#avpd stuff

[smallcatwoman]

i was supposed to go to a dinner for this club that i’m part of but i got scared and didnt go

[ryokaboy]

sometimes i convince myself “but im not really like that” when i see joking posts about shyness and anxiety as a way to erase painful memories and work through this troublesome mindset.

i used to go into certain mental illness tags and feel tormented by people who’d say they only identify with it x% because i identify with it so tremendously i wish it was only to the extent they mention. be regretful for hours.

so now when people talk up their shyness and momentary feelings of anxiety i pretend i can’t relate even though i’ve been through so much mentally regarding my avoidance issues

and when people call me shy i just tell them i’m not :-)

even if i stutter while speaking to someone does that mean i’m shy? no i’d rather it be perceived that i’m not totally socially adept. which can be changed just. give me a chance to?

even if i am not that talkative upon meeting someone, that doesn’t mean i’m shy

i’m not shy

the more i’m forced to identify with that word the worse my avoidance issues gets

my mind is literally in constant flight mode in social situations so if i wanna feign strength and say i’m not in consideration for the bit of confidence i feel, please don’t say i am

[splitpixie]

I deactivated my fb for the first time in like ten years? yesterday and I gotta say.... as someone with avpd & bpd who feels immense pain specifically due to interpersonal triggers the likes of which are rampant on social media.... I am a new person. I woke up ridiculously lighter and happy today. And as someone with no relational object permanence whatsoever, now that I can't see fb, my problems (= other people and their other friendships) LITERALLY DON'T EXIST ANYMORE, it's so great!! :D People whose existence hurts me DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST it's so WONDERFUL :D :D :D