Finding You - azngami
(part 1)
Hey guys!!! This is my first fanfic on Ryan, it will be in parts. I'm a somewhat new, but like re-new star if that makes sense. I knew of NSB (Ryan first) in 2022 and then there was like this random fallout, but we backkk and better than ever!
The idea for this fic just randomly came to me. I kind of imagine this as like black haired long hair Ryan, so an example would be like, how he looked in the "Opening ALL OF YOUR GIFTS From Tour" video, like the most recent one he did from that series. (There's the picture by the title of what I imagine the hair to look for this, but you can imagine him however you like to)
Just some warnings before we begin:
1. I don't write smut at all. I'm not comfortable writing it so this fanfic but also all my works will not have smut in it, you're never gonna find it here!
2. I don't cuss. But I know the guys do a lot lol, and so for this, there are words there, but i put this sign: (') in replacement for some letters, but it's enough for you all to still get what I'm trying to say. An example would be "No b'tches"- you see?? It's not that bad
3. This fanfic is in "You" pov. No y/n or anything like that, just you. But it is a split Pov between you and Ryan, but for Ryan's it will be in 3rd person. So this fic is 2nd and 3rd person.
I hope you enjoy this ahhhh I'm so excited and we'll keep updating parts as we go along!!
Happy reading!!! <3333
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It was a super foggy day out, your favorite type of weather. You were currently getting out of your car, glancing at your handwritten grocery list. This may have been an unpopular opinion, but you loved errand day. Of course, not at the expense of overly priced items that you sometimes complained about in your head but bought anyway, but more so the taking off part. You liked to think about when you were a kid and going with your parents, eyeing everything a shop could offer while your mom would constantly look back from the aisles to the list in her hand. Now at 23, you were the one becoming an adult, doing all the things necessary but being responsible.
Your younger sister Diana who was two years younger than you, knew your love for the going to get groceries, so she left that for you to do, while she would wait for you to come back and make dinner. You appreciated that, because you didn't cook much. Even if there were days you wanted to help your sister out, she would kick you out of the kitchen (quite literally, if you were honest).
Speaking of your sister...
Your phone started ringing just as you were walking to the local Whole Foods not far from your house when you looked at the caller ID and then pressed talk, putting your phone to your ear.
"Hello?"
"Hey, while you're out there can you get onions real quick? We don't have any left."
You did a quick scan down your paper as you walked, looking for what you thought you had written. You were right, it turned out. You did remember the onions.
"Yeah, I have it on my list."
"And-"
"Garlic's on there too, don't worry." You interrupted. You knew your sister by now.
Diana paused abruptly, the silence on the other end of the phone concluding your assumption that she was about to say garlic.
"Well shoot, that's about it. Thanks."
You chuckled and then said your goodbyes before hanging up. Then you walked in to the store.
The cold of the store ran a shiver through your back and you folded your arms over your shoulder walking in. You grabbed a small cart because you weren't getting a lot of items, and then you started your shopping.
Everything was great. You were finding everything that you needed from the list, and tossed a treat-yourself snack in the cart. You did have a habit of treating yourself even when there was no great reason or it.
After a good ten minutes of covering the list, it was by the time you were wrapping up that you realized you needed to go to the produce section once more to get some basil. As you walked back to the fresh green area, you spotted just one guy at the produce section.
He wore all black, the hood of his hoodie over his head, but there were black strands by the sides of his face. He also had silver headphones on his hood (however that worked). He wore glasses and a dog tag necklace over his black shirt. He stood, hands in his pocket, and was completely unbothered eyeing the Bok Choy. Of course, you weren't trying to stare at the lone guy, but he did stop you in a somewhat trance. He looked like he could model, and had pretty features, and seeing him almost reminded you of a guy you used to like in high school named Ryan.
Ryan was a smart and attentive guy, but very too himself and quiet (which was exactly your type). The two of you would talk if you had a project together or to compare test answers, and you'd see him some weekends at the recreational center he'd volunteer for as coaching the basketball team that your little cousin was a part of. (Which was the CUTEST thing ever). You often wondered how Ryan was now, since last you heard he left for LA. You didn't have any social media and you both weren't the closest people in high school so the years had passed and the only thing you could do was wish him well wherever he was.
You couldn't help but look back at the guy in the store. He reminded you so much of Ryan. As you went back to your own grocery shopping, there were thrown looks back and forth between the greens and the guy. At one point as he walked over to get a plastic bag which was near where you were, he looked over at you and your eyes locked.
You couldn't look away, now that you were both looking at each other. You should've probably looked away, but for some strange reason you couldn't.
The corner of his lip lifted in a small and awkward half smile before he continued his shopping, passing you by. You smiled back, shyly and then grabbed the basil you needed before bolting out the store. In your errands routine, the chances of running into someone cute never happened, so you weren't going to forget this.
Especially if he looked like that guy you really liked back in high school.
...
By the time you got home, you were greeted by the sound of Diana's loud singing. She did that usually over music, but this time it was in the air. She was a silly person, never took too much seriously and you admired her for it.
"Hello!" You called, placing the grocery bags on the floor.
"When it comes to you, there's no criiiiiime!"
You made a face. "Hello? Diana?"
"Let's take both of our souls and intertwiiiine!" Before you could say anything else, your younger sister Diana emerged from the kitchen, holding up a wooden spoon like it was a microphone.
"When it comes to you," She pointed over at you, making her way towards where you were. You laughed and shook your head as Diana danced to the grocery bags, picking them up while still managing to sing a Justin Bieber throwback.
"Don't be blind, let me speak from my heart when it..." Diana looked up at you and gave a look, holding the silverware microphone to you face.
You rolled your eyes. This happened every day.
"C'mon, you gotta sing it, all of MSG is waiting!" Diana joked, gesturing to the audience members.
You laughed. "Oh, is that where we are now?"
Diana laughed with you and the two of you headed to the kitchen, the song dispelling its echoes into thin air.
"Thanks for getting the groceries. I think it's spaghetti today." Diana said. You followed her to the counter, unpacking.
"No worries. You know errands stops are my favorite."
"And I'll never understand why. Seriously, you're quieter than me. What part of going out to shop makes you happy to indulge in?" Diana asked.
You shrugged, trying to think of the question. "I don't know. It's my own time even if it's surrounded by people. If that makes sense. I don't know, you'd think you'd like it, you're all outgoing and everything." You said.
Diana scoffed. "Yeah, that's the problem. I can't even go to Whole Foods without being recognized. Some days I don't want to be social. Plus, it can be a chore." She said.
You nodded, understanding where she was coming from. It did make sense. You could see where Diana and even your parents were coming from, and even though they didn't understand your joy, they left you with that responsibility.
You clapped your hands as you remembered your time just spent looking into a beautiful stranger's eyes.
"Oh! Speaking of Whole Foods, I have to tell you something." You said.
Your sister was eyeing the basil, tilting her head to the side. You at first were scared, hoping that it was the right thing, but then was relieved to see her place it on the counter and turn to the other items to examine.
"What's up?"
"I saw this really cute guy at the store," You started.
Diana flashed a proud smile as she checked the ingredients. "Okay, okayyyy"
You started to feel yourself blushing.
"Chill, nothing happened." You needed to clarify. That was your sister. She always hyped up the littlest things making them seem bigger than what they actually were.
"But while we were in the produce section, I was grabbing basil and he was getting I think some Bok Choy, and as we were passing by, he smiled at me and it was so cute." You said, allowing the girlhood of yourself to bask in delusion that it was a big deal. Only for a second though.
"Okayyy!! Cute!!" Diana exclaimed as she was put everything from the bags away. She was very good and indulging in conversation at the same time be in the zone when it came to cooking.
"But the thing is..." You started, thinking back to the black haired beauty in the produce aisle.
"He reminds me so much of- do you remember Ryan, that guy I liked all of high school?" You asked, turning to look at your sister.
She set her tomato paste can down and looked up at the ceiling in thought. Then she nodded.
"He was like, what, really smart, kinda cute but in like a nerdy way? Glasses? Quiet guy Ryan?"
You nodded. That sounded like your lover alright. (Well, unrequited lover anyway).
"Yeah, I remember you were obsessed with that dude." Diana said.
That caused you to smile shyly. "Yeah, then after graduation he moved to LA and that was the last time I saw him. And, with no social media, it's not like I can find him either." You muttered the last sentence to yourself.
Diana chuckled. "You made that decision."
"I know. And it's a good one, I don't regret that." You said as you walked over to the small table-for-two by the corner. You sat in one of the chairs, fully aware that you would be ranting to your sister in the middle of a cooking session.
You sighed. "I guess for these past five years, crushes would come and go, whatever, but...he would always be in the back of my mind. I just wondered what it would be like if I was to see him again." You spoke your mind.
Diana nodded and hummed. Her back was to you as she started her work, but she was listening.
"But...the guy that I saw at Whole Foods today, he reminded me so much of Ryan. But he looks different, they're not the same guy, he just...just looking at him to me back to a place that made me extremely happy and nostalgic." You said.
"Aww. Maybe it's Ryan's twin brother?" Diana suggested.
You shook your head. "Hello? Obsessive, remember? If Ryan had a pet dog I would've found out the name, origin, favorites snacks and everything else. I think I would know if he had a twin brother."
"Sooooo maybe it was Ryan is what I'm hearing?"
You groaned. "Ugh. Imagine."
You shook your head and gave a small smile. "I'm gonna go upstairs and change. Be right back."
"Okay! See yaaaa!" Diana waved to you and you waved back before going up the stairs.
When you got to your room you made a beeline straight for your dresser. You searched until you found your senior yeearbook, flipping through the pages where everyone signed. And then looking at Ryan's message you smiled, the feeling of how it was receiving his short but sweet well wishes coming back to you just like it was for the first time.
i'm gonna miss science and math class with you, thank you for all the memories :)
wishing you all the best in university and beyond!
- ryan
Then you went through the yearbook, taking a walk down memory lane of your life five years ago. Occasionally in the sports section, you saw pictures of Ryan, and when you got to the graduation photos, he was there too. It was just like you remembered. He was cute and pretty, but for some strange reason, his eyes reminded you of that guy in Whole Foods.
Your mind went back and forth. It wasn't like it absolutely couldn't happen at all. Sure, Ryan moved to LA and that was the last you heard of him, but maybe he was back in town for family or something else.
But when were you so lucky in life, that you got a chance to see your really serious crush five years later? Did that really happen in life?
Even then, it didn't really matter, considering the fact that you didn't speak to him. So, it probably wasn't him to begin with.
You looked back down at the Ryan's graduation photo in your yearbook. He kind of shared the same features. You didn't have time to make out all of his face, but there was something similar. You just didn't know.
Was that or was that not Ryan Nguyen from high school?
....
~ Ryan ~
It never bothered Ryan to walk into a house filled with cameras.
It became second nature. He had been in this house for 3 years now, and where bills needed to be paid, content needed to be made. There was only one problem with that.
To walk into a house with cameras meant that there was always the risk of being in them. Ryan was usually caught off guard and gave this low hating-everyone vibe that the stars were accustomed to and grown to love. There were people who made videos like "Ryan being done with NSB for 6 minutes" on YouTube, or little moments that could be used for a short or tiktok. They were used to his nonchalant tone. He read a comment last week where some stars crowned him their "Side-Eyed King".
Normally, he wouldn't have minded. Ryan would be more concerned if he didn't walk into a noisy house filled with laughs or arguments across the room. He just wished that there would be a slight freedom in this moment as he stepped inside, where he could just slip into his room and stay there for the rest of the day without interruptions.
But that freedom wasn't for today.
It was Sebastian that greeted him first, and Ryan looked right into the lens, trying hard not to look obvious that something was actually wrong. Recording meant vlogging (or pranking, whichever one in this house), and either or meant editing, and then editing meant posting. For the eyes of the public.
"Well, look who it is. If it isn't, the real Azngami! How you doing, sexy sir?" Seb stated, coming right at him.
Ryan averted his eyes to the ground. Even if it was a normal day, there would still be the expectation of the weird look. Which Ryan gave.
"What do you want, man?" Ryan finally asked, his voice dropping low.
"Nothing, just..." Seb laughed as he pointed the camera to Ryan's grocery bags.
"It was Ryan's turn to get the groceries." He told the internet. "I'm actually surprised you did it." Seb said.
Ryan narrowed his eyes as Seb laughed, bringing the camera back to Ryan's face.
"What, like I've never bought my own groceries before? Get lost, dude." Ryan started to walk away from the camera. "I ain't never seen your broke 'ss buy a f'ckin vegetable bro, I know you not talkin'".
"C'mon, why you gotta be mean? Look, I'll take the groceries for you." Seb reached over while holding up the camera.
"See guys?" Seb talked to the frame. "I'm a very nice, very demure person." He said.
Ryan closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. "What is this, yo? Try not to cringe for 24 hours?" He asked.
Seb stuck his bottom lip out to the camera and pouted as he placed his free hand on his heart. "You wound me, Ryan. You wound me. And here I thought you actually had a heart." He said.
Ryan stood with his hands in his pockets for a second, just looking at Seb. When Seb noticed Ryan wasn't giving a big reaction, he turned back and looked over at Ryan, laughing.
"Dude, what's wrong?" He asked.
"What do you want from me? Go bother Darren, dude." Ryan requested.
"Dude I already did!"
"Okay, so go down the list. There's 6 other people in this group so...I'm going to my room. And take the groceries out of the bag please instead of just leaving them on the counter!" Ryan called, turning his back on Seb and walked towards his room.
He didn't really care if Seb caught that all on camera, or would even post it. For some strange reason, everyone found Ryan's moods to be funny and relatable.
But when Oliver heard the commotion from the living room, he waited until Ryan was in his room before walking over.
..
Ryan's door was closed, of course. If he had it his way, he'd have his door locked. But there were no locks in the house and Ryan had to suffer for it. At least right now, he could suffer in peace. Though it wasn't really suffering. Today wasn't the worst day in the world.
No, today just happened to be the day where he saw a girl he thought he would never see again.
You.
You burned in his mind like something hot, and even though it had been years, the feeling was the same. How you grew, with your beautiful eyes and shy smile. Ryan wondered if you knew that it was him, but probably not. You both haven't spoken in a long time. Last Ryan checked, you didn't even have any socials.
Ryan scratched his head and then grabbed his phone as he sat on the edge of his bed. He knew this was quite childish, but there he was entering your name on the search bar. He tried your first and last name, then Minnesota, but that brought him to other people. Why did so many people share your name, anyway?
There was a knock on the door and Ryan sighed.
"What?"
"Ryan, it's me Oli, can I come in?"
Ryan paused. At least it wasn't Darren.
Ryan ran fingers through his hair and then leaned back in his seat, staring at the wall in front of him.
"Yeah."
The door opened slowly and Ryan saw in the corner of his eye that Oli emerged. He stayed by the door, but closed it behind him.
"Hey, I couldn't help but notice you and Seb. Was wondering if everything's alright." Oli spoke.
"I meaaannn..." Ryan's voice trailed in thought as he looked at Oli. Then he shrugged.
"It's cool. Just some stuff happening at Whole Foods, bro." Ryan answered, his gaze now zeroed in on his PC set.
"What kinda stuff? Do you wanna talk about it?" Oliver asked.
To be fair, Ryan didn't want to talk about it. Not fully. But, there was a small part of him deep down that knew that if anyone genuinely cared enough, it was Oliver. He didn't want to add onto stress, so Ryan figured he would just say it bluntly.
"It's nothing big man, I just bumped into someone who I may have had feelings for in high school. I don't think she recognized me though. I was going to say hi, but then...I don't know, I just backed off."
Oliver nodded. "Do you regret not talking to her?"
Ryan shrugged. "I mean, it's not bothering me so much, but I mean...maybe. I haven't seen her in like, five years. I would have liked to maybe catch up with each other but that's not happening." He said.
Oliver stood for a few seconds to himself. Then after a few seconds he looked back at Ryan.
"Have you tried looking for her? Like on IG, Tiktok, anything?"
"Nah, she doesn't have social media. I've been trying to just Google her, but that's not getting me anywhere." Ryan said.
Oli pulled out his phone. "What's her name?" He asked.
"What's whose name?" The door suddenly opened and the rest of the guys came in. All except for Seb who was hopefully getting the groceries unpacked, and Reggie, who was probably sleeping.
Ryan closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing. Never in any way would he be telling all of them what was happening.
"You've gotta be freakin kidding me." Ryan said under his breath. When he looked up, seeing Darren, Justin, and Kane in view made him want to punch something. But Ryan didn't. He just remained as calm as he could try.
"Ain't y'all got your own rooms and sh't, the f'ck you gotta be in mine for?" Ryan said.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, watch who you're speaking to." Justin said with a laugh.
"Ryan, take deep breaths." Kane suggested, recreating some type of yoga pose.
"See? This is exactly what I'm talking about bro, you're so ungrateful. We literally all came together to check up on you, and this is how you treat us." Darren said, moving over to try and sling his arm on Ryan, but Ryan stood up immediately and walked to the corner of the room.
"Don't touch me."
"We decided to come here, y'know, be here for you, and look at you. You're acting up." Darren said.
"So ungrateful, Ryan." Justin retorted.
Ryan could feel annoyance coming on. Actually, he's been annoyed on his drive to the house.
"Okay, so then leave, hello? No one asked you to come over". He sassed.
"No, see, I'm not like you Ryan. Despite the need to hate on my fellow brother, I would never leave them in a time of need. You need us." Darren said (or more like gaslight- Justin's been influencing him).
Oh. My. Gosh. I can never win in this household, Ryan thought.
"Ryan, we're not trying to bother you, Seb just said that you were crankier than usual. If you need your alone time, we can go, we just wanted to let you know that we're here for you no matter what it is. Okay?" Kane finally broke the ice.
Ryan didn't say anything for a few seconds. He was acting like this was a huge deal even though it wasn't worth anything hating the boys for. He would never let a girl come between the brotherhood he formed with these crazy bunch these last three years.
The thing was, Ryan didn't owe them the story, but he didn't want to place this as such a high thing. He wasn't meant to talk to you, he guessed. That was all.
So Ryan ended up talking to the boys about the situation and how frustrated he got because of it. He listened to their opinions and advice, which all sort of tallied towards trying to find anything of you and reaching out, or just letting it go entirely. And that's what Ryan said he would do.
It was later in the night when Ryan sat next to Justin and Darren who, yes, had overstayed their welcome in his room, but luckily they were both kind of doing their own thing and wasn't bothering Ryan as much.
Ryan laid down at the side of the bed going on instagram, when a thought just entered his mind. He remember that you had a sister named Diana and quickly searched her up on instagram. The first two people were not her at all, he could tell, but the third profile made Ryan sit up in his seat. As he clicked on her page, he felt like thanking God that it was public. And he was even more thankful when he saw one of her recent posts being a birthday post about you.
Ryan smiled as he carefully clicked on the picture, not wanting to like it or do anything that would notify on your sister's phone. And this picture was a few months ago.
You were in a park, right under a tree, smiling at the camera. There was collection photos of you with different poses, and then the last photo being a selfie with Diana and you. You were so pretty in Ryan's eyes. Definitely grown into a woman. He wondered how the last five years have been for you and what you were doing now.
"Yo, did you see the video I sent you?" Darren broke the silence in the room, Ryan almost forgot they were still there.
Because Darren and Justin were sitting closed to each other, Ryan just assumed Darren was talking to Justin.
"Me or Ryan?" Justin asked slowly.
Ryan didn't say anything as he scrolled through Diana's page, finding you every so often. That was until he felt a kick in his back. Ryan's head shot up quickly.
"What are you doing?" He interrogated Darren.
"Dude, I sent you a video, look at it!"
Ryan looked back on his phone. "I'll watch, just give me a second."
"No, watch it now!" Darren said with a smile. When Ryan gave a death glare at him, Darren rolled his eyes.
"C'mon, baby. Is there something more important than me?" He asked.
Ryan wished for the day when Darren talked to him without referring to him as his baby for once. It made Ryan feel weird but mostly annoyed.
"Yes, there are a lot of things more important than what you send me." Ryan said.
At that, Justin's head shot up from where he rested by the pillows. "Like what? You're all blushing and sh't, what are you looking at?"
Darren started to go over to where Ryan was sitting, trying to reach for his phone. "Is it that Whole Foods high school crush? Did you find her?"
Ryan smacked Darren's hand away and moved his phone out of reach before Darren could see anything.
"Dude, don't f'king touch my sh't, yo."
Justin laughed. "Oh, it's definitely her. He found her." Justin sat up. Ryan backed away and stood up before the two of them could have a chance.
"Can you guys just get out of my room? Like, Oli and Kane left a long time ago, why don't you leave?"
"Relax, peanut." Darren said.
"I don't know bruh, I kinda like this bed." Justin said, fully lying back down again.
"Okay," Ryan set his phone down on the counter. "Enough of this sh't-"
Before Darren and Justin could blink, they were both dragged and kicked out of the room. To Ryan's surprise, they didn't come back to bother him for the rest of the night.
Ryan stayed looking at more pictures, the feeling of memories coming in to warm him. He didn't stay long however, as the content of his find allowed him to crash into a deep sleep.
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Thank you for reading this chapterrr<333
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