WAIT ONE MORE. Johnny/Dandy
ULTIMATE SHIP MEME! [no longer accepting!]
General:
Rate the Ship - Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs
How long will they last? - The same amount of time the Dropkix stays together. Ten whole minutes! Or until one of them overdoses on cough medicine
How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Dry heave
How was their first kiss? - Kiss, boot to the face; same thing.
Wedding:
Who proposed? - Nobody
Who is the best man/men? - No
Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Absolutely not
Who did the most planning? - Hell no
Who stressed the most? - Nah
How fancy was the ceremony? - Gas station bathroom as witnessed by an “ordained minister” named Scrunchy | Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.
Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Dr. Gel
Sex:
Who is on top? - DRY HEAVE
Who is the one to instigate things? - Neither
How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now
How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head | Taking turns punting each other in the groin
How long do they normally last? - Until the drugs wear off
Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - fuck you fin
How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.
How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - Choking counts as cuddling, right? Or is that too kinky? | No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.
Children:
How many children will they have naturally? - HOW?
How many children will they adopt? - “Go take care of that baby we found in a dumpster outside that concert hall yourself!”
Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Johnny
Who is the stricter parent? - Johnny
Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Johnny
Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Johnny
Who is the more loved parent? - Johnny
Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Johnny
Who cried the most at graduation? - Johnny
Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Johnny
Cooking:
Who does the most cooking? - These two can’t cook for shit
Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Neither
Who does the grocery shopping? - Neither. Johnny has “people” for that!
How often do they bake desserts? - Neither. Johnny has “people” for that!
Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - They probably don’t care
Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Both are too blackout drunk or high to remember.
Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Neither
Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - BOTH! Cooking doesn’t necessarily have to be the cause either!
Chores:
Who cleans the room? - Neither
Who is really against chores? - Both
Who cleans up after the pets? - Neither
Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Both
Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - “Get the hell off my ship, Johnny!”
Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Both… who begin to fight over it immediately afterwards.
Misc:
Who takes the longer showers/baths? - WHO CARES?
Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Stop talking about dogs!
How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Johnny isn’t invited to Dandy’s pad during the holidays!
What are their goals for the relationship? - Be the best one hit wonders in the universe and nothing more.
Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Both
Who plays the most pranks? - Both
