It’s all his fault.. and Sunggyu feels it like a burn across his heart, like a sin on his soul. Every second that he isn’t with Myungsoo is one more second that just doesn’t even feel worth living through.
For months, management tolerated his relationship with Myungsoo, as long as they were discreet. And the younger was almost too sweetly accommodating to that. But it was always difficult, there were a thousand occasions where either one of them could have overstepped the bounds of “fan service”, could have gone a little too far... looked a little too real... but they managed somehow to stay on the safe side. They both understood the stakes.
Until. Sunggyu knew it was his fault and he did what he did because he was too tired and too stressed out and if he were absolutely honest, he was too fucking drunk as well. It was late, after a concert in.. Jesus fuck if he even knew. They’d all gone out for a few drinks to ease off the concert high. And there was Myungsoo standing there looking like a combination of one of heaven’s own angel’s and temptation incarnate. He had that puppy look on his face and his dimples showing and it was warm enough that he was in shirt sleeves and the arch of his -neck- for fuck’s sake.. Sunggyu hadn’t even had a thought in his head, just a rush of pure unadulterated desire. He’d reached out and he’d bitten Myungsoo, just there right above his collarbone, reddening the flesh, sucking on it in a flashpoint possessive desire to mark Myungsoo. There was no way the action, and the way Myungsoo arched against him, let Sunggyu do what he wanted could be construed any other way than the obvious - this was a couple in a passionate embrace. Somebody pulled him away, he thought it was Sungyeol with such a look on his face and Sunggyu was almost instantly stone cold sober. Even with the taste of Myungsoo’s skin on his lips and the feel of him still a burning memory on his own skin.
The others, his members, they were okay... but management freaked out. Even his own uncle... there were what seemed like days of lectures and arguments and demands and the whole time...he could feel a terror inside him. Management demanded that he and Myungsoo “cool off” their relationship for a few months... Sunggyu had to pay a fine of all things. And it was just luck that they hadn’t been tailed by fans into and out of the bar. Nothing surfaced, no pictures no chatter... Sunggyu almost wished there would have been. He’d pay a lot for a picture of him and Myungsoo together.
So there they were... forbidden to barely even look at each other even though they spent long hours together with the rest of the group. Sunggyu felt magnetized, acutely aware of the moments when Myungsoo either entered or left a room. He could see the look in Myungsoo’s eyes sometimes... as if he were wanting Sunggyu to say to hell with everything as long as they could just... spend an hour alone.
Sunggyu wondered if Myungsoo blamed him, if he thought he was a coward for not fighting harder against management who were only looking out for Infinite after all... if the younger’s love was fading. This last was the thought that tortured him most. Had he killed it, destroyed everything in a single moment.
Sunggyu had written a hundred texts, dozens of emails and then not dared to send them. He felt himself stretching to the breaking point like a piano string pulled beyond bearing. He fretted about Myungsoo, was he eating, was he dealing with things all right, demanding that everyone else give Myungsoo their energy and love and not bother with his own stupid self.
But it hurt. It was a constant stab in his side, under his skin and he set his teeth to endure. I love you so fucking much. I’m so sorry. I wish I could change everything. Please don’t stop loving me. I’ll do anything to make this up to you. My angel face. My darling. Myungsoo.
