i hate myself and i have nobody to talk to
i hate the way ive been pushed into this academic life because i graduated and didnt know what to do
i dont even know what i thought and why i didnt care and then did everything to pass all tests i wasnt meant to pass and now i realise i need to do something with it soon and i dont see myself doing that job at all
and i never did but i ignored it because i was too coward to face reality
and i hate myself for complaining about having this opportunity and wasting my parents money
i dont know what to do i really dont know how to get out of this, i cant do it alone but all my close people are not the people i need...
i lie to every person about this and hide that i have no clue about so many things.. i always need twice of the time normal people would need to do a task and right now i cant hide it because in my group project things are being expected and if i nod and agree to something i dont understand people notice
i even couldnt hide i was up all night to finish my task because you can see the time my document uploaded in the teamwork file
i am so ashamed
and angry
why i am doing this again and again
i think next semester i just need to give up, move out and start from scratch
alone

















