughly, or that residents were showing up late to deliveries (or leaving too early). Some may have been true, but nothing out of average for a large hospital. Before the senior residents and attending physicians had time to correct the new residents, Nayeon took it upon herself to notify the director. Why she felt comfortable going straight to him was still a mystery.
The problem started when Nayeon was trying to secure her position as a permanent OBGYN upon completing her fellowship. A lot of her reporting to the director was extremely exaggerated in hopes that it would highlight how vital she was to bridge the disconnect between the departments. Once she secured her job, she didn’t stop. However, it became harder when you came along because you made it your mission to catch anything before she had a chance to look at it. This added to your stress, but the gratefulness of the department made it worth it.
“Rounds shouldn’t take longer than 2 hours, but I’m hearing they’re taking almost double. How is that fair to our patients?”
Residents lower their heads in shame. You cleared your throat, “Director, respectfully, the residents have been documenting excessively per the suggestion from last meeting. Unfortunately, this has taken up a lot of time, but unless-“
“Notes should always be documented well. It sounds like you’re making excuses for shortcuts?” Nayeon taps her fingernails against the table.
“-Not shortcuts,” you clench your jaw, staring at the director only. “But when you keep stating their insufficient-“
“Enough.” Director Jung holds up his hand to stop the argument before it continues to grow. “Please continue to write detailed notes but ensure that rounds are kept under 2 hours.”
Residents all chorus that they understood. “R4s make sure that you’re keeping a close one on R1s. Attendings make sure that you’re available more for teaching rounds. It’s time to also assign volunteers for the next skill labs.”
Nayeon is the first one to raise her hand. The residents turn to you once again with pleading looks. You hang your head, deciding if you had enough time in your schedule to make yourself a sacrifice.
Director Jung chuckled. “Thank you, Nayeon. But I think this would be a great opportunity for someone else. What better way to learn than to teach?”
Your hand goes up, and Direct Jung points your way. “Thank you. Dr. ___. Dr. ___ and Dr. Choi Beomgyu here will be leading the next skills lab.”
You whip your head toward Ari to ensure that you heard correctly and haven’t dozed off. “Beomgyu?” You mouth. She scowls as if you kept this a huge secret from her. You huff, looking over at Beomgyu who sticks his tongue out.
“…Let’s all welcome OBGYN Dr. Choi Beomgyu who transferred over from O.T. Moon Hospital. At O.T. Moon, he made amazing progress in endocrinology and IVF, as well as published seven research articles — I recommend everyone reads them. With his decision to step down as Chair of OBGYN, they suffered a great loss…”
Goosebumps travel up your arms. He stepped down as Chair?
Everyone looks at him curiously. At the sudden attention, Beomgyu looks down at the table with a pressed smile.
“However, we got lucky and convinced him to transfer over to our hospital. We offered him the space to practice more comfortably. He’ll be focusing more on obstetrics than gynecology. Everyone please welcome him.”
You’re so shocked that you almost clap. Why would Beomgyu step down as chair of his department? And why would we want him so bad? You thought about it, but the only conclusion you could think of is that his passion was more in obstetrics but the hospital was heavily pushing him more towards in vitro and fertility.
Ari leans in, cupping her hand around her mouth. “That explains why he has a long waitlist here. He’s busy.”
You raise your eyebrow. “Waitlist?”
“For consultations. They’re saying it can take months to see him.” She explains.
Beomgyu bows his head politely. “Thank you so much Director Jung.” He’s surprised to find that everyone is waiting for him to say more. With a slight chuckle, he clears his throat. “I hope to continue to make contributions here at, B.F. Moore. If anyone has any questions about my research. Don’t hesitate to find me. I don’t bite.”
He points his eyes to you with a small smirk. You make a show of looking at your nails and dusting imaginary lint off your shoulder.
Director Jung chuckles as the applause fills the room, surely feeling proud of himself for securing Beomgyu. He gathers his things, ready to exit. “We’re lucky to have you, Dr. Choi. You’ll be in good hands with Dr. Im.”
Nayeon giggles. You hold the urge to vomit back, picking up your drink, ready to drip as soon as the meeting is dismissed.
“Thank you, everyone. Before getting back to work, please enjoy the pastries in the back delivered by Dr. ___’s sweet husband.”
You weren’t confused by Director Jung calling Jaeil your husband (he’s done it a number of times by now, and you’ve corrected him each time). Instead, you were confused why Jaeil dropped off pastries and didn’t tell you.
Pink boxes are carried into the conference room by the receptionists, too many of them to sit on the back table and some are placed in the center table as well.
“Uh, everyone please enjoy…” you awkwardly chime in.
The room fills with happy chatter as people get up to grab a treat before darting off. The director is the first to grab the largest donut drizzled in chocolate, and covered with whipped cream and chocolate chips. Despite everyone knowing he’s pre-diabetic, they let him be.
Your watch buzzes.
Jaeil: I hope it's okay that I sent some sweets to your department. Maybe it’ll make your day a little better? Have you been thinking about what I suggested? We’ll talk more about it tonight. Love you.
God, he really only did it for you because he assumed you were going to go visit the fertility clinic.
Ari stretches while finishing the last of her latte. “Gotta run. I have to make my rounds of medicine.”
You nod. “I’ll be there soon. Grab a donut or creampuff or whatever it is that Jaeil ordered. Oh, and maybe take one to Soob. Guessing he was too afraid to walk in late.”
She shakes her head with a smile. “Come on, Hyunwoo. I have you for today.”
Hyunwoo nods and follows Ari without a complaint, looking over at you from his shoulder. You offer him a thumbs up.
With a deep breath, you get up to grab something sweet to start your day. It was only an hour into your day and you feel like you’ve added to your tasks for the day rather than decreased it. You needed to meet with some residents, plan the skills lab, meet with Layla, and either visit the fertility clinic or plan on what to tell Jaeil.
“That lunch must’ve been pretty serious for you.” Beomgyu sweeps in from behind you while you decide between the berry tart or the cinnamon roll. Didn’t he leave with Nayeon?!
You turn toward him. His lab coat is open and you can’t help but notice how fit he looked in his white dress shirt that’s snug around his torso and tucked into his loose slacks held up by his belt. You inhale sharply. It’s just been too long, that’s all.
“Huh?” You respond to him. You either are missing context or having a stroke because he wasn’t making sense.
He grabs a napkin, looking over the sweets. “Yesterday, you said you had lunch with your boyfriend.”
You swallow hard. “I did.”
He frowns at you, and then gasps in realization. “An affair?!”
“What? No – It was my boyfriend. He’s still my boyfriend.” You look around to make sure no one else is in the room to hear his absurd assumption. “Director Jung just keeps forgetting. Anyway, why am I explaining myself to you??” You rush and grab the berry tart.
“Mhm…” Before you can take a bite, Beomgyu swipes it from your hand and takes one of his own.
Your jaw drops, and he offers you a bite next.
“What do you mean ‘mhm’?” You question him, brushing his unappealing offer to share to the side and reaching for the cinnamon roll.
Beomgyu licks his lips clean, wiping the corner of his lips with his thumb. “You don’t want to correct him.”
“Clean your ears, I told you I already have.”
“- You want people— you like people thinking you’re married.”
“Like it makes a difference. The only one who seems to care is you, Beomgyu.”
You care so much, it’s wild.
As soon as the words leave your mouth, you wish you could take them back. Deja vu is a bitch.
Beomgyu’s jaw clenches, his eyebrows drawing in. He tilts his head back as if looking down at you. The loose strands of his hair soften his serious expression.
And in that moment, it’s like you’re back under his heated gaze at the reception.
Your stomach hurts.
Breaking eye contact, you brush past him.
“Please don’t tell me it’s Jaeil.” He says softly.
Before you can ask him what he means, someone calls for you in the hallway. It’s for the best. This conversation was beginning to go somewhere you weren’t ready to.
Leaving him unanswered, you rush out.
After making your rounds, you managed to catch Layla outside your office to give her the pamphlets and tell her the answers you received regarding in vitro. She thanks you with a giant hug.
“Seriously, this has put my worries at ease. I really hope I didn’t put you through so much trouble. If I decide to move forward, I don’t mind the waitlist. Do you think he’ll keep it all private? Even from Dr. Im?” She plays with the edges of the pamphlet, and you lay your hand over hers before she gives herself a papercut.
Her hands are cold, but they quickly warm up in your hold. You smile. “I’m sure he will. I-I can talk to him about it when you’re ready.”
She squeezes your hand.
“Thank you, sweetie. I heard she was just charming at the meeting. Why she enjoys making our jobs more complicated than it already is? Well, someone should write a research paper about that.”
You roll your eyes in agreement, leaning against your doorframe. “At least, she’s more preoccupied with gaining Dr. Choi’s attention. Maybe it’ll keep her busy?”
Layla clicks her tongue repeatedly. “That girl. She can never be satisfied with what she has. Is she not still married to the former Chief of Anesthesiology, Hyunbaek?”
Your jaw drops. “Former?”
She nods. “Yes! He is so handsome. You won’t believe me, but I swear up and down he is the spotting image of Lee Byunghun. A few months after she started her fellowship, they were caught on all kinds of dates all over Seoul. They were engaged in four months and married in one year. Unfortunately, he was let go about two months after their marriage for documentation falsification. All kinds of rumors spread around about what he did, so I’m unsure what’s true or not. But, for a while, Dr. Im had a hard time building her reputation back up.”
How have you never heard this before? You’re almost disappointed you missed her downfall.
“Wow…that explains… a lot. Even why she hates everyone here.”
“Exaaactly. And now she sounds like she’s ready to snag everyone’s new eye candy.” Layla giggles. “If he’s single, someone should snatch him up quickly before she gets the chance to trick him. I know you’re taken, otherwise my vote would’ve been on you.”
“M-me?” You choke.
She swats the pamphlet against your shoulder. “Absolutely! You are the beauty of our department, ___.”
Beauty??
“You already have a leg up since you’re acquainted with him. I heard you two worked together beautifully to deliver that baby the other day. Why do you think the others are intimidated by you? Brains and beauty.”
“I—,” you laugh, left speechless. You’re touched that Layla thought so highly of you. It’s like the mother you could wish for. “Thank you, Layla. But yup, I’m taken…”
She winks. “Of course. Happily, I hope.”
You can’t find your voice, but nod in agreement. Are you?
“I think I’ve talked your ear off for far too long, sweetie. I know you’re an important person here, so I’ll let you get back to it. Thank you so much for gathering this information for me.”
No, thank you for the information.
“I wish I didn’t have to get it for you, Layla. But I’m hoping it works out for you two.” You give her one more hug before you’re walking to the nursery to tell Ari what you learned.
The day really kicked your butt. You weren’t needed in any deliveries or surgeries, but you were called to oversee and train so many residents. You were ready to take a hot shower and cover your back with Icy Hot patches, but then you remembered that the day wasn’t over because Jaeil still planned to visit.
You know he’s planning to ask if you were ready to make a decision. During the little breaks that you had, you tried to review the handbook and research the costs of going through IVF at other hospitals. It would be significantly cheaper to do it at Moore, but you would have to see either Beomgyu or Nayeon. What if you didn’t have any eggs to fertilize? What if you kept failing to keep the pregnancy? How could you endure the embarrassment and disappointment with the two of them overseeing the whole thing?
If only things were different. What if you and Beomgyu had gotten along from the beginning? Would you go to him for advice? Would he be gentle with you?
As you drag your feet down the hallway to your apartment, you notice boxes are stacked against the wall. The apartment across from yours has the door wide open, and people are shuffling around. They’re moving out. That would explain why nobody had been hollering at you and Soobin for your antics.
You step inside your apartment, and hear the shower running. Ugh, of course. Soobin had beat you to the shower. With a groan, you set all your things on your stool and look in the fridge. Luckily, you had some vegetables and beef.
You quickly boil water in a pot while chopping up everything, throwing it all together with some beef bouillon when the water boils. You hover over the steam for a second while closing your eyes. Maybe the evening wouldn’t be so bad if Jaeil and you watch a movie after eating. You could sneak in a nap.
Checking your phone, you see that Jaeil’s started to make his way over. You sigh with relief when the shower turns off. At least you can shower before greeting him.
When the bathroom door opens, you glance up expecting Soobin, but find Beomgyu instead. His wet strands fall over his face, and his black Nirvana shirt clings to his torso, riding above his belly button, while his sweatpants hang low on his hips. You gasp, stumbling back against the counter.
He smirks, his dimple showing. “You’re home early.”
“Beomgyu, what the hell are you doing here?!” You wave your arm and accidentally send your phone flying to the ground. “Shit.”
He points a finger toward the bathroom. “Blame Soobin. Said I needed to use your shower-“
“Soobin?!” Soobin, Soobin, Soobin! It’s never going to end. Not until you get your hands around his neck…
Beomgyu walks over and places his palms against the kitchen island. “Shower’s being fixed, I don’t know. I didn’t really listen. What are you cook –“
“Are you living with him now?” You bend over to pick up your phone. He watches you, tilting his head.
When you pop back up, he appears to be even closer as he leans over the island. He bats his eyelashes. “Mhm. You’re lucky day! Until I find my place, we’re going to be n-e-i-g-h-bors.”
You have the urge to laugh, cry, and scream all at once. “What?!”
He clasps his hands together with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Think about it. Dinners, sleepovers, carpooling-”
“No, no, no,” you whisper.
He snorts. “Why. Want me closer? You have a spare room, too.” He looks around the place while agreeing with his thoughts. “Right, this place could use my help.”
“Don’t you dare go in there,” you warn, your heart racing. The room currently acted more like an office and storage. What you were afraid of him seeing was the box of baby things collected over time. You turn your attention back to the soup.
He looks at you with mischief, “Why? What you got in there? Prince Charming tied up? 101 cats?”
You point your wooden spoon at him, splashing him with a little of the soup. He winces. “A starving three-headed snake ready to eat you once I throw you in. Whole.”
He purrs.
There’s a knock on your door.
Shit, Jaeil’s here.
Hearing him put the keys into the door. You forgot you had made Jaeil a copy of the key. Just how many people had keys to your apartment now?
You scramble around the island and push Beomgyu toward where he came from– the bathroom. Shutting the door behind you, you place your hand tightly over his mouth making his eyes go wide. “Not one word!”
He squints at you, his hand wrapping around your wrist. For a second, you think he’s ready to rip it away from his mouth and let out a scream but his real plan is to hold you in place while his tongue sweeps your palm.
You scowl and yank your hand away.
He grins loosely, leaning his head back against the wall. Pointing his eyebrows at the door, he asks, “That your husband?”
“Boyfriend.” You correct him, wiping your palm on your jeans.
Jaeil calls your name from the kitchen as he walks inside. He sets his things down before searching around for you.
You press your hand against the door, answering back, “I’m just going to shower real quick!”
“Did you know you left the stove on…?” Jaeil scolds you.
“Y-yeah, it’s our soup. Please keep an eye on it?”
His steps draw nearer and you reach down to turn the lock on the doorknob. Your hand hovers over it in case it fails.
“Want me to hop in the shower with you?” He asks.
Beomgyu snickers from behind you. “Stop,” you throw him a look to warn him, feeling the heat rise to your face.
If Jaeil discovers Beomgyu hiding with you in the bathroom, you’re unsure if there's a way to confidently explain how it looks. It feels like a bomb waiting to explode.
You’re going to throw up.
“It’ll be quick, promise!” You reassure Jaeil. Jaeil gives a quick reply before stepping back toward the kitchen. You chew on your fingernail while waiting to make sure that he’s nowhere near.
Beomgyu lifts a finger to gently sweep away your finger from your mouth, the tips of your ears turning bright red. You glance up at him.
“Jaeil?” He asks pointedly.
You nod once.
Something dark swims in his eyes and he reaches for the doorknob.
In fear, you aggressively pin him against the linen closet. You trip over your feet, but then get tangled with his legs in the shuffle.
Beomgyu wraps his arm around your waist in an attempt to keep his balance, but crashes his shoulder into the closet door causing it to come off the track. He curses under his breath.
“What was that? You alright?!” Jaeil shouts. You both stiffen.
“I’m fine!” You’re anything but.
“Just dropped…the….” you trail off, hoping that Jaeil would walk away without another comment. Beomgyu dips his head to look at you, eager to hear what you’d come up with.
“...shelf came loose…?” You finish.
Beomgyu rolls his eyes and whispers, “Woooow. So believable.”
“And what do you got?”
He bites his tongue and draws his eyebrows up. “Got too hungry, almost ate poor Beomgyu up.”
You let out a dry laugh. “Yeah, okay.”
“Just explain it’s me. It’ll be fine.”
Five minutes ago maybe, but definitely not an option now.
“How about you don’t do anything crazy and I’ll do you a favor in return.”
“Of getting off my foot?”
You look down to see that you aren’t even stepping on him. You are, however, leaning into him for support while he holds you against him. Your body burns in all the areas that connect with his. “Sor-”
“Kidding.” He claps his hands behind you. “About stepping on me, not the favors. Double it, and make it a total of three favors that you owe me.”
You frown.
“Don’t get mad at me?? I’m playing your game.”
“Ugh, fuck. Fine. But it can’t be anything that gets you out of doing any work for the skills lab.” you pin him down with your stare. He chuckles.
“Blah, Blah, Blah. I can do that in my sleep, crybaby.”
You chew on the inside of your cheek. “Then, deal.”
He beams, letting you go and throwing his hands in the air. You shiver at the warmth leaving your body as you step away from him.
“What's the plan, princess? You’re really going to make me sit here the whole time? Killing me slowly with your guys’ conversation?”
You ignore his comment, sarcastically replying, “No, I would never do that to you. I’d kill you quickly.
He hums, almost as if pleased.
“I’ll drag him to my room, then you can sneak out.” You glance over to your clear shower doors.
He does too, raising his eyebrows. “Are you going to shower?”
You gulp. You’ve been in the bathroom too long to say you changed your mind.
Beomgyu pokes the center of your forehead, and you reach behind him for a towel. Throwing it over the shower door, you nod in satisfaction.
“Sit, and don’t look.” You point to the ground. Beomgyu quickly gets on the ground and barks in a whisper.
“Good boy.” You tease.
He pants like a puppy to mock you.
You turn on the shower. He leans back against the cabinet and stretches his leg out with a small groan. “What if Mr. Perv decides to break down this door and find me in here with you? Do I put my spiderman skills to the test and hang from the ceiling?”
“He won’t.” You feel the water until it’s reached a nice warm temperature.
“I can’t believe you’re still with him…”
“What are you suggesting? I break up with him and start throwing myself around?” As if you would even have the time to do that. You pull your phone from your pocket and play some music, leaving it on the counter.
“The Marias… your ears do work.” He grins. “I’m saying you’ve been with him so long. You don’t feel trapped?”
You shrug. As someone with commitment issues, is he asking because he’s scared? Or is he making fun of you?
“No.”
“You don’t think you’ll have any regrets?” He asks, softly.
You raise your eyebrow. “And you have no regrets? Sleeping around with people?”
He eyes you down, sending chills up your spine. “Just one.”
You press your lips into a fine line.
Ending the conversation, you step into the shower, away from the showerhead to step out of your clothes.
You peek to make sure he’s kept his promise to not look. You find him resting his head against the cabinets, eyes closed while listening to the music.
With relief, you take off your clothes, feeling odd about being naked with only a towel separating you two. You carefully fold your clothes and set it outside the shower, burying your underwear like it’s something shameful to wear.
As you step into the water, your mind can’t help but think about the night of Taehyun’s wedding. It was Beomgyu’s fault for bringing up the conversation about you and Jaeil all over again.
You drown yourself under the showerhead, wanting to drown the memories too. But it was like your mind was desperate to recall them, chasing to collect pieces. Your body began to burn with the ache, wanting to feel them all over again.
You turned the shower colder while you did your routine, but it wasn’t helping.
You stand still, catching your breath. Your body continued to ache, not wanting you to deny what it needed. You didn’t plan to, it just wasn’t going to be with who it wanted.
After drying yourself, you put back your shirt and wrap yourself with a towel. Beomgyu had fallen asleep, his hands carefully resting over his lap.
“Can I open my eyes?” He whispers, startling you.
“Y-yeah.” You tuck your wet hair behind your ear and walk over to the door. Peeking out, you see that Jaeil’s on the couch streaming a movie. The smell of beef traveled through your apartment, reminding you that you hadn’t eaten dinner yet.
“Stay.” You order him. “Leave when you don’t see us.”
Beomgyu gives you a pressed smile and a thumbs up.
You walk out and wrap your arms around Jaeil, surprising him with a deep kiss. “Hey.”
His eyelids flutter with the surprise show of intimacy. He sits up and adjusts his glasses. “What was that for?”
You hold onto your towel as you walk around the couch. “The baked goodies at our meeting today. That was sweet of you.”
He grinned, reaching over to pull you closer, not missing that you were still wrapped in the towel.
“Stop,” you laugh, feeling self-conscious knowing that Beomgyu was a few feet away, listening. You look toward the bathroom door, worried that you’ll be found out. “Um, come with me to my room while I change?”
Jaeil groans. “Do we have to?”
“Yes, now come on!” You tug his hand and help him off the couch.
He finds it odd when you close the bedroom door, but you distract him quickly by throwing your arms around his neck and placing your lips over his. You hope that it quiets the ache even if it’s just a little.
Your hope diminishes when you feel Jaeil’s lips rough under yours. Even though his mustache isn’t visible, the hair prickles your lip. You squeeze your eyes, pulling away enough to not irritate your skin. He tries to pull you in for more, and you respond by pressing your lips against his in a peck.
Jaeil wasn’t the strongest kisser, and usually you didn’t mind. Today, though, you wished he was a good enough kisser to pull you out of your head.
He drops your towel, and gently kneads your skin. His hands walk to other parts of your body. When he holds the hem of your shirt, you hold his face in your hands and smile. “Later? After we eat?”
“Now?” He tries to change your mind. “It’s been so long.”
You chew on your lip. “I know…”
“Do you not want to?” He looks a little hurt, and you don’t want to cause a repeat of the last incident.
“Of course, I do. It’s just been such a long day, I’m hungry and my stomach hurts.”
“I’ll be quick.” He pleads.
“Jaeil - “
A loud noise comes from the kitchen.
He frowns, rushing toward the door. “Was that the soup?”
“Wait!” You pick up your towel when he swings the door open. You stay in the room, your heart beating so fast, it skips a couple of important beats. Did Beomgyu make it out?
He walks into the room, running his hand through his hair. “I think it came from the pot. It’s smelling good, by the way. Since you’re hungry, let me set the table while you change, okay?”
You exhale slowly, nodding. Once he steps away from the doorframe, you lay back on your bed, wiped out.
Can this day just end?
.
.
.
“Whats this?” Jaeil asks, twirling something in his hand as you step out of the bedroom.
“Hmm?” you shuffle over to take a closer look at what he picked up.
He holds out his palm, and you see him holding a silver ring with black diamonds. You lean closer to inspect it. The ring was too big to be yours, and wasn’t your style.
“Where did you find that…?”
He stares at you without blinking, face serious. “I’m asking you. I found it here in your bathroom.”
The panic rises all over again.
“Uh, ohhh, Soobin must’ve left it behind. His shower broke so he used mine earlier.” You walk over to have a seat at the table. Part of you already knew it wasn’t Soobin’s ring since Soobin didn’t wear accessories.
Jaeil looks back at the ring, tossing it over in his hand.
“Come on. It’s Soobin. He’s harmless,” you laugh, bringing a spoonful of the beef to your lips. You moan at the first bite. “You can go deliver it to him, if you’d like.”
Please, don’t.
He shrugs his eyebrows and takes a deep breath, placing it on the counter. “Sorry. I think I’m just on edge.”
You relax when he joins you at the table. Scooting the soup over his way, you offer him a smile. He avoids looking at you.
A bad feeling washes over you. You almost don’t want to ask, but still do. “On edge about..?”
He shakes his head, embarrassed. “It’s stupid. I immediately thought the worst, instead of trusting you. Guess I’m still worried if you love me enough.”
You gulp and reach for his hand. “Jaeil. You know I do. Would I be thinking about having a baby with you, if I didn’t?”
He glances at you, curiously. “Does that mean you’ve visited the fertility clinic?”
You clear your throat. You could either tell him the truth and tank this conversation or stretch the truth out a little to save it.
“I made… an appointment.” On your phone… to think about it more.
He lights up and brings your hand to kiss it. “Seriously?! My mom will be so excited to hear.”
You lean your head to the side, trying not to appear annoyed. “Let’s wait to tell her. I don’t want to get her hopes up.”
He nods in agreement. “Okay. Can I ask when the appointment is?”
“Well, I haven’t secured an actual appointment. Because they have a long waitlist right now, so they said they’ll contact me when I can.”
Jaeil begins to eat, and you’re glad that he’s got an appetite now. “Then, nothing we can do until then.”
You try your best to smile.
Staring at the ring on the counter, you think about how you’re going to kill Beomgyu when you see him.
Nobody answered the door when you banged on it late at night. Soobin most likely had worked an extra shift, and Beomgyu was probably off who knows where.
In the morning, Soobin answered the door in his Gengar onesie. You held the ring up by his face. “This yours?”
He rubbed his sleepy eyes and craned his neck closer. “No?”
“Didn’t think so.”
Now, you were walking into Obstetrics on the hunt for Beomgyu instead of taking your well deserved lunch.
Nayeon spots you from behind the desk, and steps around the desk to block you from taking another step. “Dr.____. To what do we owe the pleasure? This is the umpteenth time I've seen you over in our hallway.”
Your shoes squeak against the ground as you attempt not to run her over. But what if you just put your hands out and shoved her hard?
“Hi, Nayeon. Just passing through..”
She sneers, crossing her arms and getting close to your face you could smell the coffee on her breath. “Quit looking for Beomgyu. It’s beginning to look a little desperate. Haven’t you heard? He’s seeing someone already. As are you.”
There’s only so much anger your body can hold, and you were already seething from Beomgyu’s stunt with the ring. Now you could explode with the hypocrisy spilling from Nayeon’s mouth.
“No offense, but you aren’t exactly extraordinary. Did you know the higher you reach, the harder you fall? Let’s not ruin things over embarrassment. People are watching.” She places her hand on your shoulder as if she was giving you life-changing advice.
You clench your jaw. Surely, steam was rising above your head and coming out of your ears. Nayeon probably wasn’t the only one who was thinking that you were trying to throw yourself over Beomgyu. That wasn’t new. But what was hard to hear was how they perceived you as way below his league.
Did it hurt because it felt almost like Beomgyu was justified for treating you so poorly in the past? Or because some twisted part of you wanted to be the one that was unattainable for Beomgyu? Was it competitive or was there something more to it?
Nayeon waits for you to respond, but you know that sometimes actions can speak better than words ever could.
Beomgyu walks out of his office, glancing up from the ground at you with surprise. Nayeon pretends to occupy herself with some papers at the counter. You know she’s planning to eavesdrop on your conversation with Beomgyu in hopes she catches something juicy to gossip about.
Burying your hand in your pocket, you take out the ring. Deciding to mess with her a bit.
“Left this in my bathroom last night.”
You see her head twitch.
Beomgyu steps in front of you with a small smirk tugging on his lips. “Oops,” he holds out his hand for it. “Must’ve been too busy making sure I snuck out quietly that I forgot to check if I left it behind.”
So he did leave it behind on purpose.
Nayeon coughs, needing to reach over for her water.
Drown, bitch.
You drop the ring into his palm. “Quietly? Funny, I could've sworn I heard something in the kitchen.”
He gasps theatrically. “Oh no, you have rats?”
“Yeah, a big one named Choi Beomgyu. Think I’ll set out a trap tonight to get him for good.”
He chuckles. “Fine, I stole a bowl of soup for the road. Burned myself by accident. See?” He rolls up his lab coat to show you a mark on his forearm.
“Aww, want me to kiss it and make it better?” You roll your eyes at him.
He huffs through his nose. “Yeah, I do, actually.”
He wastes no time in bringing his forearm closer to your face. You wrestle to get away from him and to anyone watching, it probably looked like he was ready to elbow drop you.
“Choi Beomgyu!” You shout his name out of breath as you twist away from him. He laughs like he’s forgotten that you two aren’t two top professionals of a hospital.
A deep clearing of the throat snaps the two of you to look up at Director Jung standing in the hallway.
Beomgyu closes his mouth and fixes the sleeve of his coat. You brush your hair away from your face as you create distance between you and Beomgyu.
Director Jung darts his eyes between the two of you. “Dr. Choi, you’re needed in surgery for a c-section. Dr. ___, you’re… not.”
You inhale through your teeth and nod. “Sorry, I’ll be leaving now.”
“See you at dinner.” Beomgyu says a pitch higher than normal just for your ears to catch.
You flash him a look over your shoulder.
From behind Director Jung, you point at him and mouth. “Don’t you dare!”
He smirks evilly, rolling his eyes at you as if to say whatever.
Glancing over at Nayeon, she’s stuck staring at you.
You bite your tongue to prevent yourself from sticking it out at her.
“That bitch has it coming. She insulted me! She said he was out of my league, like excuse me? As if I’m dying to be on his waitlist.” You tell Ari as you two wait for your coffee at the coffee shop near the entrance.
Ari giggles, rocking her hips side to side as she stretches.
“I mean… aren’t you?”
You look at her like she’s crazy, but then realize she’s talking about the fertility consultation waitlist. “Oh,” you stifle a laugh.
“What’s wrong with wanting to be on his personal waitlist?” She winks. “If you ask me, I sense something between the two of you. I could see you two hooking up, and so could everyone else. Nayeon’s just in denial and she’s trying to make sure it doesn’t happen. Which I know, it won’t. You know, considering the history between you two.”
The barista slides a Frappuccino over the counter and Ari leans over to grab it, thanking him. She tosses her hair over her shoulder before taking a long sip.
She waves her hand out. “But don’t you think he’s changed? During that delivery, he was speaking so softly and moving so gently. Did you see how he held the baby? My ovaries were ready to burst. How could you not fall in love with him? He seems like such a romantic.”
You open your mouth wide, but she holds her finger up to try to stop you before a sound comes out.
She fails.
“He's snippy, full of attitude, and a heart attack waiting to happen. I’m the only one who can see that. You are all victims.”
She wasn’t wrong about Beomgyu being a romantic. You saw how he treated his girlfriends. He falls in love fast and acts like the perfect boyfriend at first. You’ve seen him walk in with bouquets of flowers and remember their favorite snacks. Unfortunately, you also saw when his fuse would go out. How he would start to give them distracted kisses or go radio silent. The only one smart enough to get a grip was Chaewon.
You remember how Chaewon came running into Sakura’s dorm room after Beomgyu had forgotten about their after-lecture date. She was all glammed up, and he wasn’t responding to her texts. Eventually, he had texted her with an excuse and an apology, but by then the two of you had calmed her down and reminded her of his pattern.
So she broke up with him before it could happen again.
Ari drums her fingernails against her drink.
“Is that why you like Jaeil? Cause he’s predictable and a safe choice?”
You blink slowly, unsure what to think of what she just said.
She holds her drink out to you to share a sip. “You’re scared to go for a wild card like Beomgyu. But what if it ends up being fun?”
You shake your head to both the drink and her statement.
What could be fun about wasting time and having a broken heart? She isn’t wrong, Jaeil is predictable, comfortable, but most of all he’s safe. Even though the two of you might fight more frequently, you know how to make up with him. You know just what to say, and you know how he works. He loves you and he’s committed. At the end of the road, there’s a baby, a house, and a marriage.
Leaving all that behind to have some fun and the worst heartbreak of your life would be stupid. You would end up a bitter, single old lady reminiscing about what she lost.
“I’m not looking for fun, Ari. I want so much more. And Beomgyu? Well, he hasn’t dated anyone longer than a year.”
The barista sets your lavender matcha on the counter. You manage to give him a polite thanks as you place the straw into the cup and walk with Ari out of the shop.
“Someone has to settle him down, don’t you think?”
You groan. “Every girl of his past probably thought the same thing.”
She laughs. “‘It’s true! Someone is going to be a winner.”
“I wish you luck, Ari.” You swat her back.
“Bleh,” she chokes.
You both walk over to a table and sit down. “What do you think the perfect girl for him looks like, anyway?” She asks, trying to be nonchalant with her question.
You stretch your arms up and ponder. “Someone really pretty. She has to be sooo pretty that he fears losing her, I think. That’s what he has against all these girls. He reels them in with his looks and charms, and knows it. So he always has the upper hand. But when they get too comfortable, it scares him. Or he gets bored with the game. I don’t know. Maybe he always wonders if he can do better? He’ll always have options so I don’t think he worries about being a bitter single, old lady reminiscing about his past.” You snort.
Ari nods slowly. “I see…”
You flicker your eyes to hers, and it’s like she’s finally come to a realization. She fixes her face. “Dang, I thought I could compete.”
‘You could, Ari. But he doesn’t deserve you.” You shake your head.
A girl walks into the lobby and immediately captures your attention. She’s glowing golden under the skylights with her tan skin and soft brown waves that reach her waist. She holds the small purse in her thin, delicate hands and stands tall with perfect posture. You worry the air conditioning in the lobby would blow her back out the revolving doors.
“Damn.” Both you and Ari blurt.
You point at her. “It’ll be someone like her.”
Ari’s mouth hands open, and her gaze flickers to the top of the stairs. You follow and catch Beomgyu jogging down the stairs toward her.
One big HA! bursts out of you.
Beomgyu says something to her before quickly placing a kiss on her lips.
You roll your attention back to your drink. “I think I'm manifesting things.”
Ari covers her mouth. “I’m going to cry. That has to be his girlfriend, right? Who the hell can compete with that? Are his girlfriends like Pokémon? Do they keep evolving because what the fuck? Quick, at least call Nayeon to witness this. Maybe she’ll faint and go into a coma.”
You glance back. They’re still talking. Beomgyu places his hand on his nape and looks around the room.
You sit up and grip your drink. “We should go. In case they have lunch here.”
Ari gets up from her chair. “Good idea. I don’t think I can take the sight of him doing anything nice for her.”
You toss your empty drink into the garbage, before joining her on the stairs. You can’t help but glance toward them once more. She’s almost as tall as Beomgyu. Maybe if you were taller, you would be more intimidating to him.
Beomgyu tilts his head and eyes shift to notice you come into his line of vision. You recognize the glimmer in his eyes and you can’t help but hold his stare. You press your lips tightly together, eyes unblinking and hard.
“I think I get you now.” Ari whispers to you. “I’m starting to hate him.”
You let out a breathy laugh.
You were carefully reviewing Baby Samuel’s care plan, when an alarm goes off across the room. You recognize it as Baby Haru’s ventilator alarm, his monitor flashing in warning. Ari looks up, occupied with feeding another baby.
You’re already darting across the room with the other nurses. Baby Haru’s lips have turned blue in such a short amount of time, failing to get oxygen into his lungs. You notice the tube has dislodged.
“Keep his head steady.” You ask of Emma, one of the nurses. She nods.
You re-intubate, sliding the tube carefully back to where it should be. The respiratory therapist adjusts the ventilator and calls out his oxygen levels until the alarm is silenced. Your shoulders relax only when Haru’s chest rises and falls steadily.
You dart your eyes back to the monitor, staring hard to ensure it doesn’t go down again. Once it does, you lean away from the crib.
You didn’t realize that Haru’s father was in standby, as white as the curtain. He hadn’t made a single fuss or commotion, yet he looked so afraid. “He’s alright now. The tube dislodged with his sudden movement, but it’s good now. Thank you for remaining calm.
He nods quickly, wiping away his tears. “Thank you.”
You smile and gently rub his back. “I promise, if an alarm goes off, at least four people will dive in to help.”
After debriefing with the next team, you decide to head over to the nursery to end your day. It had been awhile since you visited. It always shocked you with how big the newborns looked compared to the preemies.
Turning into the hallway, you find Beomgyu standing at the baby window. He chews on his bottom lip, concentrating on one baby in particular. Sensing a presence in the hallway, he steps away and looks over at you.
His waterline is red and his eyelids are more pink than usual. Had he been crying?
You grip onto your bag, feeling rooted to your spot now that you’ve been noticed.
He turns toward the window, eyes solemn.
“She didn’t make it.” He finally says, barely above a whisper.
Your heart plummets. “The baby?” You whisper back, carefully.
He shakes his head slowly. “His mother.”
The air leaves your lungs and your bag slips off your shoulders. It’ll never get easier to hear when patients pass away. Especially when they leave something precious behind.
“She was in a car accident on her way over. She seemed fine, she was able to have a natural delivery, but she had trauma to her head.” He pauses to swallow hard. “She passed shortly after.”
You’ve never seen Beomgyu this visibly upset.
“I’m sorry, Gyu…”
He shakes his head as if annoyed with your apology. “I told her she was going to be okay. I thought…”
You furrow your eyebrows, taking steps closer to pull him in for a hug. He keeps his arms at his sides at first, but then he sinks more into your touch while exhaling shakily. Could this be his first ever encounter with a patient’s death? If he rarely practiced in obstetrics before, then chances were likely this was his first maternal death.
It’s hitting him hard.
“You said what you hoped. Those words could’ve given her the strength to make it through labor. Because of that, she gave birth to a healthy baby.”
His voice broke. “___, I k-knew her. I helped her. She was my patient from Moon. It took her nine cycles of IVF before it was successful.”
Your heart shatters. How is it fair that she won’t be alive to raise the baby she hoped for?
“That’s not even the worst part. The father…He doesn’t want him.”
You frown, confused. “He doesn’t…? He can’t do that. Legally?”
Pulling back, you look up at Beomgyu. He looks up as his eyes water. “He’s refusing responsibility. Said there’s no point in raising a child without her. So social services will be here tomorrow for the baby.”
Your voice catches in your throat. “That’s too soon, he’s just too angry to think clearly…that’s his child. The only thing he has left of her.”
Beomgyu wipes his eyes with the corner of his palm, and looks back toward the baby through the window. He drops his gaze to the floor. “It’s too late. He’s signed the paper.”
You run a hand through your hair, pacing toward a wall to lean on. How could he abandon his child?
Beomgyu tilts his head back as if attempting to tilt his tears back into his face.
“I just don’t understand.” You tell him.
Beomgyu chuckles without humor. “Because it doesn’t make sense. Some people don’t think things through and they rush into it. Then something like this can happen.”
“Nine cycles of IVF doesn't sound like rushing things, Gyu. People who try IVF, they’re desperate for an option that works. I’m sure they wanted this baby more than anything else in the world. Right now, he’s just not in his right mind.”
Before you completed your sentence, Beomgyu was already shaking his head.
“You’re wrong. You want that to be the reality so badly, but you forget that not everyone has good intentions even from the start. She came in so excited after reading about the research I’ve done. Every time they would visit, she would talk about all the things they would do when the baby was born. Do you know what he said? Nothing. I think he only ever said a total of five words.”
You chew on your lips, listening. He takes a deep breath and continues,”It was weird. And it took me a while before I understood. Some people want a baby because they want a baby, no matter who can give it to them. Shouldn’t it be that you want a baby because you love someone so much you want to create something of you both together?”
You drop your eyes to your feet. You can feel his gaze on you, waiting for an answer, and give him a stiff nod.
Yeah, it should be like that.
Do you want a baby because you want a baby with Jaeil? Or do you just want a baby?
You already knew what the answer was and you hated yourself for it.
“Is your patient still considering IVF?” He asks.
You lift your eyes up and glance out at the hallway where nurses pass by, but no one seems curious as to why the two of you are in the hallway together.
“She is,” you tell him.
“Then, I hope she really thinks carefully about it.”
You turn your head to look at him, and he’s staring intently.
“Beomgyu, I know this is all very hard. But don’t let it change your opinion… Not everyone can be this cruel.”
It happens in typical contraception as well. Accessing IVF is extremely limited (mainly for its cost) but imagine getting a doctor that tries to convince you out of it. Not that Beomgyu sounded opposed to IVF entirely, but he was adamant about having people reconsider their choices. As if he would be the type to.
“I guess you wouldn’t understand.” You whisper under your breath.
He frowns. “Why wouldn’t I understand?”
“Because I doubt any of this is on your mind right now?”
He narrows his eyes. “You think I haven’t thought about settling down? Or having a family of my own?”
You scoff, “Not when the pregnancy would be longer than your relationship.”
The words slip out before you could stop them.
To think that you spent the first half of this conversation comforting Beomgyu, and now you’re back to the usual sour banter. It’s always going to go south with you two, isn’t it?
He laughs bitterly, like it hurts, and maybe it does. “Haven’t you been in your relationship for over seven years already? Give or take a zillion breaks, of course. Tell me, ___. Where’s your ring? Where’s your baby? Hmm?” He pouts.
You stare hard at him, tears prickling your eyes.
He leans in and whispers. “Come on, lie to me. Tell me some bullshit about how you’re waiting until the perfect moment. Tell me how you love him so much it’s worth it.”
The air becomes too hard to breathe in. “Find that so hard to believe?”
“I do.”
Before you say anything more, he leans in enough to whisper over your lips. “Because if it was true, then you wouldn’t have been so desperate to throw yourself at me.”
You wince and step back.
“I didn’t throw-!“ Your voice comes out hoarse. That’s not how it went at all. Right?
He laughs as you doubt yourself. “The minute I let you come for me, you came so needy. You were starved– deprived. I knew it all along. Jaeil could never satisfy you. You’re settling, baby. You’re settling for a mundane relationship. Marriage or a baby isn’t going to change the dynamic of your relationship. Instead, you’ll end up making the biggest mistake of your life.”
Your throat burns. You feared that night would come back to haunt you. And it did in the worst way because he was now holding it over your head.
You and Jaeil broke up a few nights prior to the wedding. You wore your heart on your sleeve willing to give it to anyone that could remind you that you could be loved again. You gave it to the worst person you ever could’ve.
No one knows about what really happened that night, except for the both of you. For him, you are just another girl he fucked for a good time.
For you…
“I didn’t throw myself at you because I wanted you. I was only using you. Just like all the other girls do because that’s all that you’re good for, Gyu! You’re a horrible hollow, shallow person! At what point do you ask yourself why you can’t hold a relationship? At least, I’m good at something!”
He looks at you with so much hate, it’s sickening.
“I’m glad you remember that night. It’s my reminder of why I’ll never go for someone like you. Jaeil will always be the better option.”
“Because you’re scared.” The lips of his mouth curve up. ”You think I didn’t notice…? How your hands shook? How your lips trembled against mine? How you cried when you looked at me? You’re scared to feel more than you’d like to admit.”
So what? The thought almost came out of your mouth.
So what?
So what?
So what?
Admitting anything, won’t change the fact that he’s an asshole that plays with girls’ feelings. Just to hold it against them.
Pressing your hands onto his lab coat, you shove him away, accidentally yanking off his ID to the ground.
“Stay. The Fuck. Away. From. Me.”
There’s a hiccup in your breath, and you hope he doesn’t catch it.
You ignore the curious stares of everyone as you rush past them. You were too busy trying to keep yourself together until you were out of the building completely.
Because he was right.
Some sick twisted part of you wanted him.
And you were never going to let yourself have him.
Wedding Night
There were three requests Taehyun asked of the friend group for his wedding night.
1. Please, don’t hook up with his cousins.
2. Pleeaasee, don’t get shit-faced drunk (until the after party).
3. Pretty please, no fighting for the entirety of the night (He might’ve dramatically swished his head left and right to look at you and Beomgyu respectively).
As the mother of the group, Yunjin had stepped up to the task of making sure that everyone would obey his requests. Spoiler alert: she failed. All requests were disregarded. Not in that order, but all by one person.
It started over dinner when Taehyun’s cousin, Eunah had joined your table. The boys watched her every move like a flock of birds. You couldn’t blame them. With her sleepy gaze and plump red lips, she reminded you of a real life Bratz doll. Once she took the spot next to Sakura, you caught the boys running through rounds of rock, paper, scissors. The smug look Beomgyu wore told you he was the winner, and by the boys’ look of disappointment, the prize was a good one.
During dessert, Beomgyu shifted to the edge of his seat, smoothing down his cream jacket. You locked eyes for a moment, while you enjoyed a spoonful of the lemon sorbet. You suspected he was going to do something that might upset you. Your eyebrows knitted together while you watched him get up to occupy the chair next to you. Knew it.
As he introduced himself to Eunah, you inhaled deeply, ready to let him have it.
Yunjin blew air between her teeth, a quick chh, for your attention. With one firm shake of her head, she warned you to just leave him be and not cause a scene. It was better for her to fail at one of her requests than two of them.
You frowned so deeply that your forehead burned. Why was the good child always disciplined for the bad child’s behavior?
Whatever. Out of respect for Taehyun, you decided to leave Beomgyu alone. Besides, your mind was too busy stressing over your recent breakup with Jaeil to add Beomgyu to the mix. Tonight, you planned to let loose and have fun, tired of being a little bound by the rules of your relationship with him. It wasn’t until Beomgyu rocked back into your space, as he laughed, that something inside you snapped.
After the fifth time, you shoved him with your elbow. You might have misjudged how heavy he was going to be and pushed him a tad too strongly.
Beomgyu’s head whipped back so hard you heard his neck crack. He turned to look at you from over his shoulder in bewilderment, one eyebrow rising after eyeing you up and down.
“You’re pushing me off my fucking chair.” You told him.
“Say something then, damn. Don’t push me.” He clicked his tongue before returning to Eunah.
You stuck your tongue at the back of his head. Not wasting another second longer, you grabbed your sorbet and moved to his former seat between Soobin and Yunjin. Yunjin who didn’t witness a thing, gently patted your arm. “I’m proud of you,” she mouthed with a look of endearment.
Once the party lights spun on, and the music changed, you levitated from your chair. Your first stop was the open bar. You were devastated when they mentioned they weren’t able to make you a pina colada, so you settled on pineapple juice mixed with the coconut rum. After drinking three of them, you dragged a reluctant Soobin to the dance floor.
You enjoyed the night for what it was – a celebration of two beautiful souls who found each other and wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Once the lights streaked across your vision, and you couldn’t tell which direction you were swaying, you excused yourself back to the table. Yunjin and Chaewon tried dragging you back, but you swatted their arms with a giggle.
Beomgyu and Eunah were stepping out of the photobooth as you passed. You tried to control your face as you ignored them. Beomgyu was not going to become the centerpiece to your thoughts.
After crashing into the chair, you retrieved your purse from under the table. You hoped to find a text back from Jaeil. Something like I was wrong, please take me back. Please don’t do anything stupid tonight, I love you so much. Instead, you were met with the photo of your kiss at the beach and the reminder that it was way past your typical bedtime.
Whatever then.
Quickly, you change your background to one of you at a music festival.
“Fighting, Mr. Perfect?” Beomgyu asked dryly, setting down his glass of whiskey on the table. He steadied himself as he watched Eunah dancing with Yeonjun.
Whiskey? Who’s he trying to impress? Even Yeonjun opted for an amaretto sour.
You threw him a look, scooting your phone away from his view. According to Beomgyu, Jaeil was “Mr. Perfect”, because who else would you have considered worthy of dating you?
“And you? Or have the decency to break up with Number 45 before going for someone new?” You scoffed, trying not to slur your words together. The anger was stronger than the alcohol.
He switched his focus to you, giving you a sly smile. “Keeping tabs? I’m flattered.”
“Flattered? Don’t be. You’re always dating someone, no?” It was as if he was allergic to being single.
He held your eyes.
“Why? Waiting for your turn?” He pouted.
“Hell no. Why would I put myself through that torture?” You leaned into your hand, blinking slowly.
He slid his hand on the table for balance, leaning closer to your face. The alcohol was overpowering his cologne, but the flush up his neck and red of his ears were more telling.
“Torture? Riiiight. I forgot you’d much rather try to resuscitate a dead, boring relationship. For what? Bragging rights? Proving you’ve met your prince charming?”
You slammed your hand down on the table. “Fuck you, Beomgyu-“
“Maybe you should,” He breathed.
You tensed, unsure you heard correctly.
He repeated, “Maybe you should—and then thank me for it.”
Without hesitation, you slapped him, the sound drowning with the music.
Even though you sent his head turning, he looked unfazed. Sensing a second one, he braced himself and caught your hand firmly in his. He pulled it into his chest to keep you from trying to land another one.
You laugh with a sharp gasp, “Is your answer to get with everyone? You think everyone wants you?! Does that make you a player, Gyu? Then you dump them once they start to care? You’ve got commitment issues! Why do you think Chaewon broke up with you? Why do you think Taehyun told everyone not to hook up with his cousins? It’s all because of you!”
You leaned up, but he didn’t budge. “Am I the only one proving something? Because to me you’re trying to prove you’re not as worthless as you really are.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know shit about me. Yet, you care so much. It’s wild! Obsessive, even. Since the beginning, you’ve been judging me when I was doing absolutely nothing to you-“
Your eyelids fluttered. “Nothing? You call all the bullying, teasing, name-calling, nothing?” With a hard tug, you managed to pull your hand free to dig a finger into his chest as you stood.
He steps into it more. “I was only teasing you because you did it back. Tell me, when did it exactly go “too far”?”
“Maybe when you said my relationship was dead and boring?!”
“I was only defending myself after all the constant shit you keep throwing at me! Like this? Right now? Okay. All because I’m being nice to Eunah?”
You flushed. “You’re not being nice! You’re trying to fuck her!”
He poked his tongue against the side of his cheek. “Careful, baby. You’re starting to sound jealous. Tell me the truth. Do you not want me to be with Eunah that badly?”
You diverted your eyes. “No, I don’t care-“
“-Really? Cause I think you do.”
“Taehyun said-“
“I’m asking YOU, ___.” He chased your stare, not letting you look away from him. “Do you not want me to be with her?”
“No.” You bit your tongue, surprised by how it came out. You meant to tell him No because of Taehyun. Instead, it came out like you were begging and desperate.
When nothing else came out of your mouth, he stepped back. His exhale came out unsteady, equally surprised by your response.
“Then have me.” His voice cracked, angry and airy.
Before he could clarify, he reached for your hand and pulled you toward the exit. You stumbled behind him, fixing your stare on his back or you would end up on the ground.
He barged into the groomsmen suite. The deep navy room smelled strongly of citrus and melon. Gold-accented mirrors hung along every wall, and a combination of leather and velvet sofas were grouped in the middle. Jackets and belongings were scattered everywhere, but no one was in the room.
Your hand slipped from his and you turned to see him lock the door, afterwards, shrugging off his jacket to toss over the sofa.
There wasn’t anywhere for you to run, now. You swallowed the nerves down.
While rolling up his sleeves, he lifted his eyes to you.
The tension in the room had grown thicker, making it harder for you to breathe quietly.
Closing the space between the two of you, he slowly placed his hand on your waist. It made you stop breathing altogether. With a gentle stroke of his thumb, you found yourself relaxing.
He held you in place softly while his eyes scanned your face to check if it was okay.
It wasn’t okay. His touch burned.
He bent down, close enough that the ends of his fringe tickled your forehead. “End this, ___. Have me.”
You struggled to hold yourself up, your knees weakening. Your hand came up to his chest in case the heat became too much you needed to shove him away. It trembled and you weren’t sure that you’d build up enough strength to do it even if you wanted to.
Underneath your touch, you felt his own heart beating hard against his chest. It was enough for you to give in and close your eyes to kiss him. He met you halfway, despite the distance already being so short.
When your lips connected, you felt a surge of relief to the tightness in your chest. You almost cried, overwhelmed with what it meant.
Would he hold this over you? Would he even remember?
You didn’t want to pull away, stuck between not wanting the kiss to turn into anything else, and to be the catalyst too. Withdrawing, you check his expression. He gave a small smile before opening his eyes.
His hand had traveled higher against your back to press you closer against him, making sure that you weren’t going to pull too far back.
“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” He whispered.
“A-awful.”
“Yeah?” He chuckled, voice thick with need.
“Mhm. Let’s never do it again.” You taunt him.
“I think we should.”
He placed his other hand to cradle your head, gently massaging it before pulling you in again. You loved the light smell of his aftershave, and the sweet honey taste of his mouth. You wondered if he was enjoying it as much as you were.
He moved his lips slowly, and you followed, letting him lead. His lip were so soft, it was unexpected.
You sucked his bottom lip gently. He smiled into the kiss, breaking the kiss to switch and take your bottom lip to do the same to you. Your lips continued to dance with each other, a similar rhythm to your banter. When you felt his tongue tease yours, your eyelashes fluttered. The yearning spread throughout your body.
Was this another way of teasing you?
“Good?” His voice tickled your lips.
You shook your head. Lies.
As you took a breath in, he crashed his lips over yours, stealing your breath. He walked you back to one of the sofas where he carefully bent you down. Your kiss broke, but you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck to bring him back with a small whine. This time, Beomgyu applied more pressure, parting your lips with his so he can slide his tongue against yours. Gingerly and like a tickle at first, but then hungry for more.
He groaned, sending pleasurable goosebumps all over you. It was a beautiful sound, and you wanted to hear him again. So you made room for him to place his knee between your legs as he shifted toward the sofa.
The room filled with the sound of your hungry kisses and barely contained moans.
You’ve never been kissed like this before. Like he was completely drinking you up, and he was a thirsty, thirsty man. You broke for air only when you were on the brink of passing out, loudly inhaling for some air. But he did too, his low and shaky.
Beomgyu rocked back, he must’ve been using his strength to hold himself up. You sat upright and scooted back to let him get on the sofa. He did, all while reclaiming your swollen lips for more kisses.
When he pulled you into his lap, you braced yourself onto his shoulders. A sneaky hand traveled up your dress, and one of your own went into his shirt. He helped you by unbuttoning it before getting the courage to rake his fingers up your thighs as he lifted the dress to pool at your waist.
“Beomgyu,” you whined, a little fearful because you would let him do anything to satisfy the throbbing in between your legs.
“Mmm?” he pulled back from the wet kiss, brushing his lips against your jaw. You ran a hand up the smoothness of his neck and laced your fingers through his hair. His eyelids had grown too heavy for him to keep his eyes open. He pulled your hips down against him, guiding you to move against his crotch. He was hard beneath you, turned on as much as you were.
You bit down on your lip, hoping you could keep the secret of desiring him a little longer. But when he licked a stripe up your neck before nipping on the skin, your jaw relaxed and you moaned shamelessly. He bit you playfully, a moan-turned chuckle escaping him.
As he tickled your neck with his breaths and kisses, you became more lightheaded. The sounds of your moans almost unrecognizable to your ears.
You jerked your hips away when you felt yourself get too sensitive rubbing against his pants. He responded by reaching down to unbutton them and tug them down, bringing his boxers down with it.
The smartest thing would’ve been to keep teasing him. Maybe come back down from cloud nine and think about how you could gain the upper hand. Instead, you went with instant gratification. Beomgyu pulled away as you reached between your legs. He watched you while his chest fell with his shallow breaths.
You pulled your panties to the side and reached to guide him into you. He tilted his head back for a breath before leaning back into the space. He helped – one hand holding your waist the other holding his dick in his hand while you adjusted yourself on top. The wetness dripped down his length.
He groaned, massaging your butt until you felt him slide into you with ease. Much faster than you’d like. You bit back a yelp when you sunk down against his hips, your abdomen clenching.
He swallowed hard, a finger gently moving your hair away from your face. “Is this okay? Are you okay?”
You nodded, giving him a breathless confirmation. His eyes glossed down your body before helping himself to getting rid of your dress. You helped, shivering when the cool air from the ceiling fan brushed against your skin. He cupped your face and gave you a slow kiss. It was enough to melt your body against him.
Moving against him was painful, and you weren’t confident you knew how to. You rocked back, but when you moved your hips and sunk back further, that’s what made him gasp. His fingers dug into the flesh of your ass as he helped with the speed. Once you moved with ease, it started to feel good to you.
“F…feels good,” you breathe.
“Yeah?” He groans. “Don’t stop.”
Once you got tired, he held your hips and rammed into you. You place your hands on his chest as you arch back, moaning when he thrust against a sensitive spot. You hadn’t realized how loud your moans grew until his mouth came over yours to muffle them.
Your legs trembled, and your arms were getting tired of holding yourself up.
He noticed, whispering. “Baby, let’s switch.”
Nodding, you climbed off him, taking his spot to lay down on your back. Feeling exposed under the recessed lights, you folded your arms into your chest to hide your body.
While catching your breath, Beomgyu shrugged his oxford shirt off. Your eyes drank up his honey skin. His arms were toned, and while his abs weren’t defined, they were still tight. Fuck, you wanted him inside you again.
He smiled down at you with his soft gaze. With a gentle swipe of his hands, he brushed away your arms from your chest. You bit down against your bottom lip as you gave in and rested your arms by your head.
He laughed softly at your reaction, a small wrinkle of his nose. Then he continued to admire you, tracing patterns against the skin underneath your bra as he made his way toward the back where he couldn’t reach. You helped by unclasping your bra, checking to see if that’s what he wanted.
His face turned more serious as he swiped his finger under your bra strap to pull it off your body.
Your heart pounded hard against your chest. Could he see it?
“Beautiful,” he whispered.
You were too easy.
After pulling down your panties, he propped your leg up to guide himself at your entrance. This time, you take him in with pleasure.
You gasped, rolling your head to the side when he thrust into you.
You whispered his name, and he whispered against your temple, “I got you, baby.”
He snapped his hips forward. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t hold back your cries. The room quickly filled with your satisfied groans and skin slapping against each other. It was getting hot and the sweat traveled down your forehead to your temples.
Beomgyu swore and hissed when clenched around him tightly, clawing at his back after he folded in your legs to pound deeper.
“Beo..om..gyu!” His name broke with your sobs.
He groaned with pleasure, his hair curling at his forehead. He pushed further, and you felt the pressure explode before you could warn him. You arched, shivering, as the ecstasy broke your body. You chanted his name between your writhes, needing him to keep you together.
Beomgyu kissed you, breathing hard against your lips as he kept you flush against his body. Wanting to feel your orgasm for as long as you could, you tensed every muscle.
Whimpering into his mouth, he continued rocking into you until your sighs told him you’d be okay.
Wrapping your legs around him, you kissed him with tears in your eyes. He continued rocking into you until he stilled, grunting softly.
“Fuck, ___.”
You panted against each other’s mouths, until a knock on the door startled both of you.
He cursed again, pulling out of you. The leather on the sofa squeaked as you shifted away from each other. Whoever knocked must’ve left because they didn’t continue.
The two of you scrambled to clean and re-dress. You remembered holding your dress up while zipping it as Beomgyu stepped out the door. Under the panic and sobering up, you couldn’t remember if he told you he was going to come back or if he left without a goodbye.
You didn’t wait to find out in case it was the latter.
Once ready, you slipped out of the room to freshen yourself up in the lady’s bathroom before returning to the reception room to say goodbye to the others. Beomgyu eventually stepped back inside the room, roped back onto the dance floor with Yeonjun like nothing happened.
Your heart sank to sickening depths, but you buried away your feelings. If you didn’t think about it, maybe the memory wouldn’t stick.
After all, it wasn’t meant to mean anything or change anything between the two of you.
Because if it did, he would’ve said something to you. He would’ve texted you. He would’ve chased you out the door. He would’ve called you the next day.
He would’ve, he would’ve, he didn’t.
And a week later, Jaeil showed up on your doorstep with a dozen, and one roses to apologize.
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