#arfie

[omfgingers]

[clementinezine-blog]

Late Blooming, an essay by Arfie on feeling stuck and the anxiety that comes along with change:

The anxiety that comes with feeling stuck is cold and stuffy and it feels like cotton in your stomach. And it never stays, you never get to sit with that cottony feeling, it comes and goes from whatever situation you’re in and I decided never to put myself in a situation where I could feel that again. So sitting and staring became a talent.

Resisting change is comfortable. It feels good. It feels normal. You get stuck there. You build yourself a hole with pillows and blankets and soft things and you forget it’s still a hole. And guilt settles in when you remember, when you’re tapping through the Snapchat story of someone you barely know from school but whose life looks like what you thought yours would look like by now. That cottony feeling comes back and fighting it seems futile.

Read the full post here.

[sainttarrou]

29 and 30

Crap

29 fav filmsHonestly it’s so corny but The Tree of Life was really formative for me and if you wanna know about my White™ childhood then watch that movie…sorry…tbh I don’t watch that many films cause it takes like a week to get through one

30 tv showsall i watch is NBC nightly news like once a week with my parents and Dallas cowboys games but their season ended last night so :/

[omfgingers]

[omfgingers]

[hottoddyinjapan]

Into the ether

Our time in the material seems long at times and yet it is so short, isn’t it? We are the sum of our memories and realizations, but can’t we sit and ponder the entire equation in one sitting as we gaze into the stars? As we lie on our backs and start to dive into the stars we feel lifted and we drift much in the same way as when we venture into the ether.

The important part of dealing with death is the memories that those people and other living beings hold for us. I felt strangely cold as I watched my dog breathe his last breath that morning, two weeks ago. The truth is that I probably felt sadder when I realized that he was on his last legs about a month prior to that. I was relieved for him because he looked like he was laboring to breathe or perform other trivial functions. The part that stoked my emotions was diving into the ether of his memories, the funny moments, the frustrating ones- all with love in my heart. That is what I will always carry with me.

I have been fortunate to not have death touch me in my inner circle, but she has danced close. One of my best friends’ partner was diagnosed with cancer and succumbed far too quickly, too young. A man I worked with in the kitchen a quarter century ago and drank fiercely with. Gone. Only his memories. Another coworker who hit his head while skiing and died that night. A guy who was my roommate and always jokingly called me ‘best friend’ was put under to treat a heart problem and never woke up. All of them have evaporated and have been reduced to just memories, but they are powerful and hold all the power all of them represented in our lives. There is just that sadness that I will never meet anyone of them again on the earth.

I guess life is meant to be a lonely venture in the end? Nah. The power of our love and shared experiences with them will last forever. We are never alone.

[blackdenimjeans3]

@arfie

 i  wasnt  wrong

[gurikajis]