small drabble about how Jackson and Jinyoung are dating but since they really don't want anyone to know they hide their affection but in the "Look" choreography it gives them a chance to hold hands (if you guys look at the live performances Jackson always grabs Jinyoung's hand when they do the arm thing around JB)
Warnings: Nope
Word Count: 960+
Author: Mitchie
A/N: This turned out to be more angsty than I had planned…I hope you like it :)
“You have to stop doing that,” Jinyoung groaned as he tried to finish his message while Jackson tried to distract him.
“Doing what?” Jackson asked while grazing his nose down Jinyoung’s neck and leaving soft kisses in the dip of his collarbone.
Rough shivers took Jinyoung by surprise and he gripped his phone tighter, “That.”
Jackson chuckled, the warm air sent another shiver through Jinyoung. Jackson rested his chin on his lover’s shoulder and watched as he texted his sister. Jinyoung loved feeling Jackson this close to him. It was something he wanted every day, but he knew that Jackson wasn’t comfortable being affectionate in front of everyone else. Every time one of the members were around, Jackson became more distant; in his eyes, Jinyoung could tell that he still loved him, but he just wished he would show it publicly. It was a selfish thought but it was how he felt internally.
“Come from around the couch and sit with me,” Jinyoung commanded.
“Why?” Jackson asked, moving from behind the couch anyway and standing in front of his boyfriend.
Jinyoung tugged on his hand so Jackson sat next to him and nestled his head onto Jinyoung’s lap. Jinyoung leaned down and left a light kiss on his temple, making Jackson’s stomach flip and his fingers tingle. Jackson could tell by the way that Jinyoung timidly played with his hair that something was wrong. “What’s wrong?”
Jinyoung sighed and Jackson already knew what he was going to say, “Will we ever be able to tell them?” Jinyoung asked, clearly upset but trying not to let it show too much. “I know you don’t want to, but I can’t keep you a secret anymore, at least not to the other members.”
Jackson lifted himself from Jinyoung’s lap. He huffed out a breath of frustration; they had this conversation almost every time they were alone together. “Why do we have to tell them? We both love each other, isn’t that enough?”
Jinyoung stood up angrily, “Sometimes it is, but I’m tired of being ignored by you whenever we’re near the members or out in public! I’m tired of not being able to even hug you when we win or kiss you whenever I feel like. I want you, Jackson, at least in front of the members if not in front of the public!” he ran a hand through his hair and paced in front of the couch for a second before sitting down.
They both stared at each other. Jackson’s fear prominent in his eyes even when he tried to hide it; Jinyoung’s eyes were tired and broken down from the secret he will never be able to tell anyone. The only reason he had still kept it a secret was because he knew Jackson wouldn’t forgive him if he said anything without talking to him first, he might have even broken up with him which was something Jinyoung wouldn’t be able to handle.
“We’re home!” they heard and Jinyoung felt the usual pain in his chest as Jackson quickly rose from the couch and traveled to the other side of the room.
“Let’s get ready to do choreooooo!” Yugyeom cheered happily.
Jinyoung made eye contact with Jackson once more, but Jackson looked away as soon as the members reached the living room.
***
It had been a tense dance practice. Everytime Jackson caught Jinyoung’s attention it was a look filled with something angry but also something sad and then he would quickly look away. It hurt Jackson knowing that he caused that pain in Jinyoung and Jackson could do nothing to fix it. He was scared to tell the members. He was scared of how they would react and how the public would react, but he loved Jinyoung more than anything else. He was just as angry at himself as Jinyoung was, and he didn’t know what to do about it.
They started to get into the eye formation that surrounded Jaebum. Jinyoung didn’t look Jackson’s way as Jackson held onto his elbow. As they pulled away, Jackson accidentally hit Jinyoung’s hand, and he grabbed onto it briefly to apologize but it seemed like Jinyoung didn’t even notice.
Jackson suddenly got an idea and it caused him to trip up on his steps. All the members looked at him, except for Jinyoung, and he apologized. “Can we start from the eye formation again?”
They all got into position and Jackson held onto his boyfriend’s elbow tightly. His heart began to race inside of his chest; he hadn’t been this nervous since he had first asked Jinyoung out; it was a terrifying feeling. After they began to separate, things went in slow motion. Jackson held onto Jinyoung’s elbow this time and slid his hand down until their hands grasped each other’s. For the first time since they started dancing, Jinyoung held Jackson’s gaze. He was shocked as Jackson squeezed his hand slightly and winked at him. Jinyoung felt like he could cry. The unplanned action caused Jinyoung to trip over his feet and this time all the members looked at him.
“Are you guys okay?” Jaebum asked, clearly concerned as to why they kept messing up.
“Yeah we’re fine,” Jackson answered, looking at Jinyoung again. This time his angry gaze was replaced with shock and his eyes looked like he was about to burst into tears.
“Eye formation again?” Jinyoung offered and the other members agreed. They both stared at each other. Jackson’s fear replaced by contentment as Jinyoung’s eyes lit up with hope. As the rest of members separated, Jackson held on tightly to Jinyoung’s hand. He gave Jinyoung a squeeze to remind him that someday everyone would know of their love and that nothing would be able to stop them and this time Jinyoung noticed. He couldn’t be happier.