cLEARS THROAT. Today is some losers birthday. hint: it's kaylee. So prepare yourself for the disgusting much that this post will be. I was gonna make a thing but photoshop is being mean and I make things all year long and think that me expressing these disgusting feels would probably be more appreciated? Idk that's not a good word but whatevah. Put under cut because it's kind of long-ish.
dEAR KAYLEE [ insert middle name I've never learned to spell ],
four score and seven years ago [ ah it's nice to be dramatic ], we met. I judged you. I JUDGE EVERYONE. Didn't think I would like you, sorry about that, and now we're stuck together like glue. Superglue most of the time. We're buy one get one free. Even though I'm so much cooler than you (; Worst birthday message ever because I'm terrible. I'm not sure how I've survived almost 22 years with these social skills. Actually fun story - you know that weekly lunch I has with my mother on sundays? Well I was talking to her and she told me I should just call the place to see if they carried something I wanted, which I then proceeded to tell her that I lived in the age of social anxiety. I hate calling people. hUFFS. Pointless story but whatever. It was on topic. Kind of. Whatever. You know me better than anyone to know my mind travels to the dumbest places so quickly.
New paragraph because that one was getting long. Where was I? There are reasons I don't write letters....tumblr posts, I guess, because it's not gonna actually be mailed to you. OH. Us meeting. Tbh, I don't remember anything besides us meeting and then being glued to one another? I don't know man it happened. Though I don't remember your last birthday, hell, I don't remember my last birthday. I don't know my memory is shot half of the time. The point is that our friendship has made me better. You've taught me lots of life lessons like telling people they suck is not appropriate. Murder also not on the list. OH. Another story from the lunch with my parents. I was talking about black widow, I can't believe they listened? I usually just get hushed. Miracle. And they were like ' as long as you don't wake up one day with scissors in your hand, murdering everyone and blaming it on the movie '. Which I then said I made no promises. So idk how well your little social teachings have gone but whatever. We know I'm all kinds of mentally...errr I don't know how to word this....incapable of understanding human emotion and basic social skills. Which is you ever use that against me even though I said it I won't talk to you for a month I swear.
Next because that was long. The point is you've made me better even though I'm still fifty shades of fucked up. We've been through hell and back. Seriously. There were times where I wish I could hit you with a brick you've gotten under my skin so bad. Which I'm pretty damn sure the feeling is mutual. Good news there should be a few months before our legendary fights happen again so yay? idk one day I'll be able to talk about emotions and we'll resolve instead of sweeping under the rug....this is the worst birthday message ever.
I'm glad I have you. IS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY. No matter what you're always there. We have fun. You don't judge me too harshly. You got me into Marvel, I got you into....err technically everything ever but we'll say game of thrones for this one. Also you should feel special because I'm putting off a winterwidow reply for you, and deep sighs....okay not the point. p.s. you're very cute liveblogging the comics to me. You're just precious and I love you. A lot. So much. You're my lifeline, my other half, my everything. God. I feel so sappy. ITS GROSS. Worse than gross. Idk what's worse than gross but uh, you're totally stuck with me forever. We're not getting a cat thoug and we're going to have a normal sleep schedule because normal is good. I like being normal.
And now I'm going to go back to being satan because my life is so much better when I'm being horrid and hating the world. I mean, I am Bucky and you are Steve so I think we will now fit better in our respective roles and I'll be bucky "no steve" barnes. Which wow that fits because i'm like ' no kaylee ' like 10 times a day. Can't let you do dumbass things on your own, or you know, download malware on your computer instead of utorrent. oh god I'm terrible and laughing because what the fuck did you do? I just. LOSER. Okay whatever. This is long and pointless.
WAIT. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. [ sets chinese food down bc fav ]. Have fun and be the most boring 21 year old ever. I'll drink for the both of us.
to the end of the line, love your superior and awesome queen life partner
p.s. I love you more than anyone could ever dream of.
p.s.s. sebastian stan is better. whispers we should re-watch political animals.
p.s.s.s. you might have a crapload of cap gifcons coming your way from winter soldier because even though there's this mush I like making thangs.
p.s.s.s.s you're totally crying right now aren't you. You so are. I can feel the tears already.