Tw: mentions of death, cancer, grief, depression under the cut.
The past three years have been the hardest time of my life my life. I lost my grandmother and my mom within three months of each other. Then my life was turned upside down with financial instability and the beginning of the end of my already complicated relationship with my dad. My depression got to an all time high. I isolated myself and fell into a guilt spiral because I felt like I wasn’t where I should have been in life. Then this year my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He passed earlier this month. It’s weird dealing with grief and anger because he will never have to face the consequences of how he treated me and tore me down. It feels like the adult who wanted her dad to be there for her while she was struggling—and is angry at the dismissiveness and the cruelty—is warring with the little girl who always saw her dad as her super hero. All of this has obviously made me miss my mom more, because even though she wasn’t perfect she always had some idea of what to do.
I’ve all but stopped drawing, I hope to get back into it, because I don’t want to continue losing myself in grief. It’s just me and my little sister (I say little but we are both adults) now, and we are navigating life without parents. There’s a lot for us to figure out, but we are doing our best. Needless to say, I am ready for 2025 to be over with. Candles are in short supply these days (iykyk), but we are making do. I will keep my head high and keep trucking through even when it’s hard.
This piece was cathartic to make. Little me needed that hug.
As always, much love 💕
