Ayden kept her gaze facing forward, refusing to look at River. Refusing to give Lyle O’Donnell the satisfaction that he had guessed correctly. All she could do was keep her chin held high and pray that River wouldn’t rise to her bosses taunts.
River couldn’t be blamed for this, he brought her lunch at the same time he always had. It wasn’t his fault that Lyle O’Donnell decided to do a "surprise inspection” of his state side family. Ayden hadn’t been able to warn River to stay away and when her boyfriend had knocked on the door her own boss had opened it. Brushed off the excuse Ayden had given, a prescheduled business lunch, River was simply the leader of an allied group here in the city. An asset that should leave. But her boss wouldn’t have that, he ordered River into the room, ordered him to sit, made him watch as he interrogated Ayden.
He had always loved making the people she loved watch her squirm.
“Well, this “team” of yours doesn’t seem too effective if you have to subcontract to low level city gangs.”
”Mister Songs Wolves have the best eyes around. I’d be a fool not to use them.”
”And your little snake friends?”
“Mister Clay already had a network set up across the country when we met, the underworld has a healthy level of respect and fear of his Vipers. Once again, I’d be a fool to ignore that.”
O’Donnell hummed, turning to look at one of Kyuboks sketches. Ayden took the opportunity to glance at River. She could tell he was angry but his face remained a calm mask. Thank god. Ayden knew that River could be scary, that he had earned that fear from the local gangs and street thugs. The Wolves were always watching after all and their leader saw more than most. But he was also smart enough to not fall to O'Donnell's prodding. He knew that his people were some of the best in the business.
Her eyes snapped back to the wall when Lyle turned back to her, her back tensing when she realized he had taken the sketch from the wall.
“I want to meet your “sons”. If you want them to succeed you and that violent dog you call a second, I'll need to approve them.” He glanced at River and smirked, placing his hand on the back of Ayden's neck as he leaned over to whisper in her ear. “And you know what I do to incomplete successors.”
Ayden couldn't stop herself from flinching away when her boss slid his thumb along the scar on the back of her neck. The scar he had given her the last time she had gotten close to someone. A reminder etched into her skin he had called it as she watched her first love die. Lyle O'Donnell pulled her back, smirking when he noticed how River tensed. How the man almost rose from his chair.
Insults to his people he could take, they were all nonsense. But not this. Ayden was scared of this man and he was using it to hurt her.
Ayden finally looked at River, begging him to stand down as her boss leaned down and pressed a kiss to her temple. She didn't look away, back tense as she watched her boss walk over to River. Everything in her wanted to scream, wanted to leap across the table and rip Lyle O’Donnell to shreds as her boss placed his hands on Rivers' shoulders. As he leaned down to speak against the man's ear. She could tell that River also wanted to rip him to pieces and she could only pray that he wouldn't react.
“You take care of my little bird. She's a very important piece on my game board.”
Ayden didn’t move an inch until she was sure the man had left, trying to get the feeling of his hand on her neck, his lips against her skin, the sound of “my little bird” to go away. It wouldn’t work, she knew it wouldn’t work, it never worked. She’d be feeling him touching her for weeks, wake to her nails digging into her neck and the memory of her first loves blood staining her shoes. She jumped when River finally spoke.
Ayden couldn’t help but laugh slightly, dropping her head into her hands. The sound was only slightly manic, that was good. She couldn’t afford to break down right now. Now she had to hold it together and call her team. Had to prepare Kyubok and Theo for meeting her boss, though how she was going to convince her sons not to mouth off to someone actively insulting her she wasn’t entirely sure. She heard River stand from his chair and walk around her desk, knowing he was going to try and hold her she held out a hand to stop him.
“I’m sorry but I can not handle someone else near me right now.”
River stopped and nodded, placing the lunch he had brought for her on the desk.
“Then I will wait until you’re okay.”
Two weeks passed before Ayden finally was able to text River to meet her at a gym three hours out of the city. Far enough away from everything that ever haunted her that she could allow herself to feel everything. She was using the punching bag when she became aware of River in the building, God only knew how long he had been leaning against the door frame, just watching her. Ayden couldn’t decide if she liked that River could sneak up on her. On the one hand it was just a sign of how much she trusted the man, on the other it just made it that much easier for River to hurt her if he ever decided to. Not that she thought he ever would but it paid to be prepared.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to be okay.”
She didn’t turn away from the bag, she was almost done.
River wasn’t judging in that statement, wasn’t accusing her of anything. He was honestly asking and she loved him for it.
“...That is a very good question.” Ayden grabbed the bag to keep it from swinging and turned to face her boyfriend. She smiled slightly at how he had dressed, button down shirt and a vest. “One day I will catch you in a t-shirt out of the house.”
“Ayden.” River stepped closer and Ayden finally allowed him to hold her, resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his back. “Are you okay?”
Ayden sighed, eyes closing. River’s arms always made her feel safe, like nothing could ever touch her again.
“I’m never okay after that man comes to town. He…know’s all the ways to get under my skin.”
Ayden led River over to a step to sit, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. She smiled slightly as River rubbed her spine, taking a deep breath to center herself. She knew how to turn the emotions off, how to make herself numb. But that wasn’t healthy and she knew River would wait until she was ready. She didn’t want to waste his time with her cowardice.
“Lyle O’Donnell took a hurting and abused child and turned her into a weapon…if it wasn’t for Raven and Ben he probably would have succeeded.” She let out a slow breath. “Even with them he almost succeeded.”
She straightened her back, leaning against Rivers' side when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
“You don’t have to tell me, not if you don’t want to.”
“Ah you see.” Ayden smiled up at River. “That’s the problem. I want you to know all sides of me.”
“I would love to know all sides of you.”
River leaned in to kiss Ayden softly and she gently cupped his jaw, kissing him back before taking a deep breath. She had never told anyone the whole story.
“I was sixteen when he realized I wasn’t turning out the way he had planned. I joined when I was barely thirteen and the boss of the family thought that was interesting. Some orphaned kid joining the Irish mob for revenge? He took an interest in me. At some point he decided that I would make a good successor and started training me for it. I was fourteen when I first met Divon, I had spent that whole first year with the family with just one friend. Caesar.” She twitched slightly at the memory of the man who had gotten her into this life. The man who had died trying to get her out again. She wondered for a moment what he would think of her now. “But how Divon ran things…intriged me. The Vipers weren’t just people who worked for him, they were his family. I had always wanted a huge family even before my parents were killed, my dad used to tease my mom that they had better get to work to give me more siblings since that’s all I ever asked for.”
She smiled sadly, remembering how her mother would scold her father. The laughter that would fill their small apartment. How happy they had been when her mother got pregnant. Her father lifting them both and promising them the biggest family.
River prompted, drawing her from the dark thoughts swirling around her mind. Ayden took a breath and nodded.
“Started with Raven, almost…by accident. He was in my group on a raid, got hit and still managed to save my life. Then the bastard turned around and said “thank you but who am I?” like it was the most natural thing in the world to forget yourself.” She chuckled slightly, Raven was her best friend. Closer than a brother. “The boss was weirdly angry when I told him I had decided that Raven would be the next second. Insisted I find a third. So I found Ben. And then Kite and Vulture. By the time I was sixteen I thought I had figured out what Divon was doing. I hadn’t, but I thought I had.” She took a deep breath. “And that’s when I met him. Hayato. I was supposed to kill him and all his friends. I couldn’t. They were too much like what Divon had and I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. Why we didn’t feel like a family.”
Ayden stood, needing to move. She could almost feel the sun on her back as she lay on a roof top, scope trained on the small group of boys. Trying to figure out what they were doing that was different from what she was doing.
“I made the decision to break years of training and talk to the mark.”
She looked back at River, smiling slightly when she noticed how he was watching her. There were a few ways her first and current love were similar but there were more that were different. One of which was that Hayato would have never had that understanding look on his face if Ayden had told him about a past love. Because of course River had figured it out. He saw everything about her, even the pieces she hid.
“You fell in love with him.” Ayden nodded. “But it didn’t end well.”
“Nope. I tried to break a contract. Tried to run when that didn’t work. And when that failed too…I offered the only thing I had left. My own life.” Her hand went to her neck, to the scar that her boss always found a reason to touch. “Lyle O’Donnell let me think I was winning. Brought me to the building where I was trained on torture and told me if I surivied I could be free. I just had to pass a little test. You see he had taken Hayato too.” She walked back over to River, needing the comfort he gave. River wrapped his arms around her again, holding her close. “Two months. Two months of my own boss trying to break me, using my skills as a way to break Hayato. He made me torture people as Hayato watched.”
She could feel River tense, not out of revulsion but anger. She loved that about him, loved that he was protective of her even while knowing she could protect herself. It felt good to be protected.
River seemed to be struggling to find the words.
“A really shitty thing to do to a child?”
“I had some stronger words in mind but yes.”
Ayden chuckled, shaking her head.
“It didn’t work. Hayato was more mad that I thought he’d want to leave me then disgusted that I peeled people's skin off and smiled about it. And then one day, the boss came down. Said I had survived. I could be free.” She closed her eyes, an aching, crushing sadness filling her. “We got outside the building. He gave us that hope before ripping it away.” A gun shot echoed through her mind, her own scream as Hayato dropped. Hands holding her back from running to him. The bullet had ripped through his spine, not a clean kill. Slow and painful and Lyle made her watch as the first person who saw her bled out. She took a shaky breath. “He told me that he said I could be free, not that we both could. And then he cut the back of my neck, as a reminder that I was his successor. His little caged bird.”
A growl vibrated through River's chest and his arms tightened around Ayden.
“I hated hearing him call you that. You’re not his anything.”
“Unforunatly that’s not exactly true. As long as he lives I am owned.”
River took a breath, calming himself down, and tilted Ayden’s head up to kiss her softly.
“You are not owned, not by him or anyone else.”
Ayden studied River for a long moment before kissing him gently.
River blinked, it was the first time she had said it. Out loud at least.
“I love you Ayden Lynch.”
