Hello, Aries here, I’ve decided to start a weekly report of all the less-than-logical things Emory has done so I don’t go insane. Here we go:
- Convinced himself the mole he’s adopted is a cryptid. Spoiler: it’s not.
- Jumped into the lake to escape one ruthless Cordelia (who’s bath water he replaced with several cases worth of Mountain Dew) and was almost dragged under by whatever lives there
- Bought a sexy mothman costume off the internet and wandered around at 3 AM trying to draw actual mothman out
- Slipped Nini’s famous boiled Mountain Dew into a few DCD teapots before their tea party as a distraction so he could steal more of their glitter
- Walked into a patch of sun after three sleepless days in the tunnels and actually hissed at the light
- Bit someone who told him Gef the Talking Mongoose was a hoax
- Brushed his teeth with the stolen DCD glitter
- Started dealing petrified cryptid excrement and made an alarming amount of money
- Spent said money on a “long furby” which now haunts us
Help.