#banananeil

[asmallvillageincanada]

Thoughts on Banananeil's apology post

Which you can read here

So this is about the close I've ever, or ever expect to, to getting to accepting an apology by any of these people. His apology is sincere (seemingly) and mature, he isn't really making any excuses for his behavior in an attempt to save his career (I'm fairly certain YouTube isn't his career right now anyways but I could be wrong). It's the first apology that's come out from any of these people that is an actual apology. 

Of course that'll mean fuck all if it turns out he's done more than just make people uncomfortable, and while I may have him marked as "apology accepted," he sure as hell isn't forgiven, and I feel like him calling those messages "flirty" kind of belittles it, as if it wasn't sexual harassment of a minor. 

All and all, I'm not too worried about this one, and I know this is a bad thing to say, but at least he isn't as bad as most of them. Yes, he's still a scummy discussing pedophile for all this, but at least it hasn't manifested toward any particularly vile actions, as far as we know right now. 

As far as his "youtube career" goes, of course, it doesn't matter that he apologized properly or that he hasn't raped anyone, as far as we know, because he still abused his power and manipulated fans and therefore he does not deserve a place in the community. 

[lauracuthbert-blog]

I’m proud of all of those coming forward with their experiences of abuse in the YouTube community, and other internet mediums.

Something I haven’t seen a lot of discussion on is how much of a toll this process takes on the circles of the victims, the accused, the community as a whole—so sitting pretty sad tonight in light of another person close to me being accused, I want to share some of the emotions. Because I don’t think that this process should be silent.

This isn’t me belittling anything, taking away from anyone, what it is instead is me sharing my experience not as a victim, the accused, nor an accuser, but instead someone within the circles of both victims and accused. It’s not easy. I contradict myself at every turn. I care about all sides. I’m aware that I’m bullshit, but let me call myself that before you do.

First of all, standing behind the accused is an entire social sphere, please don’t let that group EVER take away from victims, there’s no excuse. I’m definitely not defending people’s actions. Fuck that. The actions were, are, and always will be terrible, and inexcusable. 

As a part of that sphere, you can’t predict these things. But we can work towards preventing them: you don’t know what’s going on. And the outcome is that I can’t sit here and say that it’s black and white. It’s not. When these details come out, it’s not always clear how many victims there are. And who in turn will be affected as we all move through this. How we move through this. If we move through this.

I’m proud of those who are stepping forward, more than anything. Continue, keep fighting, keep sharing.

Something that isn’t always discussed: I want to remind people to give those around the accused time. You don’t have to tread lightly, but please tread with grace.

Mostly, please offer some time to grieve.

Personally, I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve grieved for the accused. Never for their actions. 

Part of what isn’t talked about: we grieve for what was, what we thought was, and for ourselves. Like it or not, for people on all sides, this is also business, a livelihood, and it’s naive to say that I’m not sad for someone losing everything. Because I am. I inherently want to support people through everything, and make it right, even if they’ve done things that are so so so wrong. I don’t want to be titled as a sympathizer, and in fear of that I feel a strong urge to backpedal here, I’m not going to, but at least note the bullshit. It sucks, and it contradicts what I’ve said, and even acted on in the past. 

I’m grieving because I want this to be black and white, good and evil, but I’m sitting here, processing, sad and grey. This takes time.

Something this platform has not yet mastered is learning from these situations. And I want to think about that more. 

I hate this broad stroke cleansing of YouTube because individual pieces get lost, and through that loss, we lose all opportunity to learn, share, grieve, and most of all create a safer, better community. That doesn’t mean any of the accused should be allowed in, kept, or protected. They shouldn’t. When this stuff all happens so fast, and another person is added to the “list” we lose sight of just what that list means.

A strange piece of this is that it’s not easy to hear someone who’s already lost everything, make someone lose everything, and then for social circles and communities to be standing around those people, wondering what pieces, if any you should pick up, reassemble. And I know that a lot of me is screaming to not touch any of it.

There’s no excuse, and for those entirely affected, in all realms, it will never just be black and white, please don’t expect that from me. This will take time. Again, I am so proud of those stepping forward, and speaking out. Please, never stop, and understand that my swaying is based more on my expectations of the accused not being met, and in place my expectations of myself disappointing me.

[love-and-confessions]

Submit your confessions: [email protected].

(<3)

[love-and-confessions]

New video on saturday.

(<3)

[love-and-confessions]

[email protected]

(<3)

[love-and-confessions]

(<3)

[love-and-confessions]

(<3)

[love-and-confessions]

The day will come.

(<3)