#batuhan

[11-9n]

Death In June | The Giddy Edge Of Light | But, What Ends When the Symbols Shatter?

[noa-de-cajou]

Day 9 : The Father

Jargalsaikhan, Kaizarz and Skuld belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author

Tyr belongs to @hel-phoenyx

_____

Father and Mother are dead.

Jargalsaikhan left the position of Khan to me. I don’t understand why. They only had two sons, I'm the youngest, he should be the one leading. But he’s not.

I don’t know if I'm good enough, but it doesn't matter. I have to be. I have my wife and brother by my side, that's all I need.

Glory to the Amarsaikhan. Glory to the Khamgaalaltyn baavgai.

Death to the Tyrant?

That’s what my brother seems to want and think. I used to be the same.

But our clan is not supposed to be built on death.

I’d rather choose life.

***

My first daughter is born. I named her Nomin, after my late mother. Some elders looked disappointed. A girl. I don't care what they think. This is my child. I will protect her with my life, as I should, and teach her how to protect herself.

Jargalsaikhan seemed a little teary-eyed when I let him hold her. I teased him about it, but I was sobbing, so it sounded ridiculous.

Narantsetseg said given the pain she was in, she should be the one to cry. I have never loved a woman more than this one. I love her with a sword in her hand, I love her with a baby in her arms.

Giving life is much more glorious than spreading death, if you ask me.

***

Mandakh took her first steps today. Her three older sisters all cheered in unison. Me and Narantsetseg were just returning for a mission, it's like she was waiting for us to come home.

For once, Jargalsaikhan was not off somewhere we couldn't reach him, so he took care of them for two days. He looked so exhausted by the time we came back, I think this definitely convinced him of never having children.

I can't believe Nomin is seven already. Tungalag is going on five, Khaliun just turned four. I feel like it was yesterday when they were just infants in my arms, but now they’re all little girls with their own character.

Nomin is quiet, serious, sometimes a bit brutal, but determined. Tungalag is more gentle, talks as much as she listens, but is the most headstrong out of all of them. Khaliun has the biggest smile and shows a lot of intuition for her young age. Mandakh is still a baby, but already takes after her uncle in terms of stubbornness.

I can't stop watching them. They make Jargalsaikhan forget, although for a brief moment, about his desire for vengeance. They make me forget about the blood on my hands.

There's nothing I love more than being their father.

***

We're leaving for the Tournament of Glory, just like every year, but this time Khaliun is old and trained enough to accompany us. She's a bit of a late bloomer, at seventeen, but that doesn't matter.

Narantsetseg is pregnant again, with our seventh child, so she won't be there. When Jargalsaikhan learned about it, he jokingly asked how many more daughters we were planning on having. My wife asked him how much more time he was planning on being single. That evened out the score.

I will not be participating this year. Jargalsaikhan didn't like that. He gave me a whole speech about glory and honor and wasted potential but I don’t care much. I’ve made my decision.

The King of the Kraken Coast should be here, with his suit. My brother seems to have something in mind for him. Given the international situation, I don't like that.

Nomin said she’d love to fight him, I said she should focus on mentoring her sister.

I won't let them be dragged into this. I refuse to.

***

Children.

The King, the Norn, the dragon descendant, they’re all just children.

Powerful children, one could argue. But they're kids, nonetheless. I felt the gaze of Tyrfing on me and my daughters, the sadness in it. Jargalsaikhan went to talk to him, I don’t like the look in his eyes.

The Norn hides behind the two others, like a small child. She gave a magnificent fight, frightening. But she is frightened too, I can tell.

And the King… Kaizarz defeated my brother, the best warrior in our clan. Instead of being humiliated, Jargalsaikhan said he had plans.

Death to the Tyrant.

I told him I wouldn't be joining them. He wasn’t pleased, to say the least.

“Since when are you content with being my shadow, Batuhan?”

Brother, I have told you many times, but you don’t seem to understand.

Killing a man, no matter how evil, no matter what greater good lies after, brings me no satisfaction. Even bandits, even slave owners, criminals, it doesn’t matter. I don't think of myself as any better than the Tyrant.

Brother, you looked at Kaizarz and saw hope. So did I.

This is why I refuse to send this hope to death, be it his own or another’s. That's the reason I refused to train all my daughters to fight unless they wanted to.

I don't care if they think I'm a coward.

I will protect the hope we have while others fight bravely to get more of it.

I had hesitations before, but now that I saw this king and his companions, there is no way I can abide.

They’re children. No child should have to fight in a war they didn't start. I know it's idealistic of me. Stupid, maybe.

But gods, they’re just kids. War have mercy on them, they're just kids.

I can't be part of an expedition where the main weapon is the same age as Khaliun. I just can't.

“You will never get to the Hall of Glory like this.”

Perhaps he's right. But if the Hall of Glory is a place that values killing a man over raising children, then maybe I don’t want to go there.

Let me find my Glory elsewhere.

I am a warrior. I am a Khan. I am a brother. I am a husband.

But first and foremost, I'm a father.

I will live and die as such.

[sunnythanalan]

I'm amazed at how much better the skintones look, especially Griodix' darker complexion. Batuhan actually have pores now and the texture on his scales are amazing.

Have yet to check out my girlies. Though both Batuhan and Dayan have gotten much more pouty lips because of the enhanced shadows (personally I'm all for that, but I can understand why that would be jarring to some people)

[1tuana1]

[veradansatirlar]

Tut ellerimden, bir sabah gün doğarken gidelim uzaklara. Bırakma ellerimi , kaybolurum. Yalnız bırakma beni yönümü bulamam. Yüreğin pusulam, biliyorsun.

[kalpkirikliklarimuzesi]

Gitsem buralardan, arkama bile bakmadan. Senden tek isteğim, anılarımızı saklaman.

[birsunuzzzz]

@oneunconscionable