#azures ramblings

[inanazuremoon]

our mom said that “adding romance to phm wouldve ruined it “ and yes!! if ryland had a love interest it would’ve cheeped him not wanting to go. he didn’t need to have someone waiting for him, he didn’t need to have a person who he never confessed his feelings for, it mattered that he didn’t want to go because he is a human being who loved being on earth. thats it, full stop.

he was selfish! like yes it was for his students, but it was very much a selfish choice! stratt was right about that! he was not some selfless hero, he didn’t want to stay because he would be leaving a boyfriend or partner or wife behind, he just didn’t want to die! and doesn’t that hurt so much more?

he loved earth! he loved teaching! he wanted to stay and help kids prepare! he had so much respect for the people who chose to go on the Hail Mary but he never wanted that for himself! he was petty in his academic papers! him not having a love interest makes him so much more human!

[inanazuremoon]

Stratt being a history major is sooo important to me because it explains so much about her. Shes not going to let herself think about what it means to force ryland onto the hail mary because she needs to look at the bigger picture or else she wont be able to save earth and shes good at that. She knows how the governments of the world will react because shes seen how governments have reacted. She knows what the history books will say about her and she has made her peace with it but she will do everything in her power to make sure that there are people to write those history books for.

[inanazuremoon]

“What are you smiling at your phone for?” we’re flying to the moon again. we have absolutely stunning pictures of the earth and i think im falling in love with our planet again. we’re flying back to the moon and she looks absolutely beautiful and im so happy to be alive to witness this. i fell in love with space when i was six and now everything feels so much worse but i know she would be overjoyed to know we were able to witness this.

[inanazuremoon]

so pwhl brained i forgot the nhl was real. i keep accidentally assuming people are talking about the pwhl because im not keeping up with any nhl news. incredible work everyone

[inanazuremoon]

Was chatting about internalized ableism with some of my friends earlier and I mentioned that the “if your drowing in six inches of water, you’re still drowning” metaphor never really helped us, because we’ve never really felt like we were drowning.

It’s always been more like I could swim perfectly fine, and I didnt notice that it was getting harder, or that it was harder then it was supposed to be, because I see people who are drowning and that’s what I’m comparing myself to. And then when I do get supports for my disability then it feels weird to use them because ive been swimming without them for so long that it’s harder to adapt to them then to start using them.

And I’m still struggling to swim, while trying to adapt to the new supports I have, and still feeling wrong about using them because I’m not even drowning yet.

[inanazuremoon]

ryland grace is absolutely aroace but i dont think he like. knows this about himself in any way whatsoever. i think he actually just does not question his sexuality at all! hes too busy with lesson plans and have you seen how many papers he has to grade this week?

[inanazuremoon]

sorry im still stuck on the martian and project hail mary being very explicitly versions of Orpheus and Eurydice where turning around is the answer. Mark wouldve died if people didn’t bother to check for a body, and especially so if the crew of Ares 3 didn’t decide to go back for him. Rocky (amd by extension, Erid) would’ve died if Ryland didn’t decide to sacrifice his own journey home to turn back for him. And isnt that kind of beautiful?

[inanazuremoon]

Shoutout to absolute superman for saying that it still maters to be kind. That yes its fucking hard right now but it does matter. You can make a difference without being hateful and cruel. You can be angry and still treat others with kindness, and sometimes that anger will feel to powerful and thats okay. Take a breath, let yourself grieve or scream or process your anger, and keep moving forwards.