#another heartbreak

[1644505183]

[herblackwiings]

I’m not very close with my extended family anymore. On my dad’s side the amount of cousins and aunts and uncles are ridiculous. My grandpa was 1 of 12, he passed away in 2014 and devastated my life. Tonight I just found out his oldest brother passed away and he was one of the uncles I really loved. After my grandpa passed away I had a lot of dreams with my uncle Eddie in them.. he was crying for my grandpa. I haven’t seen him in so long… I will mourn this loss, too though. I hope my grandpa greeted him wherever they are.

[darkesthourofthedarkestnight]

soda who’s sooo cautious with driving after their parents die. because he’ll be damned if darry gets another cop at his door telling him his heart’s broken yet another time.

[princessandtheweed]

But my heart can't take another blow

And that's just why I'm scared to let you close

[grimroninreviews]

give or take by giveon review:

1. let me go (8/10)

2. scarred (9/10)

3. dec 11th (9/10)

4. this will do (5/10)

5. get to you (7/10)

6. tryna be (6/10)

7. make you mine (8/10)

8. july 16th (8/10)

9. for tonight (10/10)

10. lost me (9/10)

11. lie again (9/10)

12. another hertbreak (9/10)

13. at least we tried (7/10)

14. remind me (7/10)

15. unholy matrimony (6/10)

ranking: B+ tier

a great album from giveon

if you like: sonder, brent faiyaz, dylan sinclair, lucky daye, paperboy fabe, summer walker,

[caxsthetic]

Oh to be y/n and be loved by Omi. Every day I'll be-

------------------------

MAN DJAOJAKNJOJAKNCC The SMAU would be great for you all Omi simp and nightmare for all of us Samu simp

[whitehareknits]

DAY 4:

Buckle up, this one's long

While I was in Australia, I met a boy we shall call craig or Craigory, because I like calling Craigs, Craigory. He was just out of a bad relationship and I was only in Brisbane for a few months before the family I was working for was set to move to Sydney.

We both agreed it would be best to just be friends..... Inspite of ourselves we actually got really close and found out we had a lot in common. We both had the same interests in weird movies, we could quote them front and back, we were huge 1980s British comedy fans, and we had the same sick (just to the left of PC) humor.

Anyway, after I moved to sydney, we agreed to keep in touch and hang out whenever I made it back up to briabane which was often because I have family there. As the months went on, we both realized that our feelings for each other were getting stronger, even though we both still agreed to not date. When we did meet up, I'd always spend the night at his house in the same bed, and we would literally just spoon all night. Never anything more than that.

And each time I went back to brisbane, I'd tell myself, "This is it. This'll be the time where we actually talk about dating and we're actually going to have sex." And bless his patient heart, I would never bring it up, and neither did he. Even though I knew all I'd have to do was suggest it. Craig never pushed. I'd get all hyped up, then something stopped me each time. In my head I'd see it so clearly, then when it actually came time, my body would just peace out on me.

It wasn't until I was about 3 months or so from leaving Australia before I realized that I had to be asexual. Make no mistake, I fell in love with Craig, and even though we never got to talk about it, his feelings were pretty strong for me as well. And I just felt horrible each time we hung out and slept together, that I couldn't go "all the way" with him. I couldn't even kiss him. And I wanted to, but every time the opportunity presented itself, my brain would shut it down.

Once I realized that I had to be asexual, or at least some shade of it, I finally resolved to tell Craig. Just lay it all out on the table and offer him the opportunity to work with me or help me figure it out and actually talking about making our relationship an official thing. No sooner had I come to that decision, than I mindlessly browsed on FB just to stumble on a relationship update from him. He met a girl in his class and they were dating. I'd waited too long. I'd missed my shot.

The Craigory Incident turned out to be the last casualty of my sexual identity journey... As far as I know... Looking back on all my potential relationships and actual relationships, they all had one thing in common, I ghosted or blocked myself off because I was too afraid to broach the subject of sex and my lack of interrest in having it. My fear that no one would date me because I wouldn't be able to have sex with them permeated every shot I had, causing me to step away not knowing why.

Now that I actually have an identity as an asexual, it's something I can be upfront with right away. And I am. Now, any potential relationship I enter, the other party knows that I will probably not ever be able to take it to the sexual level.

So once I came to the conclusion that I was asexual, the hard part seemed over. Now I know why I'd always felt awkward dating and why even when I was dating (more of less) I couldn't take it any further. It felt like I bought a comfortable pair of jeans. They weren't the perfect fit, however, but they had a good stretch. I knew what I was, but I was missing that final piece. Tomorrow we'll come full circle when I talk about how I finally came to the aego conclusion.

Coming Tomorrow: "But I Still Like The Sexy Stuff?" Or "White Hare and the Aego-nauts"

[Day 1] [Day 3]

[dearemma]