A quick-ish doodle about my current state of mind. My dissertation committee finally submitted their questions for the Qualifying Exam, and I start writing it tomorrow. I don’t know what they submitted, but it’s going to hit me on the head tomorrow morning. I won’t know what it is until it’s already fallen on me. For now, it’s just…. there. Hanging there. Taunting me.
Closed Area Tales, part 1: Monolith and the Insane HR dept.
Since I’m hopefully getting the hell out of this industry, soon, I figured it would be neat to write out some of the more “interesting” occurrences during my time in it.
The year is 2002. The economic aftereffects of 9-11 have killed the project I was working so hard and so suddenly that it left skidmarks. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was scrambling to find a job somewhere. With not much choice in the matter, I ended up taking a position in AquVille, for the "Space Systems" division of the company. I'd taken the job with this particular company in the hopes of eventually working on the space program, so that seemed like a step in the right direction. AquVille has a NASA facility and the company at least had the word "space" in it. It seemed like an improvement.
Then I got to AquVille and discovered that the "Space Systems" division actually makes missiles.
I shall, therefore, call this company NotRockets.
The project NotRockets transferred me to was one of two huge, long-running missile system projects that every major player in AquVille, and most of the minor players, has or had a piece of. I'll call it Monolith. This was my first defense project and my first exposure to the "joy" of working in a closed area.
First, a little background on just what I mean by "closed area". The thing about defense projects is, they're compartmentalized as all hell. There's a thing called "need to know". If you don't have a "need to know" for a project, you're not allowed to see anything relating to it, even if you have the required security clearance. Some take it a step further, putting measures in place to make sure none of Project A's information or documents are ever in the same place as Project B's. This could be locked file cabinets, separate computer networks, and in one particularly annoying case, switchable HDs. Closed areas are an area that is only accessible for people working on a given project. Sometimes this includes an even more closed area for classified things. Sometimes offices are inside the closed area, sometimes just the workstations. In most cases, they are not allowed to be left unattended. Someone must be inside, or the door must be locked. This becomes a problem as they don't give the door codes out to just anyone, and bathrooms are not always part of the design.
Monolith's closed area was, as I later found out, unusually large. Our offices were inside, in several rooms and hallways. We had a big oversize keychain that was the "token". If you had the token and needed to leave, you had to find someone else inside the closed area to pass the token to, or lock it up (or call security to do it for you if you don't have the clearance to do it). As my hours were often later than most, this usually resulted in having to go on an odyssey among the labyrinth of cubicles to find the next unlucky token holder when it was time to go home. That was rarely successful, so I was on a first-name basis with the security guards by the time I left. ,
Monolith was where I picked up my seething hatred of undocumented and unreadable code. Like any well-run project, there were procedures developers had to follow, which included code style guidelines and a comment header template that was required to be included in any source code file. The header was meant to have important information about the file, including who wrote it, its update history, its intended purpose, and what data its functions took in and returned. What the guidelines apparently didn't specify was that the header had to be filled out. When I finally dug into the code, I found the header dutifully included in every code file- completely empty.
This was a problem. Being a relative noob, they only assigned me to test and debug code written by other team members. But, being a noob, I didn't always understand what it was trying to do, and when this happened, I tried to find out what the deal was from the others who worked on it. That turned out to be impossible, more often than not. In what I soon learned was true defense contract fashion, the original authors of the code were universally off on other projects or even other companies, and unavailable.
Side note to my programmer peeps: Please document your code. Please. Get into that habit early. I know it's boring, but someday, someone other than you is going to have to read it. Maybe your teacher, your coworkers, or future-you who has forgotten what past-you was trying to do. This someone can't see into your head and might not be as experienced with the codebase as you. It doesn't have to be huge, expansive headers. Put comments explaining what you're doing, and use variable names that actually mean something. Please. Past-Aqu will thank you.
What really made my time at Monolith memorable, however, was the HR department. It's not unusual at all for a company to have little celebrations for major holidays. Cake and punch for the 4th of July, maybe a big institutional-food spread somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Some organize little events for the employees, like a picnic (if the budget is up to it) or a potluck (if it isn't). They know that if employees feel like the company sees them as people and not just cogs in the machine, they'll be happier and work harder. It's fake, of course. We know it's all fake. They know we know it's fake. But they make the effort and we pretend to be impressed. Plus, HR will take pretty much take any excuse to have food catered in on the company's dime, and I, for one, have no problem with that. Free food is free food, motives be damned.
NotRockets' HR department, however, took this to truly insane levels. Keep in mind that all these happened in the space of a little more than a year.
First, the insane amount of logo swag they handed out. Any time a group of employees were gathered together, there was usually loot to be had. Mostly decent stuff, too. Take the new hires out for a get-together? Have a bag! All-hands meeting to discuss the year's projects? Have a notepad! Another all-hands meeting to announce budget cuts and potential layoffs? Have a stress ball!
During my stay there, I snagged a leather card holder, two CD holders, three mugs (one metal, one ceramic, one plastic), a gym bag (which I'm still using), at least one T-shirt, a paperweight, a plaque commemorating reaching a project milestone that mostly happened before I started there, more pens than I can count, a plastic slinky, a metal slinky (which one of my asshole officemates stole), a stress ball in the shape of a globe, a couple of binders, some lanyards, and a giant stack of personalized notepads. Giant. I mean, the stack was about three feet high, and that's not an exaggeration. I kept them when I left NotRockets, and I still haven't used them all up, even 10+ years later. The only company, so far, that rivals NotRockets in sheer quantity of swag is RockeTech (which accumulated over a longer stretch of time, but considering that I've never actually worked for RockeTech, might still make it more impressive. NotRockets is still a solid second place).
For Cinco de Mayo, they had one of the local Mexican restaurants bring in food. Nothing unusual there. But they also set up a cartoon-"Mexican" backdrop, complete with a cactus and a burro, and had everyone unfortunate enough to walk through the front door that morning photographed in front of it wearing a giant sombrero and holding a sign with our name on it. I don't know what they did with the pics, but the did give us copies of ours. I suspect HR was stockpiling blackmail material. I think I still have the picture somewhere. No, I will not be posting it.
For Black History Month, they brought in fried chicken. From KFC. Yes, I'm serious. No, they really had no idea why the rest of us were either trying not to laugh or awkwardly not making eye contact. Alas, there were no collard greens or watermelon to be had.
Valentine's Day meant crate upon crate upon crate of little boxes of valentine hearts. Literal crates. Where did they get all those? Did they bring them in by forklift? Do they realize how awkward it is getting valentines from your boss?
For St. Patrick's Day, a mountain of green cupcakes. Again, where did they get them all? How did they explain the radioactive green tinge of the sewage the next day?
But the most batshit of all? A Renaissance festival. Stop looking at me like that, I'm serious. We came in to work one morning to find an honest-to-goodness (attempt at a) Ren-fest. They went all-out, too, or as all-out as you can go when your ren-fest is set in a modern office building and parking lot. They hired actors in costume to play characters and had some people put on a sword-fight. It probably would have been fun, anywhere else. Yet, somehow the fact that the supposedly medieval actors were still surrounded by posters of modern missile systems and a missile launcher in the parking lot somehow killed the mood. I think they should have at least dressed the missile launcher up as a catapult.
But, alas, the economic downturn continued on. Monolith got its budget cut, which resulted in a bunch of us being transferred elsewhere. This, I would soon learn, is par for the course in this industry.
The jury’s still out on whether or not I’ll be able to afford it, but as it’ll probably be my last chance at a con before I head off to Seattle, I figured it might be worth a shot.
Day Job Implosion, part 1.5: Fun With Recruiters #1
*Sigh* I hate dealing with recruiters. It's not always their fault, though.
This episode takes place between part 1 and part 2, about a month and a half before starting to work for MiniCompie.
There was another light on the horizon- A recruiter from AwesomeTech contacts me about a remote java developer position with a company called MinComp. Yeah, I know that sounds the MiniCompie, and by weird coincidence, the companies really did have similar names, but it's not them.
We go through the usual rigamarole. A phone interview. A code test- which I aced the hell out of, thank you very much, IN YOUR FACE, ARROGANT GIT. A Skype interview with the tech guys, which goes really well. You can usually tell how well an interview goes by how long it went. This one went the full hour, a good sign. Another interview, with the HR guys, which goes equally well.
It's been about two weeks, at this point. I like them, they like me and it seems like it's all over but the paperwork.
But then nothing for a while. I start to get antsy, so I contact my guy at AwesomeTech. It turns out he just heard from MinComp- Corporate has decided they don't actually want remote workers, after all. They want people who will relocate to their city (not quite a backwater, but hardly a tech hub). At their own expense. For a contract position, which means average-at-best salary, little to no job security and crap benefits. I was so excited about the job that I offered to move there temporarily, until we could get things set up, but no dice. They wanted someone to move there permanently.
Yeah, good luck with that.
The recruiter was practically spitting nails, and so was I. Three weeks of work, on his part, not just with me but three other candidates they'd been working with, all wasted because MinComp couldn't decide what they wanted. He thinks they'll eventually come to their senses and go back to looking for remote people, but there's no telling when that will happen.
How long did that actually take? I have no idea. When I contacted the AwesomeTech recruiter after the Arrogant Git debacle, I found out that AwesomeTech actually dropped MinComp as a customer, due in part to this stupidity.
Okay, recruiters and corporate types, listen up.
Number 1: Remote work is the wave of the future, at least when it comes to tech peeps. Yes, it takes some more work on your part to set up, but the alternative is more time spent searching for someone local or willing to relocate. If you're not in a tech hub city, it could take months, easily. I’ve seen some postings get posted, reposted and reposted again for months on end, and I do live in a tech hub. Not only does the search itself cost money, but there's the lost productivity and possibly loss of business when you don't have the personnel to deliver.
Number 2: I concede that there are legit reasons why a company would specifically need onsite peeps. Defense and its ubiquitous closed areas come to mind. BUT, if you want people to relocate, especially if you're expecting them to do it at their own expense, you have to offer them something they can't get where they are. The economy may not be booming, but it's no longer in the toilet. An average job with average benefits isn't going to cut it.
"But we provide relo!" I can hear you protesting. Of course you provide relo! Relocating can cost thousands of dollars and no company worth working for expects its employees to incur that kind of expense just to come work for them. But that’s not all that’s involved. If you want people to pack up/sell/give away all their stuff, sell their house, uproot their family, leave their friends, drop out of school and start over in a new area, and all you’re offering is the exact same job they could get without doing any of those things, do you really think the fact that you'll partially pay for the moving truck will make a difference?
Okay, so 4 months pass since getting dumped by Missiles-R-Us, and I'm still unemployed. My savings are pretty much gone, COBRA is expensive as fuck, and I'm at the end of my rope. But finally, a light at the end of the tunnel- a job offer!
And what an offer. It's a consulting gig, so no PTO or holidays, and only minimal insurance, but the hourly pay is a little bit more than I was making at Missile-R-Us. And best of all- it's remote! The company itself is in another city, but I can work from home. Perfect!
I'll call the company MiniCompie. The project I got hired for was really, really small- only two devs and the team lead. The other dev, who I'll call Arrogant Git for reasons that will soon be apparent, was the "tech lead", as much as that matters on a team of three. We hit it off pretty well, at first. He was rather full of himself and a bit lacking in the professionalism department, but he had good skills and it looked like we'd work well together.
MiniCompie had been contracted to make a web utility for their client, a very large corporation I'll call UberVidCo. It should be noted that although our SW requirements and such came from UberVidCo, none of us actually worked for UberVidCo, by any stretch. The team lead worked directly for MiniCompie. Arrogant Git and I worked for a consulting firm and were contracted out to MiniCompie. This will be relevant, later.
This is essentially a short-term project, slated to go another 3 months, but both the team lead and Arrogant Git are confident that UberVidCo would keep it going if they like what we produce. Yeah, I've heard that before, but a paycheck is a paycheck, and I'll have some nice new bling for the resume.
So I install all the new dev tools- which I could do with NO RED TAPE AT ALL HA HA HA HA, SUCK IT MISSILES-R-US- and start getting spun up on the project's tech and code. For a while, all is well. I have a ton of fun with this. It was the closest thing to a perfect job I'd ever had. Coding! In my house! No red tape! No closed areas! Holy crap, I'm in heaven!
But then, about a month into it, I wake up to find a Skype message from Arrogant Git- "So apparently I'm fired because I didn't have [REDACTED] done today even though I was told it wasn't needed until wednesday. Please watch your back.”
….the hell?
I log on to the project's chat, and Arrogant Git's username isn't listed among the participants. My heart sinks. When people start bailing (or being thrown out), that usually means the project itself is sinking. I contact the team lead and my contact at the consulting company to find out the status of the project, and I ask Arrogant Git what the cloffprunking hell happened.
So I ferret out as much of the story as I can. Arrogant Git's initial message wasn't quite accurate. He now says he was fired because he posted his IRL information on a gaming forum during an argument, and someone reported the post to UberVidCo. He doesn't say any more than that, and at first, it just seems like some forum douche got butthurt and decided to make some IRL trouble. Yeah, revealing IRL info is stupid, but being fired over it seems like overkill. I feel sorry for Arrogant Git.
Then I get the team lead's side. According to him, Arrogant Git didn't just post information. He was claiming to be a lead dev for UberVidCo, and that he could make sure none of the people he was arguing with could ever get a job at UberVidCo.
Now, that's just weapons-grade stupid.
To recap, Arrogant Git did not work for UberVidCo. He worked for ConsultCo, contracted out to MiniCompie, which was hired by UberVidCo. Technically, he was the tech lead for our tiny three-person project, but considering that the team lead was completely non-technical and the other dev had only been there a month, that didn't exactly mean much. Everything he said was complete and utter bullshit.
Not surprisingly, when UberVidCo saw the posts, they demanded that MiniCompie do something, and MiniCompie had no choice but to fire him. And if their story was true, I can't blame them. You see now why I gave him that name?
I no longer feel sorry for Arrogant Git.
The team lead assures me that the project is still live. And as vulturish as it seems, this could even turn out good for me. Someone has to fill the tech lead void- why not me?
So the team lead and I make what plans we can, and I try to quickly bone up on the rest of the tech.
But then, three days later, I look at my phone and notice that my contact at ConsultCo has been trying to reach me. Oh hell…
Yes, what I feared has happened. Word had come down from UberVidCo corporate that the project is cancelled. ConsultCo insists that it was entirely due to a corporate decision and had nothing to do with Arrogant Git, but I don't buy that for a second. The timing is just too coincidental. UberVidCo is a huge corporation, and huge corporations never do anything spur-of-the-moment- unless something forces their hand. Like, for instance, a project's lead dev publicly embarrassing them. What I think happened is that UberVidCo saw Arrogant Git's stupid post and decided to ditch MiniCompie. Maybe they decided to give the project to another contractor, maybe they just decided to scrap it. Either way, fuck you, Arrogant Git.
So it's back around for another turn of the wheel. I finish up what I can of the project before it's shut down. ConsultCo starts looking for another gig for me, but there wasn't anything remote. The MiniCompie gig must have been a fluke.
But Arrogant Git isn't gone. A couple of weeks later, I hear from him again. He wants to know if ConsultCo or MiniCompie ever had me sign a NDA. I'm annoyed. Seriously, Arrogant Git, you screw me out of a job in order to impress some internet randoms, and you think I care if you live or die?
But I'd like to think I'm more of a professional than Arrogant Git, so I didn't actually say that. I just say no, they never did, which was the truth. His response: "Ha! I knew it! They're bluffing! They'll have to forge my signature! Ha ha ha".
Whatever, dipshit. Go away. I don't know what was going on, but I hope ConsultCo or MiniCompie was giving him trouble.
A couple more months pass. ConsultCo still has nothing for me. In fact, no one has anything for me. And guess who shows back up?
I get another message from Arrogant Git. Somebody actually hired him! I don't think he was gloating- I think he was just un-self-aware enough to think we were actually still friends.
But I don't care. Did he tell whoever was unfortunately to hire him why he really left the last project? And how the hell does this dipshit get hired before me? I let him have it. I give him the business about how he screwed me out of a job in order to impress some internet randoms. How does he respond to this?
"Blame me if you want, but remember that if it wasn't for me, you would never have gotten on in the first place. Also, your resume is a shitball. Spice it up. My last piece of advice to you."
Yeah. Now you see why I call him Arrogant Git. Not only is he lacking in the professionalism department, but also the maturity department, the self-awareness department and the personal responsibility department. And then there’s the delusions of grandeur. The team lead's version of events is looking more believable. Maybe I dodged a bullet, not having to work with him, any more. It'll probably only be a matter of time before he pulls another stupid stunt.
I need to rant and rant and rant. Last year sucked, and this year looks like it’s going to suck, too. Here’s the story of why. Well, part 1, anyway. Other parts coming.
For background, I was a software developer for a very large defense contractor, which I'll call Missiles-R-Us. I'd started working there after my previous project dropped me for reasons I never got the details of. Probably budget-related, but who knows? After I started there, I found out that they'd brought on quite a few new people- to replace a whole bunch of other people that had left, all of a sudden. In retrospect, this should have been a huge red flag, but I didn't see it.
About ten months in, the project I was on had its budget slashed, and my position was one of the ones to go. This, unfortunately, is par for the course in the defense industry. Contracts come and go, and the industry as a whole hasn't figured on that hanging on to their project experience and subject matter expertise is a good idea. And they never quite make the connection between letting all their expertise get away and the project not being as awesome as it could have been.
Luckily, I was able to find a spot on another project with the same company. This was no thanks to either my HR contact, or my "dedicated placement rep", I should mention. I still have no idea what either of those people were supposed to do for me, as the only advice they could give me was to check the company's job listing site. But the new project seemed like it would be fun. The HR person "extends" my layoff date.
The project is based out of a facility in another state, so I and the team I'm with are working for them remotely. The team lead and I are installed in a backwater office near the airport. The other two guys are in other states. I don't mind the move, as the new office is closer to my house, and the new commute route doesn't have to go over the then-under-construction bridge. Plus, I get to drive by the intermodal center and watch the huge cranes moving containers around. Yeah, I'm weird. So I liked the new place, but it was still pretty obvious just where in the pecking order we were.
Also, I still report to my old manager from the previous project, at least on paper. I never did find out why this was. It may have been because I was never "permanently" attached to the new projects(s), because the lead on the new project(s) didn't have the corporate authority to sign timecards and such, or maybe there was a policy that employees and their managers had to be in the same geographic area. I don't know, but it was weird.
So I set about learning a new software language and a new dev framework for this new project. I've never used either, before, so the only thing they assign me are tutorials and non-SW-related research, figuring I'll get up to speed in a couple of weeks. This isn't the most organized of groups. The project is new and in its very, very early stages, no one knows exactly what they'll end up doing, there are basically no SW requirements or plan, and everyone is in different states. We're fumbling in the dark. But it looks interesting, and at least I'll pick up some more bling for the resume.
A couple of weeks in, the higher-ups decide (rightly, IMHO. The first group was mainly UI-focused, and my skills are data/backend-focused) that my skills are a better fit for a different group within the same project, and I am transferred there. This happens without notifying either the group lead for the group I was with, or my manager-in-name-only, resulting in some confused emails. HR again "extends" my layoff date.
But this new group looks good! The work is right up my alley, and since it's in its very very very early stages, I might get to take a leadership role in the development of my piece. I get excited.
Ah, but there's a problem. The work for this new group requires installing some new software on my company machine. Most of it's routine- updated Java, Firefox, etc.- but the company machines are so tightly locked down that the users can't install a thing. For some of the software, they can supposedly be ordered from the company's internal SW store, and IT will install it for you. I do this for the things I can order there and wait.
But for the rest, like the DBMS, I need either a waiver or admin access on my machine. I apply for both of these. And wait. I send paperwork to my manager-in-name-only. When nothing happens, I send it again. When still nothing happens, I get in touch with his manager, the project lead, the engineering lead, trying to fight my way up the chain so I can get this nonsense installed.
But I can, for some reason, install Eclipse and JBoss (no, I don’t know why), so I can at least look around in the code, maybe do some testing that doesn't require the DB? There isn't much that falls into that category, since the DB and the layer that accesses it are basically my entire job, but there ought to be something. Nope. The JBoss version they use needs a later version of Java, which I can't install! I can look, sure, but I can't run it or do anything useful.
If you're wondering why I didn't already have a dev environment set up, it's because the first project did all its actual dev work on classified machines connected to their classified network. This created a completely different set of problems, which I might rant about, later. I'd already gone through the bureaucracy red tape to get that set up, and the unclassified company laptop was really only used for email and timecards. Oddly, the classified machine setup actually involved less red tape, as the environments were standardized and the contents largely contract-mandated. Also, the admins that handled the classified network were there onsite, so we could be bug them in person.
One of the waiver requests is rejected by IT, because I do not have a waiver for the software requested. No, I don't understand it, either. The request is resubmitted.
Two weeks later- TWO WEEKS LATER- still nothing. I get on IT's case about the stuff I ordered from the internal store, and am informed there was a server issue and orders got lost. I reorder them. And wait.
Then I start climbing the bureaucracy chain again, trying to chase down either the admin access or the SW waivers. This time I am able to use the magic words- "Work Stoppage Issue", which apparently gets them moving. Gears of bureaucracy turn, albeit ponderously. My admin access comes through! The waiver requests are never heard from again, and the SW store's server apparently never found my orders after its 'issues', but with my shiny new admin access card, I can finally install all my stuff and actually get some work done!
It's been close to a month, at this point. Between this and the disorganized clusterfuck going on in the first group, Missiles-R-Us has basically been paying me to twiddle my thumbs for almost 2 months. Don't get me wrong, data security is a good thing. You don't want employees installing porn and malware on the company machines, especially since there's government data on them, and a slight chance there might even by legitimately classified data, too (there shouldn't be any on these machines, ever, but breaches happen). But when it gets to the point where it's actively preventing people from doing their jobs, maybe you need to lighten up on the red tape. Seriously, if you won't let a Java developer install Java…
About a week later, on a Tuesday, I get a message from the manager of another project, wanting to know if I'm available. It gets me thinking- it was getting to the end of my layoff extension, and I hadn't heard from HR about extending it again. My last day was the coming Monday. On Wednesday, I get to work to find a voicemail from my manager-in-name-only, saying I need to come fill out the final layoff paperwork.
…What?
I frantically chase down the team leads, the managers, the HR reps, trying to find out what the flaming crap is going on. At last, I get a hold of the team lead. Apparently, they'd decided to get rid of not just me, but all the people in the group I'd just left. The requirements and specs for our parts of the project weren't yet developed enough to justify having someone on them full-time.
Gee, thanks for the heads-up, jerks. When were you planning on telling us? At least on the first project, they gave us 6 weeks notice.
But there's light on the horizon! The other project that contacted me! I'll just get a hold of that guy and see if I'm a good fit there!
...Aaaaaand, there's a problem. The email was sent via the company's internal job/resume-search site, and it hadn't included the name or email of the sender. Basically "Hey, we need a programmer for a remote project in City X. Wanna talk?"
So I email my HR rep, hoping she'd know who sent it. But, not wanting to wait, I decide to hunt it down on my own. I look up project managers at the site mentioned (fortunately, it wasn't one of the larger ones) and send a generic "Hey, was this you?" email to some of them. After a couple of leaps, it ends up in the hands of the original sender, and we start talking. But he's going out of town tomorrow, and wants to set up an interview for next week.
Next week? My last day is Monday! Can we move faster? He contacts some other team members to see if they can do it. One of them IMs me and tells me about the project, and I'm absolutely drooling. Not only is it perfect for my skillset, but the subject matter is something I've been researching as part of my thesis/dissertation. Seriously, have you read my thesis? It’s totally relevant, and I have a copy here on my handy thumb drive… She says she'll email me tomorrow to set up a phone interview.
Thursday. I wait. And wait. I IM the person I'm supposed to be talking to. I wait. I email her. I wait. Eventually, she contacts me. They're in the middle of a huge demo, and got swamped. No big deal, we can talk tomorrow.
Friday. I wait. And wait. I IM. I email. And frankly, my desperation is showing and I'm not proud of it. At about 4:30, I realize it's probably not going to happen that day, so I email my HR rep, asking if the layoff date can be extended a few days to get this cloffprunking interview done. The rep has already gone home for the day, so I have to wait until Monday for an answer. Have a good weekend, Aqu!
Monday. The HR rep says they can extend the layoff until Wednesday, but I'll have to use my PTO time to cover it. That's rather a dick move, but it beats being unemployed.
No, what a minute. It’s not rather a dick move, it’s totally an absolute dick move. I’ve been in that situation before, with other companies, and the other companies always had an overhead charge number we could use for a few days between projects. Fuck you, Missiles-R-Us.
Anyway. Tuesday. The interview finally goddamn happens! And since both I and the HR rep had impressed upon them that they need to move quickly, they make a decision right then. I'm officially transferred to the new project. HR "extends" my layoff date.
Wait, extended again? I thought this was a permanent thing.
Well, I'm working remotely, and they've been burned before by people who weren't able to keep up without their coworkers around. "Died on the vine", they called it. And they want to make sure I can hack it, and that this project is what I want to do. Not unreasonable, but still irritating. And if I don't wash out, it should turn permanent. The lead think that's pretty likely, too. This is hot-topic program that the army's pretty gung-ho for. They haven't had a budget problem in five years!
And guess what! I need to install new software! But this time, they know what they're doing. Instead of wading though the red tape to use the company machines, they have VMs set up for the devs with admin access and everything. I have the tools I need in three days. Yay for organized projects.
So all's rosy? No, not yet. I'll have to go to the facility at City X to get completely set up. So we throw around a few dates for this…
...And nothing. The demo is still going on, and they're still swamped. I keep at it, and eventually, we settle on the next week. All I need to do is go to the company's travel site and use my company card to make the arrangements…
Wait, company card? What company card? Crap. Let's get that rolling. It means next week is out, though, as is the week after because of a holiday, and the week after that because both the people I'll need to work with will be out of town.
That puts the expected date of the trip past my layoff date. So guess what. HR has yet again "extended" my layoff date.
…Sigh.
If you're counting, that's about 2 1/2 months, so far, they've been paying me to basically sit on my butt.
Over the next couple of weeks, I do manage to get a bit of work done. Not much, mind you, but at least I'm not twiddling my thumbs, all day. They even assign me a bug. There's still the matter of getting access to one of the network systems, but I'm sure that will be taken care of once I can go to City X.
So, three weeks later, the trip to City X happens. And it actually wasn't so bad. I finally meet my new coworkers in person, and we get the rest of the tools and systems set up. City X is almost creepily similar to where I live, complete with a cornfield right outside the office building.
But, my last day there, the team lead calls a meeting. He's gotten word that the project is getting its budget cut.
What? What!? Are you fucking kidding me? Supposedly no budget issues for five years, and it gets its budget cut as soon as I get there? Are you fucking kidding me?
Despite the lead's assurances that they've only laid off 2 people in the 19 years he's worked there (I call bullshit, unless been living under a rock), I know I'm toast. Last in = first out in these projects.
It was suggested to me that they knew this would happen and only brought me on to be cannon fodder, so they wouldn't have to lay off someone who mattered. Catch me in a bad enough mood, and I might agree. It's possible, to be sure, but why go to all that trouble- even setting up a multi-day business trip- if all you want is cannon fodder?
So I go through the motions again, applying for things on the internal job site- and increasingly on outside sites, too. My "dedicated placement rep" continues to be useless. This time, however, there's nothing for it. My layoff date arrives. I turn in my security badge and the laptop and my still-brand-new company card, and leave. The HR rep says she hopes we'll work together again, someday. I try very hard not to laugh. Although I'm disappointed at not being able to work on that last project, I do not miss Missiles-R-Us, and I'm not going to miss the defense industry, either.
But it's not over, yet. Remember the company card? I'd submitted the expense report just before I got laid off, and the HR rep said the company would be paying the card directly, so I didn't need to worry about it. However, a couple of months later, I start getting calls from the card company- Missiles-R-Us didn't pay the card. I email the HR rep to find out what's going on, but never heard back. I was still unemployed, then, and if they thought I was going to pick up the tab for a $1500+ business trip, even I could afford it, they're nuts.
Another couple of months pass, and the card company is calling again. Seriously, Missiles-R-Us, laying me off wasn't enough, you have to wreck my credit, too? This time, I email not only the HR rep, but my former manager, the team lead, the admin person who set up the trip, and my boss's boss. The former team lead actually replies, saying they're looking into it. I haven't heard anything else, nor has the card company contacted me, so maybe it's taken care of. I have no access to the card, and can't get into the company system to check on the expense report, so I can't be sure.
