#angst blogging

[kelsei-is-just-whelmed-by-you]

Crush came over and helped(see: did all the work) put my bed frame together.

Stayed and talked.

Hugged me tight before he left.

DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I TOLD HIM I LIKE HIM

[sigurdjarlson]

My birthday is Friday and I can't even bring myself to care

[greenpicat]

i remembered that read mores exist this time. and then tumblr pranked me by silently removing it bc there was no text before it -_-

gen u winely what do u do when someone's face and body type and laugh are so beautiful and tickle your brain so perfectly that they dont leave your head for more than a week for 8 years and then you have to see someone else date them

but not just like, theyre gone for a long time and come back in a committed relationship. like. they barely change for most of those 8 years and then when they finally do theyre flourishing, theyre blossoming. and then u have a wonderful night with them, and then only after they tell you that they could see themselves spending their life with you. do they finally get their own partner

where's "he would not stay for me, and who can wonder?"

and i have a partner too so i really shouldn't be feeling this way i just fjskfks. i am honest to said partner at least. and i was honest to this person. everyone should be polyamorous and the gods hate me if they put me in this situation

sorry. i just. need to vent real bad skdkfjd

[greenpicat]

hm. the undergrad comp sci student association had a really chill hang-out space that i cozied up to last year so when they needed people to run for execs i was like yeah totally

but its been sinking in for me that the chill social group who ran the association was on its last legs and is basically gone, and now we just have an obligation to the student body that I’m not really equipped to handle. The exec team is half the size it was last year and none of us are particularly invested or experienced :/

in conclusion i am stress

[greenpicat]

lookin at the barren social media profiles of people i dont care about to remind myself that the barren social media profiles of people i do care about dont mean anything and some people just dont give a fuck about social media

[greenpicat]

dude we literally live in a world where 99% of people don’t know how to have productive conversations about their feelings huh

it fucking sucks

[greenpicat]

i just gotta ramble

[[MORE]]

Man I’ve been HELLA self-conscious for like, a couple months now and it sucks. I had a lot of confidence and excitement about life choices which has been wavering, and i feel like i was doing good with taking opportunities but now I’m second-guessing myself and missing them.

I think it has to do with that bad romantic rejection & maybe also withdrawing honours calculus. also maybe the fear that i made all these friends when (to paraphrase Bojack) they didn’t know me, and now they’re starting to know me. that last one might be more of a consequence than a cause though.

re:romantic rejection, I guess I can handle being lonely for a long time. And I can handle a clean rejection. But I can’t handle someone giving me a maybe and then later rejecting me, bc i just let my hopes skyrocket. it gets all tied up with my self-worth. It’s weird, bc I didn’t start ruminating about how I haven’t been in a relationship until after I got rejected, yknow, so its clearly bullshit. i dont actually need to be in a relationship. im just, sad i got rejected or something. but it feels like i need to be in a relationship? idkkk

[greenpicat]

I wanna try to get top 100 in my rhythm game but I’m gonna have to play for hours tomorrow to do it :[ i thought i had 1 more day than i do

i was gonna play now but im so sleep especially because i had a bath and i’m all warm and smell nice. i really just gotta sleep. im even too sleepy and relaxed to go eat