Free Falling
[I decided to write a Buddie alt-ending about what would've happened if Buck did get shot climbing up the crane. This is my first Buddie fanfic so I apologise in advanced if it's not that good. I hope you enjoy it, though!]
<Also the spacing was being finicky, sorry about that>
------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes the world speaks for people to hear, but no one listens until it's too late.
Eddie could feel Ana press her smooth lips to his forehead. He could hear her voice--almost melodic--speak words. He could see her dark hair as it curtained his face. He could taste the coolness of the mint gum she was chewing earlier on her mouth. He could smell her perfume--floral and a little too strong.
His five senses screamed Ana. But his mind did not. His soul did not. His heart did not.
"I'm going to head out. Do you want me to turn on the TV before I leave?" she asked, slinging her purse over her shoulder.
"Just the news is fine."
Ana gave him a small smile as she changed the channel and walked towards the door of the hospital room.
"See you later, Edmundo."
Eddie's response was merely a nod as he turned his gaze to the TV. The weather for the next week flashed on the screen.
*Clear skies in LA for the next week or two*
Clear skies? Eddie grabbed the pen and paper at the bedside table where he had scribbled his to-do list onto it.
1. Take meds
2. FaceTime Christopher
3. Schedule physical therapy
4. Call Bobby about new shifts
And at the bottom:
5. Tell Buck about the will
A smile spread over Eddie's face as he thought about all the ways he would tell Buck. He could do it before discharging. But if the weatherman was right, maybe he could invite Buck for a picnic at the park with Christopher. They would sit in the middle of the grassy area…though Buck would probably argue that the shady spot under the tree was better. But if Christopher gave Buck his big puppy-dog eyes, Buck would give in instantly. And maybe they would bring Buck's skateboarding contraption and go around the park until they were all sweating and laughing. But before they left, as the sun went down, Eddie would tell him.
Eddie would tell him about all of the near-death experiences of the past. He would tell him that Buck was the only one he trusted with his son. That Buck's genuine kindness and perseverance and love and passion for his son was what drove Eddie to call his lawyer and ask for his will to be changed. Eddie would watch as Buck stared at him in disbelief and confusion but also excitement and honor. At that goofy grin Buck gave him when he was flustered or shocked. He would stare at Buck's blue eyes that matched the sky until Christopher broke their silence.
Maybe after that, Eddie would invite Buck over. After everyone was clean, they would order pizza from their favorite restaurant and play video games. Then Buck would read Christopher a bedtime story and even though Eddie said only one, Buck would give in yet again and read a second one. Then they would both tuck Christopher in, close the door, and go back to the living room.
Buck and Eddie would down a beer or two and maybe amidst their tipsiness, Eddie would stare into Buck's eyes again. Maybe they would move closer to each other on the couch until their foreheads touched.
Eddie closed his eyes. He could feel the taut muscle of Buck's chest against his. He could hear both of their heavy breathing and that scoff that slipped from Buck's mouth. He could see all of the little scars that Buck had obtained over the years, at that birthmark over his eye, at the fullness of Buck's lips. He could taste the alcohol but also the sweetness as their lips grazed over each other. He could smell Buck's cologne--earthy and clean and grounding. Not too strong. Never too strong. And when they were a mess of limbs and clothing, Eddie would run his hands through Buck's curls until they fell asleep.
No, he couldn't think like this. What about Ana?
Eddie thought of what Carla had said. He thought of his own words. Of Ana's. Of Buck's.
It's easier being with her.
Why was it easier? Was it because it was easier to take Ana home to his parents than explain why he fell in love with a man? Was it because it was easier to imagine that Ana was like the woman he lost to his own mistakes? Was it easier because Christopher loved Ana?
The news reporter's voice snapped him out of his daydream.
*Firefighter from the 118 climbs industrial crane to rescue man, despite the threat of an active shooter*
Eddie let out a scoff. What rational person would risk their life to climb up a crane unprotected when there was a sniper nearby? But as he pondered it more, he suddenly came to a realization.
Buck. Buck would.
As if the news camera read his mind, a camera view zoomed in to the firefighter climbing up the ladder. Rope around his shoulder and determination in his eyes, Evan Buckley panned into view. Despite being pumped with morphine and drugs, the wound on Eddie's shoulder throbbed at the sight.
*Firefighter Buckley disobeyed direct orders from his captain and is now scaling the crane*
The crack of a sniper cut through the air and ricocheted off of the metal beam of the crane.
"BUCK!" Eddie shouted.
The firefighter only paused for a second before continuing his ascent.
"Buck! Stop! Go back down!"
But Eddie wasn't there. Eddie was staring at his partner through the TV screen as he continued to climb. Buck reached the top of the crane and made his way towards the injured worker. The helicopter's camera was too far for Eddie to see any details. He couldn't see the proud smile Buck probably had as he began working on the man and then lowering him down. He couldn't see the look of shock as the bullet finally hit its target. He couldn't see the expression of acceptance as Buck stumbled back on impact, but there was no longer a ground beneath his feet.
Eddie could see a figure falling from so many stories up. Eddie could see the frantic eyes of Bobby and Hen and Chimney as they tried to figure out what they could use to cushion the fall. But he was too far. They would never make it in time. Eddie could see figure disappear between the buildings and the paramedics rushing to the scene. He could see the headline that replaced the previous one.
*Firefighter Buckley dead at 29, sacrificed life to save construction worker*
Eddie could feel his heart shatter into millions of fragments. Eddie could hear the heart monitor speed up as sobs filled the air. Eddie could see his vision cloud with tears. Eddie could taste only saltiness. Eddie could smell blood from where he had bitten the inside of his cheek in frustration and stress and anger and sorrow.
The penned words of his to-do list blurring together as tears fell upon them. He would have to change his will again. He would have to tell Christopher that "his Buck" wasn't coming home. Ever. He would have to go back to work and have a new partner. He would have to endure the pain that tugged at his heart every time he passed Buck's apartment or saw Buck's family.
And the worst of all?
He would have to live the rest of his life without Evan Buckley.
