#archivedthoughts

[afroamanime]

I am often misunderstood, and it isn’t my job to clarify anything. The perception others have of me isn’t my responsibility.

[afroamanime]

Nostalgia is a liar.

[afroamanime]

How many times will you allow the same thing to break your heart?

[afroamanime]

Archive #11

The Universe is trying to teach me something. I’m being whipped into shape for something much greater and this process is often painful and overwhelming. The petals of my old self are withering away so I can grow into something much more beautiful and powerful.

[afroamanime]

Archive #4

I’ve come to terms with the fact that my heart is way too big for my body. All i want to do is love and be loved. In my eyes, love wins. It is free, it cannot be contained. Love just is. And because of this big heart of mine i keep reopening the gates of my true self to let in those who don’t deserve it. I reopen them with the hope that maybe this time, they won’t come and cut down my trees of care and willingness. With the hope that they won’t demolish my walls of trust and security. Which isn’t healthy for me, because i rebuild myself every time they come and leave as they please. And i recognize that. And I’m working to change it. I never thought that having a big heart would cause this much of an issue. But I’m grateful for it because in a world that is filled with façades and ulterior motives, mine are always pure; in a world so cold, I provide my own warmth.

[mocaiispace]

We knew, didn't we?

06/26/23

When 2 broken souls cross paths to have something from each other the undeniable thought starts to linger: ''this is not gonna end well", and so it didn't. One believed tis' another challenge, perhaps from the universe. The other thought of how they lacked something- something the two had to change but could not. Both however, knew one thing right: they were incompatible. They are to end up hurt and shattered one way or another but they ought to give no care. They still tried to love- to love and fill each others voids. Bad idea perhaps? most definitely.

Now that their time has come and the ache is present, they are now broken shells and empty vessels. They plead with mercy that the love they had in which from the start was a dying flame rather than eternal fire would vanish. ''Why?" so the misery from pain and regret disappear much faster... but who am I kidding? I know better than to regret you. If anything i'm more than thankful to meet you- to have learn how to love because of you. May our separate paths fill us with open doors for new beginnings. The heavens and the earth may not have granted us everlasting love but at least we had something: that is what i'll always prefer over nothing. Til our paths cross again in this life time or another.

Yours truly, Möcaii

[closedsposts]

I don't know what kind of help do I need right now, do I want to live or want to survive? do I want to be somebody or just pretend to be nobody, do I want to stay or I want to end everything, do I want to fight or want to surrender?

// Help by Synuntold

[closedsposts]

"I'll die alone you'll see"

Writing in my diary, I breathe heaavily, I think about my future, my career and you, everything is falling apart and I'm just sitting here waiting for it to collapse. I don't know if I should still need to fight for it, or just let go of everything, does waiting will be worth it? does being independent makes me an empowered one? does being patient with you will make this relationship work? when I think of these my heart explode, my heart stops, my heart aches for multiple reason, and if that happens I wanna die alone. I wanna be far from people who'll I get hurt just because I nearly give up. I want to be far from everyone, far from everyone's expectation. I wanna be free from this battles that I'm not even sure I'll win. I'm scared. I'm scared of my thoughts. I wanna be free from it.