#ballet dancer!dean

[boazpriestly]

Canon AU where Sam goes looking for Dean in the bunker and finds him in a large studio-like room dancing ballet like a goddamn pro. He watches for a while, trying not to make his presence known because Dean is so into what he's doing and Sam doesn't want to disrupt him. But Sam soon learns that Dean knows he is there because Dean eventually turns and looks directly at him and says something like, "I'm not going to invite you in, if that's what you're waiting for." Dean stops dancing, but only to change the song, not because he's embarrassed by being caught. 

Sam has a lot of questions, but sticks with praise instead and tells Dean that his dancing is amazing. Sam didn't know Dean could do that. 

"Yeah, and it would've stayed that way, too," Dean tells him. 

Sam is a little disappointed about that. He totally gets why Dean would hide it and all, but Dean's obviously talented. Someone should at least be witness to that. 

"How long have you been doing this? Dancing, I mean." 

"Since I was a kid," Dean admits reluctantly. 

"Wait, so like since you were twelve or something?" 

"More like eight." 

"But how? I mean, we were always together. I would've noticed you taking off," Sam tries to argue. 

Dean huffs a bit. "Greatest thing about little kids is nap time. Wear them out with games, like I always did with you, and they'll sleep for a few good hours." 

Sam thinks back to all the times he'd woken up to a freshly showered Dean and had thought nothing of it. "But what about when we got older? I should've definitely noticed then." 

"Yeah, well growing up a hunter's kid gives you the ability to disappear when you really want to," Dean says, wiping his face with a towel. "Remember all those times I dropped you off at the library and said I was with Dad or with girls?"

"You were dancing?"

Dean shrugs. "Whenever we would move to a new town, the first thing I would do was find a local studio and beg the instructor to let me dance for free if I cleaned up the place for them or did...other stuff. A lot of time I'd skip class to get a session in since no one was going to check if I was going to class." 

Sam watches his brother divulge how he'd kept the biggest secret of his life for so long; he's amazed, really. This is something he would never in a million years picture Dean doing. But here Dean is, a ballet dancer for almost 27 years. Sam has one more question, something he really needed to know. 

"Are you ashamed of this?" Sam asks. "Is that why you hid it for so long?" 

Dean fidgets with the towel in his hand. "I was at first, especially when I was younger. Boys didn't dance -- men didn't dance, I thought. It was a girl's thing to want to do ballet. And I was sure that if Dad ever found out, he'd kick my ass six ways from Sunday. So I didn't want to tell anyone, ever, and I hid it for as long as I could. I even stopped dancing all together for a while. But one night when we were at Bobby's -- I was ten or eleven at the time -- I couldn't help myself and I just needed to dance again. It was like this horrible itch clawing at me, and I just couldn't ignore it anymore. So I snuck out of the house and found a quiet spot in the junk yard, near one of the garages, and just went to town. Everything went quiet, it seemed. Nothing but absolute silence." Dean smiles at the memory. Sam almost swears he can see Dean's eyes tearing up.

"It was the happiest I had ever been, Sam. And it wasn't until I was completely worn out and ready to head back to the house that I finally noticed that Bobby was leaning up against one of the cars and watching me. My stomach dropped and my heart pounded, I was sure that I was dead and that Bobby was gonna tell Dad."

"But that's not what happened," Sam says, meaning for it to be a question rather than a statement. 

"Nah. Bobby walked me back inside and made me sit on the couch while he disappeared into his library. I was so scared; nearly fucking pissed myself while I waited for him to come back. But when he did he just handed me this book and then sat down next to me on the couch. I opened it and it was full of male ballet dancers. I almost cried right there. Bobby told me that the book had been his wife's. I asked him why he was giving it to me and he said, 'Kiddo, that was the happiest I have ever seen you in all that I've known you. Don't give it up cause you're scared.'" Dean laughs a little, running a thumb under his eyes. 

"But you still kept it from everyone," Sam remarks after a moment. "Why?" 

Dean shrugs again. "I guess I just didn't want to mess up a good thing, you know? Everything good we've ever had has gotten ruined and taken away from us when we mixed it with hunting. I didn't want ballet to be another one of those things. I wanted something that was mine, something that was completely separate from the life we have. Something I could come home to and just enjoy without having to explain it to anyone."

Sam nods. He knows that feeling because it's the same way he felt when he was at Stanford, and even the years leading up to it when he would lose himself in a text book for a few hours. He won't ever fault Dean for wanting to remove himself from the role he was forced to take on. 

They are silent for a few minutes; Dean plays with his mp3 player and Sam tries to take in everything he's just learned. Sam doesn't know what to make of any of it, really, but he does know this. "I'm happy for you. Dean." 

"You mean you're not freaked out about your big brother being a dancing queen?" 

"I think it'd be more worrisome if I learned that you were also seventeen." 

"Yeah, no."

"Well, I mean it, you know? I'm really happy that you have this. You deserve it, Dean." 

"Thanks." Dean stands up and stretches his arms behind his back. "Well, since you know everything now, you want to see something I've been working on for a few months?" 

"Sure." 

"Mkay. Press play then." 

Sam presses the button and Hey Jude begins to play. Dean starts to dance again and Sam can't help but smile and think, this is for you. Mom. 

[twinkletoedean]

i have to write a paper so instead does anybody want to talk about a ballet!au  because dean would be the best ballet dancer

[twinkletoedean]

sudden craving for ballet dancer dean. rambling and gushing under the cut

for real though just think about it maybe like one day dean saw a bit of a ballet on television, or maybe a case or something brought them close to ballet. that's not important, somehow dean got exposed to ballet, and was totally drawn to it. so maybe the case takes place  where they have to investigate and snoop around a ballet class for young boys (and maybe girls too idk) AND CAS IS IN THE CLASS AND STUFF and since cas has known the teacher anna for his entire life, he convinces her to let him join the class eventually but then john wraps up the case w/ dean's help (turns out the evil instructor that everyone hated and called a witch actually was one whoops) and they move on to the next town or w/e

but dean doesn't give up. he practices what he had learned in anna's class, and does whatever he can to teach himself other ballet things. since it's 'girly' dean knows john would never approve, so he practices on his own, stretching and bending, leaping and kicking and spinning just like anna and cas taught him. in the years following he grows and practices and perfects the moves he knew and ones he picked up from whenever he could get away and find something to watch (once he snuck into a big fancy theatre where a rlly good ballet was performing. he had to leave before he saw the end of the show to avoid getting caught, but it was still totally worth it)

and dean practices and practices and practices, and finds out that it totally relieves stress for him, and just generally makes him feel good, and he loves it all the more. sometimes he thinks of the blue eyed boy Castiel in the class he attended, wonders if he kept dancing too. And then Sam goes away to college and Dean feels really terrible about it but he leaves John too after John burned the ballet flats Dean had somehow been able to procure in a fit of drunken rage, having found out about the "ladies sport" that his son had chosen to be a part of.

but Dean leaves and gets a job and an apartment somewhere where he could take classes, and so he did, and he was really a fantastic dancer. his teacher Missouri was so incredibly fond of and amazed by him, and so very proud when Dean got a full scholarship to a really fantastic ballet school. only an amazingly short few years later and dean is performing with a renowned ballet company,  dancing with none other than the famous Castiel Novak, the blue-eyed boy man.

But what's really great about this is that Dean gets told all the time that he is graceful, and so very beautiful, and it gets him all blushy and flustered because it's, well it's just him. Ordinary Dean. But then he sees all these positive reviews praising his dancing, and all his instructors and choreographers and what not praising him for his hard work and dedication and beauty and sometimes after shows his cheeks will get all pink and his eyes will get watery from the praise and compliments and positivity that he receives that he has to excuse himself and shed a tear, though he'll deny it with all his might.

True, there are still bad/off days. Days where he can't get his leap just right, or days where his pirouette is just not as clean as it should be. Days where he it seems like he's wasting his time, like he's not making any progress at all. And there'll always be critics, no matter how much positivity one receives. Usually, he doesn't let the criticism get to him (unless it's constructive) but there are days where it seems that they're right, that he shouldn't be sullying ballet with himself.

But Dean just reaches a point with this dancing where he is genuinely happy, and he is proud of himself, and, where he doesn't feel like a waste of space. And even though it's still hard for him to understand why people think this way,  Dean starts to believe that he is beautiful

and then he and Cas totally fall for each other, and dance beautifully until they both get "too old" (which in reality isn't old; they just both suffered ((minor)) injuries, and were ready to settle down and blah blah something like that) to dance proffesionally, opting to settle down, get married, and get a cute little cottage with a two cats, a dog, and a rabbit. They open a little dance studio and teach ballet to children all day, quickly discovering that they want one of their own!!

but yeah ballet dancer!dean is my lifeblood and quite possibly one of my favorite aus juST BECAUSE

anyway this was longer than i thought it was going to be and really messy but oh well. it's late here and y'all will forgive me (I hope)