I had a best friend, she was my world, my rock, but then life happens and you just learn to stand on you're own, and still call them a best friend but the connection just isn't always there. But that's ok, it happens, as long as you remain by one another, it's ok. Then you came along. And became another person I've had the privilege to call a best friend. Of course we've had plenty of ups and downs, but that's good, cause it shows even through the downs we pull through and we're still together. But then, there become the steep down pitch black times. Those are the times when it's real hard. When you just want to call quits. When you have gained so much anger and hurt towards the other, that you remain in the pitch black and find it hard to forgive and move on. You feel empty. You feel hurt. You feel upset. You give up. You no longer want anything. Not even a friendship. Today, right now, this is one of those times. For the past week or two, you have led me on. And right now I'm in the pitch black. But I've found my light and I'm leaving you there. I am so upset with you. So hurt by you. So so disappointed by you. You start with us talking. And then, you just disappear. Yes, because of work, that's ok. But to not speak AT ALL for a couple days, even when I've reached out, that's not cool. I say if everything's ok, you reply with work. That's fine, but it doesn't take a whole lot to spend a quick minute to know how you are and if you're alive. You then start to talk to me, out of the blue. You want to start going out and doing everything, because of course, NOW it's convenient to you. But I couldn't. Why? Because while you've been MIA, I've started up uni, and had commitments. The days you wanted to go out, I had classes/work. The nights you wanted to go out, I either had plans, or I had to study. Plus Ben works nights and you know that. You pushed and pushed and I repeatedly told you. Even though you are all about being friends now and going out, I can't just bow down to your commands and say yes sir. I had plans and so you got upset. That wasn't right. I got upset with you because I reached out but heard nothing for ages. You get upset, because now you want to talk and go out but I can't because I have other commitments? (While I hadn't heard from you). That was the first straw. Then, we both come around and are able to find a time and day we are both free. So that naturally we could hang out, laugh and soend time together. You're all like, yeah! I'll go with you. And so I was excited to spend the next day with you. But then, you say, actually I'd like to sleep in. You were worried that I'd get upset, so you you asked me to promise not to be, and so I wasn't. Why wasn't I upset? Because I promised for one, and secondly, we had just got out of a disputed, and so I didn't want another and thought best to just let it go. But then, the next day, you're all for meeting up again (later that day), because of course, you got to sleep in, and coming at that time was convenient for you. I said ok, but then, less that an hour, you backed out. Again. (Straw number two). Lastly, today. Well actually it's started two days ago. I told you my plans for tonight to go Mardi Gras and maybe clubbing. You were ALL for it. And pretty determined on it too. I was excited (silly of me, again). Then the next day goes past and I don't hear I peep. Whatever. Then the day of comes by (today) and so I call you to see if you were still a go. You say, yes of course. So I let you know deets, so that I could pick you up. Even asked if you wanted to go out before hand for a little. But you couldn't, so that was ok. But then I texted you later on. I text asking if you thought there'd be any problems at home because I didn't know when we'd be back, and because you have a curfew and didn't want you to be in a hassle. Naturally, I made sure you hd a place to stay just in case. But you reply with an actually, there probably will be, so best if you two (me and ben) just go. Fine. I replied with an ok. Because by that time. I had enough. That was the third straw. Although I didn't know that. I just got a little upset. Because once again, I had been dragged along by you. It upset me, but I got over it and decided to best be happy with my family and enjoy the night out. Now. Now, I've been waiting an hour at town hall station for the train home. Naturally, as any teenager with a phone and data, I head onto Facebook to make time pass by. Only to find the first thing on my feed, of you. However, it was you with other people, at another club. Yeah that hit the anger button real hard. I'm sorry. I thought you couldn't go out and stay out late. But know, it's clearly because you had other plans. Better ones apparently. And with better people of course. If you're going to be like that, at least make a good cover up and try not to blast it all over social media. This right here, is when I realised there was a third and last straw. I am beyond upset and disappointed. You are an asshole. You are a jerk. You are not a friend. I have had enough. Today was it for me and there's nothing I can say or do. I don't even know what to type anymore. I'm just angry. Well I was. I discovered today, that typing away what is on my mind, feels like a cleanse. That's why I'm typing this up. That's why now I don't really feel to much of anything towards you. I feel calm. I feel cleansed. Because well, I've cleansed you out. Indefinitely. But it's ok. I have Ben. This is where life has gone right for me and given me that true best friend. This is where I know I'd never be dragged around like a child's blanket and left when grown out of. Ben loves me, as I love him. He IS a real and my only best friend. This is where luck did go right. This is where I know my centre is. There I'll stay. There is where I'll continue to pour my love and effort to. At least there, I know it's cherished and that I'll receive the same, if not more back. Yen xx
