Day 25: 759 Words
Location: Honolulu International Airport
Destination: Maui Day: Monday Climate: Sunny and hot Mood: Chilled, Hopeful, Disgusted
My immediate life is good. We spent the past four days here visiting clients and friends, getting new professional headshots, taking care of loose ends, working from the road, buying a new place in Santa Fe!
I used to dislike getting photos - like most other humans. Something shifted though. I found radical self-acceptance. Did it change my look? Apparently so. I mean, I have 5 years' worth more wrinkles, saggier skin. and low and behold, some jowls, too. And yet, we gotso many dang good photos. So many! Each set better than the previous, with a few lighting and clothing changes. I KNOW it's because I'm so much more self-loving and so much more accepting and with all that acceptance inside me, there is no room for self-hatred or awkwardness or shame.
Seriously, I am now thinking of recording some audios for Tracy's clients. I mean, she does a wonderful job with people. I wonder if it would be easier if they had some literal brain-washing ahead of their portrait sessions.
I was doing this to myself. I was so keenly aware of kid me trying to get in there and interpret all the moves as signals for something bad. I did not let her get away with it.
No waked smile for me, Much more fluid movement through poses. Able to hold a pose when asked, without stiffening up. Feeling the energy of wanting to play with the camera and play with the space. Detached from the results. Trusting the process. Getting out of Tracy's way and getting out of my way. Letting my personality shine through.
SO. MUCH. FUN.
And OMG I never thought I would be saying that ever about a photo shoot.
I have this energy of appreciating getting through a hurdle. and, knowing that so many people hav e similar hurdles. And for some reason, wanting to share my tips so they too can be happy like this, right now.
Why is that? Is it budinski? Sure. I have no idea what process people are experiencing. What challenges their souls want to experience. I don't.
I do know that I love how others have shared things. Just like that book that recommends saying "I love myself" over and over again all day long for weeks. I modified to say I accept myself" which for me feels even more powerful. It's neutral. It's devoid of false romanticism. It gets the fucking job done.
Because with self-acceptance, none of this matters. No other opinions matter. Making mistakes don't matter. Everything is an experience! At the end of the day, I am home in my own skin. I can file things as fun - not fun or as do again - don't do again, etc. It's simple, Its clean. And it is sooooooooooo self-accepting and self-supportive.
So there's the conundrum. Share or not share? It's not a decision, I realize now, it's all about the energy. If the energy is so moved, perhaps I will make my audios. If the energy is not so moved, I won't.
It could be a fun podcast episode! I have these fun ideas for audio. I am enjoying thinking about them and writing them down. It doesn't matter if I do them or not, I am taking that front load of pressure out of the picture, springing the ideas in the ground to see which ones sprout.
This is how it works for me. Mood: happier.
Now, about hat disgusted part of my mood. *Rump and his policies and chronic lying. More so, the people in power who are silent. It makes me think the corruption is so much deeper and wider than I can imagine. Otherwise, why? What's there to lose? The issues are so heinous, they are following known historical patterns that had such disastrous and tumultuous results.
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Above: We even have a popular saying for it, aka WE KNOW HOW THIS SHOT WORKS. Still, people aren't speaking up and stopping it. Why? Why not? I found it so confusing. A little scary too. How close to the edge are we going to dance?
This is plenty close for me! Pull back the curtain. Expose the crimes. Bring human decency and respect back to the mainstream. And let's do it now, not later.
Bottom Line Mood: Happy, a little joy tingle, and curiosity about what is coming next.
759 Words
