#askpsyx

[psyxakia]

It could mean softening my glance. Or removing one of the masks

What I'll leave you with is that you haven't done anything wrong. I happen to be busy this time period, and I will be for a little while longer.

I'm sorry that I haven't been responding, I felt it proper to wait until I had the time available to draft a worthy and equal response.

What you decide to do after receiving this information is up to you.

[psyxakia]

Should you choose to accept it, there's an apology poem for you

I was not planning on answering yet as circumstances are keeping me busy, but what are you apologizing for?

[psyxakia]

There's an undeniable devotion involved in picking favorites. By daring to confess your devotion you allow it to pick you as stinging nettle does. Are you afraid of devotion? Are you afraid of love?

It's understandable, as some consider it a form of confination. Most would find themselves very familiar with the pain of loss before swearing off of even picking favorites. How much grief have you left in your back pockets, washed away like gum and dollar bills?

Equilibrium and I stand at opposite ends like former lovers that engaged in a passionate affair. There was a time I romanticized it, remaining in hot and heavy pursuit of a form of normalcy that will never be afforded to me in this form. Do you think you and I have done this before? Played this game of cat and mouse at the masquerade?

You see, while I don't believe in restricting myself to favourites, I apply this belief to people in a manner differently than most would assume. Most people crave love, it's a natural state. And love has many forms, I receive it from many people, each one unique in shape and nature.

I will not neglect my relationships with others around me in favour of one form of love above the other. It is too often accepted and encouraged to shut yourself in an obsession-fueled nest with your romantic partner in a way that neither prioritizes your relationship, nor your emotional and social wellbeing. That is something that took me a long while and bad experiences to learn to deprogram, but with love, patience and communication I managed to overcome it.

I could never fear love, my biggest fear is rot.

What we have currently...? I don't know any more than you do, probably.

I don't know if I would liken it to a game of cat and mouse though. It implies lack of choice, and a predatory end. I'd liken it more to a music box. Facing figures going in circles around an axis, the gap between them never closing, surrounded by a short and whimsical melody.

And ultimately dishonest in its concealment of the rustic gears and sheets that maintain the show.

I have come to learn something very valuable thanks to you. There is a widely believed Japanese proverb that you've probably heard of, concerning the three faces of self.

" The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are. "

Many people believe our third face fronts in social situations of complete anonymity and freedom of expression. I don't believe that anymore. Even now I wager we've molded ourselves to keep up presentations.

And that's okay - but is that what you want?

[psyxakia]

The dreams are not weighty enough for me to remember anymore, but they leave a sour enough taste in my mouth to remind me that they weren't sweet. I've never been good at naming things... in fact I dont even have a middle name despite wanting one, though if I had to pick, I suppose I'd choose "Turn Off "News and interests".

Bouncing around from one hard four-corner confine to the next for work and leisure is not what I consider worldly. We're missing out on something more we're meant to experience, I think. But enough of that flower. I presume the scales have been leveled to your liking, and equilibrium detests me.

What how many left turns do you take on the way to your favorite restaurant? Have you ever visited a lighthouse? How many people would you say know about your hunger to be known from your indirect admissions?

I couldn't agree more. Not that there's anything wrong with the box if you so choose to confine yourself to it, but life is so much more - should be so much more. And if you don't believe in an afterlife or reincarnation, you realize you're experiencing the world for the first and final time.

Who would realistically and consciously want to waste that? Maybe that's why the world has been designed to feel less conscious. We're all drifting.

Concerning left turns, favourite restaurants and lighthouses; I couldn't tell you as I can't pick favourites, neither do I want to. Picking favourites is confinement and risk. Pick a favourite restaurant and the day it closes or you move away, your emotional investment turns to harm you.

And lighthouses have always been a bit too out of reach. And rare around these parts. Although I can definitely appreciate a romanticized idea of their guidance and a keeper's dutiful isolation.

How many people know about my hunger to be known? I'd guess every person who's ever watched me perform, sung me their praise and seen my face light up. I hope they can also feel the appreciation. Outside the stage however, my mouth will rarely move.

Does equilibrium make you feel seen? Is that why you're averse to the concept? Your hunger proceeds you, fox. You can't shake the duke's hand while aiming the arrow.

[psyxakia]

You mistake me for someone worldlier. Webbed stones aren't something I've come across and if I had to guess, you're the first one I've ever turned. I'm more familiar with fairness thankfully, and a big fan of it. So I'll oblige with something I wrote months ago and never titled. Thank you for drawing me in with your feverent surveillance of that which you love.

"Seeing the day change from one into the next

astonishes me like a miracle.

It's a shame

It alarms me even more.

I'll be sure to record the date

When the feeling of triumph overtakes fear."

Short, but with heavy meaning.

Did your sweet dreams attract fear?

A title isn't necessary for all stories and messages, but if you were to name it now, what would it be?

And how do you suppose yourself unworldly? Are you not speaking to an image across land and sea right now? The material privilege of physical travel does not define worlds experienced.

[psyxakia]

Glad to see you already know how much I care about your words. I only took a few haphazard peeks but I wagered that you'd enjoy this kind of attention. Wearing a mask is fun, we each know that in equal measures. Inevitably I will be revealed to you in some way or another but let's enjoy it while it lasts.

Perhaps you can share some poetry with me, since you mentioned it earlier? The well of my mind's eye is running dry unfortunately

Surprisingly enough I've never had an interest in writing poetry for poetry's sake. I respect the medium greatly though, and enjoy indulging in it from time to time.

I much prefer writing historical fiction. Stories from my childhood in dark mountains, ornate fashion, flowing springs and the slender creeping spirits residing within and around them.

So while I may not have a personal poem to inspire you with, I can provide you with my favourite; translated from my native language:

❝ Whatever I say whatever I write

it's impossible to convince the dead

that in order to live I didn't betray them ❞

[psyxakia]

I wouldn't call it taking responsibility, but it is a close second. Thank you for opening up to me, flower. What I'd give to see your expressions shift as you pore over your keyboard, delicately picking each word. Or maybe the words just fall out of you? Has it been so long since you've had something like this that the words are just happy to exist and don't care what they are?

I'm eager to know, my database is empty.

I don't know if it's been long or if it's simply the anonymity that has allowed me full freedom of expression. While others do... Nefarious things with this anonymity to put it simply, I like to take myself seriously once in a while and enjoy writing as if my words mean anything to anyone.

Remember, you may be writing to me under an anonymous guise, but that doesn't make my presence here any less anonymous than yours.

Currently? I'm just curious as to why you've shrouded yourself under a second mist to speak to a nobody. I guess you could liken it to excitement.

[psyxakia]

Bots can absolutely leave asks but you'd know it. Nothing subtle about them and they don't usually leave anons. Though I wish they would... Unfortunately it's just you and me in this ask box, in all our humanity. Rest assured, your askginity is safe from the metallic hands of the unliving

PS awwww you think that's poetry :,) ty

:]

I actually looked up if it was possible initially and I wasn't given more details so I just assumed it was the most likely possibility.

I've been on Tumblr on and off in the past under other names, but it's only really stuck after I joined the Hannibal fandom, so I'm not fully aware of the extent in which bots can act on here.

Thank you for the asks, I'm glad my askginity was taken by a person that takes responsibility.

Feel free to pop by again whenever you want, your poetry or questions shall not be neglected.