counting down the top 10 sexiest droids in star wars.
i’m 100% serious btw. this is based solely on my memory so if i forgot your fav, feel free to comment
#10
this guys from a new hope! now i must somewhat shamefully admit that this is based entirely on looks. but i mean come on look at it. instantly clocked it as a freek
#9
these annoying fuckers from clone wars. this goofy ass attempt to make battledroids more intimidating did at least produce a droid i wouldn’t mind coming home to every night. these guys are huge brats too. excited to see how that plays out in more intimate settings
#8
it’s just something about it. i can’t put my finger on. its so resolute and sinister, and yet it is not unlike a a wild rabbit. its delicate hands and big eyes make me want to care for it. i want this thing to call me mommy.
#7
the ferryman from the mandalorian. he is so dutiful. a powerful aura. he looks like he could hold me tight in those big strong arms
#6
i could fix him
#5
look we all knew this was coming. his powerful sexual presence it’s simply undeniable. the baddest bitch in star wars just barely beating lando. i’ve chosen the sexiest picture of him that i could find. enjoy.
#4
battle droids but specifically the ones with paint on them. i think these would have the closest analogue to human intimacy of any on this list. and even then, kissing them is an exciting geometric chalenge
#3
sexiest picture in this post by far. oh my god these look inside books. should i be tagging this as nsfw? this diabolical baddie even deploys one of my favorite droids ever. making her the only droid milf that i can think of.
#2
gonk droids. but specifically gonky from the bad batch. i think this one is probably the most indescribable. i can say little details like how he kinda reminds me of 80s computers and i love 80s computers, or how the simplest shape can sometimes be the best, or how cute it is when he kicks his feet in the air while he is being used for weightlifting, but none of it really adds up to how i feel
and the number one sexiest droid in star wars (and it’s not even close) is:
chopper. obviously.
dilf dot com. this guy has such an attractive personality. beyond words how wonderful his design is. one of my favorite star wars characters and one of the best droid designs
Summary: The Batch dives into another mission, but not everything goes as smoothly as planned.
Warnings: violence, cursing, mention of firearm and knives, mention of death
word count: 2208
Author's note: I'm sick but at the part where I don't sleep all day sooooo I finished it!!! I hope the "constant" POV change wasn't annoying.
MASTERLIST
Even as a little girl I was terrible at pretending to be asleep – Dad never missed an opportunity to rub it in my face - and that hasn’t changed since. I laid with my back to them, facing the durasteel wall in Hunter’s bunk and I was almost certain they knew I wasn’t asleep. But to my surprise, none of them mentioned it, not even Crosshair. I listened to them going over the plan, but I couldn’t understand much of it, it was like they were talking in code. Plan 32, then plan 46 and then plan 73. I wasn’t sure if this is how action plans are usually discussed, or if it was just because I was there and could hear them.
We have exited hyperspace at least an hour ago but we were still far from Celanon. Tech said it was safer to leave hyperspace further from the planet in case if there were any separatist ships around. My side started to hurt, and I hated the feeling as if I was a little girl all over again hiding between cargos in the dark belly of the pirate ship. “You don’t have to be scared anymore if you make people be scared of you, Little One.” I hated when people saw me weak and Crosshair… He pushed all the right buttons, and it only took him seconds to make my mask fall, almost disappear. I haven’t reacted that way to any teasing and pushing for years now and the sniper just had to say a couple of words and it was all gone. Years of training and acting dust in the wind…
“You know” I started as I sat up on the bunk and stretched out. “you guys would wake the dead.” None of them said anything they just looked at each other then back at me and I just rolled my eyes. “So, what now?” I asked with my hands on my hips, and I barely grimaced as pain ripped through my side.
“We get in, get the data we need and get out! Easy!” said Wrecker louder than would have been pleasing to my ears.
“Sounds like you have simplified it quite a bit.” I said with a raised brow. “Which continent? Cekbar? Arradi? Holvi? Jelldar? Runnor? Desetur? And Nalronis are not so hospitable, especially now that they are part of the sepies.”
“Good thing we are not going there to make friends.” came from Crosshair who was leaning against the wall, playing with a toothpick.
“Because you are the friendly type, right?” I asked with a sardonic smile.
“You know where to go Beroya.”
“Charming.” I said with another eyeroll. “Do you even know what you are walking into?”
“A base?” asked Hunter with raised eyebrows, one of them barely visible from his tattoo.
“You kidding me, right? Tech please, I’m literally begging you, tell me you guys are just pulling my leg.”
“The order we got was to infiltrate the base, retrieve the necessary data that could tell us what the separatists' next move might be.” He said it with such ease like it was the galaxy’s most natural thing, as if there were no more unknowns in the equation than acceptable.
“Could tell you what the separatist next move might be? No intel on how many Nalronis or droids are there? Or possible traps or anything?” I asked question after question. It wasn’t possible they didn’t understand how wrong it was. The GAR wanted them to go in basically blind, with no idea of what was in store for them in that base.
“Well… no.” Tech answered a bit uncomfortable. “But that wouldn’t be the first time.”
“And is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked with a shocked chuckle. “And let me guess, I’m staying put here, right?”
“Affirmative.” I shot Crosshair a death stare, but he just smirked at me.
“You brought me here, while I was unconscious, got my clothes and hid my weapons…”
“We…” Hunter started but I waved him off.
“I’m not done yet.” I barely raised my voice, but it was effective, all four of them even Crosshair looked a little shocked, but I couldn’t care less. “You got me to the outskirt of the Outer Rim, to separatist territory and now you want to lock me into the ship while you play hero of the Republic?”
“We…” Wrecker cleared his throat. “We are not planning on… locking the ship… on you…” Poor man was looking anywhere but me, his brown eyes never meeting mine.
“Well, that's really reassuring.” I said sarcastically. “So, I wait here like what a good little girl, dangling my legs and waiting or even praying the force for your return?”
“Sarge?” So, he is a Sergeant, made sense.
“You take the ship.” I looked at Hunter with wide eyes and I thought I didn’t hear it right.
“I beg your pardon?”
“If anything goes sideways, we will give you a signal and you take the Marauder back to Coruscant.” I looked at him for a long moment waiting for him to say it all was just a very bad joke, but he didn’t.
“You have got to be kidding me!” I looked over all four of them. “So, while you are all gone, I sit here, doing what? Playing Sabacc with the gonk droid and if something goes sideways you just expect me to leave you all here, taking the ship to safety?”
“You pretty much summed it up.” Answered Crosshair cleaning his rifle, not even looking at me.
“You are mad.” I said with a forced laugh. “You are all beyond, kriffing mad.” I said but they didn’t seem to be moved by my words.
The next twenty minutes went by in utter silence as they started to gear up, exchanging glances between on another but not saying a word. It was like they were communicating only with looks, not saying a single word but understanding each other perfectly. I only saw it once before, when I was working with a bounty hunter pair, who happened to be twins. It was like, they had some sort of telepathic power, but only with each other. And if anyone came close to being twins, then the clones did. They were really one, I could never imagine how it must feel to lose one of their own, and the next thing I knew I was silently praying that these boys would never experience such pain and loss.
But this mission…
"It's madness. You're going to be captured or worse." I exclaimed looking at them one by one.
"We have a hundred percent success rate." came from Tech who didn't look up from his data pad. "Your concern, while noted and highly appreciated, is unnecessary."
"A hundred percent success rate doesn't mean you are indestructible." I said but they kept getting ready like they didn't even hear what I've just said. "This is a suicide mission." I grabbed Hunter's arm looking into those brown eyes. He looked down where my hand was holding his arm then back at me with an unreadable expression, but it only lasted for a couple of seconds, then the Sergeant, with his calculated, hard, soldier look was back.
"Not our first one." that's all he said before getting his blaster and vibro blade. He was about to put on his helmet and lead the others out when he turned back to me. “Just follow the plan.”
“You may be a sergeant, but you are not my boss.” I looked him dead in the eye. Our little staring contest lasted for a few moments, then without another word he put on his helmet and left with the others. “They are going to get themselves killed.” I sighted sitting down on one of the bunks, hissing at the pain at my side.
Gonk. Gonk. – the gonk droid appeared by my side and looked as concerned as a droid can look without any expressions.
“Yeah buddy, I have a bad feeling about this too.” I said laying back with another sigh and did what they told me to. I waited.
3rd person POV
Getting in was easy. Maybe too easy, but Hunter didn’t want to think about it. Deep down something told him that Hel was right, and something will go wrong, but he brushed it off. He trusted his squad, his brothers, he knew they could pull it off. They go in, get what they needed, and they’d be back at Coruscant before they knew it.
Tech opened door after door, disabled the cameras, while Hunter and Wrecker followed him, and Crosshair fell behind to cover them. It was a textbook case of a simple intrusion so far. Something they did before hundreds of times, still he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something wasn’t right. It was too easy. They’ve only met a couple of droids and three Nalronis so far. If the information they kept here was as precious as the Republic thought there should have been more, much more of them protecting it.
“Sarge?” Wrecker looked back at him and even though he couldn’t see his brother’s face under the helmet he knew he had a concerned expression, like he felt Hunter’s discomfort.
“Everything is alright Wrecker.” He assured his younger brother, giving him a quick nod. “Let’s get this over with. Crosshair, catch up with us, will you? Crosshair?” There was no answer only static noise. “Tech where is he?”
“His signal is… gone.” He looked back at Hunter, his eyes full of concern behind his goggles.
“What do you mean gone?” Asked Hunter way louder than he was supposed to.
“Gone, like you’ll all be soon.” Came an unfamiliar voice, the scariest thing about it was, that Hunter couldn’t tell where exactly it came from. It was everywhere.
“Tech?” Hunter didn’t look at his little brother, he was way too busy getting ready for an ambush from every direction.
“I don’t…” know. Tech didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to, Hunter knew what he wanted to say, and it made his blood run cold. Tech always had all the answers and always knew what they needed to do to get out of the most hopeless situations, but now he was uncertain. Worse than that, they couldn't even be sure whether Crosshair was alive or not. As is Tech was reading his thoughts, he calmy spoke to him over their channel so the enemy couldn’t hear them. “He is alive, I can read his vital signs, he is most likely unconscious, but alive. I just can’t find him.” He added in an almost angry tone, something Hunter and Wrecker didn’t hear many times. Annoyed yes, most of the time, but angry, Tech wasn’t the type who got angry.
He is alive. Hunter tried to calm himself and he heard Wrecker let out a sigh of relief. Before he could think which, plan would be the best to get them out of this situation, every single door around them opened and they were surrounded by droids and a dozen of Nalronis. One of them, whose attire suggested that he held a higher rank, held Crosshair’s Firepuncher in his right hand. Even if they could – and from experience they could have – fought off the droids and the Nalronis there were no guarantees that they could find Crosshair in time before they got raided again, and there was no way in the whole wide Galaxy that they’d leave him behind.
“Tech” he looked back over his shoulder. “give her the signal.” And with no questions asked, he did.
Hel’s POV
I didn’t even realise I dosed off, but I woke up in cold sweat, gasping for air, my whole-body trembling.
“Something is wrong.” I whispered to myself as I tried to catch my breath.
Gonk, gonk – I swear this droid appears out of nowhere, but I didn’t scold it, just put my hand on top of it.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head, looking down at my shaking hands trying to calm myself. The only thing I could think about was that I was right, and they got into trouble. Why do you care? – I asked myself. - You knew them like five minutes. Dad would be so disappointed for not stealing their ship already and making some money out of it. “But I’m not the kind to left anyone behind.” I sighed burying my face into my hands.
Bip. Bip. Bip.
The Gonk droid let out a scared noise and I knew what it meant. I stood up and walked to the cockpit turning down the signal. They told me to leave. Get the ship and take it back to Coruscant, not looking back. I let out a frustrated growl and walked back to the bunks turning everything upside down. It took almost twenty minutes to finally find all my clothes and weapons, and another five to get ready but everything was in place. Even thought my clothes were still bloody and my side was killing.
“If those boys are still alive, this will be the I told you so of my life.” I mumbled under my breath sliding my vibroblade into place.
A/N: I know I wrote "Wrecker's brown EYES" I did it on purpuse because it's all happening before his accident where he gets his scar and losing his eye.
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