‘Army Greens’, a Ficlit for Anders Week
Day 3: Charity & Greed. Event by @teamblueandangry
Click ‘read more’ or read on AO3 here.
“Anders stared at the closed door. Angry tears still streamed down his face where he sat on his knees. From the corner of his eye he caught Fenris walking down the sidewalk in his army greens towards the waiting bus.
He could feel his heart breaking, their fight still ringing in his ears…”
___________________
“You don’t have to do this Fenris! Violence is no way to achieve peace!”
“Says the man who started a revolution! Not to mention you were a Grey Warden!”
“Exactly! I know what is lying ahead if you walk out that door! I won’t let you do that!”
“Anders, love, please understand. I have to do this. Tevinter needs to fall for the slavery to finally end, the slavery I was saved from!”
“But killing Fenris… You’d be murdering mages.”
“Anders,” Fenris took his face in his hands, gentle thumbs wiping away brimming tears beginning to spill. “They are nothing like you. You are good, and kind, and fair… You’re the best man I know. I need to know that others like me will be free to be with someone like you. Please, I know you’re afraid for me, but you need to let me go…”
“No!” Anders ripped Fenris’ hands off him, tears streaming in anger. “Don’t ask me that, I can’t do it! I won’t! I won’t send you out there to die! You can’t expect that of me! Please, PLEASE Fenris! I beg you…” Anders dropped to his knees and Fenris knelt with him. Anders pleaded like he never pleaded before. “Don’t do this!”
“I’m sorry Anders…” Fenris slowly rose, avoiding Anders’ gaze
“Fenris! Fenris, if you leave now, I won’t be here when you come back! I can’t live knowing my lover might die any day!”
Fenris opened the door and stood in the doorway, the hurt in his eyes a sharp knife twisting in Anders’ chest.
“Forgive me Anders. This is something I have to do. For those who saved me, for those like me, and those like you. Goodbye love.”
______________________
Anders felt his heart shatter as the bus pulled away, taking half of him with it into a war zone. The years of war with the Imperium having culminated to this, and Fenris, being a military reserve due to his knowledge of the Imperium and the specialist training forced upon him as a slave, was called into the special ops that were going to deliver the final blow across enemy lines.
It was a suicide mission.
Anders felt hollow, lost, angry, but most of all hurt. So he did what he knew best - he worked.
He got up, put on his scrubs, and left early for his shift at the hospital, not even bothering to take his lunch.
_______________________
Over the next few weeks that was all Anders knew. Work.
He gave and gave of himself until there was nothing left to hurt, no energy left to think of how Fenris walked out on him and their life together.
But every returning soldier that came through those doors was a painful reminder of what might be. Every night he lay alone in the cold bed too big for him and reached out to the empty pillow, he dreamed of what could have been.
Finally, after six weeks of rarely eating or sleeping and overworking, Merrill, the sweet receptionist that always seemed like she didn’t know what was going on, pushed a pen and paper into his hands with a knowing smile.
“Write to him.”
So Anders did.
He wrote of how sorry he was, how terribly he missed Fenris, how the nights and days without him were empty and dull. He wrote of Fenris’ smile, his laugh, his delightful dry wit, his sharp mind, his tender touch, and his overwhelming love.
Anders wrote and wrote, every day for a month, without hearing anything back. Every day he would run out to the mailbox only to have the mailman give him a sad smile. But that didn’t stop him.
Anders visited the local army base once a week to hear if there was any news on Fenris’ unit, only to be told time and time again that their mission was a covert one and no news was coming from beyond enemy lines, it was too dangerous.
The next to reach out was Sebastian.
The young brother sat down next to Anders where he was sitting on the sidewalk, waiting for the mailman.
“You know, your letters might not reach him, but the Maker can.”
So Anders prayed. He worked, and wrote, and prayed, and waited. Nothing.
Varric came then, offering friendly support and comfort.
“You know Blondie, what you need is a distraction. How about some Wicked Grace? Or books perhaps? I happen to know a great writer if you’re interested.”
Anders didn’t want to face his friends, didn’t want to see the empty spot next to him at the Wicked Grace table. Fenris’ absence was already tangible enough, so he took option two.
Anders worked, and wrote, and prayed, and read, and waited. He gave away his time, mind, and energy freely to pass the time. And pass it did.
_______________________
The calendar read 97 days. 97 days without light or laughter or love. Anders worked, putting in overtime helping those who couldn’t help themselves. He wrote, pleading Fenris to forgive him and come home. He prayed, begging the Maker to keep him safe. He waited, patiently, for a letter or news of the love of his life. He read, to keep his mind from wandering and seeing his lover hurt and broken, or imagining he heard the bus pull up and footsteps walking towards the door and the doorbe-
‘Dling-Dlong!’
-ell ring.
A timid knock on the door had Anders turn in his seat towards the door. He couldn’t see who it was from where he sat. His mind quickly supplied an image of uniformed men holding a flag.
‘Dling-Dlong!’
Anders was up on his feet before the next breath, barely falling over. Rushing to the door he dropped the book that was on his lap to yank it open.
There, in the doorway, in army camo pants and boots, a simple black t-shirt, and a duffle bag stood the man he thought he might never see again. A bad scar over his left eyebrow and cheekbone suggesting he almost never did.
Anders just stared, his heart pounding in his chest as he tried to be sure this wasn’t another dream or fantasy - that he hadn’t completely lost his mind.
“Am I still welcome here?” a cautious voice softly asked as emerald eyes shyly looked up into his.
Tears answered before words did, Anders feeling a dam of worry, stress, and relief burst all at once and flood his heart, waters bringing life where for 97 days it had been broken and barren.
Arms wrapped around Fenris’ neck as Anders buried his sobs into his lovers neck, clinging for dear life as if the Maker would rip him from his arms at any moment.
“Fenris…” Anders cried into his shoulder. “You’re home love.”
Slowly at first, arms moved around Anders’ back, then held tighter as an answering desperation took over Fenris’ body.
“Oh Anders…” he sniffed. “Thank the Maker. You don’t know how many letters I wrote, how many nights I laid and prayed over your picture that I could come home to you.
______________
Fenris holds the picture to his forehead. It’s a picture of Anders smiling directly at him when he took it. Those amber-gold eyes so full of life and love. Will he ever see those eyes again? Will those arms be open to him when all this is over? Or did Anders mean the words he said in his hurt when they parted?
Commander Cullen gives the signal, and they stand. One by one they move out and jump from the plane, dropping down into enemy territory. Their target, the hideout of the Imperium’s leader, is below.
Things go according to plan. Fenris guides them through the maze of underground tunnels and directs them towards the main chamber, taking out guards as they go. It was only after he heard the soft click of a landmine that he knew they was in trouble. There was barely enough time to warn everyone to get back as he jumped to shield the bulk of the group from the blast so they could continue with the mission - they were so close.
The last image that came to mind was Anders, the love of his life. A smile on his face as he thought at how angry Anders would be at him for giving his life.
. . .
Everything was a haze. Fenris sees Anders, his bright smile and warm eyes, hears his gentle voice. He hears Anders’ shy laugh at a bad joke he made, sees him blush as Fenris asks him to have coffee with him. Feels lips slightly quiver as they meet his in a first kiss. More memories and smiles and laughter and tears. Anders’ face in the throes of passion, looking up at him, eyes filled with such devotion and wonder as words of love tumble over soft parted lips gasping for breath as heated bodies rocked together. Anders shrieking in excitement at his graduation. The tears of their first big fight. The tears when he asked Fenris to move in with him. That ring he had bought just before he got the call that he had been enlisted...
“Fenris? Fenris! There you are. You gave us a fright there man. Good to have you back! You’re a brightened hero is what you are. Saved the whole bitch-ass mission! What were you thinking though, dude? Jumping in front of a Tevinter turd?”
Fenris smiled, both at Hawke’s expression for a landmine and at the question asked.
“Of home”
_________________________
Fenris stood up straight, and started his walk down the aisle. Everywhere eyes turned towards him. A tunnel brigade of his squad mates stood on either side in their matching formal uniforms of black, white, and gold, holding their swords to their chests in respect.
Fenris walked proudly to the front smirking at Alistair trying not to cry. They all sported similar medals for being the squadron that executed the enemy’s leader triggering the surrender of the Tevinter forces, except for Fenris who also wore the Blue Cross for his exceptional bravery in battle.
He turned and waited at the end of the aisle. Sebastian gave him a smile and a wink.
The music changed and everyone rose to their feet. The men lifted their swords and crossed them, forming an arch as the doors opened for Anders.
Long silken blond hair was loose and falling over his shoulder, dressed in his own Warden formal wear of navy and silver. Elegant black boots came up to his calves, his mage Warden blues with adorned silver showing the curve of his tall frame and broad shoulders.
He blushed prettily and shy at the room full of people all looking at him, but when his eyes met Fenris’ there was nothing else but them.
. . .
“Anders, do you promise to be his, in mind, body, and soul, as long as you both shall live?”
“Wholly and completely, I do.”
“And do you Fenris, promise to be Anders’ in mind, body, and soul, as long as you both shall live?”
“With everything I have and everything I am, I do.”
“Then by the power vested in me by the Chantry and the Maker - I now pronounce you husband and husband!”
Cheers erupted in the room as Anders grabbed Fenris around his neck and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.
“I am yours Anders, now and forever,” Fenris whispered to his husband over the cheers.
“And I greedily accept every second,” Anders smiled back, “and give you all of me”.
