#bailey cavell

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Nightmares, Anal Sex and Kittens...

Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Doc? I've been having nightmares. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) Nightmares? Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Yeah…Since uh…Since the day we were found under the snowman It's nearly always the same thing too. That…That Jack died or you didn't get there fast enough to save both of us. And I just keep seeing him laying there in the snow, dead and blue, frost on his lips and the snow falling starting to bury him again No matter how hard I try, I can't uncover him fast enough and the snow keeps piling up, higher and higher till I can't see him at all And I just can't leave him there Most of the time I just lie down next to him and let the snow bury me too as I hold his freezing, lifeless hand, just wishing it'd squeeze mine like normal But it never does Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) And this has been the same? Every night? Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Yeah. Some nights though I manage to get him, and I carry him on my back and just walk out into the snow. I wake up freezing even though he's right there next to me in the bed. And…I don't want to wake him up, so I just lay there and pretend I'm sleeping. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) ...i see. So you still fear losing him? Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) He's all I have. He's like, 98% of my heart. WIthout him, I'd just be an unloved empty husk. It wouldn't be worth living. If he had died, I'd have just walked back out there to die with him. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) I understand, your bond is very strong.. But Jack did not die, so shouldnt you try to focus more on the fact that he is there with you, rather than lingering on what could have happened? Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) I just…It's hard. And Jack told me today that he's been having similar nightmares. And we've just been pretending to sleep nearly every night trying not to wake the other. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) Well perahps you two should talk it out. Then it might ease your mind, and his. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) We've tried. Jack tried talking to Hyde but it seems like he was pretty much ignored. And he didn't really get any answers. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) I meant amungst yourselves. But if you'd like to talk to me, I am here. But my suggestion, is since you and Jack are both scared of losing the other it would be more productive for you two to talk. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) We did talk together. We agreed to stop pretending to sleep and wake the other up instead And uh On another topic. I also came to apologize Though, it's probably kinda late in the game to do so. I kinda uh, broke a rule or two…. That whole, not having sex with the other residents That one. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) ...Did you now. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) I'm sorry. I did. Not anything like…Bad or nothing. It was just anal, so I couldn't really get pregnant from it. But I know it was still breaking the rules. I'd like it if Jack wasn't punished for my actions. So please don't take the kitten or the sweater from him please. He really needs them. It was my fault anyways and he wasn't involved, so he shouldn't have to suffer for it. Figured it'd be best to admit to it. Though, I'm sure you kinda already knew or what not. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) Thank you for telling me this happened. You will not be punished, but please, refrain from doing it again. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) I'll do my best not to. It kinda was something I thought I needed I guess. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) And it wasnt? Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) It didn't last as long as I thought it would. Not the sex, the result I was looking for. It made me feel loved and that's just what I really really needed. Heh, I always need it. At the time some of my brother's love had started fading and I couldn't find him to renew them and I just turned to what I thought would last long enough to satisfy Didn't even last more than a day or two. And I keep thinking that maybe if I did it more or did like, actual sex-sex that it'd last longer. I mean, so many people tell me that the love I have with my brother is wrong, so I thought that maybe trying what people deemed as right would work too and last like how Jacks love lasts. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) So you thought if you had sex, he'd love you? Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) No, I thought I'd feel loved. And I did, for a bit, but it was gone by the next night Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) ...i see. Do you regret it? Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) I regret breaking the rules, cause I knew later that things I need and want more could be taken away from me because of a moments worth of love and I regret risking getting to share a room with Jack or the kitten or the college jacket for Jack. But the act itself? I don't regret it per se. It did make me feel loved It just didn't last. Breaking the rules and risking all that I did wasn't worth it. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) I see. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Sorry. I mean, I'm sure you probably wanted to hear that I regretted it all and never wanted anything to do with it again. But lying only digs your grave deeper. Figured you can't really help if I'm not being honest. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) I a only trying to understand, Bailey. I am not looking for any asnwer above another. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) I understand doc. Uh…I guess I'm just really seeking out to be loved by other people like I'm loved by Jack But it's hard finding people with a matching love type. I mean, I loved Aves. But my actions probably led to what he did. I cursed my name, called me a traitor and a slut and said he hated me and never wanted to talke to me again less than a day before it uh...happened. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) What Averey did was no one's fault. It was... a bad situation. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) What if what I did was the last straw? I think about that constantly Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) It was not your fault, Bailey. I should have seen the signs, I am his doctor. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) He'd confided in me before that he felt like he didn't have any friends and I told him I'd be his and I loved him and he made me feel loved and then I went and did what I did and he saw it as betrayal to him. It didn't mean I didn't love him Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) That was his own bitterness... You did nothing wrong. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) He felt that I was his only friend and then that only friend went and betrayed him. I can't even do being a friend right Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) Bailey, you were a good friend. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Ha Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) He.. had many social issues when he came to us. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Cause getting hated and called a traitor is how people tell you you're a great friend What's done is done. I can't change what happened no matter how much I wish I could. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) I think.. you have a lot to come to terms with. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Can we talk about something happier? As it is I'm just trying to delay sleeping till Jack gets back to the room. He's out talking with Ben. Oh He wanted to know how the kitten search is going. I'm pretty sure it hasn't gone far, I mean, things have been kinda hectic. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) I will be going out tomorrow, and picking one up. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Woah Really? You found one? Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) Yes, I did actually. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Do you know what it looks like? We've been trying to figure out a name for it. Is it a girl or a boy? Do you know? Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) It's a boy. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Jack'll be happy to hear that. I'm just... Thank you Doc. Like, this means a lot to both of us. We didn't think we'd be allowed to have a pet till a couple years from now If ever. If there's ever anything I could ever do to make this worth it to you, just say the word. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) Thank you, but I am very happy to help. Im glad someone enjoys what I do for them. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Dude We never even has foster parents that did as much for us as you have. We seriously appreciate it a ton Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) Heh Well thank you. Im glad you appreciate it. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Jack appreciates it to. He just is kinda just jaded against doctors after his being ignored by Hyde. Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) I understand. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) But he does, honest. He just doesn't want to talk. But he's willing to talk to Ben. And I think Ben's studying to be a therapist or something, so I guess it's a win win? Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) I suppose. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) Well, 9's curfew right? It's getting late as it is. I should let you go and stuff. Thanks again and sorry for breaking the rules Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) Thank you for telling me. Have a good night, try not to have nightmares. Bailey Cavell (hit.me.more) I'll try. Looking forward to tomorrow. See you then Dr. Adams (fangsofarabbit) See you then.

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Temporary Agreement

7:07:46 PM Bailey Cavell: The doctors being stuck here gave Bailey the idea that now might be the best time to talk to the Doc Addams about her housing situation. The older Cavell sister wasn't one to rely on someone else to pass on the message, even if that someone else was a very kind russian lady. Not wanting to change out of her brothers clothes, she mainly wandered the halls peeking in doors while bundled up in a blanket from the bed. It had still been warm from the siblings sleeping in them earlier. Jack was off making friends, and maybe this way Bailey could surprise him with new housing arrangements. Finally after being told by several people, she knocked on the door that should be the Doctor's that she is looking for.

7:11:17 PM Dr. Addams (fangsofarabbit): John was far too tired. The repairs to the house would be costly... and he had so much more to pay. It was stressing him out, if only a little... so he didnt know what he would do about this. Lucas was able to ease him a little, but it was only a little. "...Oh. Hello Bailey." Adams replied as soon as he opened the door, looking down at her with a small smile. Ah. This would probably be a complaint... someone wanting somthing changed...

7:20:37 PM Bailey Cavell: Here she had been expecting someone much older with gray hair and spreading around the middle. They had warned her that this one was hard, so in her head he had horns and a pitchfork while dangling the keys to the gate to a happier future with her brother sharing a room with her. She also did not expect him to know her name. So it was quite obvious that she was caught of guard. "Oh uh…Hello. Doc Addams, yeah?"

7:23:50 PM Dr. Addams (fangsofarabbit): "Yes. I am Doctor Adams." Not really a scary man... but he was the strict one. He had to deal with all the important things, so yes, he was very firm on the rules. He felt like he had to be. "...Is there anything I can.. help you with?" He was the one that transfered all the patients into Fosters; he had posession of each file, picture included. Of course he knew who she was.

7:31:08 PM Bailey Cavell: "Oh uh, yeah…" She was just full of Ohs and Uhs today and mentally it made her feel like a retard. Her brother could have been more…better with words. Brains was his thing, she was the Hulk. Clearing her throat she rubbed at her face for a moment. "Dr. Kat, has she talked to you yet? I think she might not have gotten to it with all the stuff going on but uh…" There it was again and she felt like kicking herself. "I'd kinda like to petition to have my brother be my roommate. I can't sleep without him near me and his own roommate kinda keeps telling him to leave him alone. It's kinda a win win. I don't have anyone in my room you'd have to move, so it'd be easy." She'd leave out the fact that she felt like strangling and killing anyone that touched the bare bed in her room as well as the guy bunking in her brothers room. "If it's a matter of a guy on the girls floor, I don't mind moving down to the guys floor. It's nothin' new to me. In school I used the guys locker room with the rest of the team. Most guys see me as a dude anyways."

7:39:03 PM Dr. Addams (fangsofarabbit): Adams knew that was coming. He sighed and slowly rubbed his face, obviously not in the mood to handle this. Still... he was obligated to at least hear her out, and put some thought into it. "Bailey.. I will have to think about that after I finish getting repairs done to the house. Alright? I cant fuss with living arangements at this time."

7:44:18 PM Bailey Cavell: Here she thought it was going to be easier than this. She'd gone to the lengths to figure out possible solutions  to make it easier too. "But…That could be weeks. I can't sleep at all without him Doc. And we keep fighting cause we're apart." She was crestfallen as she looked at the other doctor. "I'll help with the repairs and do manual labor to earn the nights to let him stay with me till you can make a decision. Can that work? It'll help speed up repairs and it's one less guy you have to pay."

7:52:32 PM Dr. Addams (fangsofarabbit): John knew he should say no. He knew it was a bad idea to fucking allow her to sleep in the same room as her brother... their co-dependancy was extreme, much like shiloh and fiore... and he had seperated them, regardless of him having adopted them. "...Im sorry. I cant make that choice right now. It's not high on my list."

7:57:31 PM Bailey Cavell: "Please…He's all I have. I need him. When he's close I can sleep. If we can't stay in the same room, could we have ones across the hall from each other? If we sleep with the doors open I might be able to do that." Bailey pulled the blanket tighter around herself, trying to make it tight like her brother's hugs but it was too soft and didn't press on the bruises right. "It's important. Really important. I just…Please. Even just till the repairs are fixed. I don't want to do anything bad or get in trouble." She kept her head lowered and didn't want him to see the tears forming. It was hard being forced apart like this and she wanted to lash out and cry and kick and scream till they let her keep her brother…but she had a feeling that wouldn't help at all, so she held it in, trembling.

7:59:01 PM Dr. Addams (fangsofarabbit): Damnit. He hated seeing her cry.. he didnt want his patients unhappy... he only wanted the best for them. "...fine... only untill the house is back to normal. then, I will make another choice. You have to respect tht choice, however..." He instantly offered, wondering if maybe... it'd be okay... help releave some stress...

8:10:09 PM Bailey Cavell: She wasn't sure if she heard it right, but her head snapped up the second she could have sworn he'd been positive and said yes. "T-that's a yes? Just for now?" Hope bloomed in her chest and she couldn't help but drop the blanket to hug the doctor. This was the happiest thing for her since her eighteenth birthday and it was all the christmases wrapped together. In her joy, she might have not been careful and hugged him a little too hard, past her normal "Friendship" level of sharing love in a hug. Quickly she pulled back and gathered up her blanket, not quite wrapping it around herself yet. She needed to figure out a way to pay him back. "I'll still help with the repairs. I can move rubble and stuff. I'm good with that and strong. I've played a lot of rugby and stuff so I have stamina to work a lot too." She nodded and then remembered her other minor requests. "Oh. Uh…I probably shouldn't be asking for more, you've already gone and done the best thing ever..But um..I kinda want to get Jack a sweater for Christmas. I'll work here for the money mopping floors and stuff. I just need to get one of the college ones from a thrift store or something. He wants one with with a college name on it. He doesn't care which. I'll work for like, a fifth of minimum wage and stuff too so you get lots of work for only a little pay. I just need to be able to get it by Christmas. His old sweater is kinda falling apart…and uh..Is there a way we could borrow the scissors that were taken from my bags when we got here? I need Jack to cut my hair and those are our only pair. We'll do it supervised if that's the issue, it only takes a few minutes for him to do it. Then we'll give'm right back, honest. That's like, all the requests ever. Honest. And we won't cause any trouble while we're here or nothing." She was excited now. She wanted to run and tell Jack that the Doctor had said yes. Albeit, it was temporary, but still. Surely they would make it more permanent once they saw how good the two were together.

8:19:37 PM Dr. Addams (fangsofarabbit): Adams only sort of... half listened to her rambling, his eyes lingeing on her neck and shoulders. Damn. What the fuck? Who had bitten her? He made a mental note to figure out what happened, though his mind instntly shifted ot the worse case. She'd probably had sex. Great. He really hated it when his patients went about having sex... she didnt even have access to condoms as far as he was aware. Damnit all. Bad enough Willow was pregnate... "...I can get him a sweater. Dont worry about the cost." Wasnt like he did much else with his personal income. He normally just soveled it into the house...

8:26:00 PM Bailey Cavell: She didn't like the way he was looking at her love marks and self-consciously ran her hand over them before pulling the blanket back around herself to cover it up. Last thing she needed was it becoming the issue with getting to share a room. He wouldn't understand. He'd probably be one of the ones that called them wrong and said it wasn't love. Shaking her head, she half smirked. "Then that'd be you getting him the present. I can't call it a present from me without earning it myself. I don't mind doing the labor to earn the money. I've gotten used to it over the years and sometimes it's really fun. You get the same muscle strain like when doing sports and it's kinda like a workout."

8:30:42 PM Dr. Addams (fangsofarabbit): "I'll tell you what..." He took a deep breath, then let a smile pull acorss his lips. "...Help me repair some of the house, and you'll make enough to pay off the sweater... okay?" Adams wasnt a bad doctor... he was actually a very nice one... it was just, that he often had to say no; people didnt understand that he had to say no to a lot of things to protect them. "How does that sound?" 8:41:50 PM Bailey Cavell: "Sounds great. I can start tomorrow." She outright grinned. That makes two good things in one day. Not chancing to push the third request, she did a little half bow kind of thing she'd learned from one of her brother's martial art teachers a couple years back. "Thanks. Sorry to bother you and stuff like this. You're probably swamped with all that's been going on lately…but you know…You're actually like, easy to talk to and stuff. It'd be cool if you turned out to be my doctor. Jack'd probably like you too. No one's really told us who are doctors are yet. That or we just don't know and stuff. I'll leave ya be now. See ya tomorrow for work." She waved from out of her blanket and hurried down the halls to go find her brother.